Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast

Does Ally think about divorcing her wife? Does she look at other girls' asses at the gym? These questions and more were answered this Lie Day Friday: Lesbian edition! Things got tense when Ally's wife called in with some jaw-dropping questions about divorce, their new pregnancy, and her newfound tapping hobby. Comedy band Wolves of Glendale stopped by to play their new single "Reptile Guy," and they did some improvised songs on the fly that we'll never forget. Want a Justin Beiber-style song about peeing in the pool? Or a song about Breakfast for Dinner in the style of Coldplay? You don't have to choose! We reopened the Box of Shame today and finally heard a story from someone other than Klein. Omar did something at a Barbecue that many would think as shameful. But are you on his side? Plus Blind Charlie's new quest to walk across the country with a Klein.Ally.Show sign, which began our quest to find Charlie a kidney. If you know anyone with an extra kidney, hit us up.

It's "Bring your dog to work day" in the building, which would be fun for a normal person, but not for Ally. Are you team Ally or team dog? It's easy to be a dog lover, but do we really need a building full of anxious animals urinating on all the potted plants? Are we taking the 'bring dogs everywhere' trend a little too far, or is Ally a soulless fun-hater? Matt Bellamy of Muse stopped by the studio to talk about their new album The WOW! Signal, officially out Friday Jun 26th. We talked to Matt about who he thinks will win the World Cup, his terrible Irish accent, and he even reviewed Ally's kid's first original song, played on the Ukulele. We also played a brand new game of password with Moist Joyce, learned Klein bought an original painting from someone during Meet The Neighbors, and talked about the different types of pool people: are you a player, a stander, a watcher, or an 'ankles only' guy?

In today's bonus pod we cus our asses off

Vanessa was at a bar last night watching Colombia take on Austria, and we got the privilege of listening to audio of her celebrations. If you didn't think she could get any louder, you'd be wrong. Ally joined an AI dating coach app for advice on how to convince her wife to engage in a threesome as part of our Funner Summer challenge. It ended with her hitting on the AI dating coach and being rejected, which then led to Klein asking Grok for a threesome which yielded a very different result. Since it's Prime Day all week, we celebrated with another round of Prime Day Price is Right! We don't want to give it away, but one lucky guy named Matt won himself a giant bottle of Vacation Body Oil! Plus we got a newly single guy on the party bus to Santa Barbara to see Royel Otis, even though he technically won because he tried to cheat on his girlfriend with her own Aunt.

Klein. In. Oil! Klein's been working on his body all spring and today was the big reveal of his summer bod. He lathered himself in shimmering body oil and paraded himself around the studio just as a bunch of guests were arriving. You gotta check out today's YouTube livestream to see it for yourself. Gorillaz' Jamie Hewlett finally sent us a package as a thank you for the jacket Klein gave him last time he stopped by the studio. We also got another big deliver: our KAS branded burger bibs from Burger 3000! And speaking of burgers... Three high end burger spots stopped by the studio today to celebrate burger week. They cooked up burgers in our company kitchen and brought in some of the best burgers we've ever seen. In order to earn the right to eat them, Jake had to do a blind smell test and correctly identify the burgers. It went haywire in the end because Johnny is a massive idiot. We also heard from Ally's wife today during Lezbihonest. The question was: is katie turned on by Ally's pregnancy boobs? Her answer revealed a plot twist none of us saw coming... Plus we learned what annoying thing you're doing at grocery checkouts during Clickbait, uncovered a scam our company was trying to pull on us, and challenged Jake to travel somewhere new to combat his early onset agoraphobia. Hertogenbosch, here we come!

Today we met a woman named Sugar Honey Iced Tea, and if you're not excited about summer yet she will change your tune in 5 seconds flat. Klein had an eventful Father's Day when he popped two gummies and then immediately had to deal with his dog getting sprayed by a skunk. He proceeded to do all the wrong things which ended in him and his dog being trapped in a shower covered in peanut butter. We heard all your Father's Day fail stories, which included a dad who was pooped on, a dad who had to take his drunk wife to the ER, and a dad who had to abandon his tri-tip mid-grill when his kid got bitten by a Pomeranian. One of those lucky guys got himself a brand new TCL TV to make up for the worst Father's Day ever! What's the gayest thing about you? We'll go first. Klein drinks coffee with a straw and follows shirtless men on Instagram. Johnny once was late to work because he had to 'change outfits.' Jake is obsessed with the color purple and buys women's shoes, and Vanessa spends her free time roller blading. Where do you fit in? One thing we know: Ally's the straightest person on the show.

