Therapist Uncensored Podcast

Equanimity isn’t about staying calm—it’s about staying present when it matters most Explore the role of equanimity, mindfulness, and compassion in navigating an increasingly complex world. Special guest Margaret Cullen alongside co-host Sue Marriott discuss the evolution of mindfulness in modern culture, the foundations of compassion-based practices, and how these approaches can support resilience and emotional balance. Grounded in both clinical insight and lived practice, this conversation offers a thoughtful, accessible perspective on cultivating steadiness and clarity in the midst of ongoing challenges. “Equanimity is love meeting vulnerability.” – Margaret Cullen, LMFT Timestamps for Inner Stability in an Unstable World: Margaret Cullen on Equanimity (296) 02:10 The evolution of mindfulness in western culture 06:29 Cultural backlash and the search for peace 09:44 The role of social media in our lives 19:09 Equanimity: A deep dive into its meaning 26:00 Recognizing equanimity in daily life 30:13 Practices to cultivate equanimity 37:16 Resources for mindfulness and equanimity About out Guest – Margaret Cullen, LMFT Margaret Cullen is a licensed psychotherapist and a pioneer in bringing contemplative practices into mainstream settings. She was one of the first ten people to be certified as an MBSR instructor and has taught around the world. As a therapist, she facilitated psycho-social support groups for cancer patients and their loved ones for over 30 years. She has led research studies on the impact of contemplative programs for a wide variety of populations across the US and co-developed the Compassion Cultivation Training with Thupten Jinpa at the Stanford University School of Medicine and the Mindfulness and Compassion Training for military spouses with Amishi Jha at University of Miami. She is the founder of Compassion Corps, a program which brings compassion programs to underserved populations around the world. She also developed Mindfulness-Based Emotional Balance and co-authored a book about it with Gonzalo Brito Pons. She was a Senior Teacher and Curriculum Developer for Humanize, a contemplative-based dyad program founded by German neuroscientist Tania Singer. Margaret is a Mind and Life Institute Fellow, on the advisory board of the Global Compassion Coalition, and has been a meditation practitioner for over 40 years. Resources for Inner Stability in an Unstable World: Margaret Cullen on Equanimity (296) Margaret’s Website – Additional information, resources, and opportunities Quiet Strength – Margaret’s newest book, purchase your copy HERE! Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount.     Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!!

We don’t heal alone – we heal in connection. Prentis Hemphill, alongside co-host Sue Marriott, traces their path from social organizing to somatic therapy, revealing how personal healing and collective transformation are deeply intertwined. Together, they explore how inherited myths, power dynamics, and collective trauma shape both our inner worlds and our social systems. This episode invites therapists and change makers alike to consider healing as more than an individual process—it’s relational, embodied, and political in impact. Prentis offers grounded reflections and practical tools for working with the body, navigating power, and engaging in healing that extends beyond the self. “When we are courageous, we can do the unexpected and start to mold the world around a vision bigger than one produced by fear. Every inch of progress, every ounce of love, every truly meaningful action from here on out will happen through courage, not comfort.”  – Prentis Hemphill Time Stamps for Where Personal Healing Meets Collective Change (295) 06:15 The interplay of interpersonal and systemic dynamics 09:31 The challenge of updating therapeutic practices 16:49 Impact of myths on human behavior 20:32 Reflections on current political climate and collective trauma 24:10 The myth of “American Exceptionalism” 36:50 Self-care and community engagement 40:07 Resources for healing and transformation About our Guest – Prentis Hemphill Prentis Hemphill is the bestselling author of What It Takes to Heal, a groundbreaking exploration of healing, justice, and transformation. A therapist, somatics teacher, facilitator, political organizer, and writer, Prentis is also the founder of The Embodiment Institute and a leading voice in embodied leadership and collective healing. For over a decade, Prentis has worked with individuals and organizations through their most challenging moments of change—navigating leadership transitions, conflict, and the alignment of practice with values. Grounded in an embodied approach, their work ensures that our intentions aren’t just ideas, but are fully lived, felt, and practiced. Before founding The Embodiment Institute, Prentis served as the Healing Justice Director at Black Lives Matter Global Network and was a lead somatics teacher with generative somatics and Black Organizing for Leadership and Dignity (BOLD). They hold an M.A. in Clinical Psychology and have provided therapeutic services in low-cost mental health clinics, centering marginalized communities. Prentis has contributed to Atlas of the Heart (Brené Brown), The Politics of Trauma (Staci K. Haines), You Are Your Best Thing (edited by Brené Brown & Tarana Burke), and Holding Change (adrienne maree brown). They are also the creator and host of the acclaimed podcasts Finding Our Way and Becoming the People, which have surpassed over a million downloads. At its core, Prentis’ work challenges the complacency of mainstream therapeutic models, infusing healing with the rigor of justice, repair, and accountability. They believe that reclaiming feeling and relationship creates space for true transformation—in ourselves, our movements, and the world. Prentis lives on a small farm in Durham, NC, with their partner, Kasha, their child, and two dogs. !!NEW OPPORTUNITY!! READING POD STARTING MAY 1ST! Looking to deep dive into Prentis’s book? Co-host Sue Marriott is hosting a weekly Zoom reading pod – with a potential author Q&A at the conclusion. First session starts May 1st. $10/session and $5/session for our Supercast and Neuronerds. Learn more and reserve your spot – HERE! Resources for Where Personal Healing Meets Collective Change with Prentis Hemphill (295) The Embodiment Institute – Training institute, research entity, and culture change engine that strategically develops people and organizations to be agents of transformation in families, social movements and the environment. Prentis’s Website – Resources and information “Becoming the People” – Prentis’s podcast What It Takes to Heal; Published 2024 by Penguin Random House -Prentis’s book, get your copy today! Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s. Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!!

Patreon/Supercast Special Release – Bonus – Hormones, Libido, and the Missing Conversation About Women’s Bodies with Dr. Christine Vaccaro (294) This is a sneak peek of our episode with Dr. Christine Vaccaro – available only on our Premium Supercast and Patreon platforms. For as little as $5/month you can have access to special releases like this one, first-to-know about upcoming events and discounts and an ad-free feed. Click here to join & finish the episode!! We’ve normalized not understanding women’s bodies. Dr. Christine Vaccaro helps demystify women’s sexual health – exploring everything from hormones and anatomy to libido and pelvic floor challenges. Together, we break down what’s often misunderstood or overlooked, offering clear, empowering insights to help women better understand their bodies and advocate for their care. “You don’t want women to have to choose between mental health or sexual health.” – Dr. Christine Vaccaro Time Stamps for Bonus – Hormones, Libido, and the Missing Conversation About Women’s Bodies with Dr. Christine Vaccaro (294) 00:49 Understanding the complexity of women’s sexual health 06:53 Libido and sexual health 09:36 Gender equity in sexual health education 12:36 The Clitoris: Anatomy and function 15:12 Hormones and their impact on sexual health 30:57 Navigating hormonal changes in Perimenopause and Menopause 34:09 The role of Testosterone in women’s health 51:53 Pelvic floor health and its impact on women 58:02 Importance of sexual health awareness About our Guest – Dr. Christine Vaccaro  She is a double board-certified and fellowship trained urogynecologist & reconstructive pelvic surgeon with advanced training in sexual medicine. She is an expert in treating urogynecological conditions and has conducted research on interstitial cystitis (IC), pelvic floor disorders, and clitoral anatomy. Dr. Vaccaro is an active member of both the American Urogynecologic Society (AUGS) and the Society of Gynecologic Surgeons (SGS), where she contributes to multiple committees focused on advancing education and research.Dr. Vaccaro has been practicing medicine for over 20 years in the military, and graduated from the United States Military Academy at West Point in 1999, with a major in Chemistry/Life Sciences, Nuclear Engineering Track. She received her Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine (D.O.) degree in 2003 from the University of North Texas Health Science Center. She completed her OB/GYN residency training in 2007 at Madigan Army Medical Center, Tacoma, WA and her Urogynecology fellowship training in 2011 at Good Samaritan Hospital, Cincinnati, OH. ​Dr. Vaccaro retired from the U.S. Army with the rank of Colonel, after serving as Fellowship Program Director and Service Chief of Urogynecology & Reconstructive Pelvic Surgery at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center. Looking for our Upcoming Events? Click here!! Our Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW! Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s

Some feelings can’t be said – but they can be sung Ann Koplow shares her journey as a therapist and musician, discussing the healing power of music, her experiences with a rare heart condition, and the importance of authenticity in therapy. She emphasizes the role of shamelessness in creative expression and how songwriting serves as a therapeutic tool for both herself and her clients. The conversation explores the impact of music on mental health, the creation of community through shared experiences, and the necessity of letting go of shame to embrace one’s true self. “Every day is a gift. Let go of your shame. Be your authentic self.” – Ann Koplow, LCSW, CGP About our Guest – Ann Koplow, LCSW, CGP Ann Koplow is a clinical social worker, certified group therapist, and singer-songwriter who uses psychotherapy and music to help people grow and connect. She facilitates six open-access “Coping and Healing” groups a week at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston and is a past president of the Northeastern Society for Group Psychotherapy. She has yet to publish any articles or books about her innovative model for group therapy because she’s better at short-form creations like songs, including “Triggers,” “Everybody’s Somebody’s A*****e,” “Catastrophizing,” “Other People’s Anger,” “Don’t Kill Yourself,” and her protest song “You Don’t Scare Me!” When she shares her songs in her groups, the members appreciate her relatable and accepting messages like “I Left the House Before I Felt Ready” and “It’s Hard to Get Sh*t Done When You’re Scared Sh*tless.” Her patients express concern that she will get too famous and leave the groups behind, but that’s just not going to happen. Her album The Singing Therapist — Live at the Lilypad! and her other songs are available on Spotify, Apple Music, and probably wherever music can be found. Time Stamps for How Music Heals What Words Can’t with Ann Koplow (293) 05:23 How Ann navigates life living with a heart condition 12:30 Shameless appeals for applause 19:26 Using music in group therapy 26:16 The power of authenticity and relatability in creative expression 31:15 Healing through creative outlets Resources for How Music Heals What Words Can’t with Ann Koplow (293) The Year(s) of Living Non-Judgmentally – Ann’s blog Ann’s Youtube Channel – Check out her music Ann’s Linktree – Find her social media, blogs, Youtube channel and original songs Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s – next one April 13, 2026! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Join us again in Washington, DC for the 49th Annual Psychotherapy Networker! March 19-22nd! In person and online options available. Get your discounted seat HERE!

Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussions around suicide.  Triggers Aren’t the Problem—They’re the Clue Co-host Sue Marriott and guest Lisa Firestone examine how attachment wounds, emotional dysregulation, and relational disconnection can quietly escalate into crisis. Together they explore the often-overlooked link between attachment patterns and suicidality, and why understanding your relational blueprint may be one of the most important protective factors you have. Blending research, clinical experience, and practical strategies, this episode offers tools for building emotional resilience, increasing self-awareness, and supporting others through vulnerable moments.  “It is a full-time job to cope with alien elements from both interpersonal sources and societal influences.” – Dr. Lisa Firestone Myths of Attachment Styles: What Real Science Tells Us FREE LIVE Webinar – March 12 Join Ann and Sue as they challenge oversimplified attachment frameworks popularized on social media and explore the dynamic, context-dependent nature of defensive attachment patterns.​​​​​​​ The attachment spectrum includes cultural patterns as well as unconscious scripts and strategies to update your patterns in real time – tune in to hear more! FREE with an option to purchase 1.5 CE. Click Here to Sign Up!! Time Stamps for From Crisis to Connection: Attachment as a Lifeline with Dr. Lisa Firestone (292) 05:23 Understanding suicide and self-regulation 11:09 Therapeutic approaches to suicidality 16:17 Navigating attachment styles 27:11 Understanding attachment and security 29:53 Interactive exercise on attachment 40:22 Recognizing triggers in relationships About our Guest – Dr. Lisa Firestone Lisa Firestone, PhD is a Clinical Psychologist and the Director of Research and Education at the Glendon Association and Senior Editor at PsychAlive.org. She is the author of numerous articles and book chapters and coauthor of the books Self Under Siege, Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice, and Creating a Life of Meaning and Compassion. Dr. Firestone is a national and international trainer and presenter on topics including couple relationships, attachment, suicide and violence prevention assessment and treatment Lisa has been involved in clinical training and research in the areas of suicide and violence which resulted in the development of the assessments Firestone Assessment of Self-destructive Thoughts (FAST) and (FASI) and the Firestone Assessment of Violent Thoughts (FAVT) for adults and adolescents. Lisa Firestone is a clinical psychologist in private practice and consultant on the management of high-risk clients. Resources for From Crisis to Connection: Attachment as a Lifeline with Dr. Lisa Firestone (292) Making Sense of Your Life – eCourse with Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Lisa Firestone (4 CEs) Challenging the Fantasy Bond – book by Dr. Robert Firestone Developing Secure Attachment  – Two-Part Online Course (2 CEs) Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s – next one April 13, 2026! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Join us again in Washington, DC for the 49th Annual Psychotherapy Networker! March 19-22nd! In person and online options available. Get your discounted seat HERE!

What does science actually say about monogamy, desire, and long-term love? Evolutionary biologist Dr. Justin Garcia joins co-host Sue Marriott to deepen our understanding of the myths and realities of modern relationships. From monogamy to consensual non-monogamy, we explore how jealousy and trust function – not as flaws – but as deeply human signals shaped by biology and attachment. Dr. Garcia breaks down how relationships shift over time, especially as we age, and why sexual satisfaction isn’t just about frequency – it’s about novelty, meaning, and connection. We dive into the neuroscience of intimacy, including the roles of dopamine and oxytocin, and revisit the Kinsey scale to better understand the fluidity of sexual orientation. This conversation is a grounded, nuanced look at how passion evolves, and how couples can intentionally cultivate desire, curiosity, and emotional safety over the long haul. “Humans, the most intimate animal, will always live and die for love. Understanding why gives us the power to find and maintain the loves worth living for.” – Dr. Justin Garcia, a quote from The Intimate Animal Time Stamps for Why Long-Term Love Gets Complicated: A Scientific Approach with Dr. Justin Garcia (291) 00:57 Understanding social vs. sexual monogamy 04:32 The evolutionary perspective on relationships 08:26 Jealousy and relationship dynamics 20:25 Sexuality and aging: A new perspective 28:44 The power of eye gaze and oxytocin 30:30 Understanding aggression: Oxytocin and vasopressin dynamics 39:01 Exploring sexual diversity and the Kinsey scale About Our Guest – Dr. Justin Garcia Dr. Justin Garcia is an evolutionary biologist and international authority on the science of sex and relationships. Since 2019, he has served as the Executive Director of the world-renowned Kinsey Institute, where he is also a Senior Scientist. He holds an appointment as the Ruth N. Halls Professor in the College of Arts and Sciences at Indiana University and is a Founding Co-Director of Human Sexuality and Health at the IU School of Medicine. Dr. Garcia holds a Ph.D. in evolutionary biology and M.S. in biomedical anthropology from Binghamton University and an Executive Certificate in Public Leadership from Harvard Kennedy School.An award-winning researcher and educator, Dr. Garcia has consulted with a variety of industry partners, and he is currently the Chief Scientific Advisor to Match where he provides expertise for the annual Singles in America study. His research has been featured widely in the media and focuses on people’s romantic and sexual lives throughout the life course, especially on integrative biopsychosocial models of variation in courtship, intimacy, and sexual behavior. Resources for Why Long-Term Love Gets Complicated: A Scientific Approach with Dr. Justin Garcia (291) Justin Garcia – The Kinsey Institute: Biography and other information The Intimate Animal – Dr. Garcia’s new book, order here! Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Join us again in Washington, DC for the 49th Annual Psychotherapy Networker! March 19-22nd! In person and online options available. Get your discounted seat HERE! Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Talkiatry is a 100% online psychiatry practice that provides comprehensive evaluations, diagnoses, and ongoing medication management for conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, insomnia, and more. Head to Talkiatry.com/TU and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in‑network psychiatrist in just a few minutes.

Health starts with what we absorb, not just what we eat Dr. Aly Cohen and co-host Dr. Ann Kelley discuss the often-overlooked importance of drinking water quality, the impact of environmental toxins on health, and the connection between gut health and mental well-being. Listen as Dr. Cohen highlights the alarming rise of autoimmune diseases and the role of hormones and chemicals in our health. Learn practical, manageable ways to reduce toxin exposure, while exploring how nutrition, lifestyle choices, education, and community support play a vital role in empowering people to take control of their health. “You don’t have to wait to be saved. You have everything you need to make informed choices and changes that can protect your health now. – Dr. Aly Cohen Time Stamps for Nontoxic Guide to Healthy Living with Dr. Aly Cohen (290) 08:19 The rise of autoimmune diseases 11:17 Understanding gender disparities in autoimmune disorders 13:52 The gut-brain connection 29:10 The impact of environmental chemicals on health 35:03 Practical steps for reducing toxins 41:43 Understanding organic vs. conventional produce 45:14 The dangers of plastics and their effects 56:11 Understanding drinking water safety 01:01:07 Choosing the right water containers About our Guest – Dr. Aly Cohen  Dr. Aly Cohen is a board-certified rheumatologist and integrative medicine physician, recognized nationally for her expertise in environmental health, and medical education. She is the author of Detoxify: The Everyday Toxins Harming Your Immune System and How to Defend Against Them, which connects the dots between everyday chemicals and the epidemic rise in immune disorders and autoimmune disease…and what we CAN all do about it! She continues to teach, lecture, and practice medicine in Princeton, New Jersey. Resources for Nontoxic Guide to Healthy Living with Dr. Aly Cohen (290) Detoxify: Live Clean, Reduce Inflammation, and Reclaim Your Health – Purchase Dr. Cohen’s new book Instagram  – @TheSmartHuman AlyCohenMd – Dr. Aly Cohen’s official website The Smart Human – The Smart Human official website The Smart Human – Youtube channel How to Protect Your Kids from Toxic Chemicals – TEDx Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Join us again in Washington, DC for the 49th Annual Psychotherapy Networker! March 19-22nd! In person and online options available. Get your discounted seat HERE! Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Talkiatry is a 100% online psychiatry practice that provides comprehensive evaluations, diagnoses, and ongoing medication management for conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, insomnia, and more. Head to Talkiatry.com/TU and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in‑network psychiatrist in just a few minutes.

10 years in and still uncensored In this special 10-year anniversary episode, Sue and Ann reflect on a decade of Therapist Uncensored – how it began, how it’s changed, and how the relationships formed have deepened along the way. They share candidly about the influence from our listeners in keeping them curious, accountable, and grounded, as well as the ways their own thinking has evolved through conversations with leading experts and thoughtful audience feedback. Together they explore the joys and tensions of teaching in the mental health space, including the importance of humility, questioning long-held assumptions, and recognizing the limits of any single perspective. This episode is both a celebration and a recommitment – to inclusivity, to amplifying diverse voices, and to ongoing learning in a field that is constantly evolving. And above all, it’s a heartfelt thank-you to the community that has made the last ten years possible. “The podcast itself was going to be this incredible learning machine for us…and there were times we had to move our butts from expert to ignorant.” Time Stamps for 10 Years of TU: Growth, Reflections & the Future (289) 02:49 The journey of growth and learning 05:29 Bridging knowledge and accessibility 11:09 Challenging the traditional narratives 16:42 Navigating vulnerability in conversations 22:08 Lessons from public mistakes 24:58 The landscape of podcasting and mental health Resources & Action Items Nominate your favorite lightbulb moment or episode with our quick survey – therapistuncensored.com/nominations The Equalizer that Wasn’t – Lessons Learned After Ten Years of Mental Health Podcasting – Sue’s newest blog for an even deeper dive $90,990 DONATED to mental health care for BIPOC communities, LGBQI+, trans and genderqueer individuals, artists, musicians and people experiencing homelessness – View HERE! Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s – Next one is January 23rd! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Join us again in Washington, DC for the 49th Annual Psychotherapy Networker! March 19-22nd! In person and online options available. Get your discounted seat HERE! Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Talkiatry is a 100% online psychiatry practice that provides comprehensive evaluations, diagnoses, and ongoing medication management for conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, insomnia, and more. Head to Talkiatry.com/TU and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in‑network psychiatrist in just a few minutes.

Welcome 2026! Kicking off the new year with a replay episode from our powerful interview with Dr. Stan Tatkin, this discussion dives into inner workings of relationships from a biological and societal perspective, and his book, In Each Other’s Care. Click Here to View the Original Episode Shownotes  Conflict in relationships is inevitable – find out the ins and outs of repair for healthy relationships. We are back with relationship expert, Dr. Stan Tatkin to explore the inner workings of relationships from a biological and societal perspective, and his new book, In Each Other’s Care. All humans are complicated creatures and if we spend enough time with each other, it’s going to get tense.  That part is OK, but what happens after arguing disconnection or tension is what really matters. Sue Marriott & Dr. Tatkin take a deep dive into addressing conflicts, building secure attachments, and abandoning gender stereotypes for a more inclusive discussion. Follow along to explore healthy interdependence, couples’ purpose, and secure functioning. “A secure functioning partnership works on problems, not each other” – Dr. Stan Tatkin Time Stamps for In Each Other’s Care – Healthy Relationships  5:44 – Dr. Tatkin’s view on telehealth & virtual therapy 8:36 – How PACT approaches virtual therapy 16:05 – Understanding procedural memory 19:08 – Break down of insecure attachment 22:53 – What does secure functioning look like? 28:48 – Attachment in polyamorous relationships 37:47 – Exploring healthy interdependence in relationships 44:50 – An example of a couple’s purpose 53:41 – The importance of gender inclusivity when talking about relationships Resources for today’s episode, In Each Other’s Care – Healthy Relationships Stan Tatkin’s Website – Information about his practice, sessions The PACT Institute – Dr. Tatkin’s official website Relationships are Hard, but Why? – Dr. Tatkin’s TedTalk A free excerpt – from Dr. Tatkin’s new book @DrStanTatkin – Instagram account Dr. Stan Tatkin – Facebook Page @DrStanTatkin – Twitter account Dr. Stan Tatkin – LinkedIn account Dr. Tatkin’s newest book.       About our Guest – Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT Clinician, author, researcher, PACT developer, and co-founder of the PACT Institute.  Dr. Tatkin is an assistant clinical professor at UCLA, David Geffen School of Medicine.  He maintains a private practice in Southern California and leads PACT programs in the US and internationally. He is the author of We Do, Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Relationship Rx, Wired for Dating, What Every Therapist Ought to Know, and co-author of Love and War in Intimate Relationships, and the recent, In Each Other’s Care.   Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s – Next one is January 23rd! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Join us again in Washington, DC for the 49th Annual Psychotherapy Networker! March 19-22nd! In person and online options available. Get your discounted seat HERE!

A replay episode from our powerful interview with Lisa Kays on how improv can deepen conversations around tough topics like race and oppression. Click Here to View the Original Episode Shownotes Improv in Therapy and in Life – Explore the power – and sheer fun – of using improvisation in therapy! Dr. Ann Kelley and Lisa Kays discuss how improv can deepen conversations around tough topics like race and oppression. They examine white supremacy culture and show how improv values like collaboration, slowing down, and embracing complexity can challenge these norms. Improv fosters creativity, playfulness, and self-reflection to help reduce defensiveness and strengthen relationships in everyday life, at work, or in our closest relationships. By creating a supportive, collaborative environment, improv deepens connections and helps people tap into a wider range of emotions. “A culture of improvisation is collaborative – it is nature – you cannot do it by yourself.” – Lisa Kays Time Stamps for Improv in Therapy & Life 03:30 The integration of improv and tough conversations 10:03 The origins of improv and its connection to social justice 14:27 Contrasting white supremacy culture and improv culture 19:20 Questioning cultural norms and valuing relationships 25:29 The power of the ‘And’ in joining and connecting 38:27 The power of improv in building secure relationships 53:25 Embracing creativity and letting go of perfectionism 58:12 Creating a culture of support and collaboration 01:05:04 Applying improv in everyday life 01:09:10 Deepening connections and accessing different emotions About our Guest for Improv Therapy – Lisa Kays LICSW, LCSW, LCSW-C Lisa Kays, LICSW, LCSW-C, LCSW, is an independently licensed clinical social worker in Washington, D.C, Maryland, Virginia, Oregon and New Jersey. She obtained her MSW from Catholic University in 2011 and has worked in a variety of clinical settings. Since 2013, she has been in private practice, providing individual, couples and group therapy to adults. She has interest in social work ethic and has published on and leads ethics training on the intersection of technology, social media and social work ethics as well as anti-racism and systemic oppression. Her practice also provides opportunities for other presenters to develop CE trainings on under-taught topics linked to social justice, systemic racism, and oppression. In addition to her traditional psychotherapy work, Lisa was a performing improviser from 2007-2019 and was on the faculty of Washington Improv Theatre from 2008-2016. She developed Washington Improv Theater’s first Improv for Therapist’s class and has offered Improv for Therapists courses, workshops and trainings to individual clinicians, pastors, life coaches, and psychiatrists, as well as clinical agencies. Since its inception, Lisa has trained more than 500 people in the application of improvisation to foster personal growth and stronger and more cohesive groups. Lisa has been invited to lead trainings in improv-informed therapy at the American Academy of Psychotherapists, the Mid-Atlantic Group Psychotherapy Association, the American Group Psychotherapy Association, and at The Psychotherapy Networker, among others. Her work has been featured in The Washington Post and on NBC4. Recently, Lisa launched a humor, humility-infused podcast, “What if Nothing’s Wrong With You?” with co-host Paula D. Atkinson on themes related to therapy, mental health, oppression, patriarchy and how it’s all interconnected. Resources for Improv Therapy –  Lisa Kay’s – Website & Resources The Fierce Urgency of Now: Improvisation, Rights, and the Ethics of Cocreation (Improvisation, Community, and Social Practice) – by Fischlin, Daniel; Heble, Ajah; Lipsitz, George Theater Games – Viola Spolin Resources Rehearsals for Growth – Website and Educational Resources Decolonizing Therapy: Oppression, Historical Trauma, and Politicizing Your Practice – book by Jennifer Mullan, PsyD The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron – Book and Resources Free Play: Improvisation in Life and Art – Nachmanovitch, Stephen Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s – Next one is January 23rd! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!!

A replay episode from our powerful interview with Jeff Lutes, this discussion dives into raising families, the evolution of the community, allyship, gender, and the importance of advocacy. Click Here to View the Original Episode Shownotes   “There are a lot of therapists that see themselves as affirming, but I think you have to get actively involved in order to be an ally.” – Jeff Lutes Time Stamps for Advocating for the LGBTQ+ Community  2:00 – Jeff’s anecdotes about religion and sexuality 11:18 – How advocacy can be a thankless job  12:00 – Introduction to the Contemporary Relationships Conference  14:34 – The difference between being trained in accepting versus educated  16:48 – The importance of knowing the correct terminology  20:39 – What we can learn from the polyamorous community  22:58 – Definition of queer and who that represents 24:37 – Let’s talk about pronouns  31:21 – Explanation of dead naming and why it is wrong 42:15 – Conversion therapy research and findings  47:00: Trailblazers in Love, Jeff’s book  Resources for today’s episode Advocating for the LGBTQ+ Community  Jeff Lute’s Website – Information, credentials, presentations and publications Contemporary Relationships Conference – Conference information and proposals Get your copy of his book, Trailblazers in Love, here!! About our Guest – Jeff Lutes, LPC Jeff specializes in creating collaborative conversations with clients that generate new possibilities for change.  Using a postmodern approach, he listens carefully to each client’s story and strives to understand how they might make meaning of themselves, others, and the world around them. He founded the Contemporary Relationships Conference and has presented to audiences around the country, including the American Association of Marriage & Family Therapy,  the American Family Therapy Academy, the American Counseling Association, and the Texas Psychological Association. He is also the author of Trailblazers In Love, as well as chapters in three counseling textbooks. Lutes also wrote a children’s book about adoption, deaf culture, and non-traditional families and has been a contributing writer at Bilerico and Therapy Matters. Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s – Next one is January 23rd! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zocdoc.com/TU to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

A replay episode from our powerful interview with Dr. Shena Young Click Here to View the Original Episode Shownotes  “The more that we unlearn, the more that we decolonize our minds, bodies, hearts and spirits” – Dr. Shena Young Join co-host Sue Marriott and Dr. Shena Young as they dive into liberation psychology and the conflict between intuition and the traditional European model of psychology. Dr. Shena highlights embodying a holistic approach to help heal traumas and deeply root us in our most authentic selves. Whether through connections with nature or the exploration of ancestral traditions, this discussion is enriched with various opportunities to reconnect and liberate our mind, body, heart, and spirit. About our Guest – Dr. Shena Young (She/Her) Affectionately known as Dr. Shena (she/her) & spiritually as Iya Osunbunmi Orisasewa, she is a licensed embodiment-focused psychologist–healer, artist, mental health futurist, on-set wellbeing professional, and priestess in the Isese tradition of Ifa. She holds space internationally for individuals, couples, groups, and organizations committed to the ritual of calling themselves back into their bodies as a freedom practice. She owns a private practice, embodied truth healing & psychological services, rooted in Los Angeles, CA where she offers mind–body–heart–spirit care in healing from sexual, racial, intergenerational, and ancestral traumas. Time Stamps for Embodying Liberation Psychology  1:30 – Dr. Shena’s journey with liberation psychology and decolonization 7:25 – Dr. Shena’s early life and intuition 9:48 – Body language is one of our first languages 18:58 – Understanding the pillars of authenticity  20:52 – Embracing the mind, body, heart, spirit approach 28:21 – Unlearning scarcity and expecting abundance 33:29 – Thinking of currency as seeds 41:37 – New interests in ancient traditions 44:11 – What the act of grounding may look like  51:45 – The decriminalization of psychedelic plant medicines  56:30 – There is power in practicing choice 1:05:01 – Impact of The Color Purple Resources for today’s episode – Embodying Liberation Psychology EmbodiedTruthHealing.com – Dr. Shena’s website Healing Opportunities with Dr. Shena @EmbodiedTruthHealing – Dr. Shena’s Instagram Invest in healing programs for BIPOC Dr. Clenora Hudson-Weems website – Where Dr. Shena first learned about Africana Womanist theory Body Rites – Dr. Shena’s book. Get your copy!! Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Whether it’s your first time in therapy or your fiftieth, Grow makes it easier to find a therapist who fits you, not the other way around. Sessions average about $21 with insurance and some pay as little as $0, depending on their plan. Visit GrowTherapy.com/TU today to get started. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.

Behind every family estrangement is a story of love, hurt, and boundaries Dr. Ann Kelley is joined LIVE from Psychotherapy Networker with Dafna Lender, to explore the complex dynamics of parent-child estrangement. Focusing on the emotional and psychological impacts of cutting off family relationships, together they highlight the cultural influences that contribute to these estrangements, the therapeutic perspectives on navigating such situations, and the importance of empathy and boundaries in managing family dynamics. This conversation is about learning to hold both empathy and boundaries – understanding why someone might step away, and how to stay grounded and compassionate in the process. It’s an honest look at the heartbreak, the healing, and the hope that can emerge when families face difficult truths. Time Stamps for Navigating Family Estrangement: The Space Between Love & Self-Protection with Dafna Lender (284) 03:06 Understanding the impact of estrangement 05:58 Cultural influences on family cutoffs 09:14 Therapeutic perspectives on estrangement 17:54 Boundaries and the spectrum of estrangement 32:52 Navigating boundaries and self-protection 46:31 Finding meaning in senselessness 52:21 Exploring values in relationships About our Guest – Dafna Lender  Dafna is a family therapy expert and attachment specialist. Dafna is an international trainer and supervisor for practitioners who work with children and families. She is a certified trainer and supervisor/consultant in both Theraplay and Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy (DDP), as well as an EMDR therapist. Dafna’s expertise is drawn from 28 years of working with families in many settings: at-risk after school programs, therapeutic foster care, in-home crisis stabilization, residential care and private practice. Dafna is author of Integrative Attachment Family Therapy (2023) and the co-author of Theraplay the Practitioner’s Guide (2020). She teaches and supervises clinicians in 15 countries in 4 languages: English, Hebrew, French and Spanish. Resources for Navigating Family Estrangement: The Space Between Love & Self-Protection with Dafna Lender (284) Dafna’s website – Resources, courses & additional information Integrative Attachment Family Therapy: A Clinical Guide to Heal and Strengthen the Parent-Child Relationship through Play, Co-regulation, and Meaning-Making – Get your copy of her paperback Theraplay the Practitioners Guide – The definitive guide to Theraplay® for practitioners, officially endorsed by the Theraplay® Institute Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zocdoc.com/TU to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

This episode challenges what you thought you knew about autism, attachment, and empathy Join Sue Marriott and Dr. Sean Inderbitzen – an autistic psychotherapist and advocate for neurodiversity – as he shares his powerful personal and professional journey in understanding autism. Together, they explore the evolution of autism diagnosis, the intersections between attachment and neurodivergence, and how polyvagal theory can both illuminate and complicate the autistic experience. Dr. Inderbitzen offers insights on self-diagnosis, identity formation, and what truly person-centered therapy looks like for autistic individuals. This conversation highlights the central role of trust, safety, and authentic connection in helping neurodivergent clients thrive. “…Autism in Polyvagal Terms… is about giving people the tools they need, specifically giving therapists the tools they need to help autistic clients with a lens that really familiar with.” – Sean Inderbitzen, DSW, LCSW Time Stamps for Autism in Polyvagal Terms with Dr. Sean Inderbitzen (283) 01:43 Understanding Autism: A personal journey 03:38 Defining Autism: Perspectives and misconceptions 07:11 The evolution of autism diagnosis 11:31 The debate on ‘disorder’ in autism 24:59 Neuroaffirming Therapy: What does it mean? 31:21 Heart rate variability and autism 37:27 Understanding attachment and autism 41:24 The complexity of autism and parenting 44:09 Navigating the ethical quandaries in autism care 57:28 Upcoming events and future works About our Guest – Sean M. Inderbitzen, DSW, LCSW Sean M. Inderbitzen, DSW, LCSW, an autistic psychotherapist and researcher through Mayo Clinic Health System. He regularly trains healthcare professionals to be more confident when working with people on the spectrum. Resources for Autism in Polyvagal Terms with Dr. Sean Inderbitzen (283) Autism in Polyvagal Terms: New Possibilities and Interventions – Get your copy of his book, here!! Information, resources, books & more! Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s – Next one is November 14th! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Whether it’s your first time in therapy or your fiftieth, Grow makes it easier to find a therapist who fits you, not the other way around. Sessions average about $21 with insurance and some pay as little as $0, depending on their plan. Visit GrowTherapy.com/TU today to get started. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.

Healing is political — and storytelling is the revolution. José Rosario shares the transformative role of storytelling in healing and liberation. He invites therapists to move beyond traditional coping frameworks and embrace radical healing – an approach that centers cultural wisdom, intersectional identity, and community empowerment. Together, Sue and José discuss how clinicians can respond to hate-based violence, recognize collective trauma, and actively dismantle systems of harm. José also shares his personal journey toward self-acceptance and the playful practices that sustain his work, offering inspiration for those seeking to uplift marginalized voices through creativity and connection. “What a disservice it is to silence ourselves when we have so much to give to the world.” – José Rosario Time Stamps for Storytelling as Medicine: Decolonizing Therapy with José Rosario (282) 05:21 Intersectional identities and personal narratives 11:17 Empathy vs. action in therapy 19:36 Dismantling ableism in therapy 23:08 Understanding hate-motivated violence 31:36 The role of therapists in community healing 36:31 Finding meaning in adversity 38:04 The Phoenix Empowered: A call to action About our Guest – José Rosario  Born to young Puerto Rican parents, José Rosario developed Cerebral Palsy as a premature baby. His family’s journey towards equity deeply impacted his mental health. Currently nearing his PhD in Clinical Psychology, his research focuses on cultural trauma in intersectional communities. He is an Interdisciplinary Minority Fellow for the American Psychological Association, member of the Congressional Diversity and Equality Advisory Board for Congressman James Langevin, and member of the Rhode Island Attorney General Community Advisory Board. He has been honored with the Chris Martin Humanitarian Award and the Victoria Lederberg Award for Excellence in Psychology. Resources for Storytelling as Medicine: Decolonizing Therapy with José Rosario (282) The Phoenix Empowered – Storytelling and education to amplify the experiences of minoritized communities, facilitate an inclusive mental health conversation, and empower systemic change. Phoenix Unbound – Show hosted by José Rosario Enjoying this episode? Check out these other similar TU episodes! https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/decolonizing-mental-health-delivery-with-melody-li-part-1-episode-226/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/decolonizing-mental-health-delivery-with-melody-li-part-2-episode-228/ Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  HUGE OPPORTUNITY, No Kidding!  $199 instead of $499! Superpower’s mission is simple: to democratize health and make proactive, preventive care affordable and accessible for every body. So if you’re ready to stop guessing and start taking control of your health, head to Superpower.com to learn more and lock in the special $199 price while it lasts. Use discount code TU at checkout. Superpower.com Cure is offering 20% off your first order! Stay hydrated and feel your best by visiting curehydration.com/TU and using promo code TU at checkout. With added vitamin and minerals, and an upgraded probiotic blend, the new formula is more comprehensive than ever, helping to support immune health, gut health, energy, and more! Check it out at drinkag1.com/TherapistUncensored

Can we save our relationships – and our democracy – one conversation at a time? Image: The Project Twins – Art from the Braver Angels, Seattle Dr. Ann Kelley sits down with Dr. Bill Doherty to explore the idea of “Citizen Therapists” and how therapists — and all of us — can help bridge divides in a polarized world. Together, they dive into discernment counseling for couples on the brink of divorce, the groundbreaking work of Braver Angels in fostering dialogue across political differences, and the skills we all need for hard but healing conversations. This conversation highlights the power of curiosity, respectful boundaries, and understanding – whether in our closest relationships or across society. “Conflict entrepreneurs, people who make their living using various megaphones to tell us that the people on the other side are evil, and not to be trusted.” – William Doherty Time Stamps for Saving Relationships in a Polarized World: Bill Doherty on Citizen Therapists & Political Healing (281) 08:14 Exploring political divides in relationships 10:58 Braver Angels: Bridging political divides 13:29 The Fishbowl method: Creating safe spaces for dialogue 19:00 Values over policies: Finding common ground 29:13 Boundaries in political conversations 32:43 Understanding political views through stories 37:44 Desire for connection vs. differentiation 44:24 Bringing therapeutic skills to public discourse 51:08 Access to affordable healthcare 01:00:37 Managing family dynamics 01:07:00 Becoming a citizen therapist About our Guest – Dr. William J. Doherty  Bill Doherty is a Professor Emeritus in the Department of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota. As a therapist, he focuses on couples on the brink of divorce and on political stress in relationships. He has authored 14 books for professionals and the public. Following the 2016 U.S. Presidential election, he co-founded Braver Angels, a citizen initiative bringing conservatives and liberals together to counteract political polarization and restore the fraying social fabric in American society. Bill is the chief designer of the Braver Angels workshops and has conducted sessions all over the country, including for corporations, state legislatures, and the Problem Solvers Caucus in Congress. Braver Angels now has volunteers working in all 50 states. Among his awards is the Lifetime Achievement Award from the American Family Therapy Academy. Resources for Saving Relationships in a Polarized World: Bill Doherty on Citizen Therapists & Political Healing (281)  Braver Angels – Website and resources leading the nation’s largest cross-partisan, volunteer-led movement “Becoming a Citizen Therapist: Integrating Community Problem-Solving Into Your Work as a Healer” – Purchase your copy by William J. Doherty and Tai J. Mendenhall Enjoying this episode? Check out these other similar TU episodes! https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu153-how-good-boundaries-actually-bring-us-closer-replay-with-juliane-taylor-shore/ Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!!