In today's show there's a new relationship deal breaker, we give you a TSA PSA, do a round of Man vs Machine, open the Box of Shame and Klein wants a robot toilet

in today's show Klein has a pest problem, Ally gets a trainer, we redo some Father's Day cards, get you Dadfessions and have a Generation War

The bonus pod where we reveal our deepest, darkest secrets and get to swear while doing it!

In today's show we debut Fat Ally songs, Klein's wife makes the worst food order of all time, Jake wants to change his smell, we get your best dad sayings and have an AMA with a private detective

Ally got into an on-air fight with her arch nemesis Fat Ally, who's attempting to make a comeback during her second pregnancy. We say let Fat Ally take the reins, and the leftovers! Today we heard stories about times your dad solved a problem in the most "dad" way possible. Like the time a girl was sent home for her pants being too big, so her dad duct taped the pants around her waist and sent her back to school. Or the dad who put his kid in a sling using a broomstick. Or the dad who blindfolded his daughter to help her conquer her fear of driving. Thanks for being you, dads! We got an incredible call today from a guy who almost died after being swept away by a wave in Newport Beach, only to be saved by a lifeguard as he clutched onto his son. It got emotional. Listen if you want your heart strings tugged followed by us still making asses of ourselves. We also wrote new Hallmark jokes for our annual Father's Day Card remix, learned the best pre-date ritual in Clickbait, and why queef and potatoes will help you live forever in Old People Secrets!

Klein took a trip to the Pasadena Humane Society this weekend and was talked into adopting a dog, but a twist at the end left him empty-handed. Ally's animal experience of the weekend was getting crapped on by a bird at the Long Beach Aquarium. Both stories prove we shouldn't be allowed around people OR animals. We kicked off Father's Day week by hearing the worst/best advice your dad ever gave you (or that you ever gave to your kid). Good advice included how to properly pour a beer, and bad advice included having sex with a wig on to 'keep it interesting' in the bedroom. Don't Be A Dick, Rich People! We continued our effort to eliminate the dicks of the world by publicly shaming them, and today we focused on dick rich people. Nominees included bad tippers, people who drive slow in fast cars, and non-fans who go to sporting events as a flex. Which rich dick would you like to nominate? We also went through a relationship satisfaction quiz and we quickly learned most marriages aren't happy ones. Like us, they're just ok!

It was an eventful Friday, complete with texting our exes and tantrums about t-shirts. Years ago Klein wore a red shirt to work. Jake wanted the shirt and Klein promised to give it to him. Two years later the shirt is here in the studio, but now everyone else wants it. It resulted in Jake having a HUGE tantrum on the air and calling Johnny a 'dumb bitch.' You gotta hear it to believe it. Text An Ex is a new segment we kicked off today where we chose a random person on the show and gave them a phrase that they must text their ex. Ally was up, and she had to text her ex Olivia, the last girlfriend she had before meeting Katie. She did get a response right away, and she read the conversation on air AS her wife was listening, pissed. We did Johnny Doesn't Know: World in honor of the start of the World Cup. We learned Johnny thinks Russia is a continent and that Japan is known as The Land of the Nice People. We also did a new round of Lifetime Achievement Awards, summer edition! Vanessa nominated the beach chair, Jake nominated the half-bag of ice in your freezer, Ally nominated the grill, Johnny nominated the open beach parking spot, and Klein nominated 'Hoes & Hose." Who gets your vote?

We started off the show with a mystery. Ally has superhuman smell since she's pregnant, and a new offputting smell made its way into the studio. Surprisingly, it wasn't Jake. It led to an impromptu blind smell test where Ally smelled each and every member of the show, and the culprit will surprise you. What's the right end of year gift for a teacher? Klein gave his kids' teachers an elaborate gift before giving them awkward hugs and yelling "HAGS" at them. It didn't go well. We heard stories of your least impressive awards, which included a 'work life balance' award, a 'best answer & participation' award, and a man who received a bucket of lobsters for 'clawing his way to the top' of the sales team. We heard even MORE audio of Vanessa at pride, and once more we got additional sound bites. Thank you ladies and gentleman!