Patreon/Supercast Special Release – Bonus – Harnessing “Genius Energy”: The Art of Wise Effort for Growth with Dr. Diana Hill (280) This is a sneak peek of our episode with Dr. Diana Hill – available only on our Premium Supercast and Patreon platforms. For as little as $5/month you can have access to special releases like this one, first-to-know about upcoming events and discounts and an ad-free feed. Click here to join & finish the episode!! Ann Kelley and Diana Hill dive into the concept of wise effort and its impact on how we manage our energy in both personal and professional life. They explore the difference between life force energy and anxiety, the role of emotional sensitivity, and why community resilience matters. Diana shares insights on how to wisely channel your “genius energy,” break free from stuck patterns, and cultivate compassionate connections that support growth and balance. “It’s not about doing more, but doing wisely.” – Dr. Diana Hill Time Stamps for Bonus – Harnessing “Genius Energy”: The Art of Wise Effort for Growth with Dr. Diana Hill (280) 09:54 Distinguishing life force from anxiety 19:12 Channeling “genius energy” wisely 26:36 Recognizing stuck energy patterns 34:50 Compassion and common humanity 37:01 Co-regulation and wise-energy use 48:22 Harnessing “genius energy” for change About our Guest – Dr. Diana Hill Diana Hill, Ph.D. is a modern psychologist, international trainer, and a leading expert on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and compassion. Drawing from the most current psychological research and contemplative practices, Diana bridges science with real-life application to help organizations and individuals develop psychological flexibility so that they can grow fulfilling and impactful lives. She is the host of the Wise Effort podcast and author of four books including Wise Effort: How to Focus Your Genius Energy on What Matters Most, I Know I Should Exercise, But…: 44 Reasons We Don’t Move and How to Get Over Them, The Self-Compassion Daily Journal, and ACT Daily Journal. She has been featured on NPR, Wall Street Journal, Psychology Today, and numerous other media channels. She lives in Santa Barbara, California. Looking for our Upcoming Events? Click here!! Our Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW! Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s

Trauma to tech: how technology may be reshaping our approach to therapy Benjamin Fry, a psychotherapist and founder of Khiron Clinics, joins Sue Marriott to discuss his personal experience with trauma and how it influenced his therapeutic work. He talks about building his clinic and exploring innovative approaches like EMDR and somatic experiencing, which led him to help develop the PhysioCam—a technology that allows clients to see their nervous system responses in real time. As mental health treatment continues to evolve with new technologies, Benjamin and Sue explore how education and better access to care can support healing and offer hope to those who need it. “For many, the body is not a safe place to go to anymore, so they lose the valuable cues that come from these vital evolved pathways. The PhysioCam helps them recover it, like a pair of crutches help people with injuries to walk again” – Benjamin Fry Time Stamps for Where Entrepreneurship Meets Therapy: Introducing PhysioCam with Benjamin Fry (279) 04:22 Benjamin’s personal journey and early life 13:26 Discussing trauma treatment in America 17:37 Establishing the clinic and innovative therapies 21:50 The necessary evolution of trauma treatment 38:51 Introducing PhysioCam: A new tool in therapy 49:15 The importance of psychoeducation 54:44 Khiron clinics and The Invisible Lion About our Guest – Benjamin Fry, Psychotherapist, Author and Entrepreneur Benjamin is the founder of Khiron Clinics, one of the world’s leading residential trauma-treatment centres, and Televagal, an innovative mental health technology platform. An accredited psychotherapist, couples therapist, speaker, author, and entrepreneur, he has written four books, including The Invisible Lion: How to Tame your Nervous System and Heal your Trauma. With a diverse career spanning psychology, media, and business, Benjamin read Physics and Philosophy at Oxford University and then did an MFA in Film Production at USC, directing a feature-length film distributed by HBO and Paramount. He later went on to set up various enterprises in the hospitality industry before completing an MA in Psychotherapy and Counselling at Regent’s College and an Executive MBA from Oxford University. His first book led to his role as the expert psychotherapist on the BBC series Spendaholics. Benjamin speaks at mental health conferences worldwide, raising awareness of the effectiveness of nervous system-based therapies for treating trauma. He also delivers workshops to help people optimize and heal their relationships through trauma-informe practices and education. Resources for Where Entrepreneurship Meets Therapy: Introducing PhysioCam with Benjamin Fry (279) Khiron Clinics – Benjamin’s global trauma recovery center, information & resources The Invisible Lion – Bejnamin’s recent book on taming your nervous system and healing trauma Televagal – PhysioCam transforms your telehealth sessions into a powerful window into your client’s nervous system Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s – Next Q&A September 5th! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!!

This is part 2 of episode 274, Feel It to Heal It: The Science of Interoception with Rebecca Kase – you can listen to part 1 HERE! Patreon/Supercast Special Release – Feel It to Heal It, Continued: Applying the Science of Interoception (278) This is a sneak peek of our part 2 episode with Rebecca Kase – available only on our Premium Supercast and Patreon platforms. For as little as $5/month you can have access to special releases like this one, first-to-know about upcoming events and discounts and an ad-free feed. Click here to join & finish the episode!! In this half of the conversation, Rebecca Kase and the Sue dig deeper into the concept of interoception, emphasizing its significance in therapy and personal well-being. They discuss how our physiological states influence our narratives and the importance of breath in regulating these states. From the roles of implicit and explicit memory in shaping our experiences to how adaptive and maladaptive memories affect our mental health, they highlight therapeutic approaches to updating narratives and the journey of healing and resilience, providing practical tools for therapists and resources for further learning. “Stay curious… tune into the part of you that has the sense of knowing that something happened, even if you don’t have explicit declarative memory of it… your body remembers that.” – Rebecca Kase, LCSW, RYT Time Stamps for Bonus – Feel It to Heal It, Continued: Applying the Science of Interoception (278) 02:36 The role of breath in physiological state 08:11 The impact of context on physiological responses 10:46 Memory and its influence on our narratives 13:49 Exploring implicit and explicit memories 16:39 Adaptive vs. maladaptive memories 22:27 Therapeutic approaches to updating narratives 30:35 Resources for further learning Listen to Feel It to Heal It: The Science of Interoception with Rebecca Kase – you can listen to part 1 HERE! https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/feel-it-to-heal-it-the-science-of-interoception-with-rebecca-kase-274/ Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s – next Q&A September 5th! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount.  

What if the problem isn’t your body—but the diet culture you’ve been sold? Dr. Ann Kelley and expert Judith Matz unpack the complex relationship between dieting, emotional eating, body image, and weight stigma. Together they challenge conventional views on weight and health, emphasizing that fitness matters more than the number on the scale, and explores why most diets fail both psychologically and physiologically. They also cover the historical roots of fatphobia, the dangers of weight bias in healthcare, and the rise of weight loss drugs like Ozempic. Judith highlights the importance of attuned eating, informed consent, and compassionate care, offering a weight-inclusive approach to healing our relationship with food and body. “On an individual level, I’d like to see people become free from the diet/binge trap and instead find peace in their relationship with food and their body. On a cultural level, I’d like to see all of us stop putting out messages that blame and shame people about eating and body size.” – Judith Matz, LCSW, ACSW About our Guest – Judith Matz, LCSW, ACSW Judith Matz, LCSW, ACSW, is a therapist, nationally recognized speaker, and consultant on the topics of diet culture, binge eating, emotional eating, body image, and weight stigma. She is co-author of the new Emotional Eating, Chronic Dieting, Binge Eating and Body Image Workbook, as well as The Diet Survivor’s Handbook, Beyond a Shadow of a Diet, The Making Peace with Food Card Deck, and The Body Positivity Card Deck. Judith offers continuing education and training for professionals through PESI as well as customized presentations for a variety companies and organizations. Judith’s work has been featured in the media including NPR, The New York Times, Good Housekeeping and Psychotherapy Networker. She has a private practice via telehealth in Illinois where she meets with clients seeking to heal their relationship with food and their bodies. Find her at www.judithmatz.com and on Instagram @judmatz Resources for Why Diets Don’t Work—and What to Do Instead with Judith Matz (277) Judith Matz – Website, information and resources Emotional Eating, Chronic Dieting, Bingeing and Body Image: What Every Clinician Needs to Know – Judith Matz’s full day PESI training Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia – Book by Sabrina Strings recommend by Judith Matz What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat – Book by Aubrey Gordon recommended by Judith Matz Anti-Diet: Reclaim Your Time, Money, Well-Being, and Happiness Through Intuitive Eating – Book by Christy Harrison recommended by Judith Matz Enjoy this episode? Check out other similar topics –  https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/disordered-eating-attachment-intuition-cultural-influence-266/ Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s – Next Q&A September 5th! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!!

Patreon/Supercast Special Release – Don’t Cancel – Connect: Loretta J. Ross on Activism with Heart (276) This is a sneak peek of our episode with Loretta J. Ross – available only on our Premium Supercast and Patreon platforms. For as little as $5/month you can have access to special releases like this one, first-to-know about upcoming events and discounts and an ad-free feed. Click here to join & finish the episode!! If you’re tired of cancel culture but still care about justice – this conversation is for you In 2022, we had the privilege of having Loretta J. Ross on the podcast to discuss “Calling in the Call Out Culture”. With the publication of her new book, “Calling In: How to Start Making Change with Those You’d Rather Cancel” – we felt this message was just as relevant as ever. Together, Sue Marriott and Loretta J. Ross explore the themes of social justice, empathy, and the importance of dialogue in navigating political divides. Loretta shares insights from her book, discussing the need for compassion and under standing in activism. They delve into the complexities of human relationships, the balance between calling in and calling out, and the significance of individual experiences in shaping political views. The conversation emphasizes the power of community engagement and the role of personal growth in fostering a more just society. Click here to get your copy! “I’m not trying to build a bigger call-out culture. I’m trying to build a human rights movement that includes everybody—even the people we don’t like.” – Loretta J. Ross About our Guest – Loretta J. Ross Loretta J. Ross is an activist, professor, and public intellectual. In her five decades in the human rights movement, she’s deprogramed white supremacists, taught convicted rapists the principles of feminism, and, as National Co-Director, organized the second-largest march on Washington (in April 25, 2004, March for Women’s Lives in Washington D.C., surpassed in size only by the 2017 Women’s March). A cofounder of the National Center for Human Rights Education and the SisterSong Women of Color Reproductive Justice Collective, her many accolades and honors include a 2022 MacArthur Fellowship and a 2024 induction into the National Women’s Hall of Fame. Today, Ross is an associate professor at Smith College in Northampton, Massachusetts, and is the founder of LoRossta Consulting, with which she runs “Calling In” training sessions online and for organizations around the country. Interested in her previous interview? Check out our original discussion on cancel culture –  https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/call-out-culture-168/ Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s – next Q&A September 5th! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount.

Use the VCR Method to navigate difficult conversations without retreating or conflicting.  In this powerful conversation, one of the most influential voices on racial justice and family therapy, Dr. Kenneth Hardy talks with Dr. Ann Kelley about the VCR Method (Validate, Challenge, Request) for navigating difficult conversations without retreating into silence or conflict. Hardy reveals how White-bodied folks and People of Color/Culture (POC) can move beyond either/or thinking by recognizing their multiple selves – the parts that hold privilege and the parts that experience subjugation – no matter who you are.  Key insights include Hardy’s concept of “invisible wounds” – the unnamed racial trauma that affects people of color daily – and why the expectation for Black people to “take the high road” actually perpetuates harm. Through a real example from a heated workshop exchange with a white student, Hardy demonstrates the VCR approach in action, showing how validation, strategic challenge, and clear requests can keep us connected through rupture rather than defaulting to our most activated, subjugated responses. This episode offers practical tools for therapists and anyone seeking more authentic, healing-centered conversations about difference in general and particularly, race and privilege. Hardy’s framework challenges us to develop both a racial lens and a clear sense of our racial selves, moving from fragility toward the courage to stay in relationship even when conversations get difficult. “We all have two dimensions of ourselves-  a preferred racial view and a dreaded one.” Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy “Racial oppression is a traumatic form of interpersonal violence which can lacerate the spirit, scar the soul, and puncture the psyche.” – Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy Timestamps for Beyond the High Road: New Perspectives on Discussing Race and Privilege with Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy (275) 05:13 Invisible wounds and racial trauma 07:40 The importance of naming and acknowledgment 15:38 Developing a racial lens as a therapist 18:16 The complexity of privilege and subjugation 23:50 Case Study: A white woman’s reaction to privilege 26:48 The intersection of class and race 40:14 The VCR Model: Engaging conversations on race 45:39 Compassionate accountability in conversations 51:13 Hope amidst DEI challenges About our Guest – Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy is a Clinical and Organizational Consultant at the Eikenberg Institute for Relationships in Newark, DE, where he also serves as Director. He is also the Founder and President of the Eikenberg Academy for Social Justice. He provides Racially Focused Trauma Informed training, executive coaching, and consultation to a diverse network of individuals and organizations throughout the United States and abroad. He is a former Professor of Family Therapy at both Drexel University in Philadelphia, and Syracuse University in New York, and has also served as the Director of Children, Families, and Trauma at the Ackerman Institute for the Family in New York, NY. Resources for Healing the Invisible Wounds of Racism with Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy Eikenberg Academy for Social Justice – President Kenneth V. Hardy, website and resources “On Becoming a Racially Sensitive Therapist: Race and Clinical Practice” – Book by Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy  “Racial Trauma Clinical Strategies and Techniques for Healing Invisible Wounds” – Book by Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy “The Enduring, Invisible, and Ubiquitous Centrality of Whiteness” – Book by Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy “Some subtleties of whiteness in the workplace: Steps for shifting the paradigm” – Journal by Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy Enjoying this episode? Check out many other relevant Therapist Uncensored episodes, only two are listed below (use search bar on our website for anything you are interested in learning).  https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/navigating-racial-trauma-part-1-203/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/racial-trauma-challenges-traditional-therapy-part-2-sriw-series-ep-3-204-2/ NEW!  Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s – Next Q&A September 5th! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  HUGE OPPORTUNITY, No Kidding!  $199 instead of $499 starting 8/14/25! Superpower’s mission is simple: to democratize health and make proactive, preventive care affordable and accessible for every body. So if you’re ready to stop guessing and start taking control of your health, head to Superpower.com to learn more and lock in the special $199 price while it lasts. Use discount code TU at checkout. Superpower.com With added vitamin and minerals, and an upgraded probiotic blend, the new formula is more comprehensive than ever, helping to support immune health, gut health, energy, and more! Check it out at drinkag1.com/TherapistUncensored This book on Modern Attachment has an entire chapter dedicated to “When System’s Create Insecurity” to follow up on this topic.  Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!

Could interoception, your body’s ability to perceive internal signals like your heartbeat, breathing and emotions, be the missing link in trauma therapy? Sue Marriott is joined by Rebecca Kase to explore how understanding the nervous system—especially the concept of interoception—can support healing from trauma. Rebecca shares her personal story as a survivor and highlights the importance of creating safety, tuning into the body’s internal signals, and approaching somatic work with compassion. Together, they unpack how interoception differs from general perception, why it matters in therapy, and how small, gradual steps can help rebuild connection with the body. “Stay curious… tune into the part of you that has the sense of knowing that something happened, even if you don’t have explicit declarative memory of it… your body remembers that.” – Rebecca Kase, LCSW, RYT Time Stamps for Feel It to Heal It: The Science of Interoception with Rebecca Kase (274) 02:45 Rebecca’s journey and healing 05:17 Understanding safety and the nervous system 08:15 Exploring interoception 10:46 The role of perception in therapy 13:33 Connecting with the body 16:15 Practical steps for body awareness About our Guest – Rebecca Kase LCSW, RYT Rebecca Kase, LCSW, RYT is a licensed clinical social worker, yoga teacher, author, and nationally recognized expert in trauma therapy. She’s the founder of The Trauma Therapist Institute, where she trains thousands of clinicians each year in EMDR, Polyvagal Theory, and integrative mind-body approaches to healing. Rebecca is the author of Polyvagal-Informed EMDR and self-help book The Polyvagal Solution, which helps readers understand and work with their nervous system to create lasting change. Known for her warmth, clarity, and deep clinical insight, Rebecca brings science to life in a way that’s accessible, empowering, and rooted in real-world healing. When she’s not writing, teaching, or speaking, you can find her nerding out on neuroscience, gardening, or daydreaming about her next horse property. Resources for Feel It to Heal It: The Science of Interoception with Rebecca Kase (274) The Polyvagal Solution: Vagus Nerve-Calming Practices to Soothe Stress, Ease Emotional Overwhelm, and Build Resilience – Book by Rebecca Kase Polyvagal-Informed EMDR: A Neuro-Informed Approach to Healing – Book by Rebecca Kase The Applied Polyvagal Theory Flip Chart – A Psychoeducational tool to harness the power of the vagus nerve Enjoying this episode? Check out similar topics! https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/addiction-attachment-the-felt-sense-polyvagal-model-with-jan-winhall-193/   Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s – Next Q&A September 5th! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Ann’s FAVORITE!  Coffee alternative powered by mushrooms! Right now, you can get 20% off plus a FREE starter kit when you shop exclusively Piquelife.com/tu

Patreon/Supercast Special Release – That “Fraud” Feeling: The Surprising Truth about Imposter Syndrome with Dr. Jill Stoddard (273) This is a sneak peek of our episode with Dr. Jill Stoddard – available only on our Premium Supercast and Patreon platforms. For as little as $5/month you can have access to special releases like this one, first-to-know about upcoming events and discounts and an ad-free feed. Click here to join & finish the episode!! Dr. Ann Kelley is joined by Dr. Jill Stoddard as they unpack the complexities of imposter syndrome—why it shows up, who it impacts most, and how to move through it. Drawing on her expertise in psychological flexibility and values-based living, Dr. Stoddard shares strategies to navigate self-doubt, marginalization, and internalized insecurity. Learn how to reframe discomfort, build a healthier relationship with vulnerability, and use these moments as powerful opportunities for connection and growth. Photo by Orlando Magazine “Imposter ‘syndrome’ is not your fault. It’s the result of a system telling you – you don’t belong at the table.” – Dr. Jill Stoddard About our Guest – Dr. Jill Stoddard  Dr. Jill Stoddard is passionate about sharing her expertise in psychology to help people flourish in their work and health. She is an international and TEDx speaker, award-winning former professor, three-time book author, licensed psychologist, coach, and co-host of the Psychologists Off the Clock podcast which is ranked in the top .5% worldwide. Dr. Stoddard is an entrepreneur who founded Flexible Communications, LLC, in Massachusetts, and The Center for Stress and Anxiety Management in California. Her books have been translated into twelve languages and include: The Big Book of ACT Metaphors; Be Mighty; and Imposter No More. Her thoughts have also appeared in the Washington Post, New York Times, Woman’s World, Today.com, Psychology Today, Scary Mommy, Thrive Global, The Good Men Project, Mindful Return, The Boston Globe, and more. She regularly appears on podcasts and as an expert source for various media outlets. She lives in Newburyport, MA with her husband, two kids, and disobedient French Bulldog. As Central Texas residents, this is highly personal to us in so many ways. We are following up on the absolutely devastating and unprecedented Texas floods with more ways to help from anywhere. I’m thinking of not just the obvious and immediate impact, but of all those actively engaged right now – professional first responders, but also the thousands of regular people pitching in. It’s human connection and grit that will help our communities recover over the next several years. Neighbors (in the largest sense) pulling together are how humans survive natural disasters and we will get through this together. If you are able, please give what you can to help out – Click Here to Donate!! Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount.

Reconnecting to natural, community-based healing radically expands options for mental healthcare. This is a don’t episode if you care about your community. Using grandmothers and indigenous wisdom means effective care is possible everywhere… Sue Marriott continues practical exploration of liberation psychology and communty-centered care by learning from Zimbabwe-based psychiatrist, Dr. Dixon Chibanda.  Don’t miss the first episode about this research based program.  Dr. Chibanda shares his powerful story behind the Friendship Bench, a community-based mental health model that centers healing in the heart of local communities and his new book, launching this week! They explores how grandmothers (not youth or grandfather’s so much – find out why) are often overlooked in traditional mental health systems. Tapping them they can play a vital role in offering care, connection, and wisdom.Dr. Chibanda discusses the barriers to accessing mental health services, the role of storytelling in the healing process, and the global expansion of their research-based program, the Friendship Bench. Grounded in research and lived experience, this conversation invites a rethinking of care—away from over-medicalization and toward more accessible, human-centered approaches. “Every one of us carries a powerful seed that is meant to grow and be shared for the betterment of our community and the world” – Dr. Dixon Chibanda Time Stamps for Indigenous Mental Health, the Friendship Bench with Dr. Dixon Chibanda (271) 02:34 The role of community elders in mental health 05:16 The Friendship Bench: A community-based mental health solution 10:14 The impact of storytelling on healing 13:18 Replication of the friendship bench model globally 18:43 Challenges and obstacles in implementation 32:11 The impact of the friendship bench in urban settings 48:44 Vision for future mental health initiatives About our Guest – Dr. Dixon Chibanda Dixon Chibanda is a leader in the global conversation to democratize mental health care. He is a professor of psychiatry, published researcher, author, advocate, public speaker, and the found of Friendship Bench. He has been featured on the Financial Times, PBS NewsHour Brief But Spectacular episode, Positive News, and has written about his work for The Guardian, LA Times, Project Syndicate and has spoken to audiences at the World Economic Forum, Skoll World Forum, World Health Assembly, the Aspen Ideas Festival, and the TEDWomen conference. As a practising medical doctor, professor of psychiatry & global mental health at the University of Zimbabwe and The London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine, Dixon has explored the intersection of indigenous knowledge and western models of care to develop sustainable interventions in global health. His TED talk on why he trains grandmothers to treat depression describes the journey of the Friendship Bench. Over 100 peer-reviewed scientific publications of the program are accessible online. He has been for over a decade a key player in bringing the various stakeholders from local health authorities, health professionals, national and international researchers, and donors together to form successful collaborations. Resources for Where Grandmas & Healing Meet: The Friendship Bench with Dr. Dixon Chibanda (271) The Friendship Bench: How Fourteen Grandmothers Inspired a Mental Health Revolution – Get your copy here! Dixon’s website – Website, resources & information The Friendship Bench – Website, information & resources Friendship Bench Youtube Channel – Videos and other content Enjoy this Episode? Check Out Other Similar Episodes  https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu127-friendship-bench/ Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zocdoc.com/TU to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Ann’s FAVORITE!  Coffee alternative powered by mushrooms! Right now, you can get 20% off plus a FREE starter kit when you shop exclusively Piquelife.com/tu No dyes, no fragrances, no harmful chemicals—just simple, plant- and mineral-based formulas that you can feel good about using in your home. Get 15% off Branch Basics with the code TU at https://branchbasics.com/TU #branchbasicspod

How do we confront racial trauma with courage and real allyship? Image by Psychwire Dr. Monnica Williams teaches Sue Marriott as they explore the deep psychological toll of racism, focusing on the concept of racial trauma and its cumulative impact on people of color. She highlights the importance of recognizing these experiences within therapeutic settings and the need for diversity in mental health research and practice. The discussion delves into the role of civil courage and meaningful allyship—particularly among white individuals in addressing systemic injustice. Dr. Williams offers insights into the multifaceted nature of activism, the harm caused by microaggressions, and the emotional labor involved in navigating everyday racism. From the fear of law enforcement to the unique challenges faced by white women in activism, Dr. Williams urges practitioners and allies alike to listen deeply, receive feedback openly, and use their privilege to support marginalized communities. “…we’ve looked at the different symptoms of racial trauma, and for the most part, it’s pretty hard to tell the difference between that and PTSD… all those same symptoms are present in people who have racial trauma as well.” – Dr. Monnica Williams Time Stamps for What is Real Allyship When it Comes to White Women and Racial Trauma with Dr. Monnica Williams (271) 05:53 Understanding racial trauma 12:04 The role of white privilege in racism 14:58 The intersection of psychedelics and mental health 18:01 Research on racial trauma treatment 24:01 Therapeutic approaches to racial trauma 34:13 Understanding microaggressions in conversations 36:08 Fear and empowerment: The impact of law enforcement 40:50 The role of white allies in advocacy 46:57 The challenges of white women in activism 52:01 Receiving feedback: A guide for allies About our Guest – Dr. Monnica Williams Dr. Monnica T. Williams is a board-certified licensed clinical psychologist and Professor at the University of Ottawa, in the School of Psychology, where she is the Canada Research Chair in Mental Health Disparities. She is also the Clinical Director of the Behavioral Wellness Clinics in Connecticut and Ottawa, where she provides supervision and training to clinicians for empirically-supported treatments. Prior to her move to Canada, Dr. Williams was on the faculty of the University of Pennsylvania Medical School (2007-2011), the University of Louisville in Psychological and Brain Sciences (2011-2016), where she served as the Director of the Center for Mental Health Disparities, and the University of Connecticut (2016-2019) where she had appointments in both Psychological Science and Psychiatry. Dr. Williams research focuses on BIPOC mental health, culture, and psychopathology, and she has published over 200 scientific articles on these topics. Current projects include the treatment of racial trauma, improving cultural competence in the delivery of mental health care services, and addressing structural racism. She gives diversity trainings nationally for academic programs, scientific conferences, and organizations.Through the Kentucky Psychological Association (KPA), Dr. Williams served as the diversity delegate to Washington DC for the American Psychological Association (APA) State Leadership Conference for two consecutive years. She has served as the African American SIG leader for Association of Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies (ABCT), and recently served as Chair of their Academic Training & Education Standards (ATES) Committee. She serves as an Associate Editor of Behavior Therapy and the Behavior Therapist. She also serves on the editorial board of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, Canadian Psychology, International Journal of Mental Health, the Journal of Obsessive Compulsive and Related Disorders and the Cognitive Behavioural Therapist. She is a member of the Scientific Advisory Board of the International OCD Foundation, and co-founded their Diversity Council. Her work has been featured in all major US and Canadian media outlets, including NPR, CBS, CTV, CBC, Huffington Post, and the New York Times. Resources for What is Real Allyship When it Comes to White Women and Racial Trauma with Dr. Monnica Williams (271) A Clinician’s Guide to Healing the Wounds of Racial Trauma: A 12-Session CBT-Based Protocol – Dr. William’s book Treating Racial Trauma – Dr. William’s online course MonnicaWilliams.com – Website, information & resources If you enjoyed this episode, check out some of our other similar episodes –  https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/navigating-racial-trauma-part-1-203/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/racial-trauma-challenges-traditional-therapy-part-2-sriw-series-ep-3-204-2/ Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zocdoc.com/TU to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Ann’s FAVORITE!  Coffee alternative powered by mushrooms! Right now, you can get 20% off plus a FREE starter kit when you shop exclusively Piquelife.com/tu

Patreon/Supercast Special Release – Amplify Your Voice: Reflections on Mental Health & Meaningful Practice (270) This is a sneak peek of our exclusive Neuronerd episode with Ann and Sue!  Available only on our Premium Supercast and Patreon platforms. For as little as $5/month you can have access to special releases like this one, first-to-know about upcoming events and discounts and an ad-free feed. Click here to join & finish the episode!! Let’s get real about revitalizing the therapy landscape Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott are back for a one on one episode, and sharing their personal reflections on mental health, community, and the evolving challenges clinicians face today. From the tension between accessibility and sustainability in therapy, to the influence of corporate models – they discuss the need for creativity in the field. Emphasizing connection, curiosity, and professional growth, they introduce exciting opportunities, updates, and even a new series focused on inclusivity – inviting listeners to find and amplify their unique voice in the mental health space. Time Stamps for Bonus – Amplify Your Voice: Reflections on Mental Health & Meaningful Practice (270) 06:06 Challenges in mental health care accessibility 08:47 The impact of corporations on therapy 15:02 Encouraging creativity and individual impact 21:49 Listening to your inner self 27:01 Introducing our new series 31:53 Feedback and future directions Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   NOTE: Next LIVE Q&A coming soon June 13th! Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!  

Smartphones are changing how an entire generation grows up Art by “Insights into Things Productions” LLC “Only smartphones and social media can explain why teen depression and loneliness increased internationally after 2010.” Dr. Ann Kelley is joined by Dr. Jean Twenge to discuss her groundbreaking research on generational differences with a focus on how technology—especially smartphones and social media—has transformed communication, relationships, and mental health. They explore how historical shifts and longer life spans contribute to delayed life milestones and what she calls the “slow life strategy.” Dr. Twenge highlights the alarming rise in anxiety and depression among Generation Z, which is closely linked to increased screen time and reduced face-to-face interactions. Together they discuss practical steps parents can take to support healthier development and social connection. “Technology and individualism worked together to form a generation whose needs and wants would change dramatically over their lifetimes but who would always be guided by the idea of placing one’s own views and choices first—a concept that led to both greater acceptance of others and more self-centeredness.” – Dr. Jean Twenge Time Stamps for Smartphones: The Truth About Their Impact on Mental Health with Dr. Jean Twenge (269) 3:03 The slow life strategy and relationship dynamics 5:54 Mental health trends in generation Z 8:55 The role of smartphones and social media 11:59 Understanding the psychological effects of constant connectivity 14:55 Recommendations for parents and policy makers 18:09 What alarm bells are accurate About our Guest – Dr. Jean Twenge Jean M. Twenge, Professor of Psychology at San Diego State University, is the author of more than 180 scientific publications and seven books, including Generations: The Real Differences between Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, Boomers and Silents—and What They Mean for America’s Future and iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy–and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood. She holds a BA and MA from the University of Chicago and a Ph.D. from the University of Michigan. She writes the Generation Tech substack. Resources for Mental Health in the Age of Screens: Dr. Jean Twenge on Generational Change (269) “Here are 13 other explanations for the adolescent mental health crisis. None of them work.” – Substack by Dr. Jean Twenge Dr. Jean Twenge – Website, information & resources “Generations: The Real Differences Between Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, Boomers, and Silents-and What They Mean for America’s Future” – Book by Dr. Jean Twenge referenced throughout the episode Other Similar Therapist Uncensored Episodes https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/intergenerational-conversation-climate-202/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu50-the-psychology-of-an-entrepreneur-surprising-insights-with-guest-krisztina-z-holly/ Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   NOTE: Next LIVE Q&A coming soon June 13th! Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  No dyes, no fragrances, no harmful chemicals—just simple, plant- and mineral-based formulas that you can feel good about using in your home. Get 15% off Branch Basics with the code TU at https://branchbasics.com/TU #branchbasicspod   Ann’s FAVORITE!  Coffee alternative powered by mushrooms! Right now, you can get 20% off plus a FREE starter kit when you shop exclusively Piquelife.com/tu With added vitamin and minerals, and an upgraded probiotic blend, the new formula is more comprehensive than ever, helping to support immune health, gut health, energy, and more! Check it out at drinkag1.com/TherapistUncensored

“How people approach death is probably as unique as our fingerprint…. and yet the actual dying process is very similar” – Aditi Sethi Dr. Aditi Sethi, the founder of the Center for Conscious Living and Dying, shares her profound journey into the realm of death and dying. She discusses the importance of presence, the healing power of music, and challenges faced in community-based end-of-life care. Alongside Sue Marriott, they explore the profound themes surrounding death and dying, emphasizing the importance of embracing death to enhance life. From concepts like ecstatic dying to the role of psychedelics in alleviating fear of death, Aditi shares insights from her experiences as a death doula. “When I think about the great equalizer that is death – that spares no one – I see our shared humanity in those moments.” – Aditi Sethi Time Stamps for Facing Death, Finding Life: Conscious Dying with Dr. Aditi Sethi (268) 6:06 The role of presence in end-of-life care 18:11 Training volunteers for end-of-life care 25:21 Challenges in community-based care 32:01 Ecstatic dying: Transformative experiences at the end of life 38:03 Conscious dying: Preparing for the inevitable 45:20 The gifts of death: Transformative moments About our Guest – Dr. Aditi Sethi Aditi Sethi, MD, is a hospice and palliative care physician, end-of-life doula, and the Founder and Executive Director of the Center for Conscious Living & Dying. She is dedicated to bridging the sacred and practical aspects of living and dying, offering compassionate, community-supported care that honors the dignity and interconnectedness of all beings. Featured in the forthcoming film The Last Ecstatic Days, Aditi is emerging as an integral voice or transforming our cultural understanding of dying, death, and bereavement care. Her recent TEDx talk in Asheville, NC, titled “The Art of Dying Before You Die”, reflects her passion for inspiring a holistic and sacred approach to the end-of-life journey. Her work is inspired by her Indian heritage, spiritual practices, and love for music as a tool for healing and transformation. Resources for Facing Death, Finding Life: Conscious Dying with Dr. Aditi Sethi (268) The Art of Dying – Aditi Seth’s Ted Talk The Last Ecstatic Days – Documentary featuring Dr. Sethi aditimusic.com – Aditi’s music website and information aditisethimd.com – Aditi’s website and resources Report on the Lancet Commission on the Value of Death: bringing death back into life – Paper recommend by Dr. Sethi Other Relevant TU Episodes https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/embodied-dying-embracing-the-sacred-union-between-life-death-253/ Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   NOTE: Next LIVE Q&A coming soon June 13th! Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  No dyes, no fragrances, no harmful chemicals—just simple, plant- and mineral-based formulas that you can feel good about using in your home. Get 15% off Branch Basics with the code TU at https://branchbasics.com/TU #branchbasicspod   Ann’s FAVORITE!  Coffee alternative powered by mushrooms! Right now, you can get 20% off plus a FREE starter kit when you shop exclusively Piquelife.com/tu With added vitamin and minerals, and an upgraded probiotic blend, the new formula is more comprehensive than ever, helping to support immune health, gut health, energy, and more! Check it out at drinkag1.com/TherapistUncensored

Patreon/Supercast Special Release – The 9 Personality Patterns and the Enneagram with Dr. Dan Siegel (267) This is a sneak peek of our exclusive Neuronerd episode with Dr. Dan Siegel, who shares science of personality as it relates to the Enneagram, and answers the questions, how scientific is the Enneagram?   Available only on our Premium Supercast and Patreon platforms. For as little as $5/month you can have access to special releases like this one, first-to-know about upcoming events and discounts and an ad-free feed. Click here to join & finish the episode!! Alongside co-host Sue Marriott, Dr. Dan Siegel explores how loss, vulnerability, and connection shape personal growth and healing. He discusses the science of attachment and personality, highlighting nine adaptive patterns that emerge from non-secure attachment and how it relates to the Enneagram. The conversation also explores how neuroscience sheds light on emotional needs, alongside Siegel’s personal reflections on his own attachment history and path as a professional. Together they unpack how neuroscience, motivation, and community impact therapy. The episode offers practical insights for clinicians, emphasizing a compassionate, non-shaming approach to mental health and the journey toward secure attachment and the feeling of wholeness. “It’s ultimately a lifelong journey toward wholeness.” – Dr. Dan Siegel  Time Stamps for Bonus – The 9 Personality Patterns and the Enneagram with Dr. Dan Siegel (267) 02:59 The impact of loss on personal growth 05:47 Teaching and vulnerability in professional settings 15:13 Exploring developmental pathways and personality 20:57 Addressing societal challenges through mental health 24:07 The science of personality and attachment 41:56 Non-Secure attachments and personality patterns 46:35 The nine personality patterns 01:14:44 Exploring motivation in therapy 01:17:50 The intersection of neuroscience and personality 01:24:34 Understanding temperament and adaptive strategies 01:27:30 Growth edge work in therapy About our Guest – Dan Siegel, MD Dr. Dan Siegel is the Founder and Director of Education of the Mindsight Institute and founding co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA, where he was also Co-Principal Investigator of the Center for Culture, Brain and Development and Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the School of Medicine. An award-winning educator, Dan is the author of five New York Times bestsellers and over fifteen other books which have been translated into over forty languages. As the founding editor of the Norton Professional Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology (“IPNB”), Dan has overseen the publication of one hundred books in the transdisciplinary IPNB framework which focuses on the mind and mental health. A graduate of Harvard Medical School, Dan completed his postgraduate training at UCLA specializing in pediatrics, and adult, adolescent, and child psychiatry. He was trained in attachment research and narrative analysis through a National Institute of Mental Health research training fellowship focusing on how relationships shape our autobiographical ways of making sense of our lives and influence our development across the lifespan. Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   NOTE: Next LIVE Q&A coming soon June 13th! Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!

Food behaviors are deeply connected to self-worth Dr. Vanessa Scaringi and Kathryn Garland talk about the complexities of disordered eating and body image, especially in light of cultural pressures and the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic. They explore the differences between disordered eating and eating disorders, and also discuss how medications like GLP-1 affect eating habits. The conversation touches on how society promotes unhealthy body standards and behaviors, and how our emotional relationship with food is often overlooked. Highlighting the role of attachment styles in shaping eating patterns, they stress the importance of intuitive eating—especially when parenting. Follow along as they offer practical tips for developing a healthier relationship with food and explore therapeutic methods that support recovery. “There is this chaotic experience of food in our culture…sometimes we’re turning to food to cope and then other times we’re saying, ‘no, that’s bad’… It puts us in a disorganized state of constantly cycling through what are my needs and how do I get them met?” – Kathryn Garland Time Stamps for Disordered Eating: Attachment, Intuition & Cultural Influence (268) 06:01 The impact of COVID-19 on eating behaviors 10:13 The role of GLP-1 medications in eating behaviors 14:05 Body image messages and cultural pressures 33:53 Understanding disordered eating vs. normal eating 36:02 Intuitive eating and parenting strategies 45:59 Practical steps for intuitive eating 53:58 Therapeutic approaches to eating disorders Resources for Disordered Eating: Attachment, Intuition & Cultural Influence (268) Academy of Therapy Wisdom – “Hungry for Security: Healing Disordered Eating Through an Attachment Lens” – Vanessa and Kathryn’s new course Calm Counseling – Vanessa and Kathryn’s website, resources & information About our Guests – Vanessa Scaringi, PhD, CEDS-C & Kathryn Garland, LCSW-S, CEDS-C Vanessa Scaringi, PhD, CEDS-C, is a licensed psychologist in Austin, TX. Vanessa co-owns a group therapy practice called, CALM Counseling where she works with adolescents, young adults, and adult populations. Vanessa has dedicated much of her career to working in the eating disorder field. She is a relational psychologist who strives to understand the context of one’s eating disorder. By facilitating insight, Vanessa works with her clients to identify patterns and behaviors that interfere with living the life they want. She strives to instill a sense of hope, as she has found this is an important part of the change process. Vanessa also runs interpersonal process groups where clients can heal in community with others. Kathryn Garland, LCSW-S, CEDS-C is a licensed clinical social worker and supervisor in Texas, New York, and Massachusetts. She is an IAEDP approved Certified Eating Disorder Specialist and Consultant. Kathryn spent her early career and completed postgraduate training in psychoanalytic psychotherapy in New York City. She incorporates relational and attachment-based methods into her work with clients. Her experience includes working with LGBTQ+ teens in the NYC foster care system, community mental health clinics, as well as primary therapist and IOP Program Coordinator at an eating disorder treatment center. Kathryn co-owns CALM Counseling in Austin, Texas with Vanessa. Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!   NOTE: Next LIVE Q&A coming soon June 13th! Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! You are invited!  Join our exclusive community to get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus an ad-free, private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Ann’s FAVORITE!  Coffee alternative powered by mushrooms! Right now, you can get 20% off plus a FREE starter kit when you shop exclusively Piquelife.com/tu ZocDoc  Sue uses this all the time!  Find a provider, their insurance, see patient ratings – all for free! AG1 – Ann and Sue’s daily gut health regimen. Other Related TU Episodes https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/healing-body-focused-repetitive-behavioral-disorders-with-stacy-nakell-189/ Thank you for being on this journey with us! 

Humanizing the queer experience is vital in art and media Quentin Arispe joins Sue Marriott as they share their incredible journey of self-discovery. Exploring themes of gender fluidity, the impact of theater on personal growth, and the balance between masculinity and femininity – they discuss the role of grief in creative expression. Their conversation highlights the importance of authenticity and vulnerability in the creative process, as well as the transformative journey of humanizing the queer experience through art. “I think everybody can obtain both their divine masculine and feminine.” – Quentin Arispe Time Stamps for The Fluidity of Gender Identity with Quentin Arispe (265) 05:50 The impact of theater on Quentin’s personal growth 17:47 Understanding divine masculine and feminine 21:45 The dichotomy of performance and authenticity 26:07 The role of grief in creative expression 42:07 Embracing duality in grief and joy 56:00 Exploring identity through music 01:17:05 Humanizing the queer experience About our Guest – Quentin Arispe Quentin Arispe is a versatile musician whose genre-blending sound is both innovative and deeply personal. Quentin explores themes of duality, freedom, and self-expression, challenging societal norms while celebrating authenticity and vulnerability. Featured in Austin Chronicle and performing at venues like The Bitter End in NYC, Quentin has also appeared at festivals such as SXSW and ACL. With influences spanning soul, R&B, indie pop, and pop icons, Quentin continues to leave a lasting mark on music. In 2024, Quentin released “As Above, So Below”, a two-part EP series that transitions from introspective indie rock to house-inspired tracks, exploring grief, healing, and liberation. Resources for The Fluidity of Gender Identity with Quentin Arispe (265) “as above,SO BELOW” – Flim by Quentin Arispe “Genre-Hopping Hustler Quentin Arispe Wants to Be in Every Room” – Article from the Austin Chronicle Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW!  Next LIVEQ&A coming soon! Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s   Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! Interested in joining our exclusive community? Get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus a totally ad-free private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Please support our sponsors for this episode – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Coffee alternative powered by mushrooms! Right now, you can get 20% off plus a FREE starter kit when you shop exclusively Piquelife.com/tu You’ll get a FREE bottle of AG D3K2, an AG1 Welcome Kit, AND 5 of the upgraded AG1 travel packs with your first order. Check out DrinkAG1.com/therapistuncensored to get started Thank you for being on this journey with us! 

Patreon/Supercast Special Release – Disarming the Narcissist: Myths, Truths, & Strategies for Healing with Wendy Behary (264) This is a sneak peek of our episode with Wendy Behary – available only on our Premium Supercast and Patreon platforms. For as little as $5/month you can have access to special releases like this one, first-to-know about upcoming events and discounts and an ad-free feed. Click here to join & finish the episode!! Dr. Ann Kelley and narcissism expert, Wendy Behary, explore the complexities of narcissistic behavior, its development, and the challenges faced by those experiencing relationships with narcissists. Follow along as they dive into the myths, the spectrum of narcissistic traits, and the importance of understanding the underlying insecurities that drive behavior. Behary touches on the cultural implications and how it manifests in society today, as well as practical strategies for individuals to navigate relationships, highlighting the significance of maintaining one’s own mental health and well-being. “Narcissism occurs along a spectrum within the human condition. Embodied in human nature itself is a tendency for narcissistic expression… and that isn’t all bad.” – Wendy Behary About our Guest – Wendy Behary With 30 years of professional experience and advanced level certifications, Wendy Behary is the founder and director of The Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and The Schema Therapy Institutes of NJ-NYC-DC. She has been treating clients, training professionals and supervising psychotherapists for more than 20 years. Wendy was on the faculty of the Cognitive Therapy Center and Schema Therapy Institute of New York (until the Institutes merged in 2012), where she trained and worked with Dr. Jeffrey Young since 1989. She is a founding fellow and consulting supervisor for The Academy of Cognitive Therapy (Aaron T. Beck’s Institute).  Wendy served as the President of the Executive Board of the International Society of Schema Therapy (ISST) from 2010-2014 and served as the Training and Certification Coordinator for the ISST Executive Board from 2008-2010. Wendy Behary has co-authored several chapters and articles on Schema Therapy and Cognitive Therapy. She is the author of an international bestselling book, “Disarming the Narcissist…”  translated in 16 languages. The Third Edition was recently released and was selected by Oprah Daily as one of the top books on the subject of Narcissism.  Wendy has a specialty in treating narcissists and the people who live with and deal with them. As an author and subject matter expert on narcissism, she is a contributing chapter author of several chapters on schema therapy for narcissism for professional readers. She lectures both nationally and internationally to professional and general audiences on schema therapy, narcissism, interpersonal relationships, anger, and dealing with difficult people. She receives consistent high praise for her clear and articulate teaching style and her ability to bring the therapy to life through dramatic demonstrations of client interactions in the treatment room. Her work industry business speaking engagements focus on interpersonal conflict resolution. Her private practice is primarily devoted to treating narcissists, partners/people dealing with them, and couples experiencing relationship problems. Find Upcoming Events here!! Our Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW! Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information Therapists: THIS is our recommended course experience for the most comprehensive training on attachment out there. Use our link for a discount! Thanks for stopping by & for being on this journey with us! 

Neuroception helps us sense danger and safety without cognition In this conversation, Dr. Ann Kelley and Occupational Therapist Kim Barthel explore the conscious evolution of the human spirit, the importance of self-compassion, and the integration of neuroception with therapeutic practices. Through Barthel’s book, ‘Conversations with a Rattlesnake,’ they dive into the significance of sensory integration and attachment in personal development. Using Porges’ “Safe and Sound Protocol”, they touch on how understanding one’s own nervous system and the cues of safety can lead to better emotional regulation and connection with not only oneself, but others. Follow along as they discuss the themes of trauma, healing and the science of connection. “Self-compassion is part of the evolution.” – Kim Barthel Time Stamps for Neuroception and the Safe & Sound Protocol with Kim Barthel (263) 05:32 Conversations with a rattlesnake: A journey through trauma 19:57 Understanding sensory integration and attachment 33:35 Understanding neuroception and safety 34:30 The role of sound in safety cues 42:06 The mechanism of the safe and sound protocol 55:17 The process of connection and regulation About our Guest – Kim Barthel, OTR Kim Barthel is an occupational therapist, speaker, multi-disciplinary teacher, mentor and best-selling author who is active in supporting people in many contexts globally. She is passionate about understanding complex behavior, neurobiology, trauma-sensitive practice, sensory processing, attachment, and mental health. An advanced NDT (Neuro-Developmental Treatment) instructor, Kim has 40+ years of practice in helping people to be their best selves. She is a contributor to a number of textbooks on Pediatric Occupational Therapy, NDT, and Trauma, and in 2019 Kim was honored to receive the Award of Merit from the Canadian Association of Occupational Therapy. Kim’s overall mission is to support the conscious evolution of the human spirit. Resources for Neuroception and the Safe & Sound Protocol with Kim Barthel (263) Conversations with a Rattlesnake: Raw and Honest Reflections on Healing and Trauma – Book by Kim Barthel and Theo Fleury Kim’s website – Resources and information @kimbarthelotr – Kim’s Instagram Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! Interested in joining our exclusive community? Get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus a totally ad-free private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Our Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW! Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s Please support our sponsors for this episode – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Coffee alternative powered by mushrooms! Right now, you can get 20% off plus a FREE starter kit when you shop exclusively Piquelife.com/tu Find the doctor that is right for you, and book an appointment, in person or remotely, that works for your schedule. Go to Zocdoc.com/TU and download the Zocdoc app for FREE Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information Therapists: THIS is our recommended course experience for the most comprehensive training on attachment out there. Use our link for a discount! Thank you for being on this journey with us! 

*Special Release* – LIVE panel discussion with Dr. Stephen Porges at the Clinical Conversations webinar Ann and Sue share a special conversation with Dr. Stephen Porges where they explore how modern attachment meets Polyvagal theory. From the evolution of attachment theory to understanding bodily states and how they influence our interactions, they dive into the intricate relationships between emotional expression, brain function, and therapeutic techniques. Together they explore the Safe and Sound Protocol and its role in promoting engagement as well as insights into the application of these techniques both professionally and personally. “If you want to improve the world, start by making people feel safer.” – Dr. Stephen Porges Time Stamps for How Modern Attachment Meets Polyvagal Theory 06:53 The evolution of attachment theory 21:07 Broadcasting our states in relationships 28:16 Understanding vocal tone and emotional expression 39:31 The role of safe and sound protocol in therapy 43:52 Accessing regulated states through listening therapies 47:31 Exploring the ventral-vagal connection 50:21 Applications of SSP in mental and physical health About Our Guest – Dr. Stephen W. Porges Stephen W. Porges, Ph.D., is a Distinguished University Scientist at Indiana University and founding director of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium. A leading researcher in psychophysiology, he has held professorships in psychiatry and neuroscience and has published over 400 peer-reviewed papers. Dr. Porges is best known for developing Polyvagal Theory, which explores the connection between the autonomic nervous system, social behavior, and mental health. He has authored several influential books and created the Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP), a music-based intervention for improving emotional regulation and social engagement. He is also a co-founder and Ex Officio Board Member of the Polyvagal Institute.   Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! Interested in joining our exclusive community? Get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus a totally ad-free private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Our Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW! Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s Please support our sponsors for this episode – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Coffee alternative powered by mushrooms! Right now, you can get 20% off plus a FREE starter kit when you shop exclusively Piquelife.com/tu Cure is offering 20% off your first order! Stay hydrated and feel your best by visiting curehydration.com/TU and using promo code TU at checkout. Compare high quality, in-network doctors, choose the right one for your needs, and click to instantly book an appointment. Go to ZocDoc.com/TU   Looking for more? Find Upcoming Events here!! Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information Therapists: THIS is our recommended course experience for the most comprehensive training on attachment out there. Use our link for a discount! Thanks for stopping by & for being on this journey with us! 

Patreon/Supercast Special Release – Taking Sexy Back: A Journey to Empowerment with Dr. Alexandra Solomon This is a sneak peek of our episode with Dr. Alexandra Soloman – available only on our Premium Supercast and Patreon platforms. For as little as $5/month you can have access to special releases like this one, first-to-know about upcoming events and discounts and an ad-free feed. Click here to join & finish the episode!! Dr. Ann Kelley and Dr. Alexandra Solomon discuss her book ‘Taking Sexy Back,’ exploring the intersection of gender and sexuality, the impact of societal messages on women’s sexual experiences, and the importance of self-advocacy in relationships. They dive into the complexities of desire, body image, and the influence of patriarchy on both men and women – emphasizing the need for emotional awareness and connection in intimate relationships. Explore the evolving landscape of sexuality across generations and the impact of online dating and pornography on sexual experiences. “We are taught to serve, to focus on others, but we need to notice our own feelings.” – Dr. Alexandra Solomon Time Stamps for Taking Sexy Back: A Journey to Empowerment with Dr. Alexandra Solomon (261) 02:47 The intersection of gender and sexuality 11:52 Impact of body image on desire 14:52 Patriarchy’s influence on men and women 17:55 Emotional complexity in masculinity 28:05 The impact of pornography on sexual experiences 36:45 Embodiment and mindfulness in sexuality 41:50 Exploring pleasure and connection in relationships About our Guest – Dr. Alexandra Solomon Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, is internationally recognized as one of today’s most trusted voices in the world of relationships, and her framework of Relational Self-Awareness has reached millions of people around the globe. A couple therapist, speaker, author, professor, podcast host, and media personality, Dr. Alexandra is passionate about translating cutting-edge research and clinical wisdom into practical tools people can use to bring awareness, curiosity, and authenticity to their relationships. She is a clinician educator and a frequent contributor to academic journals and research, and she translates her academic and therapeutic experience to the public through her popular and vibrant Instagram page, which has garnered over 200K followers. She is an adjunct professor in the School of Education and Social Policy at Northwestern University and is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice. Her hit podcast, Reimagining Love, has reached listeners across the globe and features high-profile guests from the worlds of therapy, academia, and pop culture. She is the award-winning author of Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want, Loving Bravely: 20 Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want, and Love Every Day: 365 Relational Self-Awareness Practices to Help Your Relationship Heal, Grow, and Thrive. Find Upcoming Events here!! Special Featured event: Ann and Sue are deep diving into clinical application of their work at the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium – March 20-23, 2025. It’s an incredible conference – they’d love to see you there! Rethinking Attachment – Using the Attachment Spectrum in Clinical Practice    Our Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW! Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s   Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information Therapists: THIS is our recommended course experience for the most comprehensive training on attachment out there. Use our link for a discount! Thanks for stopping by & for being on this journey with us! 

Desire is a liberating force Dr. Ann Kelley and Shadeen Francis, LMFT unpack the intricate nature of desire, extending beyond just the sexual realm. They unpack the challenges in identifying true desires, the role of embodiment in self-awareness, and the key distinction between wanting and liking. Together they discuss intimacy, self-discovery and communication – with an emphasis on the need for negotiation and authentic connection in sexual experiences. “The simplest of all luxuries is the freedom to pursue your pleasure.” – Shadeen Francis Time Stamps for Beyond Sex: Understanding Desire 05:15 The challenge of identifying desire 17:58 The nuances of wanting vs. liking 25:01 Desire in sexual contexts 35:07 Negotiating wants in relationships 44:41 The impact of technology on desire 56:30 Desire as a tool for liberation About our Guest – Shadeen Francis, LMFT, CST Shadeen Francis is a licensed marriage and family psychotherapist and a board-certified sex therapist. Her expertise spans the domains of mental health, emotional intelligence, and the intersection of sexual wellness and social justice. A sought-after voice in her field, Shadeen has been featured on major networks including ABC, NBC, and CBS, and has been the subject matter expert for prominent brands such as Essence, Bumble, Tinder, and Teen Vogue. Shadeen’s work extends beyond the therapy room, influencing nationally implemented curricula, global media strategies, and public health policies. Known for her signature brand of warmth and humor, Shadeen’s work is inspired by her commitment to helping people live lives full of peace and pleasure. Resources for Beyond Sex: Understanding Desire shadeenfrancis.com – Shadeen’s website, resources, and other information [email protected] – The best way to contact Shadeen @shadeenfrancis – Shadeen’s Instagram handle Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! Interested in joining our exclusive community? Get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus a totally ad-free private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Find Upcoming Events here Featured event: Ann and Sue are deep diving into clinical application of their work at the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium – March 20-23, 2025. It’s an incredible conference – they’d love to see you there! Rethinking Attachment – Using the Attachment Spectrum in Clinical Practice Please support our sponsors for this episode – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Coffee alternative powered by mushrooms! Right now, you can get 20% off plus a FREE starter kit when you shop exclusively Piquelife.com/tu More goodness for your body and mind – Ancient Nutrition is offering 25% off your first order when you go to AncientNutrition.com/TU Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information Therapists: THIS is our recommended course experience for the most comprehensive training on attachment out there. Use our link for a discount! Thanks for stopping by & for being on this journey with us! 

Sex, gender queerness, and the power of connection … Dr. Emily Nagoski joins co-host Sue Marriott for a deep and insightful conversation about desire, pleasure, and the impact of societal norms on sexuality. Together they explore the evolving landscape of trans rights and healthcare, emphasizing patient-centered care and the urgent need for societal support. Through her journey as a sex educator, Nagoski advocates for deeper understanding and connection, while also sharing practical approaches to educating young people about gender and sexuality, managing stress, and finding meaning and purpose in life. “Talking about sex is my absolute favorite thing.” – Dr. Emily Nagoski Time Stamps for Pleasurable Sex, Gender & Boundaries (259) 01:02 The intersection of sex, boundaries, and burnout 08:04 The importance of pleasure over desire 11:48 Creating a safe and supportive context for pleasure 20:07 Challenging the gender binary 31:50 The evolution of trans rights and healthcare 37:40 Tactical approaches to gender education About our Guest – Dr. Emily Nagoski Emily Nagoski is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestselling Come As You  Are and Come Together, as well as The Come As You Are Workbook, and coauthor, with her  sister, Amelia, of New York Times bestseller Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle.  She earned an M.S. in counseling and a Ph.D. in health behavior, both from Indiana University,  with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and  stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She lives in Massachusetts with two dogs, a cat, and a cartoonist. Resources for Pleasurable Sex, Gender & Boundaries Click here to access her newsletter EmilyNagoski.com – Website, resources and other important information  @ENagoski – Instagram profile Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle – Book by Dr. Emily Nagoski & Amelia Nagoski Feminist Survival Project – Her current podcast with co-host Amelia Nagoski Come As You Are – (Limited Series, 2022) – Podcast   Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! Interested in joining our exclusive community? Get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus a totally ad-free private feed. In addition, receive exclusive episodes recorded just for you. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Find Upcoming Events here Featured event: Ann and Sue are deep diving into clinical application of their work at the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium – March 20-23, 2025. It’s an incredible conference – they’d love to see you there! Rethinking Attachment – Using the Attachment Spectrum in Clinical Practice   Please support our sponsors for this episode – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Want to stay hydrated and feel your best? Cure is offering 20% off your first order! Visit curehydration.com/TU and using promo code TU at checkout.  Coffee alternative powered by mushrooms! Right now, you can get 20% off plus a FREE starter kit when you shop exclusively Piquelife.com/tu Choose the right doctor for your needs – compare high quality, in-network options, and click to instantly book an appointment. Go to ZocDoc.com/TU Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information Therapists: THIS is our recommended course experience for the most comprehensive training on attachment out there.  Use our link for a discount! Thanks for listening, friends, & for being on this journey with us! 

Patreon/Supercast Special Release – Exploring Disorganized / Unresolved Attachment with Dr. Krista Jordan This is a sneak peek of our episode with Dr. Krista Jordan – available only on our Premium Supercast and Patreon platforms. For as little as $5/month you can have access to special releases like this one, first-to-know about upcoming events and discounts and an ad-free feed. Click here to join & finish the episode!! Dr. Krista Jordan & co-host Sue Marriott LCSW CGP dive into the messy, fascinating world of the 4th attachment category – disorganized attachment. Through intimate personal stories, they describe how it shows up in therapy, relationships, and everyday life. They explore the Adult Attachment Projective (AAP) and Adult Attachment Interview (AAI), unpacking what is sometimes called disorganized, unresolved, dysregulated, dissociated attachment that can ripple through generations. Learn how dismissive strategies work so well they can stop us from growing, why feedback (and a little distress) is crucial for self-awareness, and how shame and anger are often two sides of the same coin. Time Stamps  06:05 Personal experiences with attachment styles and finding our she was “disorganized” 11:59 Exploring dismissive and disorganized strategies 17:58 Therapeutic approaches to unresolved trauma and inner child work 27:08 Dissociation and adaptive strategies in attachment 35:31 The spectrum of unresolved attachment styles 43:09 Shame and anger: A complex relationship 52:42 PACT Therapy: Addressing disorganization in couples About our Guest – Dr. Krista Jordan Dr. Krista Jordan, expert on Disorganized Attachment Dr. Jordan received her PhD in Clinical Psychology from UT Southwestern Medical Center at Dallas in 1996. Her training included children and adults and focused on psychodynamic theory in treatment. She went on to establish a private practice in Austin, Texas in 1998 and has been treating clients through individual and couples therapy for the past 26 years. Dr. Jordan trained with Dr. Stan Tatkin, the originator of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy from 2008 until 2022 and is a Certified PACT therapist. Dr. Jordan was also appointed to the Research Faculty at the PACT Institute in 2023 and is the Principle Investigator of the first outcome study being conducted on PACT. She is passionate about treating individuals and couples from an attachment and interpersonal neurobiology approach as well as contributing to research in the field. Throughout her career she has applied these interests in a variety of contexts, including training post-doctoral residents (25 to date!), designing and running outcomes studies for various treatment programs and teaching both high school, undergraduate and graduate students. In 2024 Dr. Jordan became certified to administer the Adult Attachment Projective and continues to train with Dr. Carol George. In her free time Dr. Jordan enjoys hanging out with her husband Russell (of 26 years!) and their two children. She also volunteers with the Blanton Museum and acts as a foster dog mom for Austin Pets Alive. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!   Find Upcoming Events here Featured event: Ann and Sue are deep diving into clinical application of their work at the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium – March 20-23, 2025. It’s an incredible conference – they’d love to see you there! Rethinking Attachment – Using the Attachment Spectrum in Clinical Practice  

Liberation isn’t fixed … it’s fluid We’re kicking off February with a powerful conversation with the incredible Pam Benson Owens. Alongside co-host Sue Marriott, they explore what it means to live with purpose, navigate systemic challenges, and find liberation in everyday choices. Pam shares her wisdom on the role of self-care in activism, the courage it takes to engage in difficult conversations, and how fear shows up in DEI work. This episode dives deep into the intersection of personal and organizational growth, touching on themes of vulnerability, belonging, and the evolving landscape of diversity and identity. Sue and Pam also tackle honest conversations about race and privilege, the “messy middle” of personal transformation, and why pacing yourself is essential for long-term impact. “Liberation is a lot of things… sometimes it is my ability not to raise my voice in anger, some days liberation is saying no. Sometimes liberation is the freedom to realize that I don’t always have to make it my mission to have a deep opinion about something. I have really enjoyed that the idea that liberation isn’t fixed, it’s fluid…” – Pam Benson Owens Time Stamps for The Power of Liberation: Courage, Identity & Growth with Pam Benson Owens (257) 10:03 Engaging with difficult conversations 14:57 The importance of self-care in activism 25:12 The role of fear in DEI work 39:44 Balancing vigilance and connection 50:01 Embracing the messy middle of growth 56:22 Next steps: Pacing and purpose About our Guest – Pamela Benson Owens  Pamela Benson Owens is the President and CEO of Edge of Your Seat Consulting, Inc and retired from the CEO of Six Square in September of 2024. For more years than she cares to admit to, Pam has owned Edge of Your Seat Consulting, a unique consulting firm that is dedicated to assisting for-profit, nonprofit, and faith-based entities. The major focus of Edge of Your Seat Consulting, Inc., is to provide methodologies that help manage perceptions and narratives about complex and challenging issues with courage and strategic passion. She is an advocate and ambassador for healthy organizational cultures and communities. Pam often leverages humor and honest storytelling to create memorable and applicable strategies for sustainable and substantive change. She serves the community in a variety of capacities with the intentional motive of building a stronger and more equitable community. Pam serves on several non-profit boards, is the co-chair of the Black Fund a partnership with Austin Community Foundation, joyfully serves on the faculty of the Center for Nonprofit Excellence at Austin Community College, is often a guest lecturer at institutions of higher learning and thrives on the opportunities her consultancy work paves the way to assist organizations to be stronger by navigating the nuances of organizational culture. She is a proud Texas A&M Aggie where she earned a degree in Journalism and a certification in Diversity Education and completed her graduate work at St. Edwards University with a master’s in Human Services with a concentration in Conflict Resolution/Mediation. Pam has also completed coursework at Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary, holds a certification in DEI from Cornell, is Hogan and Daring Leadership certified, is a self-professed book nerd and lifelong learner, has a new book called The Lessons of Lists, has an online coffee business with all four members of her family called 4TheCultureCoffee, that directs a percentage of the proceeds back to BIPOC nonprofit organizations in the Central Texas region, and you can hear her weekly on her Podcast, Rooted. She resides in Austin with her spouse, Arlyn, and two exceptionally amazing kids, Preston, and Allyson. Resources for The Power of Liberation: Courage, Identity & Growth with Pam Benson Owens (257) PamelaBensonOwens.com – Website, information & resources The Lessons of Lists – book by Pam Benson Owens Pamela Benson Owens: Aligning with Influence – ATX Woman article Find her on Instagram – @pamelabensonowens @edgeofyourseatconsulting & @4theculturecoffee Get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus a totally ad-free private feed.  In addition, recieve exclusive episodes recorded just for you and have input in topics you would like to learn more about. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!   Find Upcoming Events here Featured event: Ann and Sue are deep diving into clinical application of their work at the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium – March 20-23, 2025. It’s an incredible conference – they’d love to see you there! Rethinking Attachment – Using the Attachment Spectrum in Clinical Practice   Please support our sponsors for this episode – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Coffee alternative powered by mushrooms! Right now, you can get 20% off plus a FREE starter kit when you shop exclusively Piquelife.com/tu More goodness for your body and mind – Ancient Nutrition is offering 25% off your first order when you go to AncientNutrition.com/TU Our go-to gut health fix! Check out AG1 at AthleticGreens.com/TherapistUncensored Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information Therapists: THIS is our recommended course experience for the most comprehensive training on attachment out there.  Use our link for a discount! Thanks for listening, friends, & for being on this journey with us! 

Just released!  “The Way of Play” – Book by Dr. Georgie Wisen-Vincent & Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, we recommend you get your copy today!   Could the key to raising resilient, connected kids be as simple as play? Co-host Sue Marriott, with special guests, Tina Payne Bryson and Georgie Wisen-Vincent, discuss the relational neuroscience behind the powerful role of play in child development and its therapeutic benefits. Play fosters emotional resilience, strengthens parent-child attachment, and supports positive neuroplasticity. They bring in positive neuroplasticity, emotional discomfort and tons of very practical techniques. Learn how embracing play can nurture emotional growth and empower both children and parents in meaningful ways. “The oldest evolutionary pathways in the brain are nonverbal. Your actions always speak louder than words when it comes to your child’s mind.” – George Wisen-Vincent Time Stamps for Playful Parenting: Building Resilience, Connection, and Joy Through Play (256) 03:08 The role of play in child development 08:57 Understanding resistance to play 14:50 The science behind play and attachment 21:12 Overcoming barriers to play 24:07 Practical techniques for parents 39:40 The importance of emotional discomfort 41:35 Over-functioning vs. scaffolding 58:31 Positive neuroplasticity through play About our Guests Georgie Wisen-Vincent, LMFT, RPT-S, ECMHS is a nationally recognized play therapy expert and co-author of the new book — THE WAY OF PLAY (Penguin Random House, January 2025). She is the Founder/Director of The Play Strong Institute, a center devoted to the study, research, and practice of play therapy through a neurodevelopment lens, along with Dr. Bryson, the Founder/Executive Director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice in Southern California. Georgie is also a child, adolescent, and family psychotherapist and maintains a private practice at The Center for Connection. A graduate professor at Santa Clara University and active researcher in childhood play, attachment science, and mental health, Georgie has been commissioned as a consultant, program designer, and lead trainer for several major organizations and frequently presents to educators, parents, and clinical professionals on play therapy, trauma resilience, and the power of play-driven learning. She completed advanced study in play therapy at the University of Roehampton, London. Georgie gained specialist endorsement in early childhood mental health after completing the UC Davis Napa Infant Mental Health Fellowship. She is currently in the final phase of her doctoral program, a PhD in Infant and Early Child Development, focused on neurodiversity and parent-child attachment relationships. Click here to view her more detailed bio. You may already know Dr. Tina Payne Bryson from her two New York Times Best Sellers The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline. They’re both co-authored with Dan Siegel and have been translated into over fifty languages. She and Siegel also wrote The Yes Brain and The Power of Showing Up, and Dr. Bryson is the author of The Bottom Line for Baby. Her new book, co-authored with Georgie Wisen-Vincent, is The Way of Play. Her books have sold over 3 million copies combined. Tina is also the Founder and Executive Director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary mental health practice in Southern California. She keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world. She also consults with schools, businesses, and other organizations, including the Nike Sport Research Lab (NSRL), where she is Project Director for Mental and Emotional Performance. Dr. Bryson earned her Ph.D. from the University of Southern California, where her research explored attachment science, childrearing theory, and the emerging field of interpersonal neurobiology.  The most important part of her bio, she says, is that she’s a mom to her three boys. You can learn more about her at TinaBryson.com.  Resources for Playful Parenting: Building Resilience, Connection, and Joy Through Play (256) PlayStrongInstitute.com – Official website for information and resources Center for Connection – Official website for information and resources Pre-Order the bonus page for their book – Click here! Tina’s Amazon shop page – Click here for books, resources and other tools Click to access Tina Payne Bryson’s Social Channels – Facebook, Instagram, Youtube & Twitter  Georgie’s Instagram handle – @georgiewisenvincent TinaBryson.com – Website for information and resources Click here to subscribe to Tina Payne Bryson’s newsletter How to contact Tina – Email [email protected] How to contact Georgie – Email [email protected] Get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus a totally ad-free private feed.  In addition, recieve exclusive episodes recorded just for you and have input in topics you would like to learn more about. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!   Upcoming Events here Ann and Sue are presenting a clinical deep dive at the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium – March 20-23, 2025. Join us! Rethinking Attachment – Using the Attachment Spectrum in Clinical Practice Please support our Sponsors – they keep the show free and accessible to everyone! Coffee alternative powered by mushrooms! Right now, you can get 20% off plus a FREE starter kit when you shop exclusively Piquelife.com/tu Cure is offering 20% off your first order! Stay hydrated and feel your best by visiting curehydration.com/TU and using promo code TU at checkout.  Compare high quality, in-network doctors, choose the right one for your needs, and click to instantly book an appointment. Go to ZocDoc.com/TU Therapists: THIS is our recommended class for the most comprehensive training on attachment out there.  Use our link or TU for a discount!  Thanks for listening, friends, & for being on this journey with us! 

Hello 2025! Join Matthias Barker in kicking off the year exploring family estrangement, AI in therapy & much more… In this episode, hosts Ann and Sue sit down with renowned psychotherapist Matthias Barker, who has built a transformative mental health platform regularly impacting over 11 million souls who learn and consume quality mental health information. The conversation weaves through several important themes: the delicate balance of delivering mental health guidance through social media, the complex terrain of parent-child estrangement in modern families, and the lasting impact of religious trauma. The discussion evolves into an exploration of spirituality in the digital age, including thought-provoking perspectives on artificial intelligence’s role in shaping human consciousness and connection. This nuanced conversation bridges practical psychological insights with broader questions about human connection in an evolving technological landscape. “We inherit more than genetics from our families—we inherit patterns, beliefs, and ways of relating. Healing means choosing which ones to keep and which ones to let go of.” – Matthias Barker Time Stamps for Family Estrangement, Spiritual Harm, & the Ethics of AI in Therapy with Matthias Barker (255) 05:54 Generational perspectives on estrangement 12:10 Understanding emotional dynamics in families 18:12 Spiritual harm and its impact 34:55 The intersection of technology and mental health 45:08 Exploring ethical dilemmas of AI in therapy About our Guest – Matthias Barker  Matthias is a psychotherapist recognized for his expertise in making complex mental health concepts accessible, with a special focus on parent-child estrangement. He is the CEO of the Trauma Institute which provides clinical training for psychotherapists and education for the general public on healing from trauma. Matthias is widely recognized for his unique approach to making mental health knowledge and skills accessible to the wider public. His ability to translate complex topics into relatable everyday language has empowered millions to heal from their past, repair relationships, and take control of their mental well-being. Through platforms like Instagram, TikTok, Facebook and his top-ranking Spotify podcast, Matthias delivers psychoeducational content to a following of over 4 million people. His innovative blend of engaging content and relevant mental health advice has fostered a vibrant online community centered on healing, personal growth, and moving towards what’s meaningful despite hardship. Aside from his online presence, Matthias is an accomplished author and educator. He has self-published several short books and interactive mental health journals, offering a distinctive trauma-informed approach to topics like grief, motivation, burnout, and gratitude. In addition, he has built a diverse library of interactive general public workshops on themes such as anxiety, relational intimacy, and healing from trauma, further establishing his commitment to sharing knowledge and resources for both clinicians and the general public. Resources for Family Estrangement, Spiritual Harm, & the Ethics of AI in Therapy with Matthias Barker (255) Estrangement.com – Sign up here for The Healing Estrangement MatthiasJBarker.com – Matthias’ website, with resources and other information Get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus a totally ad-free private feed.  In addition, recieve exclusive episodes recorded just for you and have input in topics you would like to learn more about. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!   Find Upcoming Events here Featured event: Ann and Sue are deep diving into clinical application of their work at the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium – March 20-23, 2025. It’s an incredible conference – they’d love to see you there! Rethinking Attachment – Using the Attachment Spectrum in Clinical Practice   Please support our sponsors for this episode – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!  Coffee alternative powered by mushrooms!  Listeners get 20% off plus a free starter kit.  Piquelife.com/tu Ancient Nutrition is offering 25% off your first order when you go to AncientNutrition.com/TU Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information Therapists: THIS is our recommended class for the most comprehensive training on attachment out there.  Use our link for a discount!  Thanks for listening, friends, & for being on this journey with us! 

Farewell 2024, Welcome 2025… As we close out another year, Ann and Sue take time to reflect on 2024 while sharing some exciting opportunities for the year ahead. The Vitality Series is an exciting new endeavor, where they emphasize creating safe spaces for dialogue, navigating tough emotions, and bringing therapeutic concepts into everyday life. With an honest look at shame, vulnerability, and the challenges of personal growth, they explore how connection can empower both individuals and communities. Along the way, they celebrate the milestones of their podcast, emphasize the importance of self-reflection, and highlight the role of supportive networks in fostering meaningful change. “Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.” — Hal Borland Time Stamps for 2024 Reflections: Growth, Connection & Celebrating Community (254) 00:00 Exciting announcements for 2025 08:00 Reflecting on the past year 32:00 Bridging therapy and everyday life 46:40 The power in mobilizing for change Resources for 2024 Reflections: Growth, Connection & Celebrating Community (254) Brewing Vitality Series, Ann & Sue’s NEW Course – Click here to learn more and reserve your spot!! Psychotherapy Networker Symposium – March 20-23, 2025 Rethinking Attachment – Using the Attachment Spectrum in Clinical Practice Sign up here! Get early access and discounts to things we produce, plus a totally ad-free private feed.  In addition, recieve exclusive episodes recorded just for you and have input in topics you would like to learn more about. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!   Find Upcoming Events here Featured event: Ann and Sue are deep diving into clinical application of their work at the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium – March 20-23, 2025. It’s an incredible conference – they’d love to see you there! Rethinking Attachment – Using the Attachment Spectrum in Clinical Practice  

Explore eco-village living, tantra, and death Lee Warren shares her experience of living in an intentional community and how it opened the door to exploring tantra and the sacredness of death. Alongside co-host Sue Marriott, they explore tantra as a way to connect with the divine within ourselves and others, using tools like breath, sound, and movement to navigate the energy in our bodies. They also discuss death as a sacred process and the importance of preparing for it—both practically and spiritually. Learn how tantra and death preparation share a common goal: helping us embrace the impermanence of life and find joy in the present moment. “The deep practice of tantra helps consciously engage with the inevitability of death.” – Lee Warren Time Stamps 00:00 Exploring Eco-Village Living and Intentional Community 08:23 The Mysteries of Tantra: Cultivating pleasure and sensuality 16:36 Embracing the sacredness of death 21:10 Preparing for death: A journey of self-discovery 31:32 Having hard conversations with family 38:57 Exploring the mystical with psychedelics About Our Guest – Lee Warren, Death & Tantra Educator Lee Warren, founder of Reclaiming Wisdom, helps people embrace life more fully by preparing for death. She sees life and death as inseparable partners, guiding individuals to transform fear into acceptance and empowerment through heartfelt conversations, mindfulness practices, rituals, and personalized care plans. As a mystic, Lee views death as a sacred portal for the soul, and as an embodiment practitioner, she supports the emotional and practical realities of the dying process. Lee believes that contemplating mortality deepens our connection to life, fostering awe, wonder, and a profound sense of purpose. Lee’s mission is to help others achieve clarity and peace about end-of-life wishes while embracing the sacredness of existence and the mystery of the human journey. Resources for Embracing the Sacredness of Death  ReclaimingWisdom.com – Lee Warren’s website & course information “Tilda Swinton Would Like a Word with Trump about His Mother” – NYTimes Article “The Doctor Who Helped Me Understand My Mom’s Choice to Die” – NYTime Article And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!   Events, Announcements & Resource Links for Secure Relating & the Election Psychotherapy Networker Symposium – March 20-23, 2025 Rethinking Attachment – Using the Attachment Spectrum in Clinical Practice Learn More & Register Here Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information Therapists: THIS is our recommended class for the most comprehensive training on attachment out there. It just so happens it is also Dennings recommended program as discussed in this. episode!   Use our link for a discount!  Trauma Therapy Directory – Resources for Trauma, PTSD, and Complex PTSD – Created by our friends at the Trauma Therapy Network! Check out our other past and upcoming events here!!  Our Sponsors for this Episode –  Our favorite skin quencher. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code TU at https://www.oneskin.co/  #oneskinpod   Coffee alternative powered by mushrooms!  Listeners get 20% off plus a free starter kit.  Piquelife.com/tu Thanks for listening, friends, & for being on this journey with us! 

Transform conflict into connection with ACT Dr. Diana Hill and co-host Dr. Ann Kelley explore the power of process-based therapy to improve relationships and wellbeing. Through various methods like the 6 principles of ACT, the understanding of values, and the family body analogy, they use their personal and professional experience to discuss ways to help resolve conflict and find deeper connection through secure relating. Learn ways to tap into your most deeply connected self to move forward through life’s challenges and nurture healthy relationships. “We don’t battle thoughts. We don’t challenge thoughts. We just let thoughts go, and we can act independently from our thoughts.” – Dr. Diana Hill Time Stamps for ACT 1:06 – What is ACT? 8:52 – Introduction to cognitive diffusion 10:45 – Exploring the transcendent self and family body analogy of ACT 12:09 – The six processes of ACT 20:54 – Utilizing Diana’s daily journal book method 26:53 – Navigating experiential avoidance 33:57 – Moving through acceptance 50:52 – How to learn more about the ACT principles About our Guest – Dr. Diana Hill Diana Hill, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, and co-author of ACT Daily Commitment Therapy Journal: Get unstuck and live full with Acceptance. She is also a co-host of the popular podcast, Psychologists Off the Clock which has over 1 million downloads, where she has interviewed leaders in the field of psychology, mindfulness, and wellness including Dr. Daniel Goleman, Dr. Rich Hanson, The Psychology of Radical Healing Collective, Dr. Daniel Siegel, and Dr. David Sinclair. She is a regular teacher for the Mindful Hearts Program and Insight LA. Through her online teachings, executive coaching, clinical supervision, and private therapy practice Diana encourages clients to build psychological flexibility so that they can live more meaningful and fulfilling lives. Resources for ACT Dr. Diana Hill – Website & resources ACT Daily Journal & Card Deck – Dr. Hill’s daily journal book Psychologists Off the Clock – Dr. Diana Hill’s podcast The Power of Regret by Daniel Pink – Referenced by Diana Hill when discussing values And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!   Events, Announcements & Resource Links for Secure Relating & the Election Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information Therapists: THIS is our recommended class for the most comprehensive training on attachment out there. It just so happens it is also Dennings recommended program as discussed in this. episode!   Use our link for a discount!  Trauma Therapy Directory – Resources for Trauma, PTSD, and Complex PTSD – Created by our friends at the Trauma Therapy Network! Check out our other past and upcoming events here!!  Our Sponsors for this Episode –  Go to ZocDoc.com/TU Compare high quality, in-network doctors, choose the right one for your needs, and click to instantly book an appointment. Become the best version of yourself and get 15% off Ned products with code TU.   Our favorite skin quencher. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code TU at https://www.oneskin.co/  #oneskinpod Thanks for listening, friends, & for being on this journey with us! 

Let’s talk about all things AEDP Sue Marriott and Diana Fosha explore the key principles of Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) and its transformative impact on the field. AEDP begins with the premise of “healing from the get-go,” and fostering change from the first session. It emphasizes “undoing aloneness” by building a supportive therapeutic relationship, while encouraging clients to engage deeply with emotions. Join us as we highlight techniques like metatherapeutic processing, where clients reflect on their healing experience, and integrating neuroscience into clinical practice. “The basic quality of emergent experience is a surrender to the experience of flow, of being in the zone.” – Dr. Diana Fosha Looking for extra community and connection post-election? Join us for our second free, live virtual holding circle on Friday, November 22nd at 3 PM CST – Click here to learn more  Time Stamps for AEDP 02:55 The importance of healing from the get-go 06:06 Understanding “Undoing aloneness” 28:34 Dropping down into the body and connecting with emotions 33:28 Explanation and application of Metatherapeutic processing 35:28 Creating a safe and transformative relationship with clients 51:20 The societal impact of AEDP About our Guest – Dr. Diana Fosha  Diana Fosha PhD is the developer of AEDPTM, a healing-oriented, radically relational experiential psychotherapy to transform trauma, heal attachment wounds and help people connect to their vitality. She is Founder and Director of the AEDP Institute. Her “heightened sensitivity to the promises of life” recognized, she has been also described as having “an extraordinary gift for hope.” For the last 20 years, Diana has been active in promoting a scientific basis for a healing-oriented, attachment-emotion- and transformation-focused trauma treatment model. Fosha’s work focuses on integrating neuroplasticity, recognition science and developmental dyadic research into experiential and transformational clinical work with patients. Her most recent work, Undoing aloneness and the transformation of suffering into flourishing: AEDP 2.0, (APA, 2021), focuses on flourishing as a seamless part of the process of transforming emotional suffering.  She is the author of The transforming power of affect: A model for accelerated change (Basic Books, 2000); co-author, with Natasha Prenn, of Supervision essentials for Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (APA, 2016); 1st editor, with Daniel Siegel and Marion Solomon, of The healing power of emotion: Affective neuroscience, development & clinical practice (Norton, 2009), and editor of the soon to be released AEDP 2.0: Four DVDs of her live AEDP clinical work, including one documenting a complete 6-session treatment, and one on clinical supervision have been issued by the American Psychological Association (APA). Described by psychoanalyst James Grotstein as a “prizefighter of intimacy,” and by David Malan as “the Winnicott of [accelerated experiential] psychotherapy,” Diana Fosha’s writing style is powerful and precise, yet poetic and evocative. Her phrases —“undoing aloneness,” “existing in the heart and mind of the other,” “rigor without shame” and “True Other”  — capture the ethos of AEDP.  Resources for AEDP www.aedpinstitute.org  – View some of Dr. Fosha’s papers here  Metatherapeutic Processing Supports the Emergence of Flourishing in Psychotherapy – by Dr. Diana Fosha How to be a Transformational Therapist – by Dr. Diana Fosha Speculations on Emergence: Working the Edge of Transformational Experience and Neuroplasticity – by Dr. Diana Fosha Healing Attachment Trauma with Attachment (& then some!) – by Dr. Diana Fosha Click here to learn more!!           And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!   Events, Announcements & Resource Links for Secure Relating & the Election Psychotherapy Networker Symposium – March 20-23, 2025 Rethinking Attachment – Using the Attachment Spectrum in Clinical Practice Learn More & Register Here Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information Therapists: THIS is our recommended class for the most comprehensive training on attachment out there. It just so happens it is also Dennings recommended program as discussed in this. episode!   Use our link for a discount!  Trauma Therapy Directory – Resources for Trauma, PTSD, and Complex PTSD – Created by our friends at the Trauma Therapy Network! Check out our other past and upcoming events here!!  Our Sponsors for this Episode –  Coffee alternative powered by mushrooms!  Listeners get 20% off plus a free starter kit.  Piquelife.com/tu Our favorite skin quencher.  Use the code TU when you checkout at oneskin.co Thanks for listening, friends, & for being on this journey with us! 