Klein isn't great with names. We tested his knowledge by bringing coworkers into the studio and seeing if he could name them. It was awkward, hilarious, and if we brought the same people in next year he probably still wouldn't know their names. Watch along on the KROQ YouTube for a pleasing visual aid. Earlier this week we learned Ally successfully got pregnant, and Klein's kids have some interesting theories as to how she got knocked up, including having sex with Klein and having sex with her wife 'super hard.' We listened to the audio to hear the reasoning behind their theories. Do robots know more about health and wellness than humans? The wellness trend is all the rage right now, but we're mostly getting our health advice from tiktok and chatgpt. Let's see who's got the most accurate info, us or our future robot overlords. Plus the debut of a new summer song written exclusively by Johnny and Vanessa. Is it a certified banger? You decide!

We're doing an event this Friday! Join us + Second Hand Cindy this Friday for a BUZZBALL event at 5880 Manchester, aka the 7/11 by LAX. We'll be there from 3-5pm and Cindy will be signing your Buzzballz and doing a dramatic reading of her finest Buzzball memories. It will be one of the weirder things you do this summer, so how can you say no?? We heard your stories of times you won, then lost. Spencer Pratt thought he won 2nd place in the Mayoral race, but has since learned he lost the lead. This led to stories about failed jackpots, un-winning new cars & more. Jake interviewed people on the streets of LA asking them what advice they have for the many international tourists about to flood the streets for the World Cup. It gave us one of our favorite new catchphrases. Tourists: LA love you. We also heard another round of Vanessa being drunk at pride and it was quite possibly even better than yesterday's. Booobieeesss!!

Vanessa went to WeHo pride, got drunk, and interviewed the gays. As usual, it did not disappoint. We found out quickly she didn't know how to pronounce NBA, Scottie Scheffler, or Eiffel Tower. It gave us all the Vanessa soundbites we need for the rest of the year. Ally got her IVF results on Friday. Today she revealed the results on the air. Do you think Round 2 was successful?? Listen along or SEE the results on the YouTube Livestream. One of us was high for the entire show. Which one of us was it? Viral 90's music fanboy Jacob Givens stopped by the studio today to talk about his new event GenX fest, and we tested his music knowledge compared to the other Jake on the show, Jake the Nerd. If you ever thought you were good at naming Alt Rock songs, Jacob Givens likely has you beat. Plus new details about a potential new event called Kegs & Gregs!

What's the whitest thing about you? Ally is the whitest person we know. We heard lots of 'Most Interesting Man In The World' style commercials today of the whitest things about Ally, and celebrated her whiteness even further with Shawn Wayans (White Chicks) in-studio. After chatting about the new Scary Movie 6 hitting theaters today, we took calls from listeners sharing the whitest thing about them, including a woman named Becca who was so obsessed with the brand Roxy that she got it tattooed in her ankle. Klein has a new obsession, this time having to do with live eBay auctions. He even got the livestreamers to mention the Jake Shake and his 18" neck. Ally has a war brewing in her home over Lucky Charms and now she wants to go back to being a 'non-sugar cereal' household. Too late? We did an interactive Box of Shame with listeners, to cleanse your soul going into the weekend, and boy did you deliver. We heard from a woman who's taking plan B behind her husband's back and a man who jizzed on his coworker's cookies (upon her request.) We also released a new incredible new video straight from Klein's house, of him carrying water jugs shirtless across his kitchen. Check out our IG stories @kleinallyshow for one of the weirder things you'll see today.

If you got a lung infection from drinking dirty ass foot juice, you could be entitled to compensation. A wild story about selling foot juice at a California Fanime con event gave us an interesting hypothetical and an unexpected dance party. Klein realized that he's been wearing a religious hat for a few weeks now and getting good/strange looks from people. Should he lean into it? He tried out his new Godlike identity by leading us in a prayer that had lots of thee's and thy's in it. We debuted an incredible new game today called Is It Thicker Than Klein's Neck? Since protein-loading and working out like crazy, Klein's neck and gotten massive. 18.12 Inches to be exact! We took calls and compared Klein's neck to everything from cantaloupes to handles of rum and everything in between. Jake and Ally's wife are in an interested negotiation. She's offering to do his massive load of laundry and their house, for a price. How much would Jake have to pay you to bring his filthy mountain of Tool shirts into your home?