Many are baffled by the so strong feelings around the 2024 election results – let us help you get it. Families are dividing, couples are blowing up and neighbors are being cut off.  When you are close to someone who didn’t vote with you this year, you are likley in some distress. The shock and pain for some groups after the election and the corresponding lack of understanding is a recipe for dysregulation. We explore the complexities of political identity, emotional responses, and the impact of political discourse on all of our personal relationships in the wake of a divisive presidential election. Ann and Sue, alongside Michael Hilgers, LPC, emphasize the need for deeper conversations that transcend binary thinking and the significance of co-regulation in healing and fostering unity amidst division. They explore the challenges of navigating relationships where political views differ, emphasizing the value of patience, compassion, and open curiosity to foster understanding. The conversation touches on the risks of lasting family divides and underscores the importance of creating safe, respectful spaces for meaningful conversations. Ultimately, it encourages empathy and small, thoughtful steps toward more compassionate communication. “We all play a role in this democracy. We need to remember the power of every vote. I continue, too, to keep myself connected to a force that’s larger and more potent than any one election, or leader, or news story—and that’s optimism. For me, this is a form of faith, an antidote to fear.” – Michelle Obama Looking for extra community and connection post-election? Join us for our second free, live virtual holding circle on Friday, November 22nd at 3 PM CST – Click here to learn more  Time Stamps for Aftermath of the Election 00:00 Navigating identity 02:52 The aftermath of the 2024 Presidential election based on gender 06:09 Understanding huge emotional responses for those who care 08:56 The difficulty of empathy and connection when stakes are high 15:01 Co-regulation 17:54 The role of historical trauma in reactions to current events 20:56 Is common ground possible? 25:32 Betrayal 27:09 Listening and holding space rather than fixing it 29:31 Patience in difficult conversations 30:35 Political divides in relationships 32:00 The risk of permanent divisions 39:18 Concrete steps for compassionate communication 42:08 Addressing name-calling and intentional humiliation About our Guest – Michael Hilgers, LPC Michael Hilgers, LPC is a licensed Professional Counselor who maintains an online Counseling Practice specializing in work with Creatives and Entrepreneurs. After almost 25 years in Austin, Tx, he moved to the mountains of Northern New Mexico where he works with clients from around the globe.     Check out the most anticipated conference for Experiential Dynamic Therapists!! San Diego, CA – November 13th-15th –  IEDTA’s 2024 conference highlights the power of the therapeutic alliance in psychotherapy. Register here!    And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!   Events, Announcements & Resource Links for Secure Relating & the Election Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information Therapists: THIS is our recommended class for the most comprehensive training on attachment out there. It just so happens it is also Dennings recommended program as discussed in this. episode!   Use our link for a discount!  Trauma Therapy Directory – Resources for Trauma, PTSD, and Complex PTSD – Created by our friends at the Trauma Therapy Network! Check out our other past and upcoming events here!!  Thanks for listening, friends, & for being on this journey with us! 

The election tension can be divisive – but we don’t have to be The political events in the United States have been a major contributor to our anxieties these past years, and with our significant presidential election looming over us this week – Ann and Sue are here to talk about the hard things. While the world feels unpredictable on the outside, one thing we can do is focus on the intricate relationship between our nervous systems and the emotional responses triggered by political events. They discuss how fear and anxiety are often manipulated through political rhetoric, leading to division and polarization, the importance of understanding how personal relationships amidst these tensions are emphasized, and the need for secure relating and accountability from leaders. There is power in recognizing the complexity of political opinions and the necessity of maintaining open dialogue to foster connection rather than division. Join us as we explore how to navigate differences, the importance of empathy and community, and the need for resilience during uncertain times. “We are resilient beings and we will get through this.” Time Stamps for Secure Relating & the Election 00:00 Understanding the Nervous System’s Role in Fear 03:00 The Impact of Political Rhetoric on Our Emotions 05:56 Navigating Personal Relationships Amidst Political Divisions 09:06 The Complexity of Political Opinions 11:57 The Importance of Secure Relating in Divided Times 14:52 Holding Leaders Accountable in a Polarized Environment 25:49 The Importance of Secure Relating 30:02 Navigating Division and Conflict 36:32 Finding Resilience in Uncertain Times 41:20 Empathy and Community in Crisis 46:36 Promoting Secure Relating for a Better Future Resources for Secure Relating & the Election A Started Guide for Surviving Election Season” – Important reminders from Oh Happy Dani, the Everyday Advocate Vote.org – Nonpartisan tool for voting logistics and information “8 Questions that can help you survive election stress” – Helpful resource from UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Magazine Somatic Techniques for Stress & Anxiety – Somatic practices from Brooklyn Somatic Therapy Check out the most anticipated conference for Experiential Dynamic Therapists!! San Diego, CA – November 13th-15th –  IEDTA’s 2024 conference highlights the power of the therapeutic alliance in psychotherapy. Register here!    And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!   Events, Announcements & Resource Links for Secure Relating & the Election Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information Therapists: THIS is our recommended class for the most comprehensive training on attachment out there. It just so happens it is also Dennings recommended program as discussed in this. episode!   Use our link for a discount!  Trauma Therapy Directory – Resources for Trauma, PTSD, and Complex PTSD – Created by our friends at the Trauma Therapy Network! Check out our other past and upcoming events here!!  Support this library of content at TU staying FREE and TOTALLY ACCESSIBLE by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode –  Go to ZocDoc.com/TU Compare high quality, in-network doctors, choose the right one for your needs, and click to instantly book an appointment.     Become the best version of yourself and get 15% off Ned products with code TU. Thanks for listening, friends, & for being on this journey with us! 

Our first ever LIVE podcast recording Alongside Pam Benson Owens, Ann and Sue explore a variety of topics with a live audience at the KUYA Wellness center in Austin, TX. Referencing their book, Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World, they delve into the neuroscience behind relationships, discussing attachment styles and emotional regulation, and emphasize the importance of creating safe spaces for dialogue. They highlight the significance of understanding generational trauma and the complexities of navigating relationships in a diverse society. Through personal stories and insightful discussions, they shine a light on the power of self-awareness, encouraging listeners to explore their own emotional landscapes with compassion and curiosity. Learn how creating safe spaces for open dialogue can deepen connections, while understanding the role of pauses and curiosity in everyday conversations. “The power of the pause is essential.” – Pam Benson Owens  Time Stamps for KUYA 07:05 Understanding Neuroscience in Relationships 20:28 Navigating Emotional States and Attachment 30:00 Creating Safe Spaces in Conversations 34:51 Navigating Activation and Agency 39:41 The Role of Shame in Learning 44:14 The Power of the Pause and Curiosity 49:36 Strategic Communication in Relationships 54:43 Repression vs. Calibration of Emotions 01:00:17 Cultural Norms and DEI Conversations 01:03:05 Boundaries in Relationships 01:05:20 Generational Trauma and Cultural Clashes About our Guest – Pam Benson Owens, President & CEO Pamela Benson Owens is the President and CEO of Edge of Your Seat Consulting, Inc and is also serving as the CEO of Six Square. For 25+ years Pam has owned Edge of Your Seat Consulting, a unique consulting firm that is dedicated to assisting for-profit, nonprofit, and faith-based entities. The major focus of Edge of Your Seat Consulting, Inc., is to provide methodologies that help manage perceptions and narratives about complex and challenging issues with courage and strategic passion. Pam leverages humor and honest storytelling to create memorable and applicable strategies for sustainable and substantive change. Pam serves on several non-profit boards, is the co-chair of the Black Fund a partnership with Austin Community Foundation, joyfully serves on the faculty of the Center for Nonprofit Excellence at Austin Community College, is often a guest lecturer at institutions of higher learning and thrives on the opportunities her consultancy work paves the way to assist organizations to be stronger by navigating the nuances of organizational culture. Resources for KUYA Click here to view Pam’s website – Edge of Your Seat Consulting KUYA  – Mental Health & Wellness Center in Austin, TX & host of our recording Practices – Register now for the Holistic Attachment Summit!! – This summit will explore the most essential ideas in attachment theory, research, and how they can be applied to create deep and lasting healing for clients — enabling you to be at the forefront of evidence-based care. Click here to register!!   Check out the most anticipated conference for Experiential Dynamic Therapists!! San Diego, CA – November 13th-15th –  IEDTA’s 2024 conference highlights the power of the therapeutic alliance in psychotherapy. Register here!    And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!   Events, Announcements & Resource Links  Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information Therapists: THIS is our recommended class for the most comprehensive training on attachment out there. It just so happens it is also Dennings recommended program as discussed in this. episode!   Use our link for a discount!  Trauma Therapy Directory – Resources for Trauma, PTSD, and Complex PTSD – Created by our friends at the Trauma Therapy Network! Check out our other past and upcoming events here!!  Support this library of content at TU staying FREE and TOTALLY ACCESSIBLE by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode –  Our favorite skin quencher.  Use the code TU when you checkout at oneskin.co   Thanks for listening, friends, & for being on this journey with us! 

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) in adults  James Ochoa and co-host Sue Marriott explore the different subtypes of ADHD, and the impact on adults who are navigating a diagnosis later in life. As an ADHD expert, Ochoa shares insights on the emotional and mental stress that accompanies ADHD, as well as provides different techniques for managing symptoms. With an emphasis on the importance of self-care, communication, and personalized strategies, he provides resources and training for adults with ADHD, professionals who work with ADHD clients, and family members of individuals with ADHD. “…It feels like their attachment to themselves has always seemed off, and when they receive an accurate diagnosis then suddenly there’s these lights that turn on…” – James Ochoa Time Stamps for New Frontiers of Adult ADHD 02:05 Stumbling Upon an Adult ADHD Diagnosis 04:40 Understanding the Subtypes of ADHD 08:06 Resourcing and Self-Care for ADHD 10:04 Managing ADHD Symptoms: Breathing Exercises and Micro-Meditations 15:32 Interrupting Over-activation and Panic in ADHD 26:55 Managing ADHD: Strategies and Self-Care 31:17 Supporting Loved Ones with ADHD 35:37 Educating Professionals on ADHD 43:49 Resources and Training for ADHD About our Guest – James Ochoa  For over thirty years, James Ochoa, LPC, has combined counseling, coaching, mentoring, and intuition to help adults with ADHD overcome challenges, pursue passions, and live meaningful lives. Most of his clients seek help beyond ADHD organization and time-management strategies. As valuable as those skills can be, James’ key concepts involve working with his clients’ imagination, life history and inner resources. His insight-and-action-based counseling style has helped clients from all walks of life, including executives, indie film producers, college students, religious leaders and beyond. He welcomes individuals, couples, and family members, whether from Austin, Texas, or points beyond. James is also working on his second book, When the Shiny Wears Off, Navigating the Lifetime Storms of Adult ADHD, which focuses on how to handle the chronic stress of ADHD that never completely stops wreaking havoc. The book will offer ample strategies to help mitigate the impact this disruption has on relationships, career, self-care, and mental health. Resources for New Frontiers of Adult ADHD Living Well With ADHD – 10/19 live, in-person training in Austin, TX – This is a great resource for ADHD awareness month that is happening the entire month of October! (Use code TU30OFF for 30% off) JamesOchoa.com – James’s Website Focused Forward – James’s Book ADHD Town Hall – Webinar Series Storm Team – 12 -Topic ADHD series Professional Trailblazing – Training for Professionals Focused Forward – James Ochoa’s Book – Get your copy here!! And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!   Events, Announcements & Resource Links  Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information Therapists: THIS is our recommended class for the most comprehensive training on attachment out there. It just so happens it is also Dennings recommended program as discussed in this. episode!   Use our link for a discount!  Mind, Body, Social, & Spiritual Approaches for Healing Attachment: 30 World-Leading Pioneers Share Their Best Practices – Register now for the Holistic Attachment Summit!! – This summit will explore the most essential ideas in attachment theory, research, and how they can be applied to create deep and lasting healing for clients — enabling you to be at the forefront of evidence-based care. Click here to register!! Trauma Therapy Directory – Resources for Trauma, PTSD, and Complex PTSD – Created by our friends at the Trauma Therapy Network! Check out our other past and upcoming events here!!  Support this library of content at TU staying FREE and TOTALLY ACCESSIBLE by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode –  Go to ZocDoc.com/TU Compare high quality, in-network doctors, choose the right one for your needs, and click to instantly book an appointment.     Become the best version of yourself and get 15% off Ned products with code TU. Thanks for listening, friends, & for being on this journey with us! 

Exploring the science behind the complex acronyms Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley discuss Experiential Dynamic Therapies (EDTs) with experts Margaret Martin and Dr. Deb Pollack. These therapies focus on recognizing and challenging defenses that lead to problems both internally and relationally. Learn the difference between defenses that feel right (Egosyntonic) and those that don’t (Egodystonic) and why it’s important to work against them for change. This episode is a dive into the role of EDTS in individual therapy, and highlights the need for an integrated approach to address underlying trauma, plus much more! “Turning against defenses is key to creating change.” – Dr. Deborah Pollack Time Stamps for Challenging Defenses: An Introduction to Experiential Dynamic Therapies (EDTS) 00:00 Introduction to Experiential Dynamic Therapies 04:07 Understanding Defenses and Creating Change 08:19 Turning Against Defenses 13:49 Building Capacity and Accessing Core Feelings 20:05 Working with Resistance and Anxiety 23:49 Exploring Different Models within EDTs 29:22 Understanding and Working with Defenses 36:14 Building Capacity and Regulating Emotions 39:05 Challenging Defenses and Facilitating Character Change 45:04 Integrating Modalities for Comprehensive Healing 48:31 The Role of the Therapist in Addressing Defenses 54:49 Compassionate and Supportive Therapeutic Relationships About our Guests – Dr. Deborah Pollack & Margaret Martin, LCSW Dr. Deborah Pollack is an Associate Professor of Psychology at Utica University and a clinical psychologist in private practice near Syracuse, New York. She also has faculty appointments at SUNY Upstate Medical University and Syracuse University, where she teaches and supervises doctoral students in psychology. Dr. Pollack is active on the board of the International Experiential Dynamic Therapy Association (IEDTA), serving as recording secretary and on several standing committees. She is the President-elect of the Central New York Psychological Association. Dr. Pollack is a qualitative researcher and most recently has investigated the application of EDT-informed therapy for mothers with postpartum mood and anxiety disorders. She has been studying the EDTs since 2009 and is certified as a Teacher and Supervisor through the IEDTA. She is currently running a core training in ISTDP and she also offers individual supervision in ISTDP for licensed or license-eligible therapists. In her free time, Deb enjoys traveling, sewing, and hiking, especially in the Adirondack mountains where she is working on hiking all 46 high peaks. Margaret Martin, LCSW is an individual and couple therapist practicing in Austin, Texas, where she specializes in complex trauma. She began training with Stan Tatkin, developer of the PACT model, in 2012. She now coaches PACT level one and two students and provides training for the PACT Institute, and hosts a monthly online discussion group for PACT and PACT-curious therapists. In 2022 Margaret completed the PACT Institute’s inaugural invitation-only certification program and is one of 25 therapists worldwide to receive the designation of PACT-certified therapist. In 2019 she began training in ISTDP and developed a passion for incorporating aspects of ISTDP into her work with couples. With colleague Kathryn Barksdale, Margaret co-developed Trauma Wise Therapy, a framework for working with high-trauma couples. Margaret active on the board of the International Experiential Dynamic Therapy Association (IEDTA) and chairs the IEDTA Diversity Committee. A self-described training junkie, she also trained in Somatic Experiencing, Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing, Emotional Transformation Therapy, Brainspotting, and Accelerated Resolution Therapy. She is slightly fanatic about trauma-informed care, deliberate practice for therapists, cats, and fiber arts of any kind. Resources for this Episode – Challenging Defenses: An Introduction to Experiential Dynamic Therapies (EDTS) Margaret Martin, LCSW – Margaret Martin’s website Deborah Pollack, PhD – Dr. Deborah Pollack’s website Check out the most anticipated conference for Experiential Dynamic Therapists!! San Diego, CA – November 13th-15th –  IEDTA’s 2024 conference highlights the power of the therapeutic alliance in psychotherapy. Register here!  IEDTA Certified Training –  Info on training in Experiential Dynamic Therapies Application to join the EDT List Additional resources on ISTDP and Experiential Dynamic Therapies Intensive Short Term Dynamic Psychotherapy by Patricia Coughlin – Recommended by Margaret Martin Reaching Through Resistance by Allan Abbass – Recommended by Margaret Martin Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy: A Reference by Nat Kuhn MD – Recommended by Margaret Martin Treating Affect Phobia: A Manual for Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy by Leigh McCullough, et al – Recommended by Margaret Martin Healing through Relating: A Skill-Building Book for Therapists by Jon Frederickson – Recommended by Margaret Martin Changing Character: Short-term Anxiety-regulating Psychotherapy For Restructuring Defenses, Affects, And Attachment by Leigh Mccullough Vaillant – Recommended by Margaret Martin Mastering Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy: A Roadmap to the Unconscious by Josette ten Have-de Labije and Robert J. Neborsky – Recommended by Margaret Martin The Lies We Tell Ourselves by Jon Frederickson – Recommended by Margaret Martin The Transforming Power Of Affect: A Model For Accelerated Change by Diana Fosha – Recommended by Margaret Martin A Therapist’s Handbook to Dissolve Shame and Defense and Master the Moment by Susan Warren Warshow – Recommended by Margaret Martin Hidden From View: A clinician’s guide to psychophysiologic disorders by Allan Abbass – Recommended by Margaret Martin https://istdpinstitute.com/resources/intensive-short-term-dynamic-psychotherapy-an-introduction/ And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE please please leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Events, Announcements & Resource Links  Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information Therapists: THIS is our recommended class for the most comprehensive training on attachment out there. It just so happens it is also Dennings recommended program as discussed in this. episode!   Use our link for a discount!  Mind, Body, Social, & Spiritual Approaches for Healing Attachment: 30 World-Leading Pioneers Share Their Best Practices – Register now for the Holistic Attachment Summit!! – This summit will explore the most essential ideas in attachment theory, research, and how they can be applied to create deep and lasting healing for clients — enabling you to be at the forefront of evidence-based care. Click here to register!! Trauma Therapy Directory – Resources for Trauma, PTSD, and Complex PTSD – Created by our friends at the Trauma Therapy Network! Check out our other past and upcoming events here!!  Support this library of content at TU staying FREE and TOTALLY ACCESSIBLE by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode –  Our favorite skin quencher.  Use the code TU when you checkout at oneskin.co Become the best version of yourself and get 15% off Ned products with code TU. Thanks for listening, friends, & for being on this journey with us! 

Centering voices and perspectives of marginalized couples is crucial in therapy Co-host Sue Marriott and Akilah Riley Richardson dive into a wide-ranging discussion about the vital need to center marginalized voices of clients – and therapists. They explore how Western perspectives have shaped therapy practices globally, often overlooking diverse cultural approaches. Akilah brings a fresh, challenging perspective to the table. She pushes for a real shake-up in how we approach therapy, especially when working with marginalized couples. It’s not just about tweaking existing methods – she’s calling for a fundamental rethinking of our assumptions. The conversation tackles some heavy topics, from unpacking the concept of relational privilege to developing strategies that help couples see beyond their individual struggles to the bigger picture of systemic trauma. What really stands out is their focus on the deep impact of systemic trauma. They don’t just acknowledge it – they dig into why it’s so crucial for therapists to truly understand and address it in their work. Ultimately, this discussion isn’t just academic. It’s a call to action for therapists to step up, broaden their perspectives, and find new ways to help couples break free from systemic constraints. It’s about empowering relationships and, in the process, maybe changing the face of therapy itself. “Our ways of understanding healing are not always in the traditionally confined space of therapy. Dance is healing, drumming is healing, movement is healing…” – Akilah Riley-Richardson Time Stamps for Liberating Marginalized Couples from Systemic Trauma 00:00 Introduction and Akilah’s background 02:15 The influence of the global north on therapy practices in the global south 06:24 Understanding relational privilege in marginalized couples 28:36 The impact of systemic trauma on marginalized couples 30:50 The theater of oppression: Mapping themes onto relationships 36:51 Learning about relationships through systemic trauma 40:59 Challenging the therapy profession 46:13 The bubble of psychotherapy 48:43 Redefining and reclaiming narratives of survival 53:28 The urgency of addressing systemic trauma 56:16 Challenging the profession and implementing systemic change 59:04 Taking action and being part of the work About our Guest – Akilah Riley-Richardson MSW, CCTP Akilah Riley-Richardson is a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, a Facilitator and Trainer, as well as a Couples Therapist, certified in the STAIR Method. She has received training in various areas including Somatic Experiencing, Brainspotting, Playback Theatre, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, Neuroscience, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Relational Life Therapy, Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy, Compassion Focused Therapy, and Internal Family Systems Therapy. She is the founder of the  Relational Healing Institute, which is dedicated to the healing of relationships, especially those of marginalized people, and is also the creator of the P.R.I.D.E model which is an approach that is useful when working with clients and in clinical supervision. P.R.I.D.E stands for Pivot, Rumble, Imagine, Develop and Evolve. Resources for this Episode – Liberating Marginalized Couples from Systemic Trauma Akilah Riley-Richardson’s Website – Information & Resources Indigenous Social Work Around the World by Towards Culturally Relevant Education and Practice by John Coates & Mel Grey – Book referenced by Akilah Riley-Richardson And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE please please leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Related episodes: Navigating Racial Trauma and identity with Debra Chapman-Finley and Gliceria Perez part 1: TU203 AND Part 2: TU204 In each other’s Care Building and Sustaining Healthy Relationships with Stan Tatkin TU TU112 Mind Body Heart Spirit Embodying Liberation Psychology with Dr. Shena YoungTU230 Couples Therapy with Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson TU 140 Events, Announcements & Resource Links  Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information Therapists: THIS is our recommended class for the most comprehensive training on attachment out there. It just so happens it is also Dennings recommended program as discussed in this. episode!   Use our link for a discount!  Mind, Body, Social, & Spiritual Approaches for Healing Attachment: 30 World-Leading Pioneers Share Their Best Practices – Register now for the Holistic Attachment Summit!! – This summit will explore the most essential ideas in attachment theory, research, and how they can be applied to create deep and lasting healing for clients — enabling you to be at the forefront of evidence-based care. Click here to register!! Trauma Therapy Directory – Resources for Trauma, PTSD, and Complex PTSD – Created by our friends at the Trauma Therapy Network! Austin Women’s professional development summit – it’s a huge networking event 9/13/24!  Get your tickets now! Support this library of content at TU staying FREE and TOTALLY ACCESSIBLE by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode –  ARMRA Colostrum is a proprietary concentrate of bovine colostrum that harnesses over 400 living, bioactive nutrients that strengthen the barriers of your body and fuel cellular health for thousands of research-backed health benefits. Go to ARMRA.com and use code TU at checkout!   Go to ZocDoc.com/TU Compare high quality, in-network doctors, choose the right one for your needs, and click to instantly book an appointment. Purity Woods is on a mission is to provide people with the cleanest, most effective, and healthy products available – formulated by skin care chemists at the top of their field.  Go to puritywoods.com/TU or enter code TU at checkout Thanks for listening, friends, & for being on this journey with us! 

Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy – the good, the questionable and what to worry about Pychedelic assisted therapy Nigel Denning is a pioneer in the field of training and research around the therapeutic use of medicines, and as an Australian, has seen what happens when psychedelics become legalized.  He and co-host Sue Marriott discuss the state of psychedelic-assisted therapy as it ‘officially’ emerges in the United States.  They discuss the efficacy of psychedelics such as MDMA and psilocybin as well as concerns about how these medicines are implemented and by whom. The need for structured treatment that supports integration with a solid theory of mind is emphasized. Denning shares how the substances offer new opportunities for those who have not had success with traditional treatments, as well as addresses the concerns and skepticism around the science. Through their emphasis on the importance of proper setting, preparation, and integration he also highlights the importance of collaboration and community in the future of psychedelic therapy. Integrative Attachment Therapy was recommended as a sound training model to support those training in psychedelic integration. “Psychedelics can help create the conditions for new opportunity” – Nigel Denning Time Stamps for Unlocking the Potential of Psychedelics 04:37 The State of Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy in Australia 13:46 Addressing Criticism and Skepticism: The Need for Scientific Explanation 21:58 Understanding the Effects of MDMA on the Brain 26:41 Understanding the Effects of Psilocybin on the Brain 29:31 The Importance of Set and Setting, Preparation, and Integration 32:41 Integration in Psychedelic Therapy 36:35 Concerns about Commercialization and Lack of Regulation 44:54 Training and Collaboration in Psychedelic Therapy 49:22 Psychotherapy as a Catalyst for Transformation and Resilience About our Guest – Nigel Denning – Unlocking the Potential of Therapeutic Psychedelics Nigel Denning is a counseling psychologist who runs Integrative Psychology in Melbourne, Australia. He earned a Masters degree in English literature before entering Psychology. Denning developed a national training psychedelic-assisted therapy for Mind Medicine Australia, which is described by Professor David Nutt as “the world’s best.” Denning is a clinical lead in three psychedelic trials and has developed an attachment training program with David Elliott. He also mediated a healing process with two large Catholic colleges with histories of employing pedophiles, as well as worked on the George Pell prosecution. Denning has worked in institutional abuse and was instrumental in dismantling a Hindu sex cult. He has lectured a many universities and ran professional training for the College of Counseling psychologists, and trains in Tibetan Bon DzogChen following his mentor, Daniel P. Brown. Resources for Unlocking the Potential of Therapeutic Psychedelics Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information Therapists: THIS is our recommended class for the most comprehensive training on attachment out there. It just so happens it is also Dennings recommended program as discussed in this. episode!   Use our link for a discount!  Shadow Work and Psychedelic-Assisted Therapies – Article from Mind Medicine Australia by Nigel Denning Integrative Attachment Therapy (IAT) – Media Release Integrative Psychology – Website & Resource Previous episodes on psychedelic-assisted therapies to deepen your exploration: Non-drug Psychedelic Therapy with Trey Ratcliff TU 129 A Dose of Hope TU Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy with Dan Engle 167 And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!!   Events, Announcements & Resource Links  From Triggers to Boundaries – Secure Relating in Tumultuous Times – Reserve your spot now!! – Join us for a live podcast recording bridging psychological research with real-world application. Ann and Sue will unpack the most practical aspects of modern attachment theory and relational neurobiology to help you navigate challenging times in everyday life. Mind, Body, Social, & Spiritual Approaches for Healing Attachment: 30 World-Leading Pioneers Share Their Best Practices – Register now for the Holistic Attachment Summit!! – This summit will explore the most essential ideas in attachment theory, research, and how they can be applied to create deep and lasting healing for clients — enabling you to be at the forefront of evidence-based care. Click here to register!! Trauma Therapy Directory – Resources for Trauma, PTSD, and Complex PTSD – Created by our friends at the Trauma Therapy Network! Support this library of content at TU staying FREE and TOTALLY ACCESSIBLE by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode –  – This beautiful space is the location for our LIVE PODCAST 9/5/24!  Community + wrap-around wellness including float tanks, ice baths, cedar plank saunas, IV infusions and ketamine.  Mention Therapist Uncensored at checkout for discounts off day experiences and to waive sign-up fees for membership. Austin Women’s professional development summit – it’s a huge networking event 9/13/24!  Get your tickets now! Coffee alternative powered by mushrooms!  Listeners get 20% off plus a free starter kit.  Piquelife.com/tu   Our favorite skin quencher.  Use the code TU when you checkout at oneskin.co     Thanks for listening, friends, & for being on this journey with us! 

Improv in Therapy and in Life – Explore the power – and sheer fun – of using improvisation in therapy! Dr. Ann Kelley and Lisa Kays discuss how improv can deepen conversations around tough topics like race and oppression. They examine white supremacy culture and show how improv values like collaboration, slowing down, and embracing complexity can challenge these norms. Improv fosters creativity, playfulness, and self-reflection to help reduce defensiveness and strengthen relationships in everyday life, at work, or in our closest relationships. By creating a supportive, collaborative environment, improv deepens connections and helps people tap into a wider range of emotions. “A culture of improvisation is collaborative – it is nature – you cannot do it by yourself.” – Lisa Kays Time Stamps for Improv in Therapy & Life 03:30 The integration of improv and tough conversations 10:03 The origins of improv and its connection to social justice 14:27 Contrasting white supremacy culture and improv culture 19:20 Questioning cultural norms and valuing relationships 25:29 The power of the ‘And’ in joining and connecting 38:27 The power of improv in building secure relationships 53:25 Embracing creativity and letting go of perfectionism 58:12 Creating a culture of support and collaboration 01:05:04 Applying improv in everyday life 01:09:10 Deepening connections and accessing different emotions About our Guest for Improv Therapy – Lisa Kays LICSW, LCSW, LCSW-C Lisa Kays, LICSW, LCSW-C, LCSW, is an independently licensed clinical social worker in Washington, D.C, Maryland, Virginia, Oregon and New Jersey. She obtained her MSW from Catholic University in 2011 and has worked in a variety of clinical settings. Since 2013, she has been in private practice, providing individual, couples and group therapy to adults. She has interest in social work ethic and has published on and leads ethics training on the intersection of technology, social media and social work ethics as well as anti-racism and systemic oppression. Her practice also provides opportunities for other presenters to develop CE trainings on under-taught topics linked to social justice, systemic racism, and oppression. In addition to her traditional psychotherapy work, Lisa was a performing improviser from 2007-2019 and was on the faculty of Washington Improv Theatre from 2008-2016. She developed Washington Improv Theater’s first Improv for Therapist’s class and has offered Improv for Therapists courses, workshops and trainings to individual clinicians, pastors, life coaches, and psychiatrists, as well as clinical agencies. Since its inception, Lisa has trained more than 500 people in the application of improvisation to foster personal growth and stronger and more cohesive groups. Lisa has been invited to lead trainings in improv-informed therapy at the American Academy of Psychotherapists, the Mid-Atlantic Group Psychotherapy Association, the American Group Psychotherapy Association, and at The Psychotherapy Networker, among others. Her work has been featured in The Washington Post and on NBC4. Recently, Lisa launched a humor, humility-infused podcast, “What if Nothing’s Wrong With You?” with co-host Paula D. Atkinson on themes related to therapy, mental health, oppression, patriarchy and how it’s all interconnected. Resources for Improv Therapy –  Lisa Kay’s – Website & Resources The Fierce Urgency of Now: Improvisation, Rights, and the Ethics of Cocreation (Improvisation, Community, and Social Practice) – by Fischlin, Daniel; Heble, Ajah; Lipsitz, George Theater Games – Viola Spolin Resources Rehearsals for Growth – Website and Educational Resources Decolonizing Therapy: Oppression, Historical Trauma, and Politicizing Your Practice – book by Jennifer Mullan, PsyD The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron – Book and Resources Free Play: Improvisation in Life and Art – Nachmanovitch, Stephen And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! Therapists: This is our recommended class for going deeper and learning the most. You will not be disappointed! Use our link for a discount!  Dr. Elliott’s Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information   Support this show staying FREE and TOTALLY ACCESSIBLE by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode Go to puritywoods.com/TU or enter code TU at checkout for 27% off.   Go to helloned.com/TU or enter code TU at checkout for a discount.   Go to ZocDoc.com/TU This is a no-brainer – use it to find just about any specialist you are looking for. Thanks for listening, friends! 

Everyone is familiar with reacting “in the heat of the moment,” but do we really understand what that means? Regulation basics include the protection or connection pathways to interpersonal relating. With the high tension we’re experiencing in the world today, it can feel particularly challenging to practice secure relating. We are re-sharing one of our impactful episodes where Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott explore the inner workings of our nervous system auto-pilot settings: protection vs connection. Click here to view the original show notes for this episode! Time Stamps for Protection or Connection 00:00 Understanding our internal working model 01:05 Our body responds so much faster than our mind03:11 The story we tell amplifies the body’s response 05:30 Story vs State: Protective System and the Relational Connective System 08:11 Awareness of our state and identifying the tells of a protective system 16:12 The awareness of self in the presence of another, the relational system 17:49 Our smartest brain 19:30 Tells when you’re in a relational, connective, and reflective place 25:21 Tolerating difficult emotions 29:32 Use your own name to identify yourself 31:24 Ways to calm your body down 36:40 Pre-emptive strike; we get defensive because of the threat inside of our body 39:26 Positive interpretation of a story 41:02 Conclusion _______ Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!   Support the show by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode Go to Piquelife.com/tu Go to helloned.com/TU or enter code TU at checkout.   Dr. Elliott’s Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information – Follow this link for 5% off enrollment!   Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!                Thanks for listening!  If you haven’t yet please do drop us a rating/review wherever you get your podcasts.  It helps us spread the word about secure relating far and wide – thanks friends for being on this journey with us! 

“Being Asian American means living in two worlds, and finding your place in both.” Dr. Ann Kelley and Hyeseung Song, a first-generation Korean American discuss Hyeseung’s experiences growing up as an Asian minority in America, touching on topics like racial stereotypes, assimilation, and the model minority myth. Hyeseung shares her journey of finding her voice and identity, highlighting the mental health challenges of navigating different cultures and the path to self-acceptance. “…realizing that I was kind of a third distinct thing, maybe not completely Korean, maybe not completely American, but Korean American – something very special that I was learning and etching out for myself.” – Hyeseung Song Time Stamps for Journey to Self-Discovery: Navigating Identity and Mental Health as a Korean American Immigrant  5:17 – Growing up as Korean American 9:23 – The impact of racial stereotypes and assimilation 23:23 – Code-Switching and Balancing Cultural Expectations 26:24 – The Toll of Hypervigilance on Mental Health 29:14 – Finding Voice and Identity as a Korean American 36:58 – The Importance of Culturally Competent Mental Health Care 41:17 – Asian American Collaboration and Advocacy 46:13 – Embracing Identity and Fighting Racial Stereotypes: The Role of Younger Generations 56:22 – Finding Support and Being Seen 59:27 – The Importance of a Common Language in Therapy 01:06:57 –  Curiosity and Connection in Conversations about Race and Identity About our Guest – Hyeseung Song  Photo by Jack Sorokin   Hyeseung Song is a first-generation Korean American painter and the author of Docile: Memoirs of a Not-So-Perfect Asian Girl (Simon & Schuster). She lives in Brooklyn and upstate New York. Learn more about her at hyeseungsong.com. Resources for today’s episode –  Click here to visit Hyeseung’s website “They Called Us Exceptional” – Prachi Gupta’s Memoir “The Body Keeps the Score”  Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy – Author, Professor & Director of the Eikenberg Institute Suicide statistic: #1 cause of death among young AAPI adults 15-24 is suicide   Check out Hyeseung Song’s book – Docile: Memoirs of a Not-So-Perfect Asian Girl     Instagram @hyeseungs Twitter @hyeseungs Tiktok @noturdocile Other Relevant Therapist Uncensored Episodes https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/healing-intergenerational-ancestral-trauma-with-linda-thai/ _______ Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!   Support the show by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode Go to ARMRA.com and use code TU at checkout!   Go to Piquelife.com/tu Dr. Elliott’s Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information – Follow this link for 5% off enrollment!     Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!                Thanks for listening!  If you haven’t yet please do drop us a rating/review wherever you get your podcasts.  It helps us spread the word about secure relating far and wide – thanks friends for being on this journey with us! 

Let’s revisit the “Felt Sense” Polyvagal model Enjoy this replay episode with Jan Winhall, as we explore how our bodies can guide us towards healing and growth through the concept of “felt sense.” This approach integrates neuroscience and focuses on our innate ability to perceive and respond to our experiences. Winhall’s work challenges conventional views on navigating challenges influenced by culture and trauma. Click here to view Jan Winhall’s original shownotes  Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!   Interest in David Elliot’s Integrative Attachment Training? Click here!! Support the show by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode with Jan Winhall  Go to ARMRA.com and use code TU at checkout!   ‘ Go to ZocDoc.com/TU   Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberatio   We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our communit Thanks for listening!  If you haven’t yet please do drop us a rating/review wherever you get your podcasts.  It helps us spread the word about secure relating far and wide – thanks friends for being on this journey with us! 

Episode Swap!! Check out this cross-over episode with Robyn Gobbel One of the many incredible aspects of this community are the people we are able to connect and learn with, like Robyn Gobbel. She is a licensed social worker, podcast host, keynote speaker, writer, trainer & consultant – and even host launch this spring. This episode, Ann and Sue joined her on her podcast, “The Baffling Behavior Show”, to talk about secure relating. Click here to see “The Baffling Behavior Show” show notes  Looking for our reading and discussion groups? Click here!! Other Relevant Therapist Uncensored Episodes with Robyn Gobbel https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu142-trauma-informed-therapy-with-kids-with-robyn-gobbel-msw-rpt-s/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu53-complex-trauma-and-managing-dysregulation-with-guest-robyn-gobbel/ Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!   Interest in David Elliot’s Integrative Attachment Training? Click here!! Support the show by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode with Robyn Gobbel  Go to ARMRA.com and use code TU at checkout!   Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberatio   We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our communit Thanks for listening!  If you haven’t yet please do drop us a rating/review wherever you get your podcasts.  It helps us spread the word about secure relating far and wide – thanks friends for being on this journey with us! 

Part 3 of 3 – Let’s talk about deepening security relationally Curiosity, emotional honesty and discernment… magic ingredients to preserve and express your security. Ann and Sue focus on context over the intrapsychic in this episode, which expands on the last thrid of the ideas from their book, Secure Relating Holding Your Own in an Insecure World. Moving from individual to interpersonal and then societal levels, we discuss the complexities of human connection. Ann and Sue touch on the dark side of empathy and oxytocin, explore leadership and the need for nuance in navigating today’s challenges while aiming to expand beyond just the Western lens. Whether it be with your partner or even how you navigate your community – building security helps every single one of us.  They hope to help you do your part in this crucial work of deepening your connection to the goodness of yourself and others and mobilizing your voice to stand up for those who need us. “Our growth does not just happen in the therapy office, it happens through all of our relational experiences and is enhanced by interpersonal risk we take safe people throughout our lives.”  – Sue Marriott Time Stamps for Security Individually, Relationally, and in Community  1:55 – Deeping security among us  4:23 – What is a primary? 9:31 – Why we don’t use the word “treatment” 18:37 – Empathy and Oxitocyn aren’t always good  24:19 – Why receiving opposing feedback is important Resources for Security Individually, Relationally, and in Community  Click here to secure your spot in the Secure Relating Reading Pod – starting soon! You can get your copy here!!   Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!          Thanks for listening!  If you haven’t yet please do drop us a rating/review wherever you get your podcasts.  It helps us spread the word about secure relating far and wide – thanks friends for being on this journey with us! 

The party isn’t over quite yet. This is part 2 of 3 of our behind-the-scenes look at our book journey. Following the launch of the book, our virtual party, and our Modern Attachment conference in Austin, TX, Ann and Sue open with gratitude from the event, and for the overwhelming outpour of love and support from our community and those who help inspire this content. As we dive into more chapters of the book, we lean into understanding the attachment spectrum colors, recognizing what is happening internally when we feel activated, and shifting activation levels. “This isn’t about pathologizing – this is about learning the patterns of how our body responds when we get activated and what to do next.” – Sue Marriott Time Stamps for Shifting Activation Levels 00:32 – Trying to process the overwhelming virtual launch with the incredible attachment community 5:02 – Engaging different activation states – looking at Part 2 of Secure Relating 11:02 – Direct look into blue leaning patterns, dismissing attachment activation via Chapter 8 15:32- Understanding the behaviors behind  “blue” with compassion and watching for shame 19:14 – Cooling down red activation – preoccupied patterns via Chapter 9 23:13 – Resolving the unresolved -tye dye patterns and trauma, via a peek into Chapter 10  Resources for Shifting Activation Levels Click here to secure your spot in the Secure Relating Reading Pod – starting soon! You can get your copy here!!       TherapyChat – Friend of the podcast, Laura Reagan, LCSW-C’s podcast Support the show by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode   Go to Zocdoc.com/TU  Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!          Thanks for listening!  If you haven’t yet please do drop us a rating/review wherever you get your podcasts.  It helps us spread the word about secure relating far and wide – thanks friends for being on this journey with us! 

It’s finally here! Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World is out now! After years of hard work, Sue and Ann could not be more excited to celebrate the release of their book. Today’s episode offers behind the scene’s conversation and a deeper dive into Part 1 of the book, Secure Relating Holding Your Own in an Insecure World. You can purchase it now directly at www.securerelatingbook.com and get an ad-free podcast feed at www.therapistuncensored.com/join. “We survive because of our innate longing for connection….” – Sue Marriott Time Stamps for Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World  1:45 – Information about our book & book launch 15:25 – Breaking down the three section of the book 29:22 – The armor of the sturdy survivor  31:06 – Sue’s anecdote and analysis of the MMPI test 35:54 – Overview of the Three R Healing Spiral  45:28 – Reflecting and Building Agency  Resources for Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World  Click here to secure your spot in the Secure Relating Reading Pod – starting soon! Want to join the live virtual book launch on 5/1? Sign up here!  You can get your copy here!!       Support the show by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode Check out AG1 at AthleticGreens.com/TherapistUncensored Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!          Thanks for listening!  If you haven’t yet please do drop us a rating/review wherever you get your podcasts.  It helps us spread the word about secure relating far and wide – thanks friends for being on this journey with us! 

Appreciate this podcast?  Then please, help us reach our goal of 7,000 pre-orders for Secure Relating, Holding Your Own in an Insecure World.   Click here to learn more about the conference!! Over 100 episodes after their last interview, Ann and Sue are thrilled to be back discussing all things attachment with Dr. David Elliott. Together they delve into the Three Pillars therapy model development, centered around three key elements: enhancing collaboration, fostering metacognition, and constructing new internal working models through imagery. Dr. Elliott elaborates on how the therapeutic journey prioritizes the therapeutic alliance, perspective-taking, and employing mental imagery to cultivate fresh attachment dynamics. “…the field of attachment is full of wonderful research, researchers, and information – some of which is conflicting, some of which is controversial – but that just means the field is alive and there’s room for lots of people to offer ideas and to evolve the field further.” – Dr. David Elliott Time Stamps for Integrative Attachment Therapy  02:01 – Overview of the Three Pillars 07:11- Limitations of the Therapist as Good Attachment Figure Model 14:42 – Integration and the Evolution of the Three Pillars Model 29:50 – The Use of Mental Imagery in Creating New Internal Working Models 39:46 – Research and Future Directions 47:16 – The Benefits of Sequential Learning 53:47 – The Virtual Book Launch and Community Support 01:00:23 – The Five Conditions that Promote Attachment Security 01:08:09 – Contact Information and Conclusion About our Guest – Dr. David Elliott  Dr. David Elliott is a licensed psychologist who earned his Ph.D. in Psychology from Harvard University in 1989. His clinical training at Harvard included externships at Tufts University Counseling Centerand St. Elizabeth’s Medical Center, as well as a clinical psychology internship and post-doctoral fellowship at McLean Hospital. He has held leadership positions in the Rhode Island Psychological Association and the Coalition of Mental Health Professionals of Rhode Island. Since 1998, Dr. Elliott has been on the faculty of the International School for Psychotherapy, Counseling, and Group Leadership in St. Petersburg, Russia, and serves as Chair of its International Advisory Board. He also teaches at Psykosyntes Akademin in Stockholm, Sweden. Dr. Elliott’s recent focus has been on secure and insecure attachment, culminating in the co-authoring of “Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for Comprehensive Repair” in 2016. He conducts workshops internationally on the methods outlined in the book for mental health professionals. Resources for today’s episode – Integrative Attachment Therapy Dr. Elliott’s Website Dr. Elliott’s Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information – Follow this link for 5% off enrollment! Check out Dr. Elliott’s book – Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for Comprehensive Repair https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/heal-attachment-and-find-security-during-covid/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu34-treating-attachment-difficulties-with-dr-david-elliott/   Don’t forget: Register today for the May 2024 Conference – Earlybird pricing ending 4/1/24 Free public talk on Secure Relating in person,  – Click here!! Secure Relating will be in your hands when it’s released 4/30/24 if you order it today! Questions? Email us at [email protected] _______ Support the show by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/TU   Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!              Thanks for listening!  If you haven’t yet please do drop us a rating/review wherever you get your podcasts.  It helps us spread the word about secure relating far and wide – thanks friends for being on this journey with us! 

Meet some of our previous guests at the virtual launch May 1, 2024! Pre-order now to meet David Elliott, Carol George, Tina Payne Bryson and many more!   Click here to learn more about the conference!! Do you have your metaphorical sunglasses on? Ann and Sue are back for another deep dive, this time on all things information processing. Using the concept of sunglasses as a metaphor for information distortion, they explain how our internal working models and attachment experiences shape the way we perceive and interpret information. The sunglasses represent different states of activation, with clear glasses indicating a secure state and aviator sunglasses representing a defensive, self-protective state. Sunglasses can affect our relationships – but they don’t have to stop us from building healthy connections. Follow along as we explore the importance of curiosity, self-reflection, and open-mindedness in navigating relationships. “…you can be very responsive to the people around you and their different states, but you’re also equally responsive to your own battery, your own needs, your own wishes, your own frustrations – that matters too.” – Sue Marriott Time Stamps for Information Processing  1:06 – Introducing the metaphor of sunglasses 6:27 – Recognizing information distortion and its impact 12:37 – Understanding positive and negative transference 18:15 – Deep dive into the meaning behind the Aviator sunglasses metaphor  23:28 – The impact of early attachment experiences 35:44 – How our stories can impact the way our nervous system responds 41:01 – Questions can feel threatening neurologically  43:49 – The crazy 8 anecdote  45:51 – Being aware of our own sunglass distortions  Information Processing Resources  Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Mental Health Liberation is our primary partner at this time – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists. Support the show by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode!    Go to Zocdoc.com/TU 

Don’t catch the certainty virus! Collective trauma requires collective healing We can understand our social pain by considering the nervous system, just think of it as a collective amygdala hijack!  Threat is pressing us to live in an alarm state and then we get used to it, as if it’s normal to be so divided, hopeless and disdainful to those who are holding different positions in the world. We need to cultivate secure (mature) relating to move ourselves back into a social, relational place that makes us more generous, compassionate and able to work with complexity to stay engaged to solve some of these pressing world and community issues. Keep hope alive! Ann and Sue delve into the pressing emotional and social challenges confronting our world today. They examine the impact of divisive political rhetoric, the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, collective distrust, and widespread trauma on individuals and society as a whole. Emphasizing the necessity of self-awareness and accountability, they underscore the role each person plays in contributing to collective healing and regulation. Throughout their conversation, Ann and Sue stress the importance of vulnerability, genuine connection, and the pursuit of healing as essential components of addressing systemic issues and promoting relational solutions. They also tackle the complexities of polarization, advocating for open-mindedness, nuance, and empathy in navigating ideological differences and fostering constructive dialogue. Explore the transformative potential of emotions like anger and the power of connection and love in driving positive societal change. “…if you can get your mind and your body connected and be deliberate about your actions, you’re going to bemore powerful” – Sue Marriott Time Stamps for Collective Dysregulation 1:42 – Reflecting on current events and polarization  4:40 – Sue’s bug analogy from the book  7:55 – Understanding our reactivity  10:15 – We have to go inward and look inward  15:25 – Ann’s anecdote of sitting with the discomfort 17:44 – Tools to “hang in there” and to try to stay regulated 18:46 – Explanation of the “certainty virus”  30:17 – Taking responsibility for our part  32:23 – The need for vulnerability and safety  35:15 – Cultivating safety around you  37:55 – Letting anger inform  48:34 – Holding our own individually and collectively 50:46 – Keeping hope alive  58:31 – Recognizing the signs of collectiveness and collective activation Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Mental Health Liberation is our primary partner at this time – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists. And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!   Check out our other past and upcoming events here!! 

“Hypnosis is more like an anti-inflammatory drug, you use it to solve a problem.” Join Dr. Ann Kelley and Dr. David Spiegel as they dive into the benefits and misconceptions of hypnosis. Hypnosis is a state of highly focused attention and cognitive flexibility, allowing individuals to explore new possibilities. Whether it’s trouble with sleep, intense anxiety, or a need to break bad habits, hypnosis has proven to be an effective tool for many. Dr. Spiegel has dedicated years of research and emphasizes the importance of accessibility to hypnosis in our healthcare systems. His app R E V E R I has over 1 million downloads and allows you to rewire your brain, conquer negative habits, and achieve personal growth from home. “…People in hypnosis can turn down that superego part of the brain that says, ‘here’s who you’re supposed to be’and ‘here’s what you were raised to be’ and ‘here’s how you should be’, and just says – ‘What if I were different? What would it feel like?‘“ – Dr. David Spiegel About our Guest – Dr. David Spiegel Dr. David Spiegel is Willson Professor and Associate Chair of Psychiatry & Behavioral Sciences, Director of the Center on Stress and Health, and Medical Director of the Center for Integrative Medicine at Stanford University School of Medicine, where he has been a member of the academic faculty since 1975, and was Chair of the Stanford University Faculty Senate from 2010-2011. Dr. Spiegel has more than 40 years of clinical and research experience studying psycho-oncology, stress and health, pain control, psychoneuroendocrinology, sleep, hypnosis, and conducting randomized clinical trials involving psychotherapy for cancer patients. He has published thirteen books, 404 scientific journal articles, and 170 book chapters on hypnosis, psychosocial oncology, stress physiology, trauma, and psychotherapy. His research has been supported by the National Institute of Mental Health, the National Cancer Institute, the National Institute on Aging, the National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health, the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation, the Fetzer Institute, the Dana Foundation for Brain Sciences, and the Nathan S. Cummings Foundation. He was a member of the work groups on stressor and trauma-related disorders for the DSM-IV and DSM-5 editions of the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. He is Past President of the American College of Psychiatrists and the Society for Clinical and Experimental Hypnosis, and is a Member of the National Academy of Medicine. He was invited to speak on hypnosis at the World Economic Forum in Davos in 2018. Time Stamps for Hypnosis for Healing 00:15 – Dr. Spiegel’s beginning with hypnosis work  2:30 – What is hypnosis? 2:56 – The myths around hypnosis 5:32 – How hypnosis is different from standard mindfulness? 8:29 – Similarities between hypnosis and mindfulness 13:29 – Effectiveness of hypnosis for sleep and anxiety 23:09 – Understanding the R E V E R I app  31:20 – The effects on smoking with hypnosis 37:20 – Hypnosis and trauma  44:48 – Who is a good candidate for hypnosis? 47:39 – Introduction to the “hypno-pharmacy” on the app  55:23 – Your hypnotizability and genetics 57:13 – Hypnotizability and attachment theory Resources for today’s episode – Hypnosis for Healing Dr. Spiegel’s Website & Profile Publications – The full list of Dr. Spiegel’s publications R E V E R I – Try Dr. Spiegel’s hypnosis app Effect of Psychosocial Treatment on Survival of Patients with Metastatic Breast Cancer – Referenced research article on psychosocial treatment And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!   Check out our other past and upcoming events here!!  Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!          Thanks for listening!  If you haven’t yet please do drop us a rating/review wherever you get your podcasts.  It helps us spread the word about secure relating far and wide – thanks friends for being on this journey with us! 

“The more that we unlearn, the more that we decolonize our minds, bodies, hearts and spirits” – Dr. Shena Young Join co-host Sue Marriott and Dr. Shena Young as they dive into liberation psychology and the conflict between intuition and the traditional European model of psychology. Dr. Shena highlights embodying a holistic approach to help heal traumas and deeply root us in our most authentic selves. Whether through connections with nature or the exploration of ancestral traditions, this discussion is enriched with various opportunities to reconnect and liberate our mind, body, heart, and spirit. About our Guest – Dr. Shena Young (She/Her) Affectionately known as Dr. Shena (she/her) & spiritually as Iya Osunbunmi Orisasewa, she is a licensed embodiment-focused psychologist–healer, artist, mental health futurist, on-set wellbeing professional, and priestess in the Isese tradition of Ifa. She holds space internationally for individuals, couples, groups, and organizations committed to the ritual of calling themselves back into their bodies as a freedom practice. She owns a private practice, embodied truth healing & psychological services, rooted in Los Angeles, CA where she offers mind–body–heart–spirit care in healing from sexual, racial, intergenerational, and ancestral traumas. Time Stamps for Embodying Liberation Psychology  1:30 – Dr. Shena’s journey with liberation psychology and decolonization 7:25 – Dr. Shena’s early life and intuition 9:48 – Body language is one of our first languages 18:58 – Understanding the pillars of authenticity  20:52 – Embracing the mind, body, heart, spirit approach 28:21 – Unlearning scarcity and expecting abundance 33:29 – Thinking of currency as seeds 41:37 – New interests in ancient traditions 44:11 – What the act of grounding may look like  51:45 – The decriminalization of psychedelic plant medicines  56:30 – There is power in practicing choice 1:05:01 – Impact of The Color Purple Resources for today’s episode – Embodying Liberation Psychology EmbodiedTruthHealing.com – Dr. Shena’s website Healing Opportunities with Dr. Shena @EmbodiedTruthHealing – Dr. Shena’s Instagram Invest in healing programs for BIPOC Dr. Clenora Hudson-Weems website – Where Dr. Shena first learned about Africana Womanist theory Body Rites – Dr. Shena’s book. Get your copy, here!! And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!   Check out our other past and upcoming events here!!  Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!      Thanks for listening!  If you haven’t yet please do drop us a rating/review wherever you get your podcasts.  It helps us spread the word about secure relating far and wide – thanks friends for being on this journey with us! 

“Boundaries are self-worth in action” – Juliane Taylor Shore We’re back with long-time friend of the podcast and expert, Juliane Taylor Shore LMFT, LPC, SEP. As we reflect on our episode from six years ago on boundaries, we dive into new knowledge and how we can create boundaries that stick. Juliane Taylor Shore blends her original methods like “the jello wall” with new research to share exciting and thoughtful insight on how through boundaries we can harness compassion in our relationships with others and ourselves. “I have also seen that learning to trust yourself is a huge part of safety. When we handle life well, it’s often the result of treating ourselves with love and respect, and leaning in to those who love us too.” – Juliane Taylor Shore About our Guest – Juliane Taylor Shore LMFT, LPC, SEP Juliane Taylor Shore is a therapist, author, teacher, and mom who is creating spaces where people can move into more self-compassion, self-trust, empowerment, and integrity. She regularly teaches and speaks to people from all around the world, and translates new understandings in neurobiology into practices that can support brain change. She is also the author of Setting Boundaries that Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe, Connected and Empowered and an Associate Instructor with the Coherence Institute, and a core faculty member with Therapy Wisdom. Time Stamps for Setting Boundaries that Stick  00:53 – How Juliane wrote her book 3:15 – New ideas around boundary work 5:30 – Different categories of assessments 6:01 – Expanding the concept of boundaries 11:26 – Minds experience the world in different ways 16:34 – Explanation of the jello wall analogy 25:59 – Understanding the containing boundary 28:59 – The big emotional “oomph” 30:57 – What if you found your own version of a compassion gesture? 33:22 – Examples of key words 38:54 – The fourth boundary, physical 40:27 – Boundary repair, what it means to “gently come back to yourself” 50:38 – Creating the external boundary map Resources for today’s episode  Juliane Taylor Shore – Official website iPNB of Austin – Official website Therapy Wisdom – Official website How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe, Connected, and Empowered – Book by Juliane Taylor Shore   Other Relevant Therapist Uncensored Episodes  https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu81-how-good-boundaries-actually-bring-us-closer-with-guest-juliane-taylor-shore/ Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Mental Health Liberation is our primary partner at this time – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists. We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups and who knows what else may come!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!   Check out our other past and upcoming events here!! 

Discomfort is a necessary part of liberating ourselves from patriarchal and white supremacist ideology Art by Nisha K. Sethi This is part two of a two-part series with the founder of Inclusive Therapists, Melody and TU Co-host, Sue Marriott. This episode features challenging yet important conversations on active anti-racist practices, exploration of oppression, and dismantling whiteness in mental health structures. Melody emphasizes the need for white clinicians to examine their own complicity in upholding oppressive systems and to listen to and center the experiences of marginalized communities. They also highlight the interconnectedness of healing and the power of collective liberation through rehumanizing. “…if I uphold a system that I know is dehumanizing someone, I become less human myself.” – Melody Li, LMFT (they/佢) About our Guest – Melody Li, LMFT (they/佢)  Melody Li, LMFT (they/佢) is the founder of Inclusive Therapists: a mental health directory, resource hub & community centering marginalized communities. They also founded Mental Health Liberation, a non-profit bridging Black, Indigenous, and People of Color with free, quality therapy, and empowering Students & Clinicians of Color. Their activism focuses on decolonizing mental health care and dismantling the industrial complex. The colony-born migrant and settler on Turtle Island advocates for Landback, Indigenous Sovereignty, and Black Liberation as a priority. Time Stamps for Decolonizing the Mental Health System (Part 2) 2:18 – Definition of QTBIPOC 3:22 – Deep dive into anti-oppressive and liberators practices 8:20 – Understanding cis-gender identity  9:49 – Structural oppression is not about your feelings 15:34 – How white feminism can be exclusionary  17:06 – Dismantling whiteness from the mental health field  23:30 – Actions items for white clinicians to be more inclusive 25:52 – Top down versus bottom-down healing 30:40 – The core of oppression is to dehumanize Resources for today’s episode – Decolonizing the Mental Health System (Part 2) Pedagogy of the Oppressed by Paulo Freire – Literature recommendation by Melody Li Melody Li’s Website  Melody Li’s Instagram Profile Inclusive Therapists Resource Library Open Letter: End Mental Health Field’s Complicity to Genocide Steadfast for Collective Liberation Newsletter: Confronting our B******t & Toxicity Palestinian Liberation: Lessons in Solidarity for Mental Health Providers Palestinian Liberation Resources When is exploring whiteness clinically relevant? (Melody Li, LMFT) Dismantling whiteness, white feminism and supremacy delusion: resources by Black, Indigenous and People of Color (Li advised against buying white authors on this subject) Decolonizing Therapy (Dr. Jenn Mullan) Stages of Colonialism in Africa: From Occupation of Land to Occupation of Being (Hussein A. Bulhan) All psychologies are indigenous psychologies: Reflections on psychology in a global era (Anthony J. Marsella) Mental Health Liberation: Website | Instagram | Facebook | BIPOC Therapy Fund | Liberatory Student Support Circle Inclusive Therapists: Website | Instagram | Facebook  And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!!   Check out our other past and upcoming events here!!   

Love Letter to Group Psychotherapy While Ann and Sue are in DC at the American Group Psychotherapy Association Conference, we thought this was the perfect opportunity to replay one of our favorite episodes. Co-hosts Sue Marriott and Patty Olwell interview colleagues at the American Group Psychotherapy 2016 Association Annual Meeting in New York. They talk about why they love group therapy and why it is so valuable to their clients. We want to thank our interviewees for their help and insights. Interviewees for this Episode… Tammy Brown – Austin TX tammybrowntherapy.com Jamie Moran – San Francisco CA jamiemoran.com Rita Drapkin – Indiana University of Pennsylvania (724)357-2621 Pierre Choucroun – Austin TX Pierre M Choucroun on Psychology Today Kelly Inselmann – Austin TX kellyinselmann.com Liz Rosenblatt – Los Angeles CA Dr Elizabeth Rosenblatt on LAGPA RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Austin Group Psychotherapy Society: Organization that promotes group therapy and provides training for clinicians American Group Psychotherapy Association: National organization that promotes group therapy as a cost effective and clinical valuable treatment. Psychodynamic Group Psychotherapy Scott Rutan Walter Stone and Joseph Shay. These are masters of group. An excellent text for therapists and others eager to learn about group. You can trust these authors And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! Click here to see our past and upcoming events!!  Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join! Mental Health Liberation is our primary partner at this time – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists. We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups and who knows what else may come!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join! 

Not your ordinary journaling… a science-backed technique that gets to the heart of bottom-up healing. You may have heard about this protocol on the Huberman Lab Podcast. Co-hosts Ann and Sue discuss the power of expressive writing as a tool for physical and emotional healing directly with the original researcher, Dr. James Pennebaker. While his protocol is not a simple “elixir” to cure mental or physical illness, Dr. Pennebaker has dedicated years of research and found this kind of expressive writing to be an effective method of healing for many people. Writing without boundaries or expectations can allow us to enter a stream of consciousness and better process our feelings and experiences of trauma. “As the number of studies increased, it became clear that writing was a far more powerful tool for healing than anyone had ever imagined.” – Dr. James Pennebaker About our Guest – Dr. James Pennebaker James W. Pennebaker is Professor Emeritus of Psychology. He is continuing to explore natural language use, group dynamics, and personality in both laboratory and real world settings. His earlier work on expressive writing found that physical health and work performance can improve by simple writing and/or talking exercises. His cross-disciplinary research is related to linguistics, clinical and cognitive psychology, communications, medicine, and computer science. Author or editor of 12 books and over 300 articles, Pennebaker has received numerous research and teaching awards and honors.   Time Stamps for Neuroscience-proven Expressive Writing Protocol  00:49 – Dr. Pennebaker’s background 3:31 – Secrets are unhealthy  12:45 – Interesting findings from his writing experiment 17:46 – Dr. Pennebaker’s blood draw study 21:35 – One of the big problems with expressive writing 25:52 – Understanding executive function and working memory  27:31 – Three of the most impactful psychological tools  33:37 – The difference between standard journaling and these writing exercises 38:40 – The benefits of open-ended questions 46:16 – The emergent process of writing 59:03 – Anecdote about how Dr. Pennebaker’s analysis contributed to an exoneration 1:02 – What language can tell us about political leadership Resources for today’s episode – Expressive Writing Protocol The Pennebaker Lanuage Lab Linguistic Inquiry & Word Count – Text analysis tools Publications – A list of Dr. Pennebaker’s publications Website – Dr. Pennebaker’s UT website and information Transcripts for A Neuroscience-Proven Expressive Writing Protocol with Dr. James Pennebaker (225) And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! Click here to see our past and upcoming events!!  Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Mental Health Liberation is our primary partner at this time – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists. We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups and who knows what else may come!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join! 

How Good Boundaries Actually Bring Us Closer This is a replay episode as we gear up for another exciting conversation with Juliane Taylor Shore – enjoy this refresh on setting and maintaining boundaries! Link to the original show notes, here!! And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! Click here to see our past and upcoming events!!  Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation   We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!   

The 2020 COVID-19 pandemic has had lasting effects on our world – one of the most difficult being long COVID, which has shed light on chronic illnesses worldwide such as ME/CFS… In this episode, Ann and Sue share their research as well as personal experiences as caregivers for those with the illness and discuss the stigmas, invisibility, psychology of denial, support in advocating for your health, discussion of how to be a supportive caregiver, and secure relating in regards to chronic disease.  “…the notion is to come to accept something you might not have chosen, and strive to find peace with where you are at now … It’s not necessarily about getting back to where you were. It’s about growing from where you are today.” – Sue Marriott Time Stamps for Long Covid and ME/CFS 00:05 – Information about the May Modern Attachment Conference 7:55 – The difference between the names Myalgic Encephalomyelitis and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome 12:21 – How we use attribution error in coping with long COVID 19:04 – Understanding deep fatigue post-infection and the effects 24:42 – Markers of long covid  32:39 – Touching base with Westernized culture stigmas 34:37 – Impactful ways to emotionally support someone struggling with chronic illness 39:17 – The power in being able to tap in with our bodies 42:11 – Discussion of the book “Grappling with Cure” by Eli Clare 44:15 – Important reminders on taking your medical care seriuosly/advocate for yourself  Resources for today’s episode Long Covid  Brilliant Imperfection: Grappling with Cure by Eli Clare – A book Sue has been using as a resource for understanding and supporting chronic illness The Lonely, Isolating, and Alienating Implications of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome – Samir Boulazreg, Samir and Rokach, Ami – NIH Article Post-Exertional Symptom Exacerbation (PESE) – Long Covid Physio A discovery in the muscles of long COVID patients may explain exercise troubles – NPR Controversies related to chronic fatigue syndrome – Wikipedia article ME/CFS Research Published 26 December 2023 – 1 January 2024 – The ME Association The psychological impact of COVID-19 on the mental health in the general population – National Library of Medicine, Oxford University Article A Discussion on Secure Relating & Chronic Illness (223) – Transcripts Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Mental Health Liberation is our primary partner at this time – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists. We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups and who knows what else may come!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! Click here to see our past and upcoming events!!   

Welcome 2024! We are kicking off the new year with a special conversation between co-host Sue Marriott and special guest Jeff Lutes. Both members of the LGBTQ+ community, this discussion dives into raising families, the evolution of the community, allyship, gender, and the importance of advocacy. While there has been some progress, the LGBTQ+ community still actively faces discrimination. Whether you’re a practicing therapist with clients in the community or have LGBTQ-identifying loved ones, this episode is for you. Through a personal and professional lens, this conversation offers new perspectives and shines a light on the significance of staying educated and being an active voice.  “There are a lot of therapists that see themselves as affirming, but I think you have to get actively involved in order to be an ally.” – Jeff Lutes Time Stamps for Advocating for the LGBTQ+ Community  2:00 – Jeff’s anecdotes about religion and sexuality 11:18 – How advocacy can be a thankless job  12:00 – Introduction to the Contemporary Relationships Conference  14:34 – The difference between being trained in accepting versus educated  16:48 – The importance of knowing the correct terminology  20:39 – What we can learn from the polyamorous community  22:58 – Definition of queer and who that represents 24:37 – Let’s talk about pronouns  31:21 – Explanation of dead naming and why it is wrong 42:15 – Conversion therapy research and findings  47:00: Trailblazers in Love, Jeff’s book  Resources for today’s episode Advocating for the LGBTQ+ Community  Jeff Lute’s Website – Information, credentials, presentations and publications Contemporary Relationships Conference – Conference information and proposals Get your copy of his book, Trailblazers in Love, here!! About our Guest – Jeff Lutes, LPC Jeff specializes in creating collaborative conversations with clients that generate new possibilities for change.  Using a postmodern approach, he listens carefully to each client’s story and strives to understand how they might make meaning of themselves, others, and the world around them. He founded the Contemporary Relationships Conference and has presented to audiences around the country, including the American Association of Marriage & Family Therapy,  the American Family Therapy Academy, the American Counseling Association, and the Texas Psychological Association. He is also the author of Trailblazers In Love, as well as chapters in three counseling textbooks. Lutes also wrote a children’s book about adoption, deaf culture, and non-traditional families and has been a contributing writer at Bilerico and Therapy Matters.   We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups and who knows what else may come!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! Click here to see our past and upcoming events!!  Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Mental Health Liberation is our primary partner at this time – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists.

Goodbye 2023, Hello 2024 – Reflecting on impactful guests & topics of the year We explored many ideas this year and despite the variety of topics we found a consistent theme – nurturing secure relating in an insecure world. With wide-ranging interviews and, we were met with rich conversations and endless opportunities to grow. As we close out 2023 with gratitude, Ann and Sue look back at important episodes from this year, review lessons learned, and share exciting announcements to come in 2024. It’s coming….. Pre-order your book today! “When we are in a secure state of mind, we evoke that in others.” – Sue Marriott Time Stamps for TU 2023 Year in Review 4:21 – Reviewing the series, Secure Relating in an Insecure World 7:45 – Ann and Sue’s favorite topics from the series 17:45 – Takeaways from our two-part Dream series 22:47 – Explanation of failed mourning from episode 210 with Dr. Carol George 29:46 – How Ann and Sue practiced self-care this year 31:28 – Looking deeper into systems of poverty with Dr. Sharon Lambert 36:33 – Exploring our internal audiences 43:01 – Important lessons from the episode 207 with Dacher Keltner 45:40 – Austin IN Connection Live Event Announcement for 2024:  It will be a Secure Relating LIVE weekend!  Stay tuned – but we welcome those traveling and will make sure there are plenty of opportunities to connect! Resources for TU 2023 Year in Review This Jungian Life – A podcast from our guests on episode 201 that dives into Jungian dream analysis Other Relevant Therapist Uncensored Episodes https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/healing-intergenerational-ancestral-trauma-with-linda-thai/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/navigating-racial-trauma-part-1-203/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/intergenerational-conversation-climate-202/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/interpreting-dreams-with-a-jungian-lens-unlocking-a-world-within-ourselves-201/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/awe-for-collective-healing-series-sriw-ep-6/ https://mentalhealthliberation.org/bipoc-therapy-fund/ Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation     We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!      View the TU 2023 Year in Review – Building Internalized Secure Voices (221) – Transcripts Support the show by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode!  For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/TU     Go to Zocdoc.com/TU and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today.   Go to Cozyearth.com/TU   Pre-orders are officially available!  It will be delivered April 30, 2024 (a million years from now), but it’s coming!

Hair-pulling, skin picking, and cheek, lip, & cuticle biting are self-soothing strategies that depending on the degree can become body-focused repetitive behavioral disorders. Learn about a new attachment-informed psychodynamic model for treating these painful, shame-associated behaviors. This is a replay episode of our discussion with psychotherapist and body-focused repetitive behavioral expert, Stacy Nakell. Link to the original show notes, here!! Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation   We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!        Some of our sponsors – support them to support us!   Get 15% off with the code TU at oneskin.co     Get 55% off at Babbel.com/TU   Go to Cozyearth.com/TU     Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast (and these show notes) offer quality education and insight into interpersonal relationships.  An entirely free way to support us is to simply rate and review the podcast on your favorite podcast player, and/or to simply share this episode with someone you think could use the free resources on the show! 

It’s time to start celebrating vulnerability While just the word vulnerability can trigger our defenses, it can also be a great gateway to secure relating and deepening the connection with our authentic selves. In a society heavily influenced by social media, unhealthy gender roles, and many other factors – Ann and Sue dive into the importance of changing the narrative and stepping out of our defensive invulnerable state and into our healthy, vulnerable selves.  “We’re swimming towards feeling vulnerability and recognizing it as not toxic – that is something desirable and something to be proud of” – Sue Marriott  Time Stamps for Ditching Invulnerability 1:09 – Introduction to toxic invulnerability  4:54 – Different ways we can stay in a place of invulnerability  5:58 – Does being defensive mean I’m being invulnerable? 8:36 – How invulnerability is toxic on an individual level 9:30 – The relationship between perfectionism and invulnerability 14:05 – Social media’s influence on keeping us afraid of vulnerability 16:12 – Sue’s Beyonce anecdote  19:51 – Practicing active vulnerability  27:28 – Anxiety and invulnerability  28:01 – Signs of invulnerability we may not recognize  34:23 – Why we should call it harmful invulnerability versus toxic invulnerability 37:05 – Embracing our most authentic selves through vulnerability Resources for Ditching Invulnerability Brene Brown’s Website – A resource where you can find her content on shame and vulnerability “It’s Not All in Your Head – You Do Focus Differently on Zoom” – Scientific American article on Zoom and human connection Other Relevant Therapist Uncensored Episodes https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/you-are-kenough-liz-plank-211/ Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation   We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!              Pre-order your book, here!! Pre-orders are officially available!!!  Get your book here!! View this episode’s transcripts, here!! Support the show by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode!  Get 15% off with the code TU at oneskin.co   For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/TU   Go to Zocdoc.com/TU and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today.

We’re back! With exciting updates from the TU team & sneak peeks about our book Relating from a place of inner security is not about an attachment category, and it can’t stop with us as individuals. Ann and Sue share exciting news and community updates for TU. With secure relating at the forefront, this episode includes a sneak peek into the structure of their new book, Secure Relating Holding Your Own in an Insecure World. They explain the three R healing spiral, cultivating community, and much more! Now is a great time to join our online Neuronerd community www.therapistuncensored.com/join! Find shownotes at www.therapistuncensored.com/tu218. “You can relate securely no matter your history, no matter your age, no matter your bad habits or good habits – this is something that’s accessible to all of us.” – Sue Marriott Sue & Ann – relaxing and recharging Time Stamps for Cultivating Secure Relating  1:00 – TU podcast and book updates 12:43 – Secure relating – how and why it is important and the driving force of the podcast 15:31 0 Book “Spoilers” – How to securely relate and stay centered with the chaos of the world  19:08 – Breaking down the three R healing spiral, starting with recognition  26:56 – Introducing the second R – reflection 30:54 – The third and final R – rewiring  36:40 – How can I be secure when other people aren’t? 38:36 – Understanding how true safety is a privilege  40:21 – Cultivating the rewiring process as a community  Pre-order your book, here!! Pre-orders are officially available!!!  Get your book here!! Click here to view today’s episode transcripts on Cultivating Secure Relating!! Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation   We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!          Support the show by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode!  AG1 is Ann and Sue’s go-to once-a-day drink that delivers all the basics of important vitamins, minerals, and probiotics. Go to www.athleticgreens.com/therapistuncensored or CLICK HERE.   Get 15% off with the code TU at oneskin.co   Go to Cozyearth.com/TU

Learn what the amygdala does and doesn’t do, how it’s related to memory and consciousness from the best, Dr. Joseph LeDoux This is a replay episode of our discussion with amygdala expert, Dr. Joseph LeDoux. View the official show notes for this episode here We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!    Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation   Mental Health Liberation is our charity of choice – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists.  

For when talk therapy isn’t enough – how Attachment-Focused EMDR works and when to use it This week’s replay episode dives into the evolution and science behind Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) with Dr. Laurel Parnell, and the ways it can be used to help navigate trauma outside of traditional talk therapy. Click here to view this episode’s original show notes  We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!    Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation   Mental Health Liberation is our charity of choice – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists.  

The intersection of poverty and mental health – intergenerational patterns that impact one another. Historical and physical context impacts your biological stress response as much as early relationships.   This replay episode covers poverty, mental health, attachment, stress & research on mental health podcasts with co-host Sue Marriott and Dr. Sharon Lambert. A year ago we connected with Dr. Sharon Lambert to take a deep dive into understanding our society and systems, and the ways that they can perpetuate harm to those who are struggling. Attachment ‘insecurity” is partly a manifestation of unresolved stress patterns in the child and, by extension, the family. Therapists usually think of stress as interpersonal and dyadic, but you can’t isolate individuals from context. We talk about context a lot when it comes to attachment – the circumstances or setting that helps to understand a process more deeply. Sue Marriott and Sharon Lambert discuss the unconscious bootstraps communities have that cause blame towards those who are struggling. “You can’t pull yourself up by your bootstraps if you have no boots.” – Dr. Sharon Lambert View the original show notes for poverty and mental health here!! We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!    Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation   Mental Health Liberation is our charity of choice – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists.  

Weave together psycho-pharmacology, trauma, neuroscience, attachment, and internal family systems on this refresher episode with Dr. Frank Anderson and co-host Sue Marriott. Resources for IFS – Ep 214  Frank Anderson’s Website IFS Group Consultation Course – Training Opportunities Webinars on Various Topics – Training Opportunities The Arc of Healing Trauma – Frank Anderson’s Online Course “Internal Family Systems: Skills Training Manual” – Skills Traning Manual Frank Anderson’s Most Recent Book Check out our original show notes for this IFS episode, here! Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Mental Health Liberation is our charity of choice – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists.

Let’s start micro-dosing mindfulness – it takes less than 1 minute a day The idea of adding 30 minutes of extra meditation to our already busy schedules can feel overwhelming – but Jake Eagle has dedicated years to his research and found the mindfulness loophole. Awe is an incredibly powerful tool that can over time help us rewire our brains and build security within. Eagle is here to prove that awe is not only meant to be found in grand moments like standing at the top of a mountain or hearing your favorite musician live – but in the tiny fragments of our everyday life. Awe is accessible to us each day, and in this episode, Dr. Ann Kelley and Jake Eagle explore strategies like the “A Method” to incorporate mindfulness into our daily routines. These methods can help to ease the tension of the autopilot mode in our brains, reduce inflammation throughout the body, and equip us with the tools to have deeper, more meaningful connections. “Awe is the most important transformative experience of life. Awe is a lightning bolt that marks inmemory those moments when the doors of perception are cleansed, & we see with startling clarity what is truly important in life.” – David Elkins Time Stamps for Awe 1:03 – Introducing the practice of “micro-dosing mindfulness” 4:09 – How Jake Eagle started his research journey with awe 5:21 – Eagle’s, Amster’s & Keltner’s UC Berkeley study on awe 8:24 – Explanation of Eagle’s book 10:40 – How awe affects the body  15:56 – The “A” method and how to quiet the default mode in our brains 19:01 – Guided three-step A method with Jake  27:19 – Implementable practices for achieving awe in everyday life 28:47 – Utilizing awe as a practicing therapist  31:27 – Using awe to shift out of our defense physiology  33:27 – Jake Eagle’s analysis – the three levels of consciousness in awe 43:53 – Awe makes our worlds grander and ourselves smaller 47:00 – Eagle’s five patterns of strife 51:14 – Science behind inflammation and awe  Resources for today’s episode, Awe  Live Conscious – Jake & Hannah Eagle’s website & retreat information Hearthmath Institute – Tools, training & other resources for heart consciousness How to Change Your Mind by Michael Poland – Book referenced by Eagle about psychedelics Positive affect and markers of inflammation: discrete positive emotions predict lower levels of inflammatory cytokines  – Journal reference by Eagle about positive thinking and inflammation The Power of Awe – Official website for book and information [email protected] – Email to connect with Jake Eagle Click here to purchase!! About our Guest – Jake Eagle, LPC & Author  Jake Eagle is a psychotherapist, mindfulness instructor, and a fellow member trainer of the International Association of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. As the co-founder of Live Conscious, alongside his wife Hannah, Jake has a small number of private coaching clients. As a licensed mental health counselor for the past 27 years, now practicing as a meta-therapist, Jake recognizes the value of therapy and he also recognizes its limitations. His goal at Live Conscious has been to mentor people in what is possible beyond therapy. Jake is the author of Live a Conscious Life and The Power of Awe.    We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups and who knows what else may come!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Click here to view Clarity, Healing & Purpose is Less Than a Minute Away, the Power of Awe with Jake Eagle – Transcripts Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Mental Health Liberation is our charity of choice – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists.

Conflict in relationships is inevitable – find out the ins and outs of repair for healthy relationships. We are back with relationship expert, Dr. Stan Tatkin to explore the inner workings of relationships from a biological and societal perspective, and his new book, In Each Other’s Care. All humans are complicated creatures and if we spend enough time with each other, it’s going to get tense.  That part is OK, but what happens after arguing disconnection or tension is what really matters. Sue Marriott & Dr. Tatkin take a deep dive into addressing conflicts, building secure attachments, and abandoning gender stereotypes for a more inclusive discussion. Follow along to explore healthy interdependence, couples’ purpose, and secure functioning. “A secure functioning partnership works on problems, not each other” – Dr. Stan Tatkin Time Stamps for In Each Other’s Care – Healthy Relationships  5:44 – Dr. Tatkin’s view on telehealth & virtual therapy 8:36 – How PACT approaches virtual therapy 16:05 – Understanding procedural memory  19:08 – Break down of insecure attachment  22:53 – What does secure functioning look like? 28:48 – Attachment in polyamorous relationships  37:47 – Exploring healthy interdependence in relationships 44:50 – An example of a couple’s purpose 53:41 – The importance of gender inclusivity when talking about relationships Resources for today’s episode, In Each Other’s Care – Healthy Relationships Stan Tatkin’s Website – Information about his practice, sessions The PACT Institute – Dr. Tatkin’s official website Relationships are Hard, but Why? – Dr. Tatkin’s TedTalk A free excerpt – from Dr. Tatkin’s new book @DrStanTatkin – Instagram account Dr. Stan Tatkin – Facebook Page @DrStanTatkin – Twitter account Dr. Stan Tatkin – LinkedIn account Dr. Tatkin’s newest book.       About our Guest – Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT Clinician, author, researcher, PACT developer, and co-founder of the PACT Institute.  Dr. Tatkin is an assistant clinical professor at UCLA, David Geffen School of Medicine.  He maintains a private practice in Southern California and leads PACT programs in the US and internationally. He is the author of We Do, Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Relationship Rx, Wired for Dating, What Every Therapist Ought to Know, and co-author of Love and War in Intimate Relationships, and the recent, In Each Other’s Care. If you enjoyed this one then catch our other interviews with Stan Tatkin.  He has a great take on applying the principles of relational neurobiology to real life – check it out.   https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu121-the-purpose-of-relationships-redefined-during-quarantine-with-stan-tatkin/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu12-if-its-not-good-for-you-its-not-good-for-us-interview-with-relationship-expert-stan-tatkin/ We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups and who knows what else may come!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Click here to view today’s episode Transcripts  Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Mental Health Liberation is our charity of choice – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists.