In today's bonus pod Ally finally takes a dump and Johnny perfects his impressions

If you're an OG Klein Ally Show listener you got the throwback of a lifetime today. We talked about how there are no good 'school's out' songs and Ally took the opportunity to play her stupid 'Summer Vibez' song which is definitely a rip off of Sublime's Summertime. What we didn't expect was for Klein to play his school's out song from over 4 years ago, a song called Suck My Ass. If you remember it, brownie points from us. We brought back the Dank Tank today and heard some incredible new high-deas from inexperienced weed entrepreneurs. One of our favorites was a guy pitching multiple food trucks that pair with one another. For example a grilled cheese truck would pull up, you'd get a grilled cheese, then a tomato bisque truck would pull up behind it. It just may be dumb enough to work! Other front runners included rear car horns, a bong cleaning service, and a microwave mute button. We spun the wheel again for our Funner Summer Challenge where Johnny was assigned the tough task of having sex on the beach. Plus a wild story about a kid posing with his middle finger in an elementary school yearbook, Klein's family has lice (AGAIN) and Ally's failed couples counseling session.

Ever done something stupid to get back at an ex? We heard some wild stories today, including one about a man who 'came' all over his ex's clothes and a woman who sold all her ex's belongings to their next door neighbor. Ellen Degeneres joined us on the show today (sort of) to host a Lez-off between Klein and Ally. Klein claims he's a better lesbian than Ally because of all the lesbian 'content' he's consumed over the years (aka porn.) A five-question showdown determined a clear winner. We heard perhaps the funniest old person voice during Old People Secrets today. A woman who attributes her long life to sugar and the Irish Times. Jake has some drama with his 'succulent girlfriend.' She's not happy about the Funner Summer Challenge where he was given the task of having a one night stand with a stranger. Is there trouble in not-paradise?

It's Pride Month, and we decided to celebrate with a round of Don't Be a Dick: Gays! Ally, the resident gay of the show, kicked it off by nominating lesbians who have to pair everything with a cause. Did you see that new show? It's directed by a queer autistic BIPOC woman in a wheelchair! As a disclaimer, we fully love and support the LGBT community & can also still find ways to complain about anything and anyone. Klein nominated gay guys who are ridiculously good looking! We also talked about the biggest lies we told as a child, including Ally telling her classmates Magic Johnson was her uncle and Klein telling girls was a professional skater and Fred Savage's stunt double. We also heard from a woman who lied about being from Africa when she really grew up in Orange County. We continued our Funner Summer challenge and Omar got his new assignment: this summer he must have sex three times in 24 hours. He and his wife are currently in a huge fight, so good luck with that! We also did a new round of Netflix/Notflix to talk about all the new trash coming to your streaming services in the month of June. Is the new show Killer Set where Death Row Inmates do stand-up a real show or a fake one?

We try to slog through today's show while Ally goes hard for a B-team embryo implant, Jake makes a confession in the drive-thru, Mr. Fall in the Hall takes your stories about injuring yourself while walking, we open the box of shame and we try to spell as fast as you latest spelling bee champion from Rancho Cuccamaungo!

Jake wasn't in today, which marks the first sick day he's ever taken in his history on the show. He insists it's a 'weak cold' but he's been getting cold sweats for days. Did he catch Ebola? We think he really needs to see a doctor, which prompted conversations about who gets his weird collectibles and his precious little dog. Vanessa finally put on the shock collar to review a new buzzy food no kid can resist: ice cream! She tried the viral Henry's Secret Ice Cream while getting shocked in a brand new, curse-filled High Voltage Food Review. Klein is attempting to change a bad habit and it's not going well. He's notorious for ending phone calls without saying goodbye, and his new couples counselor would like him to work towards a more loving way to end a conversation. We learned quickly that we all do a pretty great impression of Klein ending our phone calls. We also did Gen Wars, spun the wheel to assign another Funner Summer Challenge, and Ally talks about her next embryo transfer happening tomorrow. Wish her some good Juju! She showed off her latest fertility baile and it was....something to see.