Bonus Episode – Barbie isn’t anti-man – it’s anti-patriarchy “If you are a guy who doesn’t like the Barbie movie, it means you probably don’t like patriarchy.” Liz Plank The Barbie movie has sparked great controversy. While some claim it to be “anti-man” others view it as a strategic call out to the challenges both men and women face on a regular basis. We’ve learned to view the world through a patriarchal lens, so when it’s flipped only then can we see how those in power mistreat those who aren’t.  This is pro-anyone wanting secure relating and mutuality – all genders welcome! Ann and Sue are joined by Liz Plank to dive into the symbolism of the Barbie movie and how it applies to real life and secure relating. Listen now to explore patriarchy, masculinity, and the hierarchies of our society – and important steps we can take to build security through vulnerability for a more inclusive world. “Pro-patriarchy hurts everyone where feminism liberates everyone.” – Liz Plank Patriarchy reversed – Secure relating and Barbie Time Stamps for Barbie Movie  5:30 – Finding security comes through vulnerability 10:12 – Looking at the different layers of feminism in the movie 14:29 – Understanding matriarchy 20:22 – Symbols of vulnerability 25:16 – Break down of Ken’s characters’ correlation between dominance and lack of happiness 26:51 – Men and understanding their idealized masculinity 33:54 – Why the “all men are bad” narrative can be destructive to feminism 37:04 – Break down of America Ferrera’s speech 39:01 – Reimagining masculinity for growth 46:51 – Who is Barbie? 51:18 – Correlation between power and mirror neuron system disengagement 57:51 – Do men and women feel security in the same ways? 1:03:59 – Toxic invulnerability instead of toxic masculinity 1:08:22 – Looking beyond the gender binary for repair 1:10:52 – Reframing to understanding inclusive hierarchies & masculinity are not all bad About our Guest – Liz Plank  Liz is an award-winning journalist, international bestselling author and has been the executive producer and host of several critically acclaimed digital series at Vox Media and NBC News. She is the CEO of Liz Plank Productions and is a columnist for MSNBC and has been listed as one of Forbes’ 30 Under 30, Mediaite’s Most Influential in News Media, and Marie Claire’s Most Powerful Women, and was named one of the World’s Most Influential People in Gender Policy by Apolitical. Liz regularly appears on national and international television programs to provide a perspective on politics, gender issues, and reproductive rights, including The Today Show, The Daily Show, MSNBC, CNN, ABC News, Fusion, Al-Jazeera America, and BBC World. Through her activism and creative approach to journalism, Liz has made it her mission to elevate the voices of those who are often not heard. Before becoming a journalist, Liz worked at a community center for people with disabilities and was a researcher and behavioral science consultant at the London School of Economics, from which she holds a master’s degree in policy with an emphasis on global gender politics. Resources for today’s episode on the Barbie movie  Loneliness and Social Isolation Linked to Serious Health Conditions – CDC study on isolation “Man Enough – Dating, Consent, Boundaries & Respect” – podcast with Jamey Heath & Justin Baldoni Barbie Movie – Info, description, cast & characters Don’t Think of an Elephant!: Know Your Values & Frame the Debate by George Lakoff – Book referenced by Liz Plank Armchair Expert Podcast: Synced – New podcast with Monica Padman Airplane Mode –  Liz Plank’s Substack @feministafabulous – Liz Plank’s Instagram @lizplank– Liz Plank’s Tiktok Facebook – Liz Plank’s Facebook page For the Love of Men: From Toxic to a More Mindful Masculinity – Liz Plank’s Book Elizabeth Planks’ Website – Resources, bios, and important links https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu119-for-the-love-of-men-rethinking-masculinity-with-liz-plank/ We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups and who knows what else may come!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Click here to view today’s episode on  Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Mental Health Liberation is our charity of choice – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists.

Explore attachment trauma with attachment assessment expert Dr. Carol George! We have the privilege of speaking again with Dr. Carol George, a pioneer in developing attachment assessments for children and adults. Based on her decades of experience identifying patterns she has a lot to teach us about what attachment disruptions really look like in real life and in therapy. This episode also explores concepts from her new book: Working with Attachment Trauma Clinical Application of the Adult Attachment Projective Picture System. Sue Marriott and Dr. George discuss ideas such as failed mourning, preoccupation with personal suffering and the current perspectives on what used to be called disorganized attachment. She co-authored the Adult Attachment Interview with Mary Main and created the Adult Attachment Projective Picture System, which is Sue’s go-to assessment for those looking to learn more about their implicit unconscious relational beliefs. With her decades of research, Dr. George offers unique and time-tested insights into applying the science of attachment and trauma. “We’re never trying to change anybody. We’re trying to capitalize on defensive strengths to create integration & to help people move towards the path to security.” – Dr. Carol George  Time Stamps for Working with Attachment Trauma & Pathological Mourning 00:00:56 –  Carol’s motivation for her new book 7:17 – A brief recap of the AAP 10:02 – What makes the AAP unique compared to other tests 12:31 – How to access your own AAP 20:17 – How do you talk to your clients about the results of their assessment? 23:52 – Understanding pathological mourning 25:25 – Introducing the terms failed protection and attachment trauma 30:05 – The relationship between failed mourning and dismissive attachment 31:24 – Exploring preoccupation with personal suffering 40:59 – Why does Dr. George not prefer the term “disorganized” 50:39 – “Anger is part of our biology” – Dr. George 55:28 – Techniques to help integrate past and present 1:12:51 – Discussing the Cowans family systems study Resources for today’s episode Attachment Trauma & Pathological Mourning [email protected] – Contact information if you’re interested in AAP Adult Attachment Publications – List of credible publications and learning materials Attachment Projective – Official website with training opportunities and resources Changing Families: A Preventive Intervention Perspective – Study by Carolyn & Phillip A. Cowan Attachment in Psychotherapy – Book by David J. Wallin, how attachment patterns feed into clinical work Ideal Parent Figure Protocol – Guided imagery created by David Elliott and Daniel Brown Click here to check out Dr. George’s newest book!! Related Therapist Uncensored Episodes w Dr. George – we’ve got so much to share!!  https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/using-the-adult-attachment-projective-aap-assessment-with-carol-george/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/attachment-assessment-unpacked-163/ If you appreciate keeping this excellent content free and available for everyone, please consider joining our Neuronerd community.  It’s starts at only $5 a month and gets you a corporate ad free podcast feed, bonus content and access to various educational and community opportunties.  If you join at the Platinum Level or above, you will recognized on our website and can get your website hyperlinked to ours, which will help your SEO.  🙂 www.therapistuncensored.com/join   About our Guest – Dr. Carol George  Carol George, Ph.D., is Professor Emerita of Psychology at Mills College in Oakland, California, and has been a pioneer in developing attachment assessments for children and adults. George is an internationally renowned attachment expert who was a co-director of the Mills College Infant Mental Health program for 21 years. Working alongside Dr. Main and Dr. Kaplan, her dissertation helped develop the Adult Attachment Interview. She is praised for her work as an author and editor, and is known for her contributions to attachment-based representative assessments like the Caregiving Interview, the Attachment Doll Play Projective Assessment, and “Disorganized Attachment and Caregiving,” alongside Judith Soloman. Her other contributions include “The Adult Attachment Projective Picture System” with Malcolm West. Although retired from being a professor, George is still incredibly active and stays busy being an assistant editor on the editorial board of Attachment and Human Development, as well as the Director of the AAP Training Consortium. Her dedication to education is still prevalent as she often hosts extensive clinical consultations with practicing therapists, graduate students, and other students of attachment. Join the Reading Pod! Want to take a deeper dive into this material? Join our upcoming reading pod where members read to engage in weekly virtual discussions with like-minded peers. Email [email protected] for more information and to be added to the official list. Click here to view today’s episode Working with Attachment Trauma Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Mental Health Liberation is our charity of choice – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists.

Wanting to learn more about attachment? This is the episode for you! This is a follow-up to our previous episode on recognizing secure states of mind. If you’re a regular listener, you know we talk a lot about attachment – but what is it exactly? This episode is a refresher course where we break down what it is, what it isn’t, attachment spectrums, embodied stories, and much more. Whether you’re more advanced in your knowledge of the topic or starting fresh – this is a great place to connect and better understand how attachment plays a role in our lives. “We are social beings, but we have to be social beings. This isn’t a choice, it isn’t an option. And our incredibly intuitive pre-programmed body knows that from in utero on – it’s in our wiring.” – Dr. Ann Kelley Time Stamps for Attachment Basics 1:17 – What is attachment? 4:29 – Why you should care about attachment 6:07 – Early attachment and its effect on our development 7:46 – Attachment is not the same thing as love 10:16 – Why we want to avoid attachment “categories” 15:29 – Example of embodied stories 20:48 – Understanding the protection system and connection system 26:22 – Utilizing curiosity to build secure attachment 28:01 – What is a coherent narrative? 39:10 – Recognizing patterns in your nervous system behaviors Resources for Attachment Basics  The Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation in the United States – Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy Calls for Action to Address Public Health Crisis John Bowlby’s Attachment theory – A summary of Bowlby’s theory Mary Ainsworth Strange Situation – A summary of Ainsworth’s theory & experiment If you enjoyed this one you’ll love these:  https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/secure-attachment/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu151-secure-parenting-dan-siegel-tina-payne-bryson-replay/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/secure-relating-not-the-same-as-secure-attachment-with-ann-sue-190/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu-149-modern-attachment-regulation-spectrum-an-integrated-model-of-change/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu126-modern-attachment/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/attachment-through-the-lifespan-alan-sroufe/ Click here to view today’s episode transcripts!! Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation   We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join! 

What is secure attachment and how can I grow my own capacity for security? We’ve covered the different protection and connection strategies – preoccupied (red on the spectrum), dismissing (blue on the spectrum), and unresolved (tie-dye), but today’s episode is all about what secure attachment actually looks like in daily life. You’ve experienced the continuum from red, blue, or even tie-dye, but how do you know when you’re in your green? A securely attached system doesn’t mean you’re never upset – it’s about having the ability to stay engaged while you have big feelings.  In this episode, Ann and Sue discuss what this can look like conversationally, conditions that promote a secure base in parenting, and how to check in with yourself and deepen your connection with others. Security feels like: ‘people are generally trustworthy, and so am I’ – Dr. Ann Kelley Time Stamps for Secure Attachment 2:06 – What does security look like? 2:39 – Reminder of red and blue meanings in attachment 6:46 – Sue’s Bigfoot attachment analogy 8:27 – A secure attachment base is not the same as feeling securely attached 9:19 – The importance of integration and security 12:23 – Example of “joining” in conversation 19:39 – Understanding the attachment continuum 27:40 – Interactive questions to gauge your security 34:47 – Insightful questions to ask peers about influence 37:11 – Sue’s physical queues to know she’s in the green 39:37 – The role of curiosity in your green state 43:18 – Tracking your activation exercise Resources for Secure Attachment https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu151-secure-parenting-dan-siegel-tina-payne-bryson-replay/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/secure-relating-not-the-same-as-secure-attachment-with-ann-sue-190/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu-149-modern-attachment-regulation-spectrum-an-integrated-model-of-change/   Secure Attachment & Recognizing Secure States of Mind with Ann & Sue – Transcripts Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation   We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join! 

The neuroscience of awe as an antidote to our stress response system In this series, Secure Relating in an Insecure World, we’ve covered tough topics head-on. It is, therefore, fitting that we close the series with something scientifically hopeful to help us stay in our secure selves so we can stay engaged and active as social advocates and not collapse in overwhelm. The science of this specific feeling of awe has garnered much attention for good reason.  Our guest today has spent decades exploring the sensation and documenting how to develop it in everyday life. We have all experienced these small moments that allow us to shift our mindset away from ourselves and into something so bigger. Co-hosts Sue Marriott and Dr. Ann Kelley discuss the power of awe with guest expert Dr. Dacher Keltner where they explore the science, the mystical and the hope of awe as an inspirational tool for collective healing. “You can be outdoors by yourself, you can be listening to an amazing passage of music, you can think about somebodywhose life really inspires you. You have this urge to connect, to be part of community, to be good to other people, to share with other people, to make the world and your community a little bit better – that tells us something fundamental about the DNA of Awe.” – Dr. Dacher Keltner Time Stamps for Awe 2:15 – What is awe? 3:31 – Physiology during moments of awe 8:21 – One of Dr. Keltner’s most striking discoveries about awe 8:57 – Understanding everyday awe 10:11 – The role of curiosity in awe 13:31 – The power of music 14:27 – The 8 wonders that bring us awe 21:20 – Collective effervescence 25:38 – Alan Cowen & Dacher Keltner’s experiential maps 27:36 – Awe in animals 32:16 – How awe can sometimes lead you astray 40:17 – Using awe as a tool for younger generations Resources for today’s episode on the feeling of “awe” DacherKeltner.com – Personal website full of research, books, videos, and other resources  Greater Good Science Center – Resource center with podcasts, quizzes, articles & videos  Science of Happiness – Podcast by the Great Good Network  AlanCowen.com – Visuals of mapping emotion You can purchase his most recent book, here!! About our Guest – Dr. Dacher Keltner Dr. Keltner is one of the world’s foremost emotion scientists. He is a professor of psychology at UC Berkeley and the director of the Greater Good Science Center. He has over 200 scientific publications and six books, including Born to Be Good, The Compassionate Instinct, and The Power Paradox. He has written for many popular outlets, from The New York Times to Slate. He was also the scientific advisor behind Pixar’s Inside Out, is involved with the education of healthcare providers and judges, and has consulted extensively for Google, Apple, and Pinterest, on issues related to emotion and well-being.     We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups and who knows what else may come!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Click here for Awe – Dr. Dacher Keltner – Transcripts  Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Mental Health Liberation is our charity of choice – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists.

It didn’t start with you, but it can end with you – we can begin healing intergenerational trauma together Linda Thai, a Vietnamese Australian trauma therapist living on Native lands in Alaska, shares her journey to self-discovery as she navigates her own identity in the aftermath of her early childhood trauma. She shared words of wisdom about grief and developmental trauma as well as intergenerational and ancestral trauma, touching on the immigrant experience and family dynamics. Through various brain and body-based strategies (click here for a link to free videos she offers that are highly recommended), she reclaims the unresolved ancestral grief and trauma in her lineage and inspires others to incorporate historical awareness, including the impact of colonialism. “My parents are trauma survivors and I had no idea. And I’m living the aftermath of what that means. So with each stage of the journey or each layer of the unfolding – there are parts of myself that begin to open up to this new world” – Linda Thai  Time Stamps for Healing Intergenerational Trauma  1:31 – Linda Thai’s life journey 4:04 – Unpacking racialized traumas 6:17 – Understanding culturally informed psychology vs liberation psychology 19:41 – A new perspective on grief 28:56 – The responsibility of the community healing 34:16 – Building secure relating beyond human connection 44:48 – Interpreting the nervous system’s responses to excitement and aggression 49:25 – Leaning into your own feeling of emergence 55:48 – True allyship is a process Resources for Transgenerational Trauma  TRF Tuesday – Movement, Breath, and Sound for Transforming Grief (Collection) – 6-session program & resource guide (Sue highly recommends!) LindaThai.com – Website with resources, newsletter & contact information “The Body Keeps the Score” – Impactful book that helped Linda Thai recognize her trauma Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy – Author, Professor & Director of the Eikenberg Institute “The Loneliest Americans” – Book by Jay Caspian Kang About our Guest – Linda Thai  Linda Thai, LMSW ERYT-200 is a trauma therapist and educator specializing in brain and body-based modalities for addressing complex developmental and intergenerational trauma. Linda has worked with thousands of people worldwide to promote mindfulness, recover from trauma, and tend to grief as a means of self-care. Linda’s work centers on healing with a special focus on the experiences of adult children of refugees and immigrants. Her teaching is infused with empathy, storytelling, humor, research, practical tools, applied knowledge, and experiential wisdom. She assists internationally renowned psychiatrist and trauma expert, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, with his private small-group psychotherapy workshops aimed at healing attachment trauma. She has a Master of Social Work with an emphasis on the neurobiology of attachment and trauma. Linda has studied Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Somatic Experiencing, Brainspotting, Internal Family Systems, Trauma-Informed Stabilization Treatment, Havening Touch, Flash Technique, and structural dissociation of the personality, and offers the Safe and Sound Protocol, yoga, and meditation within her practice. Linda works on the traditional lands of the Tanana Athabascan people (Fairbanks, Alaska) with those recovering from addiction, trauma, and mental illness. She is passionate about breaking the cycle of historical and intergenerational trauma at the individual and community levels. Check out Intergenerational Trauma – Linda Thai Transcripts, here!!  We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups and who knows what else may come!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join! 

It shouldn’t have to be so scary to address the elephant in the room – and we’re here to do just that on the environmental crisis It is easy to shy away from tough conversations about the state of our world. Leaning into defenses – like resisting the conversation – can feel like the most comfortable option, but these discussions are vital in healing our planet. A lack of security within ourselves trickles into our relationships and limits the ways we can make collective change. Dr. Ann Kelley and Dr. Anna Graybeal discuss the necessary steps to building security and embracing tough conversations within our communities. This conversation takes a scientific and therapy-based approach to guide us toward the big emotions around these topics and equips us with the tools to cope with uncertainties, and an opportunity to learn how to harness healthy discussions around the climate crisis. When we can address the resistance within ourselves, we can use that as fuel to unite and heal our planet, our well-being, and our relationships. “I think the only way to really deal with these tough feelings is to not be alone with them.” – Dr. Anna Graybeal Time Stamps 3:02 – Graybeal’s personal journey exploring climate crisis 7:51 – Participating in Citizens’ Climate Lobby 10:58 – Facing the awareness in our own activism 12:00 – Validating the resistance within ourselves 14:43 – Joining in the resistance 19:36 – Professor Katharine Hayhoe’s perspective 26:53 – Helping clients process climate crisis emotions in group therapy 31:09 – Climate conversation training group for therapists 33:58 – Introduction to the Good Grief network 35:44 – The challenge of making change as a collective 38:17 – Explanation of “greenwashing” Resources Citizens’ Climate Lobby – Nonprofit Advocate Group IPCC Report: Climate Change and Land – Special Report Climate Psychology Alliance – Climate Directory Good Grief Network – Non-Profit Advocate Group The Work that Reconnects – Resource Network All We Can Save Circles – Discussion Groups CA Institute of Integral Studies Climate Psychology Certificate Program – Application & Information Katharine Hayhoe –  Climate Scientist Website Katharine Hayhoe – Ted Talk – “The Most Important Thing You Can Do to Fight Climate Change” Tradewater – Calculate your emissions About our Guest – Dr. Anna Graybeal  Anna Graybeal is a Clinical Psychologist and Certified Group Therapist in private practice in Austin, Texas. She is also a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner. In 2012, she co-founded the Austin chapter of Citizens’ Climate Lobby, a volunteer-based organization working on climate change. Anna can be reached at [email protected]. Her website is www. annagraybeal.com. Check out Dr. Anna Graybeal’s Episode Transcripts Here!! We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups and who knows what else may come!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join! 

Secure Relating in an Insecure World (SRIW) Series episode #3, Part 2 of 2 (203/204). This episode is Part II of Racial Trauma, linked with Ep 203.  To make sure you are paying attention 🙂 we are running a series, Secure Relating in an Insecure World, and this is Ep 3 of that series.  Today’s episode is also 2 of 2 in the conversation about racial trauma. Yea, we have so many ideas around here about going deep, and this wasn’t our clearest move having a series within a series, but we trust you all. You’ve got this!!  Also, it seemed wrong to make you wait 2 weeks for the rest of this 2 part conversation so we are dropping it in more quickly and will go back to our normal pace of every other week on Tuesdays from here.  We hope you enjoy it – it’s a good one! This a continuation of our previous discussion with Gliceria Pérez & Debra Chatman-Finley where we explore other lasting effects of racial trauma. From the challenges of parenting with an unresolved trauma history to navigating day-to-day as a person of color, they use group therapy as an opportunity to make space for women to vocalize their pain and build community. Gliceria and Debra share personal stories and real-life examples of microaggressions and discrimination and offer insightful ways white individuals can acknowledge their privilege and cultivate an inclusive community. “That angry part of you – it is just that, a part of you, it’s not all of you – it’s a protector. You don’t have to shy away from it.” – Debra Chatman-Finley Time Stamps for Racial Trauma Part 2 7:55 – Non-traditional aspects of their BIPOC group sessions 10:29 – Explanation of VCR: validate, challenge & request 11:49 – Challenges in validating anger 13:47 – Ways white therapists can create a safer environment 18:39 – Traumas effect on parenting 23:58 – Misconceptions about disassociating and attitude 27:26 – How these sessions impacted Debra’s personal healing journey 29:07 – Acknowledging trauma responses in the workplace 33:55 – Differences in racial trauma 40:37 – Attachment and racial trauma 46:18 – Explanation of Janina Fisher’s chart Resources for Racial Trauma Part 2  Therapy Wisdom – Online Training Trauma, PTSD & Disassociation – Certified Program [email protected] – Contact Information About Our Guests – Debra Chatman-Finley, LPC & Gliceria Pérez, LCS Debra Chatman- Finley is a Licensed Professional Counselor and National Board-Certified Counselor in private practice in Montclair, NJ. She is an Adjunct professor at New York University where she teaches Racial and Social Micro Aggression in Clinical Practice. She is the former Director of Clinical Services for a domestic violence agency, that provides counseling services for domestic violence victims. Debra earned her bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Seton Hall University and her Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology from the College of Saint Elizabeth. She is also a graduate and former Associate Faculty at the Multicultural Family Institute. Debra is trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and received her Certification in Traumatic Stress from the Trauma Center at the Justice Resource Institute in Boston, Mass. Debra’s study in traumatic stress strengthened her desire to integrate trauma and racial justice. She has devoted much of her practice and studies to the impact of race in the therapeutic process and the effects of racial trauma on POC, specifically, African American women, and parenting. Debra has also facilitated numerous workshops such as Racism, Culture, and Dissociation, Being BIPOPC: The Ongoing Challenges of Visibility vs Invisibility, Wounded Parenting: The Intersection of Complex and Racial Trauma in Parents of Color, A Therapist Path to Exploring Implicit Bias and Racial Trauma, Micro-Aggressions In Clinical Practice, Unmasking Race With Interracial Couples, Making the Invisible Visible, Beyond 20/20Vision: Examining Racism Through Trauma Lens. Debra and her colleague are in the process of writing about their non-Eurocentric facilitation of a support Group for Women of Color. She also provides Clinical consultation for BIPOC Clinicians around issues of race and trauma as well as other clinical concerns. Gliceria Pérez is a bilingual trauma-focused therapist who is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a Master of Social Work degree from Fordham University Graduate School of Social Service. She has over 30 years of experience in social work fields of mental health, trauma, domestic violence, adoption, immigration, and child abuse/neglect. Gliceria has provided case management and therapeutic services to immigrant children, adolescents, and adults in various community settings, in-home, and schools. She is committed to providing high-quality therapeutic services with a social justice perspective. Gliceria maintains a private practice in New Jersey where she works passionately with Black, Indigenous People of Color as well as other individuals/communities who have suffered from mental health issues (depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc.) in addition to racial trauma. Before becoming a therapist, Gliceria was a Director of Residential Services at a domestic violence program where she worked collaboratively to improve the services to include underserved communities. Since 2015, Gliceria has been an Adjunct Faculty at New York University Silver School of Social Work, where she teaches Racial and Social Class Microaggressions in Clinical Practice. Gliceria is trained in Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) and has completed the Certificate Program in Traumatic Stress Studies at JRI (Boston, MA), the Certificate Program at the Multicultural Family Institute Program, and the second level of the Sensorimotor Psychotherapy for Trauma Program at the Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute (New York, NY). She’s in the process of completing the third level of Janina Fisher’s Trauma-Informed Stabilization Treatment (TIST) Program. Gliceria has facilitated workshops/presentations, which include: “Being BIPOC: The Ongoing Challenges of Visibility and Invisibility,” “A Therapist Path for Exploring Implicit Bias and Racial Trauma,” “Adelantar La Raza/Advance the Race: An Afro-Cuban American Experience,” “Micro-aggressions: Making the Invisible Visible,” and “Wounded Parenting: The Intersections of Complex and Racial Trauma in Parents of Color.” Gliceria is in the process of co-writing a book with Debra Chatman on their non-Eurocentric facilitation of a support group for Women of Color.   Give to Mental Health Liberation, TU’s charity of choice   Articles & Books Recommended by Debra & Gliceria  Anderson, C. and Gibson, P. (2016). White rage: the unspoken truth of our racial divide. Bloomsbury  USA. Degruy, J. (2018). Posttraumatic slave syndrome: America’s legacy of enduring injury and healing.  Joy Degruy Publications Inc. DiAngelo, R. (2021).  Nice Racism: how progressive white people perpetuate racial harm. Penguin Books. Fisher, J. (2017). Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors: overcoming internal self-alienation. Routledge. Niemann et al. (2020). Presumed incompetent II: race, class, power and resistance of women in academia.  Utah State University Press Gutiérrez, N.Y. (2022). The pain we carry: healing from complex PTSD for people of color. New Harbinger Publications. Hardy, K.V. (2023). Racial Trauma: clinical strategies and techniques for healing invisible wounds.  W.W. Norton & Company. Hardy, K.V. (2022). The enduring, invisible, and ubiquitous centrality of whiteness implications for clinical practice and beyond.  W.W. Norton & Company. Heiman, M. (2022). Learning to live in harmony with ourselves A primer for trauma survivors & those who dissociate. Mermaid Publisher. Menakem, R. (2017). My grandmother’s hands: racialized trauma and the pathway to mending our hearts and bodies. Penguin Books. Saad, L. (2020). Me and my white supremacy: how to recognize your privilege, combat racism and change the world. Quercus.  Sue et al. (2020). Microaggressions in Everyday Life.  John Wiley & Sons, Inc. View the transcripts for Racial Trauma Part 2 here!! We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  We are a Supporter, please be one, too!     Mental Health Liberation is our charity of choice – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists  

Secure Relating in an Insecure World (SRIW) Series episode #1.   Debra Chatman-Finley LPC and Gliceria Pérez LCSW highlight their similarities and differences of being BIPOC women in the United States and encourage an open discussion about racism in our institutions. As they reflect on their careers and experiences, they provide perspectives on how they have navigated their identity and health amidst microaggressions and help us unravel the whitewashing of their cultures. From corporate America to working in child protective services, this discussion is full of painful yet common experiences of discrimination, intimidation, and blatant inequality against people of color – including in “safe” mental health spaces. “Being authentic is the key piece in working with people of color – because of our intergenerational traumas and all of the racism – we’ve had to learn how to detect whether we’re gonna be safe or not.” – Gliceria Pérez Time Stamps for Authentically BIPOC: Racial Trauma Part 1  1:32 – Gliceria’s background 5:03 – Debra’s background 11:12 – Gliceria’s anecdote about racial discrimination while working at CPS 13:12 – Debra’s experience with racism in a corporate setting 23:27 – Debra’s catalyst for switching to private practice 28:44 – How microaggressions affect your sense of self 30:49 – Understanding colorization 33:35 – Similarities and differences of experiences as a POC 43:31 – The importance of working on your racial identity 44:35 – Microaggressions in Everyday Life 50:50 – “Your story is as much in the room as your client” Resources for Authentically BIPOC: Racial Trauma Part 1  Therapy Wisdom – Online Training Trauma, PTSD & Disassociation – Certified Program [email protected] – Contact Information SEE THE READING LIST BELOW About Our Guests – Debra Chatman-Finley, LPC & Gliceria Pérez, LCS Debra Chatman- Finley is a Licensed Professional Counselor and National Board-Certified Counselor in private practice in Montclair, NJ. She is an Adjunct professor at New York University where she teaches Racial and Social Micro Aggression in Clinical Practice. She is the former Director of Clinical Services for a domestic violence agency, that provides counseling services for domestic violence victims. Debra earned her bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Seton Hall University and her Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology from the College of Saint Elizabeth. She is also a graduate and former Associate Faculty at the Multicultural Family Institute. Debra is trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and received her Certification in Traumatic Stress from the Trauma Center at the Justice Resource Institute in Boston, Mass. Debra’s study in traumatic stress strengthened her desire to integrate trauma and racial justice. She has devoted much of her practice and studies to the impact of race in the therapeutic process and the effects of racial trauma on POC, specifically, African American women, and parenting. Debra has also facilitated numerous workshops such as Racism, Culture, and Dissociation, Being BIPOPC: The Ongoing Challenges of Visibility vs Invisibility, Wounded Parenting: The Intersection of Complex and Racial Trauma in Parents of Color, A Therapist Path to Exploring Implicit Bias and Racial Trauma, Micro-Aggressions In Clinical Practice, Unmasking Race With Interracial Couples, Making the Invisible Visible, Beyond 20/20Vision: Examining Racism Through Trauma Lens. Debra and her colleague are in the process of writing about their non-Eurocentric facilitation of a support Group for Women of Color. She also provides Clinical consultation for BIPOC Clinicians around issues of race and trauma as well as other clinical concerns. Gliceria Pérez is a bilingual trauma-focused therapist who is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a Master of Social Work degree from Fordham University Graduate School of Social Service. She has over 30 years of experience in social work fields of mental health, trauma, domestic violence, adoption, immigration, and child abuse/neglect. Gliceria has provided case management and therapeutic services to immigrant children, adolescents, and adults in various community settings, in-home, and schools. She is committed to providing high-quality therapeutic services with a social justice perspective. Gliceria maintains a private practice in New Jersey where she works passionately with Black, Indigenous People of Color as well as other individuals/communities who have suffered from mental health issues (depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc.) in addition to racial trauma. Before becoming a therapist, Gliceria was a Director of Residential Services at a domestic violence program where she worked collaboratively to improve the services to include underserved communities. Since 2015, Gliceria has been an Adjunct Faculty at New York University Silver School of Social Work where she teaches Racial and Social Class Microaggressions in Clinical Practice. Gliceria is trained in Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) and has completed the Certificate Program in Traumatic Stress Studies at JRI (Boston, MA), the Certificate Program at the Multicultural Family Institute Program, and the second level of the Sensorimotor Psychotherapy for Trauma Program at the Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute (New York, NY). She’s in the process of completing the third level of Janina Fisher’s Trauma-Informed Stabilization Treatment (TIST) Program. Gliceria has facilitated workshops/presentations which include: “Being BIPOC: The Ongoing Challenges of Visibility and Invisibility,” “A Therapist Path for Exploring Implicit Bias and Racial Trauma,” “Adelantar La Raza/Advance the Race: An Afro-Cuban American Experience,” “Micro-aggressions: Making the Invisible Visible,” and “Wounded Parenting: The Intersections of Complex and Racial Trauma in Parents of Color.” Gliceria is in the process of co-writing a book with Debra Chatman on their non-Eurocentric facilitation of a support group for Women of Color. Articles & Books Recommended by Debra & Gliceria  Anderson, C. and Gibson, P. (2016). White rage: the unspoken truth of our racial divide. Bloomsbury  USA. Degruy, J. (2018). Posttraumatic slave syndrome: America’s legacy of enduring injury and healing.  Joy Degruy Publications Inc. DiAngelo, R. (2021).  Nice Racism: how progressive white people perpetuate racial harm. Penguin Books. Fisher, J. (2017). Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors: overcoming internal self-alienation. Routledge. Niemann et al. (2020). Presumed incompetent II: race, class, power and resistance of women in academia.  Utah State University Press Gutiérrez, N.Y. (2022). The pain we carry: healing from complex PTSD for people of color. New Harbinger Publications. Hardy, K.V. (2023). Racial Trauma: clinical strategies and techniques for healing invisible wounds.  W.W. Norton & Company. Hardy, K.V. (2022). The enduring, invisible, and ubiquitous centrality of whiteness implications for clinical practice and beyond.  W.W. Norton & Company. Heiman, M. (2022). Learning to live in harmony with ourselves A primer for trauma survivors & those who dissociate. Mermaid Publisher. Menakem, R. (2017). My grandmother’s hands: racialized trauma and the pathway to mending our hearts and bodies. Penguin Books. Saad, L. (2020). Me and my white supremacy: how to recognize your privilege, combat racism and change the world. Quercus.  Sue et al. (2020). Microaggressions in Everyday Life.  John Wiley & Sons, Inc. Click here to view the Racial Trauma Pt 1 Transcript We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  We are a Supporter, please be one, too! Mental Health Liberation is our charity of choice – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists  

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It’s time to start listening to the true meanings within our dreams Some dreams can feel insignificant but can be a portal into a deeper understanding of who we are and what we need. When we drift off to sleep each night, we are unlocking a world within ourselves that can help us find healing and take a step towards building security. With Jungian Analysts Deborah Stewart and Lisa Marchiano co-host Dr. Ann Kelley explores the significance of our dreams and the potential journeys of growth through a Jungian lens. “A dream that is not understood remains a mere occurrence; understood it becomes a living experience.” – Carl Jung Time Stamps for Jungian Dreams 2:56 – Historical information on Freud and Jung 6:53 – Jung’s belief that dreams help us look forward 7:59 – Introduction to the “Acorn Theory” 13:00 – The role of defenses in relation to dreams 13:52 – “Joseph’s dream” example 19:47 – Understanding ego in dreams 31:51 – Dreams tell us something we didn’t know 34:18 – Protecting ourselves from the “unknown” in dreams 41:30 – How to track your dreams Resources for Jungian Dreams About Carl Jung  Transformations of Myth Through Time – Joseph Campbell Book James Hillman’s “Acorn Theory” This Jungian Life – Podcast “Dream School” – This Jungian Life Podcast Training Program Lisa Marchiano’s Website About Our Guests Deborah Stewart is a Jungian analyst and Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. She trained as a Gestalt therapist at the Cleveland and Cape Cod Institutes. She is a member of the Philadelphia Association of Jungian Analysts, where she co-chairs and teaches in the training seminar and contributes to the Association’s blog. She is the Director of Admissions for the Inter-Regional Society of Jungian Analysts and serves on the organization’s Executive Committee.   Lisa Marchiano is a writer, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and certified Jungian analyst in private practice in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. She received her MSW from New York University and completed analytic training at the Inter-Regional Society of Jungian Analysts. Lisa is on the faculty of the Philadelphia Jung Institute. Her writings have appeared in Quillette, the journal Psychological Perspectives, and the Journal of Analytical Psychology. She has presented on Jungian topics across the US as well as in Europe. Lisa’s first book Motherhood: Facing and Finding Yourself explores motherhood as a catalyst for personal growth. It was published by Sounds True. View the episode transcripts, here!! We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed and unique study opportunities. Click here to join! 

What do dreams really mean? From weird dream fragments to unsettling nightmares, our associations to each dream can tell us a little bit more about our unconscious. Tapping into these deeper meanings can help us explore who we are and help us navigate from unsettledness in the dream back to security. Co-hosts Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss the power of association in dreams and connect those to our inner working models. “Telling a dream is vulnerable act – it allows someone to step into your unconscious. ” – Dr. Ann Kelley Time Stamps for Dreams 6:23 – The power of association in dreams 11:25 – Ann’s personal example of repetitive dreams 14:39 – Sue’s personal example 17:42 – Working through the client’s dreams as a therapist 20:42 – The beauty of slowing down and going into the dream 23:01 – Re-dreaming the dream 30:02 – The importance of finding security within dreams 32:10 – Navigating reoccurring dreams 38:48 – Building security through remembering dreams Resources for Dreams Inside Out – Pixar Movie Using Imagination to Create Attachment Security with Dr. David Elliott View the transcripts for this episode here and for Internal Working Models with Ann & Sue here. We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed and unique study opportunities. Click here to join! 

What did Bowlby mean by “internal working model” and how true did it turn out to be? While it is mostly unconscious, our internal working models play a role in how we navigate our relationships with ourselves and others. Co-hosts Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott use neuroscience and personal narratives to help make this science digestible and applicable in our daily lives. “Internal working models are not a metaphor – they’re a real thing.” – Sue Marriott Time Stamps for Internal Working Model  5:53 – Definition of internal working model 9:58 – Most of the internal working model is unconscious 18:39 – Explanation of the term “wired in” 20:59 – Understanding how our brains are able to change and grow 28:50 – Recognizing dismissive characteristics 37:02 – Encouraging secure relating 43:50 – Sneak peek at TU updates and future episodes Resources for Internal Working Model Strange Situation – Mary Ainsworth Internal Working Model – John Bowlby View the transcripts for Internal Working Models with Ann & Sue here We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed and unique study opportunities. Click here to join!    Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast (and these show notes) offer quality education and insight into interpersonal relationships.  An entirely free way to support us is to rate and review the podcast on your favorite podcast player and/or share this episode with someone you think could use the quality content of the show!  

Pause to add consciousness to your next intention. As a certified Neonatal Therapist, Sue Ludwig has dedicated her life to not only the physical development but the emotional development of her patients. Ludwig brings intentionality to each moment by strategically working to regulate patients’ nervous systems during their time in the NICU. Her process focuses on the interconnection of the mind and body and aims to support the child’s development in vulnerable situations. She explains the importance of proper technique to avoid disrupting the nervous system and the long-term effects on neurodevelopment. Through her personal and professional journeys, Sue Ludwig has learned the value of being present in small moments to build deeper connections and experience lasting results. “Humans are different in that we’re meant to co-regulate, we are meant to be with a parent or adult. The way that we show up as parents and how calm we are – the better the babies are able to absorb our presence.” Time Stamps for “What Tiny Humans Can Teach Us About Adult Relating, with Sue Ludwig (197)” 1:11 – What do we mean by energy 6:05 – The power of bringing intention to energy 10:36 – Regulating babies’ nervous systems 14:09 – Properly performing the “hand hug” when holding small babies 17:58 – A proper “hand hug” for a more developed baby 20:50 – Importance of connection between the child and parent 21:38 – The “hand hug” technique for a full-term baby 27:54 – Co-regulation from the parent’s perspective 30:52 – Sue’s personal introduction to intentionality 42:31 – Embracing that development is never-ending Resources for  Sue Ludwig’s Website National Association of Neonatal Therapists (NANT) American Occupational Therapy Association (AOTA) National Coalition for Infant Health (NCFIH)  Hope for HIE – Website   About our expert guest, Sue Ludwig Sue Ludwig is passionate about improving the quality of life for infants who begin their journey in the NICU, and the professionals who serve them. She is a sought-after speaker, consultant, and writer. A licensed occupational therapist and certified neonatal therapist, she is president and founder of the National Association of Neonatal Therapists (NANT), where she uses a blend of clinical expertise, innovation, and leadership to support the advancement of this specialized field on a global level. Sue is the media expert in neonatal therapy for the American Occupational Therapy Association, a member of the steering committee for the National Coalition for Infant Health, and a medical advisory board member for Hope for HIE. She has received the Laura Edmunds Lectureship Award from UMass Memorial Medical Center, the Individual Contribution to Maternal and Child Health Award from the National Perinatal Association, and the Alumni Professional Achievement Award from Eastern Kentucky University. She has also been named a Graham’s Foundation Resilience Honoree. Sue’s book Tiny Humans, Big Lessons was published in March of 2022. Today, Sue lives in Cincinnati, Ohio, with her husband and a few dogs, and has two grown children. Click here to view this episode’s transcripts We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, and very unique study opportunities.   Sponsors who help make these episodes free and available to all – please do support them to support us! With HelloFresh, you get farm-fresh, pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. Skip trips to the grocery store and count on HelloFresh to make home cooking easy, fun, AND affordable – that’s why it’s America’s #1 meal kit!  Go to HelloFresh.com/tu21 for 21 free meals plus free shipping!  Calm helps you stress less, sleep more and live a happier, healthier life. Their guided meditations, sleep stories, relaxing music tracks, and daily movement sessions are all designed to give you the tools to improve the way you feel. Over 100 million people around the world use Calm. Even if you’ve never meditated before, you’ll get the support you need to reduce stress, improve focus, and uplift your mood. If you go to Calm.com/TU, you’ll get a special offer of 40% off a Calm Premium Subscription, and new content is added every week. Dipsea is an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. They bring scenarios to life with immersive soundscapes and realistic characters. Discover stories about second-chance romances, adventurous vacation flings, and hot and heavy hookups. Radically inclusive, Dipsea has stories for straight and queer listeners, and 56% of stories are voice acted by people of color. Let Dipsea be your go-to place to spice up your me-time, explore your fantasies, relax and unwind, or heat things up with a partner. For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/TU   Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast (and these show notes) offer quality education and insight into interpersonal relationships.  An entirely free way to support us is to simply rate and review the podcast on your favorite podcast player, and/or to simply share this episode with someone you think could use the free resources on the show!  

Elizabeth A. Stanley, Ph.D., is an associate professor of security studies at Georgetown University and the creator of Mindfulness-Based Mind Fitness Training (MMFT)®, taught to thousands in civilian and military high-stress environments. In 2019, Dr. Stanley published “Widen the Window: Training your Brain and Body to Thrive During Stress and Recovering from Trauma” – a highly praised resource known for providing tools to heal and thrive. We are replaying this discussion we shared with Dr. Stanley in early 2022 as a reminder of the power of expanding our windows of tolerance and building resiliency.   To check out the original show notes for Elizabeth Stanley’s episode, click here!   Resources related to Elizabeth Stanley Ph.D.’s Episode  Dr. Elizabeth A. Stanley’s Website “Widen the Window: Training Your Brain and Body to Thrive During Stress and Recover from Trauma” – Purchase “Mindfulness-Based Mind-Fit Training” – Online Courses “Optimizing the Caveman Within Us” – Dr. Elizabeth A. Stanley’s TedTalk Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, and very unique study opportunities.    Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast (and these show notes) offer quality education and insight into interpersonal relationships.  An entirely free way to support us is to simply rate and review the podcast on your favorite podcast player, and/or to simply share this episode with someone you think could use the free resources on the show!  

Contact Bolte-Taylor to find out how her work is being applied and sign up for certification. Since this podcast first aired, Sue Marriott worked with a very small group of people with Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor in the first round of Whole Brain Living certification. Contact Jill Bolte-Taylor to find out how to participate. Learn about 4 major characters (skill sub-sets) in your mind as a way to understand neuroanatomy and how to best use the power of your whole mind. NOTE: For our private Neuronerd community, don’t forget to check out the deep dive series on Whole Brain Living.  Join to access it for as little as $5 a month at www.therapistuncensored.com/join. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor is a Harvard-trained neuroanatomist who suffered a stroke that led her on a path to rediscovering her brain. At the end of 2021, we had the privilege of discussing the inner workings of the mind with Dr. Bolte Taylor. We thought this was the perfect episode to kick off the new year, full of eye-opening insights that could help improve the way you live your life.   To check out the original show notes for Jill Bolte-Taylor’s episode, click here! RESOURCES: Check out her TED Talk, My Stroke of Insight (join the inspiration of 28 million viewers!)  How to do a Brain Huddle by Jill Bolte-Taylor. Free Webinar Series and Contact Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor HERE  Hear more psychology and neuroscience in previous episodes: Episode 93 Polyvagal Theory with Dr. Stephen Porges Episode 110 Story Follows State (more polyvagal theory) with Deb Dana   Episode 117 Resilience Trauma and the Brain with Dr. Bruce Perry  Please join us today!  By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, and very unique study opportunities.  Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast (and these show notes) offer quality education and insight into interpersonal relationships.  An entirely free way to support us is to simply rate and review the podcast on your favorite podcast player, and/or to simply share this episode with someone you think could use the free resources on the show!  

Earlier this year, we had the privilege of speaking with Loretta J. Ross, a world-renowned human-rights activist. In 2022, she was acknowledged by the MacArthur Foundation for her dedication to social justice, human rights, and reproductive justice. As a well-deserving recipient, we couldn’t think of a better episode to close out the year. The holidays can sometimes feel draining and the tension from familial relationships can take a toll. Loretta J. Ross’s words of wisdom and “calling in” are a great extra resource during the season. View her MacArthur Foundation Award here Check out our original show notes for this episode, here!   And follow us on our social media pages to get the latest updates and information: Instagram, Youtube, Facebook, & Twitter! We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a Supercast premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper insights into select content, and unique study opportunities. Like what you’re hearing? A great way to help others find these resources is to rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. This is an easy and effective way for those seeking assistance to be able to find it. Thank you so much for your support.

Many answers to our challenges are already inside of us. In today’s episode, find new perspectives on how culture and trauma affect our navigation within the world. Using bottom-up approaches, she explains how addictions are regulation strategies and provides tools to deeper connect to our nervous systems and ourselves. Join social workers Sue Marriott and Jan Winhall as they explore Winhall’s “felt sense” model, where she blends neuroception and interoception through a polyvagal lens. Jan Winhall is a highly experienced therapist and author who has dedicated her life to understanding and challenging dominant structures. From her years of group therapy and studying with figures like Dr. Stephen Porges, she has combined her findings into her recent book Treating Trauma and Addiction with the Felt Sense Plyvagal Model: A Bottom-Up Approach. “Felt sense is all about the capacity in the body to notice what we’re experiencing and to carry us forward in the direction of healing and growth.” – Jan Winhall About Jan Winhall  Jan Winhall, MSW, FOT is an author, teacher, and psychotherapist. She is an adjunct lecturer in the Department of Social Work at the University of Toronto. She is the director of Focusing on Borden, a psychotherapy and training center. Jan presents internationally on trauma and addiction. You can find many resources for both clinicians and clients on her website, including videos, PDFs (see below) and training opportunities. Time Stamps for the Felt Sense Polyvagal Model  3:47 – Tying the autonomic nervous system to addiction 6:02 – Breaking down bottom-up processing 8:13 – The relationship between interoception and neuroception  14:17 – Rethinking the term “sex addiction” 18:46 – Neuroception temperature example 21:16 – Introducing the intervening variable 27:53 – The six F’s and their branches 36:01 – The learning model of addiction 41:34 – Winhall’s perspective on polyvagal theory Resources for the Felt Sense Polyvagal Model  Treating Addiction & Trauma Together – Youtube Video Trauma and Recovery – Book by Judith Herman Jan Winhall Models 6 F’s client and clinician version Revolutionizing Addiction Treatment with The Felt Sense Polyvagal Model – Article International Body Psychotherapy Journal  Jan Winhall Website  The Conspiracy of Silence – Book by Sandra Butler The Politics of Giving Therapy – Eugene T. Gendlin, Ph.D. Stephen W. Porges, Ph.D. – Website Doug Braun-Harvey, Fellowship in Sexual Compulsive Behavior – Website Focusing on Borden – Jan Winhall             Other Relevant Therapist Uncensored Episodes https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu18-polyvagal-theory-understanding-irrational-threat-responses-in-relationships/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu93-polyvagal-theory-in-action-the-practice-of-body-regulation-with-dr-stephen-porges/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu94-the-science-of-self-regulation-breaking-down-polyvagal-theory/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu110-story-follows-state-investigating-polyvagal-theory-with-guest-deb-dana/ CLICK here for Jan Winhall Transcripts – Episode 192 We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper insights into select content, and unique study opportunities.   Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast (and these show notes) offer quality education and insight into interpersonal relationships.  An entirely free way to support us is to simply rate and review the podcast on your favorite podcast player, and/or to simply share this episode with someone you think could use the free resources on the show!  

Discipline is about teaching, not punishment.  Children are sponges. They are constantly soaking up information about themselves, their relationships and their future.  And parents are the most powerful influences on these messages, so what we do really matters. Knowing this, sometimes we double down on trying to assert our wisdom, hammer a point home, or stop an unwanted behavior in it’s tracks. After all, we want to raise kids who are kind, responsible, caring, and independent. The trouble is, if we are acting out of fear, being fueled by anger and reactivity, it’s likely we aren’t having the impact we truly desire. For kids to learn, they need to feel emotionally safe and cognitively open. For this to happen, parents need to start by cultivating their own self-awareness and emotion management. In today’s episode, learn powerful strategies for parenting even during the most difficult moments. Ann Kelley, Kat Scherer and Elizabeth Sylvester discuss ways of integrating attachment and neurobiology into disciplinary styles that work and build balance in our relationships. Throughout the episode, Dr. Scherer and Dr. Sylvester highlight some of their most effective parenting strategies discussed in their recent book, Relationship-Based Treatment of Children & Their Parents: An Integrative Guide to Neurobiology, Attachment, Regulation, and Discipline.  Specifically, they dive deep into the “7 Essential Attachment Needs” for children’s optimal development, emphasize the importance of repair in relationships, and discuss the building blocks of secure parenting. “When limits are set firmly, but kindly, this fuels healing in the attachment relationship.”  – Dr. Elizabeth Sylvester Time Stamps for Relationship-based treatment 1:05 – Breaking down the title of their book, “Relationship-Based Treatment of Children & Their Parents” 4:43 – The integration between attachment and discipline 8:52 – Finding balance with a high-intense child 11:31 – Rethinking the way we view dysregulation 16:38 – The 7 essential attachment needs 24:58 – Recognizing the importance of “the repair” 35:47 – Discipline is learning 39:08 – The effects of “fear-based” discipline 45:08 – The role of “novelty and play” 51:49 – The power in empowered parenting Resources for Relationship-based treatment Relationship-Based Treatment – Youtube Channel Website Link – Relationship-Based Treatment The Nurtured Heart Institute – Website for the Nurtured Heart Approach  mindGAINS – Website for the Global Association for Interpersonal Neurobiology Studies Dr. Elizabeth A. Sylvester – Website Dr. Kathy Scherer – Website About Dr. Elizabeth Sylvester & Dr. Kat Scherer Dr. Elizabeth Sylvester is a Psychologist and Educator working with children, parents, and families in Austin Texas for over 30 years. She is a practitioner of the Nurtured Heart Approach ®, and has completed advanced training in this system.  Her specialty is providing parent training and child psychotherapy for children and teens who are highly behaviorally and emotionally intense.  In addition to her clinical work, Dr. Sylvester facilitates training for professionals and the public on parenting, and child and adolescent psychotherapy.  She has a particular focus on the interaction of relationships and neurobiological development with mental health and behavior. She has presented in a variety of settings including universities, professional organizations, mental health agencies, and community organizations. In collaboration with Dr. Kathy Scherer (a founder of Austin IN Connection), she created the Heart & Work series of writings, presentations, and workshops. Dr. Sylvester is a co-founder of Austin Child Therapy, an organization whose mission is to support the work of pediatric mental health professionals in Austin. Kathy (Kat) Scherer, Ph.D., MFT, C-IAYT is a Psychologist, Educator, and Author working in Austin for over 25 years. She is a psychotherapist in private practice and offers presentations on topics such as interpersonal neurobiology, family attachment, social-emotional development, and the application of yoga and meditation for stress management. Her presentations have been offered at a wide variety of settings including universities, professional conferences, community centers, and schools. Dr. Scherer is a co-founder of Austin IN Connection and its Family Matters program, both Austin area multidisciplinary organizations focused on emotional health and positive relational attachments. She co-hosts the Heart & Work Series of writings including two collaborative mental health blogs (with Drs. Holt & Sylvester):  Therapy Matters and Heart & Work of Parenting. Episode Transcripts – 192 – Lightly edited for readability 

The intersection of poverty and mental illness – intergenerational patterns that impact one another. Attachment ‘insecurity” is partly a manifestation of unresolved stress patterns in the child and, by extension, the family. Therapists usually think of stress as interpersonal and dyadic, but you can’t isolate individuals from context. We talk about context a lot when it comes to attachment – the circumstances or setting which helps to understand a process more deeply. As Sharon Lambert says in today’s episode, you can’t “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” if you have no boots. Sue Marriott and Sharon Lambert discuss the unconscious bootstraps communities have that cause blame towards those who are struggling. There is no doubt that poverty impacts physical and emotional health, and thus lifting children out of poverty is a direct intervention in their well-being. Today’s session also explores fascinating research on how people use mental health podcasts – join us! “We still have these perpetuating cycles – it’s not the cycle of addiction, it’s the cycle of trauma. It’s not the cycle of poverty, it’s the cycle of trauma. We have to start looking at systems and asking ‘how do we break these cycles?'” – Dr. Sharon Lambert  Time Stamps for Poverty & Mental Health 1:05 – Poverty is one of the biggest predictors of depression 9:56 – The privilege of higher education 11:51 – Differing views of drug and alcohol use between the classes 22:06 – Cortisol levels of parenting in poverty 25:43 – Being aware of differing trauma responses 32:12 – Explanation of the “child benefit payment” in Ireland 39:18 – The risk, rewards & research of mental health podcasts 46:44 – Mental health podcast recommendations 1:00:58 – Trans community and mental health Resources for  Poverty & Mental Health  Dr. Sharon Lambert – UCC Research Profile & list of Studies Podcasts as a tool for enhancing mental health literacy: An investigation of mental health-related podcasts PDF of 2022 article cited “Her Dislike of the Words ‘Addict’ & ‘Clean'” – Youtube Video “Where the Light Enters” – Youtube Video The Blindboy Podcast – Episode The Two Norries – Podcast Twitter Profile About Dr. Sharon Lambert Dr. Sharon Lambert joined the teaching staff at the School of Applied Psychology in 2014 following a number of years working within community-based settings that provided support to marginalized groups. Sharon’s research interests revolve primarily around the impact of trauma on development, its link with substance dependence and mental health, and consequent considerations for service design and delivery. Sharon conducts research with community-based partners such as addiction, homelessness, criminal justice, and education organizations. The research looks at both primary psychological trauma (Adverse Childhood & Community Experiences) and secondary traumatic stress. The impact of trauma on well-being and outcomes is explored and the application of research and theory to service delivery is of significant interest. Sharon is a member of the Psychological Society of Ireland, Silent Voices Advisory Group and was appointed to the statutory Parole Board by the Minister for Justice. View the Transcripts Here – Dr. Sharon Lambert  We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, and very unique study opportunities.   Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast (and these show notes) offer quality education and insight into interpersonal relationships.  An entirely free way to support us is to simply rate and review the podcast on your favorite podcast player, and/or to simply share this episode with someone you think could use the free resources on the show!  

Navigate more securely no matter where you start. Learn to deepen interpersonal connections, heal trauma and even add enjoyment through secure relating! This podcast gives you truly deep dives into attachment and helpful tools to build comfort with intimacy.  Is it possible to have unresolved trauma and still be operating securely in various relationships? Absolutely!! You don’t have to be totally healed from years of therapy under your belt or a history of secure attachment to develop skills for increased intimacy and secure relating. This is something that anybody, no matter their history, can begin to learn. Channeling your inner awareness to recognize a heightened state of arousal or using visualizations to help stay in a regulated place helps tap into your right brain to connect with yourself and your humanity. Ann and Sue navigate their personal examples, self-regulating tips, breaking out of their defensive “competitive head”, and many more useful strategies to explore the ways we can move in the direction of secure connections. “Even if you have a history that leads you to trend toward preoccupied, dismissive or avoidant relating, with effort and practice opening up you can learn to relate from a secure base.” – Dr. Ann Kelley Time Stamps for Secure Relating vs Secure Attachment  3:06 – Introduction to attachment patterns 8:53 – Acknowledging the fluctuation of the attachment spectrum 11:56 – The definition of secure relating 27:09 – Using visualizations as a regulation tactic 29:01 – Abandoning your “competitive head” 34:13 – Utilizing the word “bookmark” 37:36 – The importance of preparing yourself for tough conversations 40:45 –  Implementing Gottman’s “soft starts” 42:45 – Navigating the coexistence of complex feelings Episode Resources for Secure Relating vs Secure Attachment “How to Fight Smarter: Soften Your Starts” – Gottman Institute Article Other Relevant Therapist Uncensored Episodes https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/whole-brain-living-psychology-neuroanatomy-spirit-with-dr-jill-bolte-taylor-164/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/thrive-during-stress-172/ Secure Relating vs Secure Attachment Transcripts  – Lightly edited for readability We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, extra episodes, and very unique study opportunities Sponsors who help make these episodes free and available to all – support them to support us! $75 credit alert for our listeners!  Ann and Sue aren’t tech-savvy so they appreciate how easy it is to use and navigate Indeed.  It is the hiring platform where you can attract, interview, and hire all in one place. Find top talent fast with Indeed’s suite of powerful hiring tools like Instant Match, Assessments, and Virtual Interviews. Hate waiting? Indeed’s US data shows over 80% of Indeed employers find quality candidates, whose resume on Indeed matches their job description, the MOMENT they sponsor a job. Start hiring now with a seventy-five dollar sponsorship credit to post your job post at Indeed.com/therapistuncensored With MasterClass, you can learn from the world’s best minds – anytime, anywhere, and at your own pace. With over 150 classes from a range of world-class instructors, that thing you’ve always wanted to do is closer than you think. Get unlimited access to EVERY class, and as a Therapist Uncensored listener, you get 15% off an annual membership! Go to MasterClass.com/TU now.  Interested in even more content? Check out our full episodes and other bonus clips from the show on our Youtube Channel. Please like, comment & subscribe! Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast (and these show notes) offer quality education and insight into interpersonal relationships.  

Hair-pulling, skin picking, and cheek, lip, & cuticle biting are self-soothing strategies that depending on degree can become body-focused repetitive behavioral disorders. Learn about a new attachment-informed psychodynamic model for treating these painful, shame-associated behaviors. While we may not be fully aware when we are pulling and picking, these sorts of unconscious behaviors can be an indicator of dysregulation. Outside factors such as our environment, upbringing, and various traumas can all play a role in these self-soothing behaviors. Stacy Nakell has been an active researcher and pioneer in this field, and has dedicated years to understanding and educating others on how to abandon shame and treat these behaviors. By blending attachment theory and neurobiological research, Nakell has helped rewire the ways in which we navigate these behaviors and brought forward new perspectives like viewing BFRBDs on a continuum and how these overlap with body dysmorphic disorders. Stacy Nakell’s book Treatment for Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors is the first to establish the theory and practice of a psychodynamic approach to treating body-focused repetitive behavior disorders. Follow along as Sue and Stacy discuss the misconceptions, treatments, and science to better manage these behavioral patterns. Stacy Nakell wants to help us talk about these shame-filled experiences “It’s important to look from an in-depth perspective… to really get into the roots and understand what’s driving the behavior” – Stacy Nakell Time Stamps for Healing BFRBDs  2:02 – Introduction to trichotillomania 7:26 – When these behaviors are considered a “disorder” 9:36 – The role of shame in repetitive behavioral patterns 11:56 – Are BFRBD’s considered self-harm? 13:33 – The overlap with body dysmorphic disorders 17:36 – Correlation between grooming and BFRBDs 21:08 – Perfectionism’s influence on BFRBDS 22:54 – The role of aggression in BFRBDs 31:14 – Metaphor of the stress cup 41:28 – Analysis of “psychic skin” Resources for Healing BFRBDs  Click here to purchase Treatment for Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors Stacy Nakell’s Website Stacy Nakell’s Blog Pop Culture Storyline Reference The TLC Foundation Zoobiguity – Barbara Natterson-Horowitz About Stacy Nakell  Stacy Nakell is a psychotherapist in private practice in Austin, TX. For the past 20 years, she has worked with people who struggle with body-focused repetitive behaviors. Nakell is a Certified Group Psychotherapist and provides workshops and institutes locally with the Austin Group Psychotherapy Society and nationally with the American Group Psychotherapy Association.     We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, and very unique study opportunities.   Sponsors who help make these episodes free and available to all – support them to support us! $75 credit alert for our listeners!  Ann and Sue aren’t tech-savvy so they appreciate how easy it is to use and navigate Indeed.  It is the hiring platform where you can attract, interview, and hire all in one place. Find top talent fast with Indeed’s suite of powerful hiring tools like Instant Match, Assessments, and Virtual Interviews. Hate waiting? Indeed’s US data shows over 80% of Indeed employers find quality candidates, whose resume on Indeed matches their job description, the MOMENT they sponsor a job. Start hiring now with a seventy-five dollar sponsorship credit to post your job post at Indeed.com/therapistuncensored Dipsea is an app that brings you socially responsible sexy stories made by and for those who identify as women. Women often have sexual trauma on top of hurtful cultural messaging around sexuality, so finding a new product that can safely reconnect you to an important essence of yourself is very positive.  Dipsea promotes sexual and sensual health via imagination in a way that is safe, discreet, and respectful.  Reconnect to parts of you that might have been neglected, find things you didn’t know you were into, or just gain more confidence in the bedroom, whether you have someone with you or not.  Check it out totally free using our link – this gives you a full 30 days to explore what they are all about dipseastories.com/tu or just click HERE.   Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast (and these show notes) offer quality education and insight into interpersonal relationships.  An entirely free way to support us is to simply rate and review the podcast on your favorite podcast player, and/or to simply share this episode with someone you think could use the free resources on the show!  

Do you have intimacy hiccups? Let’s find out. Ann and Sue were on a role w disarming defenses so while this one isn’t technically in that 5 part series, let’s call it a hanger-on. OK, an important question: how you make a tuna sandwich. We are sure your way is awesome but… Unless we think about it contextually, we believe our tuna technique is simply the “right” way.  This is true relationally, so how do we recognize interpersonal assumptions that we’ve never examined when they just seem like they are true and right?  When we make assumptions we literally don’t know we are doing it because it just seems true. While having assumptions can sometimes be considered a way to keep us safe, they also can be a strong influence on our “intimacy hiccups”. Assumptions block our view of seeing the whole perspective and equip us with a bias that can make our relationships difficult to navigate. Receiving feedback could become an assumption that you’re under attack or not worthy, and can heighten our defenses. Whether your “moral compass” may get in the way, your assumptions form from cultural influence, or you even feel avoidant of those tougher conversations and just assume the other person is on the same page – no matter which defense resonates with you, this episode will probably hit on something relevant for you. Ann and Sue challenge you to just reconsider so you can relate in the most mindful way possible and not accidentally project your way as the “right” way. “When you apologize… you’re not actually above or below the other person – you’re equal to the person. That’s what being truly empowered is, and that’s the assumption that we’re busting.” – Ann Kelley Time Stamps for Busting Assumptions – Episode 188 3:30 – Navigating “intimacy hiccups” 9:03 – The importance of dropping ego during feedback 10:10 – Healthy relating example in parenting 16:36 – Softening your front to allow uncertainty 19:34 – Roles of cultural differences in assumptions 25:42 – The power in knowing how & when to apologize CLICK HERE FOR BUSTING ASSUMPTIONS TRANSCRIPTS – Episode 188  – Lightly edited for readability We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, extra episodes, and very unique study opportunities Good sleep is related to so many good health and mental health outcomes, but we don’t all have it easy when we try to fall asleep or stay asleep.  Nighttime rituals are important, try a cup of hot cocoa before bed that tastes good and is full of wellness ingredients that will help you sleep.  Beam includes 3rd party tested hemp free of THC, l-theanine, melatonin, and natural adaptogens to help your immunity. Get up to 40% off when you go to shopbeam.com/TU and use code TU at checkout.    Interested in more content? Check out our full episodes and other bonus clips from the show on our Youtube Channel. Please like, comment & subscribe! Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast (and these show notes) offer quality education and insight about interpersonal relating.  

From navigating power dynamics to utilizing healthy aggression – this series covered many layers of our our natural defense systems. But how do we navigate something we don’t know is there? Ann and Sue are back with one final session to help shift our perspectives and disarm our defenses. This is the 5th episode in a series of 5.  You can start anywhere but if you prefer to start at the beginning of the series click here for Session 1.  Throughout this five-session series, we’ve explored different defenses, self-reflection, and navigation our own often unconscious internal protection systems. But how do we navigate something we aren’t aware of in the first place? In this episode, Ann and Sue recap the material we’ve learned and take a dive into suppression versus repression. Organizing defenses on a continuum can help us tap into our own emotions, and better regulate our responses to the triggers of the world. However, it is also important to detach the narrative of being “good and bad,” when it comes to our defenses, and recognize they are little parts of who we are that are constantly evolving. Whether it’s projection, appearing to be a “know it all”, power dynamics, ceding, or even being forgetful – we express our unconscious and conscious defenses in multiple ways. Join in exploring your own personal arsenal with curiosity and recognition of the care that drives it. “Some of these defenses are biological. Some are related to religion, culture – you name it. The stew that makes us human come to play in what we’re able to tolerate, take in, and allow ourselves to struggle with. When we can see it, we can then begin to reckon with it.” – Sue Marriott Time Stamps for Connecting with Your Subconscious – Episode 187 7:44 – Understanding the hierarchy of defense 8:22 – Reviewing the primitive defenses 8:49 – Suppression vs repression 14:55 – The role of “splitting” in our self-image 16:47 – Why healthy denial is essential 20:44 – Recognizing defenses are not black and white 28:24 – “Forgetting” as a defense 43:42 – The issue with compliance 48:35 – Definition of “ceding” in defenses CLICK HERE FOR THE DEFENSE SERIES, SESSION 5 TRANSCRIPTS – Episode 187  – Lightly edited for readability We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, extra episodes, and very unique study opportunities   Dipsea is an app that brings you socially responsible sexy stories made by and for those who identify as women. Women often have sexual trauma on top of hurtful cultural messaging around sexuality, so finding a new product that can safely reconnect you to an important essence of yourself is very positive.  Dipsea promotes sexual and sensual health via imagination in a way that is safe, discreet, and respectful.  Reconnect to parts of you that might have been neglected, find things you didn’t know you were into, or just gain more confidence in the bedroom, whether you have someone with you or not.  Check it out totally free using our link – this gives you a full 30 days to explore what they are all about dipseastories.com/tu or just click HERE.     Zocdoc can help you find therapists and psychiatrists and doctors of all sorts and flavors that your family may need that are close to you, taking new patients, and even taking your insurance. Find the doctor that is right for you, and book an appointment, in person or remotely, that works for your schedule. Go to Zocdoc.com/TU and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. No more excuses not to take care of yourself – check it out and book now, many providers are available within 24 hours. Interested in more content? Check out our full episodes and other bonus clips from the show on our Youtube Channel. Please like, comment & subscribe! Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast (and these show notes) offer quality education and insight about interpersonal relating.  

Aggression can be a good thing.  It seems backward, right?  Aggression is not a feeling – it is a behavior that is frequently associated with feelings such as anger, fear and even hunger.  It is a vital energy that propels us forward with an intention. Aggression can be both a positive or negative resource to help us navigate our personal goals, increase intimacy within our relationships, and to act as a catalyst for change when paired with desire. Follow along as Jeanne Bunker and Sue Marriott break down the negative connotations and provide perspective to harness this resource and help reclaim healthy aggression. We’re going to figure out how to use that aggressive energy – that life giving energy – to propel us forward. – Jeanne Bunker Aggression is a potentially healthy life force    Jeanne Bunker – internationally-respected group therapist and bad-ass martial artist Jeanne Bunker , LCSW, CGP, FAGPA, has had a psychotherapy practice in Austin, TX, working with groups, individuals, and couples since 1993.  Passionate about teaching and mentoring, Jeanne is a faculty member at the Center for Group Studies in NYC, a frequent presenter for the American Group Psychotherapy Association, has taught internationally (Russia, Romania, Spain), and conducts various ongoing training groups for clinicians. She writes about gender, women’s concerns, oppression, and Modern Analysis. To support her own growth and balance, Jeanne studies and teaches Tai Chi and Kung Fu within the Shaolin-Do tradition. Time Stamps for Healthy Aggression – Ep 186 2:47 – The definition of aggression 8:41 – Distinguishing between aggression and anger and other emotions 15:21 – Connection between aggression and desire 25:30 – The role of aggression in intimacy 30:25 – Creative and constructive versus destructive expression of aggression 37:51 – Example scenario: practicing healthy aggression 50:26 – How “call out culture” can be a defense Resources for Healthy Aggression, Ep 186 Jeanne Bunker’s Website The Center for Group Studies – NYC American Group Psychotherapy Assn – excellent resource for training in group therapy [email protected] – Contact email – she’d love to hear from you Podcast on the science behind aggression – Huberman Labs CLICK HERE FOR DISARMING HUMAN DEFENSES WITH JEANNE BUNKER TRANSCRIPT – Episode 186  – Lightly edited for readability Other related Therapist Uncensored Episodes – or use the search button on our website to find your topics of interest Episode 156:  What actually heals in therapy with Dr. Nancy McWilliams  Episode 168:  Calling in the Call Out Culture with Loretta Ross   We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch salesto organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content and very unique study opportunities. Sponsors who help make these episodes free and available to all – support them to support us! FOR OUR LISTENERS AG1 is offering $30 off if you order by the end of September with our link. We all know that gut health impacts mood and brain function, but what the heck do you do to support gut health?  We’ve got you covered by partnering with our sponsor, Athletic Greens product, AG1.  AG1 is Ann and Sue’s once-a-day drink that delivers all the basics of important vitamins, minerals, and probiotics. As a TU Listener, Athletic Greens is gives you a free 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D and 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase. Plus, supporting our sponsors supports the show which supports mental health access, so go to www.athleticgreens.com/therapistuncensored or click HERE.  Like what you are hearing? Check out new videos of our full episodes and other bonus clips from the show on our Youtube Channel.Drop us a note there as well, we love hearing from you. Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast (and these show notes) offer quality education and insight about interpersonal relating.  To spread the word about secure relating it helps to rate and review the podcast on our favorite podcast player or simply sharing this episode with someone you think could use the free therapy!  

Power can be associated with safety, but when misused it can also be a key indicator of a lack of emotional security and a common defensive move. We call it power over versus empowered with and it’s a tricky move because it’s so supported culturally we frequently don’t realize we are taking over. This is the 3rd episode in a series of 5.  You can start anywhere but if you prefer to start at the beginning of the series click here for Session 1 or here for Session 2. Join us for free therapy boot camp by going through this series and reflecting on how you relate and what patterns you might want to change interpersonally. When you unconsciously deem “power” as what keeps you “safe” in vulnerable situations, reflecting and rewiring on this dynamic can transform your connections. Human defenses are quite necessary to protect our nervous system and sense of self. The goal isn’t to eliminate defenses – but to learn how to regulate them, especially in relationships. Defenses can often feel triggered when there is an uneven power dynamic expressed in a relationship and can be influenced by outside factors like gender socialization, culture, or personal history. Tune in as Ann and Sue reflect on their own experiences, shame, and navigating power dynamics to form deeper connections. Shownotes at www.therapistuncensored.com/185 Join our private Neuronerd community at www.therapistuncensored.com/join. “Anytime we focus on the power-over position – it can’t be a safe connection. It communicates to your own nervous system that ‘You need to be more alone to be safe…’ It ends up being a self-perpetuating experience.”  – Ann Kelley Time Stamps for Power Dynamics – Episode 185 2:47 – Deep dive into the dismissive/”one-upping” defense tactic 9:57 – The role of gender socialization in this defense 14:41 – Addressing shame in relation to defense 24:36 – How our culture breeds narcissism and “one-down” defenses 34:55 – Interactive exercise for vulnerability 45:31 – Reviewing the “Three R’s” spiral CLICK HERE FOR THE DEFENSE SERIES, SESSION 3 TRANSCRIPTS on power dynamics – Episode 185  – Lightly edited for readability Related Therapist Uncensored Episodes  https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/call-out-culture-168/ We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, extra episodes, and very unique study opportunities   Sponsors who help make these episodes free and available to all – please do check them out to support the show! ACTION ALERT – For a limited time only our partner AG1 is offering our listeners $30 off if purchased by the end of September.  This is in addition to the free 1 year supply of Vit D and travel packs.  What is AG1?  It is the shake Ann and Sue both drink every morning because it actually tastes good and it provides a power-punch of all the good wellness ingredients including for gut health! Redeem here  www.athleticgreens.com/therapistuncensored! $75 credit alert for our listeners!  Ann and Sue aren’t tech-savvy so they appreciate how easy it is to use and navigate Indeed.  It is the hiring platform where you can attract, interview, and hire all in one place. Find top talent fast with Indeed’s suite of powerful hiring tools like Instant Match, Assessments, and Virtual Interviews. Hate waiting? Indeed’s US data shows over 80% of Indeed employers find quality candidates, whose resume on Indeed matches their job description, the MOMENT they sponsor a job. Start hiring now with a seventy-five dollar sponsorship credit to post your job post at Indeed.com/therapistuncensored If you are the tent pole holding up support for other people, you may want to make sure they are protected should something happen to you.  Policygenius is an insurance marketplace that makes it easy to compare quotes from top companies like AIG and Prudential in one place to find your lowest price on life insurance. You could save 50% or more on life insurance by comparing quotes and options start at just $17 per month for $500,000 of coverage.  The licensed agents at Policygenius work for you, not the insurance companies and it doesn’t cost you a thing to use their services. Policygenius.com  Interested in more content? Check out our full episodes and other bonus clips from the show on our Youtube Channel. Please like, comment & subscribe!

Our friend the hippocampus! Neuronerds – this one is for you. What exactly is happening in our brains when we feel defensive? We go beyond the basics of the amygdala and the pre-frontal cortex and deep dive into the hippocampus to help us understand more deeply what is happening under the surface of our problematic behaviors. The hippocampus deep dive is part 2 of a 5-part series and you can pick it up anywhere.  However, if you prefer to start at the beginning, click here to go to Session 1.   In the last episode, we explored what Sue and Ann call the 3-R spiral of change, Recognize, Reflect and Rewire.  We also identified various common defenses. In this episode, Ann & Sue break down the different areas of our brain, and discuss the roles each can play in our defense responses. Understanding the critical interplay between the amygdala and hippocampus gives us more insight into our own behavior and sheds light on how our history can intrude today. They explain the concept of “coherent narrative” and discuss applying the 3 R Spiral to our relationships and personal healing. By blending neuroscience and these strategies, we can begin to sort through our unconscious defenses and rewire the ways in which we navigate our interpersonal world. “If you’re someone that needs to be right or needs to be giving advice – you might not recognize that’s your own defense. It feels familiar and good to you, but is actually cutting off your ability to attend your own vulnerability…. it’s not enhancing your relationality.” – Ann Kelley Time Stamps – the Hippocampus as a Defense Regulator   1:39 – What is a defense versus what is an adaptation? 7:46 – Recognizing the critical role of our hippocampus as a regulator of our defense systems 15:10 – Understanding coherent narrative – it’s an outcome of neural integration 25:27 – Using mindfulness in the defense process CLICK HERE for the transcript of: Our Friend the Hippocampus, Disarming Human Defenses with Ann & Sue Session 2  – Episode 184  – Lightly edited for readability Session 1 of the series starts here!  Other Relevant Therapist Uncensored Episodes (on Mindfulness) https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/find-your-focus-own-your-attention-with-dr-amishi-jha-177/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/its-not-communication-you-need-its-connection-with-guest-john-howard-178/ We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. If this show brings you and those you care about value, please consider joining us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, extra episodes, and very unique study opportunities.  Sponsors who help make these episodes free and available to all – check them out to support the show!  We all know that gut health impacts mood and brain function, but what the heck do you do to support gut health?  We’ve got you covered by partnering with our sponsor, Athletic Greens product, AG1.  AG1 is Ann and Sue’s once-a-day drink that delivers all the basics of important vitamins, minerals, and probiotics. As a TU Listener, Athletic Greens gives you a free 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D and 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase. Plus, supporting our sponsors supports the show which supports mental health access, so go to www.athleticgreens.com/therapistuncensored or click HERE.

Ann and Sue get into the nitty gritty by bringing you a short series of conversations on the uncomfortable truth about normal human defenses. Whether you’re receiving hard professional feedback or facing a challenging discussion in your relationship – nobody enjoys those cringy feelings of being told something you don’t know or agree with about yourself.  Often these moments trigger an automatic neurobiological protection response in the cells dedicated to protecting us from threat.  No human doesn’t have this problem at the most fundamental level – so this series will break it down for exploration. This is the first episode in a five-part series where Ann and Sue take a deep dive into various kinds of frequently used defenses. They discuss how to become more conscious of which state of mind you may be in – protective circuits or connection circuits and how to sort out what to do if in the armored range. The 3 R spiral of change is a process that can help you reconnect and reground yourself in moments of stress. Identifying the ways you display this discomfort is a great first step in creating that shift from our automatic default responses to a more connected state where we can be present within ourselves and our relationships. We all get defensive “Nobody’s died from a feeling. You’re going to have them – maybe you’ll feel embarrassed or ashamed, or unfairly done to.. but the feeling itself is only 90 seconds, after that it’s all story. Feelings are going to have a beginning and a middle and an end, so just ride them out and they will change, morph, eventually subside. You don’t have to ‘do’ anything. It’ll pass. You are gonna be okay.'” – Sue Marriott Time Stamps  2:52 – Three R spiral of change  – recognition, reflection, rewiring 9:46 – The last R: “Rewiring” 18:42 – The first stage of self-awareness, waking up and stopping our projections 26:54 – One of the key ingredients to self-awareness 28:53 – The difference between self-care and stubbornness 30:54 – Different types of self-awareness 36:00 – “Don’t do this” when receiving feedback 40:08 – Tips and recommendations for mindfulness CLICK HERE for Defense Series – Part 1 Transcript – Episode 183  – Lightly edited for readability We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales (very fun swag!) to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Neuronerd private community.  By joining as a Neuronerd premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content and first shot at very unique study opportunities. If we’ve provided value then please check us out, poke around, make sure you feel comfortable and then join us today!   Sponsors who help make these episodes free and available to all – check them out to support the show!  Zocdoc can help you find therapists and psychiatrists and doctors of all sorts and flavors that your family may need that are close to you, taking new patients, and even taking your insurance. Find the doctor that is right for you, and book an appointment, in person or remotely, that works for your schedule. Go to Zocdoc.com/TU and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. No more excuses not to take care of yourself – check it out and book now, many providers are available within 24 hours. Good sleep is related to so many good health and mental health outcomes, but we don’ tall have it easy when we try to fall asleep or stay asleep.  Nighttime rituals are important, try a cup of hot cocoa before bed that tastes good and is full of wellness ingredients that will help you sleep.  Beam includes 3rd party tested hemp free of THC, l-theanine, melatonin and natural adaptogens to help your immunity. Get up to 40% off when you go to shopbeam.com/TU and use code TU at checkout.  We hope you enjoy this content, if so please do leave us a rating wherever you get your podcasts so others may discover it as well.  Tk you for stopping by!

There is an entire world within each of us. While we come together to create one functioning human being – what is really happening internally to make it all work? Our entire existence is made of different systems – all collaborating to keep us operating healthily on a mental, emotional, and physical level. But what happens when the systems don’t operate smoothly? Just like any system, there can be conflicts that can make the process significantly more difficult. These “parts” are entities or “little beings” that live in our minds and manifest into physical or emotional reactions from traumatic events. Dr. Frank Anderson has spent decades of his life studying these parts and sharing his findings to help others utilize built-in resources like their “self-energy” to navigate their own traumas. Follow along as Sue Marriott and Dr. Anderson weave together psycho-pharmacology, trauma, neuroscience, attachment, and internal family systems. “Imagination is a very powerful neuroplastic agent. So the work that we do in IFS – which is very much imaginary – absolutely has neurophysiological effects on neural networks on the brain and on the body. It’s a beautiful intersection between psychotherapy and neuroscience, and we have more evidence to show the ways they’re linked together.” – Dr. Frank Anderson  Ep 182 – About Frank Anderson and IFS Dr. Frank Anderson is an author, psychiatrist, therapist, speaker and trauma specialist who’s spent the past three decades studying neuroscience and trauma treatment. He was a psychiatrist as the Trauma Center in Boston under the direction of Bessel van der Kolk, and was able to learn more about trauma while simultaneously continuing his quest of helping others heal. After meeting Dick Schwartz at a conference his career focus instantly came into full alignment, and he was able to integrate his knowledge of neuroscience and trauma treatment with Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. Anderson was the former chair and executive director of the Foundation for Self Leadership, an organization focusing on IFS research and the expansion of the IFS model beyond psychotherapy and authored the chapter “Who’s Taking What? Connecting Neuroscience, Psychopharmacology, and Internal Family Systems for Trauma.” He is the lead trainer and consultant for the IFS Institute, an advisor to the International Association of Trauma Professionals (IATP), and maintains a private practice. He is passionate about teaching, enjoy providing therapy consultations and trauma informed IFS-related workshops throughout the world. Time Stamps for Ep 182 4:12 – Frank’s explanation of IFS 8:07 – Introduction to the concept of “self-energy” 17:27 – The neurobiology of PTSD & disassociation 30:31 – Frank’s unconventional views on attachment 41:46 – Key components of IFS that are essential for healing 46:25 – The IFS training process 51:57 – Finding an IFS certified therapist Resources for Ep 182 Frank Anderson’s Website IFS Group Consultation Course – Training Webinars on Various Topics – Training The Arc of Healing Trauma – Online Course “Internal Family Systems: Skills Training Manual” – Book Frank Anderson’s Most Recent Book Relevant Therapist Uncensored Episodes  https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu112-the-life-changing-science-of-memory-reconsolidation-with-guests-bruce-ecker-tori-olds/ CLICK HERE FOR FRANK ANDERSON TRANSCRIPT – Episode 182  – Lightly edited for readability We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, extra episodes, and very unique study opportunities.