In today's bonus pod Ally tries to decide what embryo to go with and we try to come to the conclusion of if Buc-ees is a store or a gas station

Nate Bargatze joined us today to talk about his new movie The Breadwinner & revealed new details about his Theme Park development Nateland in Nashville. He talked about roller-coaster shopping, his first red carpet premiere, and what the GOAT appetizer is at a chain restaurant. Count how many times he says 'uh' and you could win a prize! We kicked off our Funner Summer Challenge today, forcing each other to have an epic summer by doing things like throw a keg party, see 10+ shows, have sex on the beach, and pull an all nighter. The first wheel spin forced Ally to try a new drug, which is going to be difficult if she gets pregnant soon... We also talked to the guy who created the controversial Ozzy Osbourne AI Hologram. He swears it's classy, state-of-the-art, and not a threat to Ozzy's legacy. The call ended badly when Ally attempted to do her terrible Ozzy Osbourne impression. Petty Claims Court was VERY interactive today as a man accused his girlfriend of asking him to bring her things as soon as he sits down to relax. Listeners quickly branded Karla a "Latina T3000 Terminator" and a "Toxica Torta" and things only progressed from there.

Ally had a 'hot girl' weekend in Vegas, complete with outfit changes, plunging necklines, bottle service, and an 'ass-only' swimsuit photoshoot. She learned a lot about what it takes to be a 'real' woman while experiencing John Summit at LIV + No Doubt at the Sphere. If you wanna see her She's All That transformation, go to our IG @kleinallyshow. Meanwhile, Klein was on a soccer field rooting against his own kid after her team got into a post-season tournament. Is he a bad parent for rooting against his daughter's ambitions? Graduation speeches are being shared all over social media right now, but could robots do it better? We find out with a round of Man Vs Machine: Graduation. Note: Quoting Gandolf in your speech does not qualify as inspirational. We also learned Jake has never purchased an avocado, everyone's mom wants to f*ck Tom Selleck, and Johnny thinks Neil Armstrong rode Sputnik to get to the moon. In the words of Postmaster Johnny: Take that, Russians!

We started the day with a giant Tomahawk steak and ended it with a gas station giveaway and a certified Banger Bus. What better way to kick off a long weekend!? Klein cooked a Tomahawk steak for two hours last night just to bring it to Ally to help increase her red meat consumption for fertility success. If you want to see a lesbian handle 5lbs of rare meat, check out the YouTube livestream. While you're there, check out DJ Omar Khan in the flesh! He came in the studio and strapped in to a lie detector for his very first LIE DAY FRIDAY. It resulted in a health scare, some eye opening questions about selling drugs, and a plan for Omar and lie detector guy John Grogan to do Molly together after the show. We got an incredible unexpected delivery on the show today. The Print Gurus, who are big fans and incredible merch makers, delivered the first ever Klein Ally Show plushie. And not just any plushie, it was a Vanessa themed Chicken Lady plushie! This is yet another thing you have to watch YouTube to see. It even makes noise! We closed out this holiday week by giving away free gas to anyone listening to our show while filling up at a random gas station in LA. If you see Postmaster Johnny at the pump, hit him up!

Another potential big bet is happening, if Ally agrees. Ally was rejected from a golf shop because, according to them, she's not good enough at golf to warrant getting a custom club. It led to a proposition from Klein: Practice your golf game all summer. If by the end of the summer you can crack 100 on a course of your choice, I will pay you any amount of money. Ally has yet to accept. Should she? Adam Carolla stopped by the KROQ studios this morning to reminisce on the good old days with Jimmy Kimmel & Dr. Drew, and to discuss the new KROQ documentary screening taking place later this summer. We also had the closest game of Gen Wars to date, Klein had a confrontation with his wife on the air about his illicit relationship with GROK, and the return of Mashtags where we asked listeners to make KROQ Cheap!

In today's bonus pod there's a bunch of bird talk apparently

We brought back the legendary “Gummy Roulette” this time featuring the infamous Trader Joe's Sweet & Sour Gummies that supposedly contain enough fiber to completely destroy your digestive system. Klein bravely ate an entire bag, and by the 10 o’clock hour the show took a very unfortunate turn for his stomach. Safe to say the gummies may have lived up to their reputation. Listeners also called in with unbelievable smuggling stories, including one woman who admitted she once helped her boyfriend sneak illegal parrots, monkeys, and spiders across the border. We also heard your 'animal encounter' stories, which led to the shocking on-air discovery that Ally did not realize a wolverine is a real animal and not just a comic-book character. The show wrapped up with another edition of “Petty Claims Court,” where a wife put her husband on trial for consistently sending their kid to school dressed in mismatched clothes and ratty ass hair.