With an ongoing pandemic, constant political feuds, and the day-to-day stressors of life – finding peace in times of chaos can feel overwhelming. Peritraumatic growth is about meaning-making and managing overwhelming stress as it occurs. People often turn to therapists and other figures for answers, but who really has the solution to these ever-evolving issues? Especially for those who have experienced childhood traumas, seeking help may not feel like a natural process. Co-host Sue Marriott and Arielle Schwartz, Ph.D. take a deep dive into peritraumatic growth and posttraumatic growth to help equip us with the tools to work through our traumas, build different types of resiliency, and live a more fulfilling life. Dr. Schwartz recounts her journey to specialization with complex traumas and how neurobiology has been influential in her professional and personal growth. She utilizes an integrative, mind-body approach to therapy including relational therapy, parts-work therapy, somatic psychology, EMDR Therapy, and therapeutic yoga for trauma. “Post-traumatic growth is our belief that we can work through hard stuff and come out with an increased sense of depth, understanding, wisdom, strength – or whatever that gem is on the other side. But it’s not necessarily the hard stuff that makes us grow –  it’s what we do with it – how we metabolize it, how we process it.” – Arielle Schwartz Peritraumatic Growth Ep 181 – About Arielle Schwartz Arielle Schwartz, PhD, CCTP-II, E-RYT, is a licensed clinical psychologist, certified complex trauma professional, and Kripalu yoga teacher with a private practice in Boulder, Colorado. As an internationally sought-out teacher and leading voice in the healing of PTSD and complex trauma, she is the author of six books, including The Complex PTSD Workbook, Therapeutic Yoga for Trauma, and The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook. She is dedicated to offering informational mental health and wellness updates through her writing, public speaking, social media presence, and blog. Her integrative, mind-body approach to therapy includes relational therapy, parts-work therapy, somatic psychology, EMDR Therapy, and therapeutic yoga for trauma. She believes that the journey of trauma recovery is an awakening of the spiritual heart. Time Stamps for the Peritraumatic Growth Ep 181 3:58 – Introduction of “vicarious resilience” 9:44 – Peritraumatic growth versus posttraumatic growth 13:06 – Surprising aspects of post-traumatic growth 16:53 – Difference between secure attachment and having resilience 20:22 – Crafting your personal list of resilience practices 20:50 – Various types of resilience 32:51 – The role of mindfulness in peritraumatic growth   Resources for Ep 181 Dr. Arielle Schwartz Website  Tons of excellent resources Dr. Arielle Schwartz – Facebook Page Youtube Channel – Great resources here check her page out Link to Dr. Schwartz Full Book List  – Excellent references PLEASE TRY TO BUY YOUR BOOKS FROM LOCAL BOOKSELLERS CLICK HERE for Dr. Arielle Schwartz Episode 181 Transcripts – Lightly edited for readability We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, extra episodes, and very unique study opportunities. Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast adds value to your day. 

How to build epistemic trust to shift internal working models and create more secure relationships.  Learn the science of trust and attachment. Deciding who to trust in today’s world is especially hard – fake news, political polarization and societal strife amplifies our already on guard nervous system. When our trust has been broken, whether early in childhood or in our adult relationships, learning who to trust can prove even more challenging. In today’s episode, Dr. Steve Finn and Dr. Ann Kelley discuss the science behind epistemic trust and why many of us may have broken trust meters. They discuss how trust issues can create a mess in our relationship, whether we are the constant skeptic who resists taking in new information or we tend to trust blindly, without testing or holding healthy doubts. Together they provide deep and compassionate insights into these struggles and how they relate to internal working models. A fan favorite, Dr. Finn returns to bring his years of expertise to our listeners about ways to use science to build trust using curiosity and tools of mentalization, including our ability to handle healthy skepticism. “I think curiosity is infectious. When we bring our curiosity…really trying to get into someone else’s shoes, that creates an open door for epistemic trust” – Dr. Steve Finn The Science of Trust Ep 180 – About Dr. Steve Finn  Dr. Steve Finn is a founder of the Center for Therapeutic Assessment, a licensed clinical psychologist in practice in Austin, Senior Researcher and Director of Training at the European Center for Therapeutic Assessment at the Catholic University of Milan, Italy, and Director of Training at the Asian-Pacific Center in Tokyo, Japan. He has published 90+ articles and chapters on psychological assessment, psychotherapy, and other topics in clinical psychology. In 2011 Dr. Finn was awarded the Bruno Klopfer Award from the Society of Personality Assessment for distinguished lifetime contributions to the field of personality assessment. In August 2017 he received the award for Distinguished Scientific Contributions to Assessment Psychology from Section IX (Assessment) of the Society for Clinical Psychology (Division 12 of the American Psychological Association). In 2018 he was honored with the 2018 Carl Rogers Award for outstanding contributions to the theory and practice of humanistic psychology from the Society for Humanistic Psychology (Division 32 of the American Psychological Association). Time Stamps for the Science of Trust Ep 180 00:58 – Introduction to “Therapeutic Assessment” 07:25 – Importance of epistemic trust 08:45 – Two types of difficulties in epistemic trust 12:43 – How clients utilize control mastery theory 19:09 – One of the core values of TA – “curiosity” 25:14 – Spotting the difference between hypervigilant trust and hypovigilant trust 27:57 – Explanation of Fonagy’s three virtuous cycles 46:40 – Analyzing epistemic trust in our society Resources for the Science of Trust Ep 180 Therapeutic Assessment – Website The Role of Mentalizing and Epistemic Trust in Psychotherapeutic Relationships – Fonagy, P. Allison, E. (2014) Fonagy, P., Luyten, P., Allison, E. (2015). Epistemic petrification and the restoration of epistemic trust: A new conceptualization of borderline personality disorder and its psychosocial treatment. Journal of Personality Disorders, 29, 575-609. Gergely, G., Egyed, K., & Király, I. (2007). On natural pedagogy. In G. Csibra & G. Gergely (Eds.), Humans and culture: The origins of cultural knowledge and its transition mechanisms. Monographs of the Psychological Bulletin, 11, 107-125. Sperber, D., Clement, F., Heintz, C., Mascaro, O., Mercier, H., Origgi, G., & Wilson, D. (2010). Epistemic vigilance. Mind & Language, 25, 359–393. Fantini, F., Aschieri, F., David, R. M., Martin, H., & Finn, S. E. (2022). Therapeutic Assessment with adults: Using psychological testing to help clients change. New York: Routledge. Finn, S. E. (in press). From unresolved to earned secure attachment: The AAP as a powerful clinical tool in psychotherapy. To appear in George, C., Wargo Aikens, J., & Lehmann, M. (Eds), Clinical application of the Adult Attachment Projective Picture System. Routledge. (pre-print available from the author) Kamphuis, J. H, & Finn, S. E. (2019). Therapeutic Assessment in personality disorders: Toward the restoration of epistemic trust. Journal of Personality Assessment, 101(6), 662-674. Tharinger, D. J. Rudin, D. I., Frackowiak, M., & Finn, S. E. (2022). Therapeutic Assessment with children: Enhancing parental empathy through psychological assessment. Routledge. Dr. Steve Finn’s Book – 2007   Click here to view Steve Finn’s Episode Transcripts  – Lightly edited for readability Relevant Therapist Uncensored Episodes https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu51-conquer-shame-by-understanding-the-science-behind-the-feeling-with-guest-expert-dr-steve-finn/ By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, extra episodes, and very unique study opportunities. We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today!  Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast adds value to your day. 

Toxic individualism – sounds about right, doesn’t it? This episode explores individualistic thinking and will support you doing the tough internal work to give up power in favor of connection. Utilizing neurobiology, years of research, and professional experience, Terry Real and Ann Kelley break down the history of individualism and the toxic patterns it can hold in our society and in our relationships. Episode notes at www.therapistuncensored.com/180. “You can empower yourself and empower your partner – both in the same breath – but you have to move beyond this culture and learn how to do that.” – Terry Real About Terry Real Terry Real is an internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and author. Terry founded the Relational Life Institute (RLI), offering workshops for couples, individuals, and parents around the country along with a professional training program for clinicians wanting to learn his RLT (Relational Life Therapy) methodology. A family therapist and teacher for more than twenty-five years, Terry is a best-selling author, a senior faculty member of the Family Institute of Cambridge in Massachusetts, and a retired Clinical Fellow of the Meadows Institute in Arizona. Terry has worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and fellow therapists. Through his books, the Institute, and workshops around the country, Terry helps women and men, parents and non-parents, to help them create the connection they desire in their relationships. Time Stamps for Toxic Individualism  2:43 – History and evolution of individualism 3:13 – The fusion of patriarchy and individualism 8:20 – Introduction to the “adaptive child” ideology 14:30 – Explanation of “soft power” 16:22 – The “golden rule” of relationality 24:07 – “Relational mindfulness” and how to apply it 33:55 – Three phases in RLT (relational life therapy) Resources Terry Real’s Website Terry Real’s Relational Workshop “How Can I Get Through to You?” – Book by Terry Real “I Don’t Want to Talk About It” – Book by Terry Real “The New Rules of Marriage”– Book by Terry Real Terry Real’s newest book – June, 2022           Click here for full episode #180 Toxic Individualism transcript (Lightly edited for readability) By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, extra episodes and very unique study opportunities. We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today!  Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast adds value to your day.   

We often focus on being understood through words, but guess what? Words emerge from several deeper processes and can confuse, disconnect, and even unintentionally fabricate what’s going on. Learn what works and what doesn’t when trying to build closeness and connection with those you love. Tune in for this week’s episode as co-host Sue Marriott and John Howard discuss the power of tuning in under the words, widening our awareness of emotional communication, mindfulness and spirituality in secure functioning relationships. When we are connected on a neurobiological level, it opens the door for the other “fancier stuff” such as parenting, sex, travel, intellectual interests, romance, and money management. “The experience of being in a relationship is an existential one. It’s a spiritual event in people’s lives.” About John Howard John Howard is an internationally recognized therapist, wellness expert, and educator who uses the latest science to help couples have stronger relationships. He is the host of The John Howard Show, a wellness podcast, and the creator of the Ready Set Love® series of online programs for couples. John is a Cuban American whose first language is Spanish and thus prioritizes diversity and inclusion, drawing on multicultural influences from years of traveling and studying indigenous traditions. He has presented on the neuroscience of couples therapy at leading conferences and developed a couples and family therapy curriculum for the Dell Medical School in Austin. In 2019, he developed Presence Therapy®, an integrative mind-body approach to couples therapy taught to psychotherapists worldwide. John is also the CEO of PRESENCE, a wellness center in Austin dedicated to helping you achieve optimal physical, mental, and relationship health.     Join our Therapist Uncensored online community as a TU Neuronerd and help support getting this content out to the world. For deeper dives into topics and extra episodes, join our online community for as little as $5 a month and get deep-dive content, ad-free feed, discounts on anything we produce, and unique study opportunities.     Episode Time Stamps 1:38 – Psychobiological Approach to Couple’s Therapy (PACT)  principles 5:59 – How to read the interaction as a whole 15:08 – How does this methodology apply to consensually non-monogamous relationships? 18:17 – Key aspects of John’s new book, “More Than Words” 21:22 – What your brain is really looking for in connections 31:28 – Explanation of “inviting care” into relationships Resources John Howard’s Website  Ready Set Love – Online Couple’s Course Ready Set Love – Podcast Austin In Connection – Non-Profit Presence Therapy Website The PACT Institute Website John Howard’s Book, February 2022 Relevant Therapist Uncensored Episodes https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu12-if-its-not-good-for-you-its-not-good-for-us-interview-with-relationship-expert-stan-tatkin/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu121-the-purpose-of-relationships-redefined-during-quarantine-with-stan-tatkin/   Click Here to View Episode Transcripts

Through state-of-art science, learn how to reduce distractibility, rumination, and catastrophic thinking with 12-15 mins of targeted mindfulness training. Many of us struggle with hyper-vigilant minds that overwhelm our nervous system.  We then often overcompensate by habitually tuning out, causing us to miss important information from our bodies and our relationships. This becomes especially true under high stress, which can wreak havoc on our ability to attend and be present where it matters most in our lives. In today’s episode, co-host Dr. Ann Kelley talks with neuroscientist and author, Dr. Amishi Jha about her research findings on attention, concentrations and focus. Dr. Jha summarizes years of research findings on the neural bases of attention and the effects of mindfulness-based training programs on cognition, emotion, resilience, and performance. Through her work, she and her team have identified some of the most efficient and effective mindfulness skills that have will calm our minds, increase our focus and attention, and even improve our mood and sense of well-being. It literally changes the way our mind is wired. “… everything can feel like a caution sign in the world when you’re on high alert. That can lead to anxiety disorders, and is very common within PTSD. But most of the time, people don’t think of that as an attentional challenge. And I’m saying it actually is – changing how we pay attention may soften the costs of a hypervigilant mind …” Join our Therapist Uncensored online community as a TU Neuronerd and help support getting this content out to the world. For deeper dives into topics and extra episodes, join our online community for as little as $5 a month and get deep-dive content, ad-free feed, discounts on anything we produce, and unique study opportunities. About Dr. Amishi Jha Amishi Jha presenting at the PopTech convention (2010) Dr. Amishi Jha, Ph.D. is a Director of Contemplative Neuroscience and Professor of Psychology at the University of Miami. Prior to her current post, she was an Assistant Professor at the Center for Cognitive Neuroscience at the University of Pennsylvania. She received her B.S in Biological Psychology from the University of Michigan, her Ph.D. in Psychology (Cognitive Neuroscience) from the University of California–Davis, and her post-doctoral training at the Brain Imaging and Analysis Center at Duke University in functional neuroimaging. With grants from the Department of Defense and several private foundations, she leads research on the neural bases of attention and the effects of mindfulness-based training programs on cognition, emotion, resilience, and performance in education, corporate, elite sports, first-responder, and military contexts. Time Stamps 9:25 – What is “attention”? 10:09 – Analogy of the brain as a “flashlight” 20:33 – Inspiration for “Peak Mind” 27:16 – So why mindfulness? 29:40 – Hypothesis on the evolution of the brain 43:09 – Where/How to start implementing daily mindfulness Resources Dr. Amishi Jha’s Website “How to Tame Your Wandering Mind” – Ted Talk Amishi’s Book – “Peak Mind” Amishi Jha Episode – For transcript click here 

Ever curious how attachment theory applies to polyamory? In a society seemingly dominated by monogamy – it can be difficult for those in a consensual non-monogamous or polyamorous relationship to find representation. Roughly 5% of the population actively participates in polyamory or multi-partner relationships, although we believe the number wildly under-represents this rich community. It is important to not only have representation – but also the same resources for support that monogamous couples receive. Psychotherapist and relationship expert, Jessica Fern works to change that. You may recognize her as the author of  Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Non-Monogamy where she dives into uncharted territory and extends attachment theory into consensual nonmonogamy. Tune in as Fern and co-host Sue Marriott explore the depths of consensual nonmonogamy, from a personal and professional perspective, and the importance of the application of attachment theory when navigating multi-partner relationships. “When couples come in and they’re struggling, they might say we’re dealing with agreement challenges, or we’re fighting more, or one of us can’t get over our jealousy …. those are typically symptoms of deeper issues.”  Jessica Fern   In her book, Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Non-Monogamy, Fern provides a fascinating perspective of attachment theory and how it operates within multi-partner relationships. As the world starts to become more open to relationship styles outside of monogamy, Fern strives to create a healthy discussion and cultivates opportunities for success on an individual level and within relationships. Utilizing resources like her six specific strategies, Ferns provides resources to heal past traumas and create more fulfilling, secure connections. This book is one of many we have featured in our Therapist Uncensored “Reading Pods.” “…it’s interesting to even think of sexuality as an identity. Cause for some of us it’s, it is very much an identity, for others – it feels very private and they don’t want to wear it as an identity. And some people don’t feel like they even have that choice to conceal it…”   Get your first 2 months of SimplePractice for free when you sign up for an account today as a Therapist Uncensored listener. This exclusive offer is valid for new customers only and by signing up through the following link: simplepractic.com/therapistuncensored   Time Stamps 6:02  Descriptions of polyamory, poly-romantic relationships 11:30 The difference between poly-orientation and lifestyle 13:03 The definition of solo-polyamorous 15:08 Secure Functioning 21:56 Primal Attachment Panic 23:50  The difference between enmeshment and closeness 34:04 “Non-Monogamy will expose the cracks in your relationship” 44:52 Attachment styles can vary between partners in Polycules 48:04 For those who have been highly traumatized, is BDSM an extension of their trauma or self-expression? Resources Jessica Fern’s Website Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Non-Monogamy “Secure Attachment with Self” 4-month Live Online Program  “Maybe Monogamy Isn’t the Only Way to Love” Article by Drake Baer – 2017 Therapist Uncensored Podcast Episode 42 – Sexual Vitality Refreshing Our Understanding of Sexual Health with Doug Braun Harvey (Part 1) Therapist Uncensored Podcast Episode 43 – Sexual Vitality Six Principles of Sexual Health with Doug Braun Harvey (Part 2) About Jessica Fern Jessica Fern is a psychotherapist, public speaker, author, and trauma and relationship expert. She specializes in working with clients from around the world to form healthier connections and to seek more fulfilling experiences. Jessica is the author of the book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual NonMonogamy, and is in the process of writing her second book which expands on the original ideologies. Along with her private practice, Fern provides resources and also leads online programs designed to better help individuals navigate hardships and find security within themselves. Check out her program: “Secure Attachment with Self” launching February 4, 2022 to take a step on your own journey to healing traumas and finding stability in such difficult times.   Join our Therapist Uncensored online community as a TU Neuronerd and help support getting this content out to the world. For deeper dives into topics and specific episodes, join our online community for as little as $5 a month and get extra content, ad-free feed, discounts on anything we produce, study opportunities and – in Feb 2022 we will meet live together after a series of private episodes breaking down Jill Bolte-Taylor’s, Whole-Brain Living. If you are seeing this afterwards, all this will be accessible plus new things we are finding interesting at the time.   Not ready to join us officially? No sweat. But if you are this deep into the shownotes we hope you have gotten something from the wealth of content in our episode library and we’d love it if you might leave us a rating and review – that is how the show grows, word of mouth and ratings.  TKS FRIEND! View Episode Transcript Here

Self-compassion has gotten a bad rap, it’s time to update your perspective on this key tool to security. We’ve been socialized to associate compassion with femininity, self-love, and gentleness, and self-compassion as a way of saying to be “nice” to yourself – basically a recipe to get walked on.  Dr. Kristin Neff has dedicated years of research to help understand, update and restructure the ideas around weakness so that all genders can harness the power of having a self-compassionate stance. Join Dr. Kristin Neff and Co-host Dr. Ann Kelley as they explore the world of fierce self-love. Embracing Fierce Self-Compassion “Women have lower self-compassion levels than men because we’re socialized to give compassion to others and to be self-sacrificing.  We feel less entitled to meet our own needs than men do.”  Kristin Neff Join our Therapist Uncensored online community as a TU Neuronerd and help support getting this content out to the world. For deeper dives into topics and extra episodes, join our online community for as little as $5 a month and get deep-dive content, ad-free feed, discounts on anything we produce, and unique study opportunities. About Dr. Kristin Neff Dr. Kristin Neff Dr. Kristin Neff is a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, who has dedicated her life to understanding and educating others on their journey to fierce self-love. Neff earned her doctorate from the University of California at Berkeley and is currently an Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. In addition to writing numerous academic articles and book chapters on the topic, she is the author of the book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, along with her newest release – Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive. In conjunction with her colleague Dr. Chris Germer, she has developed an empirically supported training program called Mindful Self-Compassion, which is taught by thousands of teachers worldwide. They co-authored The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook as well as Teaching the Mindful Self-Compassion Program: A Guide for Professionals. She is also co-founder of the nonprofit Center for Mindful Self-Compassion. Time Stamps  00:18 – Why Neff shifted her research towards women 1:13 – Fierce self-compassion 2:09 – How men are harmed by their inability to be tender 7:13 – How it connects to the sympathetic nervous system 11:28 – Neff’s 3-step model 13:59 – Research on self-compassion 21:22 – Biology or socialization? 32:18 – Why we are “afraid” to appreciate ourselves 50:29 – Positives and negatives of feeling anger 58:16 – Inner compassion Resources  Dr. Kristin Neff – Her main website loaded with free resources and MP3’s Center for Mindful Self-Compassion Mindful Self-Compassion Intensive Workshop The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook Teaching the Mindful Self-Compassion Program: A Guide for Professionals Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive Kristen Neff: Self Compassion Step by Step, The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself (Audio CD) Karen Bluth, forward by Kristin Neff: The Self-Compassion Workbook for Teens Jean M Twenge and W. Keith Campbell: The Narcissism Epidemic Living in the Age of Entitlement Self Compassion Test  Want more on this topic? You’ll probably enjoy these previous episodes from Therapist Uncensored Building Grit Through Self Compassion with Dr. Kristin Neff – Episode 23 Sue and Ann Explore Self Criticism and Internal Scripts – Episode 169 View Show Transcript Here Value this content?  Please take a moment to leave us a rating and review wherever you get your podcasts to help others discover this resource, and share with those you think can benefit.   

Learn what the amygdala does and doesn’t do, how it’s related to memory and consciousness from the best, Dr. Joseph LeDoux.  Fun times, sister neuronerds! We are honored to introduce him to you all! Joseph LeDoux – The Amygdaloids In the previous episode, we covered how neurobiology affects your relationships to help prepare you for the incredible discussion we had this week with amygdala expert, Dr. Joseph LeDoux. Listen in as we discuss the amygdala, non-conscious versus unconscious, protein synthesis, the differences between fear and threat, and how it all applies in the world of attachment. “…that’s why I always thought of the amygdala as a non-conscious process – because it’s generating these behaviors non-consciously. Then cognitively, we interpret that to generate a narrative that makes it make sense in terms of who we are…”   Join our Therapist Uncensored online community as a TU Neuronerd and help support getting this content out to the world. For deeper dives into topics and extra episodes, join our online community for as little as $5 a month and get deep-dive content, ad-free feed, Ask Me Anything sessions, discounts on anything we produce, and unique study opportunities. About Joseph LeDoux Dr. Joseph LaDoux Dr. Joseph LeDoux – is a professor at NYU in the Center for Neural Science. He is also the director of the  Emotional Brain Institute at NYU and a well-respected author of many books including The Emotional Brain, Synaptic Self, and Anxious. Throughout his career, he has received many awards for his research including the American Psychological Association Distinguished Scientific Contributions Award, and the American Psychological Association Donald O. Hebb Award. In his free time, LeDoux is the lead singer of his band, the Amygdaloids. Time Stamps for Unpacking the Amygdala 1:05 – Introduction to LeDoux’s rat experiment 2:30 – Split-brain patients 6:45 – Story follows state explanation 8:20 – Introduction to the bell curve 12:34 – The relationship between the non-conscious and the unconscious 18:30 – Memory reconsolidation 19:05 – Protein synthesis 26:44 – Taming the Hippocampus 31:30 – Optigenetics 37:52 – LeDoux’s tips for emotional regulation 41:26 – Explanation of the new book – “The Deep History of Ourselves: The Four-Billion-Year Story of How We Got Conscious Brains“ Resources “Anxious: Using the Brain to Understand and Treat Fear and Anxiety” – Dr. Joseph LeDoux “The Emotional Brain: The Mysterious Underpinnings of Emotional Life” – Dr. Joseph LeDoux  “I Got A Mind to Tell You” – Psychology Today Article “The Amygdaloids” – Music Complete List of LeDoux’s Books  “Putting the ‘Mental’ Back in Mental Disorders” – Research Paper, National Library of Medicine   Relevant Episodes “Polyvagal Theory in Action – The Practice of Body Regulation With Dr. Stephen Porges” – Therapist Uncensored Podcast, Episode 93 View Episode Transcripts Here

Learning about relational science and applied attachment theory can help you keep your cool.  Stay updated in this episode learning latest about the science of threat. This episode on the neurobiology of threat is a warm up to next time, when we air the interview with the amygdala expert, Dr. Joseph Ladoux. Everyone responds to threat uniquely and each situation is different of course.  Ann & Sue discuss recent findings and how to apply the science to understanding how your brain works when it senses danger.  Inspired by a discussion with Dr. Joseph Ledoux (interview to be published in the next episode #174) – in today’s episode, Ann and Sue are covering their take on the latest research related to fear and threat in humans. Michelle Bobb-Parris/Getty Images Ann and Sue blend their own personal experiences and knowledge of people, mistakes, dysregulation and basic relational neuroscience to help improve your relationships and integrate healing & change within the body.  Follow along as they take a deeper dive into Ledoux’s research and break down his experiment measuring rats’ fear in moments of threat and how that applies to human responses in similar instances. They also cover the misconceptions about how the amygdala is often perceived as the “fear center” of the body, and why it’s important beyond caring about neuroanatomy. As always, they also share their own not-pretty version of figuring this stuff out in real life. (Transcript provided below) We are proud to offer this library of episodes free to the world and accessible. In order to help us do that, please join our Therapist Uncensored online community! You’ll get deeper dives into topics and extra episodes, an ad-free feed, Q&A sessions, discounts on stuff we may produce, unique study opportunities, and access to your like-minded peers!    Time Stamps for Neurobiology of Threat:  3:24 – Discussion about Sue’s interview with Joseph Ledoux 4:23 – Explanation of Joseph Ledoux’s rat experiment 15:12 – Threat responses are not amoral 29:01 – Ledoux’s implicit narrative 29:54 – The amygdala is not the “fear center” of the body 42:32 – The “third anchor”, memory consolidation 45:00 – Updating your own narrative Episode Resources for Neurobiology of Threat  Joseph Ledoux’s Article – “The Emotional Brain, Fear, and the Amygdala” Elena Paci, Charlotte Lawrenson, Jasmine Pickford, Robert A.R. Drake, Bridget M. Lumb, Richard Apps. “Cerebellar Modulation of Memory Encoding in the Periaqueductal Grey and Fear Behaviour.” eLife (First published: March 15, 2022) DOI: 10.7554/eLife.76278 “Discovery of novel brain fear mechanisms offers target for anxiety-reducing drugs” – University of Bristol, March 2022 View the Transcript Here! More like this from Therapist Uncensored: https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/whole-brain-living-psychology-neuroanatomy-spirit-with-dr-jill-bolte-taylor-164/ If you value this content, please leave us a rating and review to help others discover this resource, and share freely with those you think may benefit. We really appreciate it!

Guest Dr. Elizabeth Stanley knows stress reduction – she had developed a program used by the US military called Mindfulness-based Mind Fitness Training. Co-host Dr. Ann Kelley and Dr. Stanley discuss practical strategies that will help you build resilience, recover from trauma, heal and thrive. “…One of the biggest gifts we each give the world around us is our own self-regulation – our own presence. Only from a self-regulated place are we able to contribute to the collective…” Dr. Elizabeth A. Stanley has dedicated years to understanding her own traumatic experiences and extended her knowledge to others through research and teaching, including her work developing the Mindfulness-Based Mind Fitness Training (MMFT)® (utilized by the United States military). There are many factors that contribute to the way in which we manage stress. From early developmental experiences to the lessons we learn within our culture – how we process and manage our experiences during stress and trauma plays a large role in the way we navigate the world around us. Too often we go on autopilot and ignore the impact of stress and trauma on our body. This can have a devastating impact on us personally, but also on our relationships. Thrive even under stress “…we kind of divorce trauma and write it off as that’s what happens with weak people or people who can’t handle it. So people who are really suffering that way don’t really want to admit it to themselves or to anyone else because that somehow reflects on them that they’re broken or wrong or weak or powerless in ways that really isn’t true. Stress and trauma are actually a biological continuum, but we’ve divorced it this way…” Join our Therapist Uncensored online community as a TU Neuronerd and help support getting this content out to the world. For deeper dives into topics and extra episodes, join our online community for as little as $5 a month and get deep-dive content, ad-free feed, Ask Me Anything sessions, discounts on anything we produce, and unique study opportunities.  About Dr. Elizabeth Stanley  Elizabeth A. Stanley, Ph.D., is an associate professor of security studies at Georgetown University. She is the creator of Mindfulness-Based Mind Fitness Training (MMFT)®, taught to thousands in civilian and military high-stress environments. Stanley is also an award-winning author and U.S. Army veteran with service in Asia and Europe, she holds degrees from Yale, Harvard, and MIT. She’s also is a certified practitioner of Somatic Experiencing, a body-based trauma therapy.     Time Stamps 1:08 – Background on Dr. Stanley’s life 5:09 – The creation of her mindfulness-based training Program 6:16 – How culture plays a role in toxic/overworked environments 22:01 – The window of stress explanation 23:20 – Three pathways that can make the window narrow 45:49 – Three principles of mindfulness 47:57 – The biggest “Pay Off Habit” recommendations 56:20 – Implementing mindfulness regulation strategies into the military Resources Dr. Elizabeth A. Stanley’s Website “Widen the Window: Training Your Brain and Body to Thrive During Stress and Recover from Trauma” – Purchase “Mindfulness-Based Mind-Fit Training” – Online Courses “Optimizing the Caveman Within Us” – Dr. Elizabeth A. Stanley’s TedTalk Training your brain to thrive show notes

Writing courageous words can heal deep wounds.  Bibliotherapy, family reconciliation, mother-daughter bonding and the questionable power of memory are all covered in today’s episode with Laura Davis, author of the Courage to Heal and the new memoir, Burning Light of Two Stars. “…no one should ever sacrifice their own well-being to maintain a psychologically devastating relationship. The final option for reconciliation may be not having a direct relationship with the person, & instead being able to find resolution inside yourself – this can be the best choice…” How do we navigate tumultuous relationships in life? When do we know when to walk away, or to stay and reconcile? Most individuals will experience a tough relationship in their lifetime – sometimes with family, romantic partners, colleagues, or friendships. The type of relationships that feel unbearably frustrating, almost impossible to maintain – so, how do we find peace within the chaos? Author and teacher, Laura Davis is an expert in navigating these kinds of connections. In her most recent book, “The Burning Light of Two Stars”, she openly shares the raw feelings behind her decades-long relationship with her mother and the beautifully tragic ending to her life. From her childhood of abuse and young adulthood of healing, follow along as Davis and co-host Sue Marriott examine her journey through reconciliation as she becomes her mother’s caretaker. “I used to think that the opposite of estrangement was reconciliation, but actually – the opposite is what we have to do to get to a place of peace with the reality of this relationship…”   We are proud to offer this library of episodes free to the world and accessible. In order to help us do that, please join our Therapist Uncensored online community! You’ll get deeper dives into topics and extra episodes, an ad-free feed, Ask Me Anything sessions, discounts on stuff we may produce, unique study opportunities, and access to your like-minded peers!    Time Stamps for Courage to Heal author Laura Davis interview  3:14 – Davis’s personal journey 5:03 – The journey of writing “The Courage to Heal” 10:42 – Explanation of “The Burning Light of Two Stars” 13:28 – Book excerpt #1 from “The Burning Light of Two Stars” 25:45 – Book excerpt #2 from “The Burning Light of Two Stars” 39:45 – Finding reconciliation and healing 50:30 – How writing can be a tool for healing & transformation 59:21 – Secure priming Resources *Special Bibliotherapy for Therapist Uncensored Listeners* Laura Davis’s Website & Workshops “The Courage to Heal” – Book by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis “The Burning Light of Two Stars” – Book by Laura Davis “I Never Told Anyone” – Book by Ellen Bass Link to the first 5 Chapters of “The Burning Light of Two Stars”  The audiobook of “The Burning Light of Two Stars” – Read by Laura Davis Signed copies of “The Burning Light of Two Stars” Travel to Tuscany with Laura Davis!  Click the book you’d like to purchase:  Laura’s riveting new memoir examines the endurance of mother-daughter love, how memory protects and betrays us, and the determination it takes to fulfill a promise when ghosts from the past come knocking   MORE FROM THERAPIST UNCENSORED: TU112: The Life-Changing Science of Memory Reconsolidation with Guests Bruce Ecker & Tori Olds(Opens in a new browser tab) Find full transcript in the podcast player.  And follow us on our social media pages to get the latest updates and information: Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn! Like what you’re hearing? A great way to help others find these resources is to rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. This is an easy and effective way for those seeking assistance to be able to find it. Thank you so much for your support.

When talk therapy isn’t enough How Attachment-Focused EMDR works and when to use it While talk therapy can be an incredible resource for working through and healing traumas – sometimes it is not enough. The theory around trauma is that when it occurs it “gets locked in the nervous system” in the form of fragmented thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. This makes true healing difficult.  Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, also known as EMDR, is an evolving science that utilizes bilateral stimulation to help connect the left side of the brain to the right in order to form more cohesive, healing thoughts to better support the healing process. Dr. Laurel Parnell is a leading expert in EMDR, and uses her vast knowledge to help train thousands of clinicians worldwide to spread the safe science. Using the “lighting it up and linking it up” methodology combined with the Four Foundational Resources, Parnell helps individuals suffering from PTSD and other obstacles better navigate their world and release some of the tension stored within the body and mind. Tune in for this episode as co-host Dr. Ann Kelley and Dr. Parnell take a deep dive into the evolution and successes of EMDR.   “…people can spend years in talk therapy working through some horrible accident, and they’re not getting better because the therapy isn’t reaching where the trauma’s stored and it’s not helping with that integration of the nonverbal experience…” Join our Therapist Uncensored online community as a TU Neuronerd and help support getting this content out to the world. For deeper dives into topics and extra episodes, join our online community for as little as $5 a month and get deep-dive content, ad-free feed, Ask Me Anything sessions, discounts on anything we produce and unique study opportunities.  About Laurel Parnell Clinical psychologist and director of the Parnell Institute for Attachment-Focused EMDR, Dr. Laurel Parnell is a leading expert on Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). She has served on the faculty of the California Institute for Integral Studies in San Francisco, as well as at John F. Kennedy University. Parnell is also the co-director of the non-profit Trauma Assistance Program-International, “TAP-IN”. She has dedicated her life to training thousands of clinicians both nationally and internationally and is the author of six books on EMDR.   Time Stamps 1:11 – What we do with EMDR 5:44 – Introducing the Four Foundational Resources 12:30 – Explanation of what Standard EMDR looks like 16:05 – Breaking Down Bilateral Stimulation 21:12 – The Connection between REM Sleep & EMDR 27:49 – “Little T” Traumas and “Big T” Traumas 29:57 – “Creating Ideal Communities” for Healing 35:22 – Integrating Attachment-Focused EMDR 46:53 – How to Integrate EMDR Virtually 53:04 – Making Modifications to the Practice 1:06:55 – Understanding EMDR Timelines Resources Dr. Laurel Parnell’s Website Parnell Institute EMDR Website EMDR Training Workshops Parnell Institute Facebook Group  Find an EMDR Trained Therapist  Christie Sprowl’s Website – EMDR Expert Dr. Francine Shapiro’s Website “Inside the Mind of Dr. Dan Siegel” – Therapist Uncensored Podcast Laurel Parnell’s Books (Click the Image to Purchase)         Not ready to join us as an official Neuronerd? We respect that, no sweat, just glad you know it’s an option. But if you are this deep into the show notes we hope you have gotten something from the wealth of content in our episode library and we’d love it if you might share it with someone you think could use it.  The way new people find us is mainly word of mouth, so leaving a rating or review – that is how the good content finds its way across the world. Thanks, friend!      

Self-criticism is such a practiced skill it could be an Olympic sport – style points, consistency, creativity.  Learn more about this common practice and what it may mean about your internal working script. Hearing yourself criticized impacts your nervous system no matter if the voice is your own or someone else’s. self attack can be brutal Self-criticism, unfortunately, is something that most individuals can deeply identify with. Not only does it affect our own self-esteem, but it also can take a heavy toll on our relationships and the ways in which we navigate the world. But can self-criticism look different for different attachment styles? What outer influences contribute to our critical tendencies? You will want to tune in this week, as Ann and Sue answer these (and many more) questions, by taking a deep dive into self-criticism as it relates to different attachment styles. Learn more about the detrimental role our cultures and societal pressures play in our thoughts, and how we can help build healthier patterns through secure attachment priming. We are proud to offer this library of episodes free to the world and accessible. In order to help us do that, please join our Therapist Uncensored online community! You’ll get deeper dives into topic and extra episodes, an ad-free feed, Ask Me Anything sessions, discounts on stuff we may produce, unique study opportunities, and access to your like-minded peers!  Time Stamps 19:28 – Explanation of how self-criticism can activate a threat response 20:31 –  How avoidant attachment/dismissive styles can differ in self-criticism 23:42 – Pleasure and soothing and the roles they can play in self-criticism 28:50 – Preoccupied self-criticism 29:24 – Society & culture’s role in criticism 37:10 – Explanation of secure attachment priming Resources “Attachment Styles Modulate Neural Markers of Threat and Imagery when Engaging in Self-criticism” Article “Music, Emotion, and Therapy – Interview with Bob Schneider” – Therapist Uncensored, Episode 45 Therapist Uncensored Episode Transcript Email Download New Tab Ann Kelley: Hey, Sue Marriott. I am happy to be back in the studio with you. Sue Marriott: Absolutely. It's so nice to actually be recording together. We've been doing so many crazy things separately and yeah, it's fun. So let's do this, Ann Kelley: let's do some announcements. You know how we've been talking about how important it is at Therapist Uncensored that we build community, right? We are really excited. We've been hinting at this suggesting it, but we're going to do it. We're going to have a live meetup here in Austin, Texas, and we are going to encourage live meetups, wherever Therapist Uncensored reaches. Sue Marriott: Yeah. So if you're a listener on April 22nd, this is all going to happen simultaneously. We've already had a couple of people sign up to host in their local community. So wherever you're hearing this from our idea here is. We're going to be announcing like, so somebody wants to host in Boise, Idaho, or in Calcutta or in Sydney, Australia, wherever you're listening from, you just raise your hand, let us know. And we will announce it. Basically, all you would have to do is find a location. COVID, you know, friendly location for people to gather and, you know, everybody will pay for themselves. Things like that. No big deal. But. There's probably, there may be other listeners of this podcast near you. And especially if you're in a Metro area, New York, you guys are one of our highest listeners, Los Angeles, of course, the big hubs. So if somebody will just raise their hand and say, Hey, let's meet at you know, sour duck, uh, you know, and, uh, and you just need a big patio or something. Then the notion is that anybody that's also listening to the podcast, that's maybe a neighbor of yours. You guys already have a ton in common, right? Ann Kelley: Like not everybody listens to a neuro nerd kind of podcast. That's for sure. So if you are interested in this, you have some commonalities. That's what we assumed. So even if you just have one other person in your community, that's enough. It doesn't have to be a huge one. We want everybody in the same day to gather and talk amongst yourself, get to know you have the community have connections. So we're going to do it in Austin, Texas on April 22nd at four o'clock. And um, we have few, I know we have a host volunteer in Milwaukee. We have several host, volunteers already, Sue Marriott: Bozeman, Montana. Ann Kelley: Oh, that's true. And I think one in Australia. And so I'm not sure which city yet, but I think what we are going to do if you volunteered to be a host, you're not gonna have to pay for anything. But I think we are going to send you a Therapist Uncensored t-shirt, so when people get to your location, they'll know where to find you. Sue Marriott: And just a thank you. Ann Kelley: And just to thank you for doing it. So all you have to do to host again, is send us your name. You could do that at [email protected] and just say, Hey, I'd love to be a host and we will. start coordinating that altogether. Sue Marriott: That's right. And so if you're interested in attending, if there's one in your area and you want to attend, we're going to be funneling you to our Facebook group, and we'll have an event on the Facebook group that will be about this. And so in the chatter, under the event, you'll, you know, you can say, Hey, is there anybody in the, this region in the Southeast or wherever? So, um, yeah, we'll see how it goes. It might be that zero people show up, but that's cool. That's fine. Ann Kelley: That's fine. But hopefully in Austin, Texas, we will. I think right now we have one location. You mentioned sourdough Sour Duck. I think that's going to be the location. Sue Marriott: Let me tell y'all a side story. Ann is really wanting to like spend the next couple of weeks, like going to different event, going to different locations and checking out the vibe and seeing how nice the people are. And you know what I mean, like having it be an event, like a scouting event to find the perfect location. Ann Kelley: We call that me circling my blankets. So we could actually, you could say we do, we always talk about sort of our different dynamics on the podcast. So who do you imagine wants to be decisive? We went to a place. This is it. This is fine. Let's name it. And I'm like, let's circle the blankets. Let's ride our bikes all over the city. It's just also an excuse to play around. Right. And find the location that is just right. So right now it may end up being Sour Duck, but we'll get back to you. But there are so many people out there that are not in Austin, Texas. But if you're out there and you have a location in mind. Awesome. we think it'll be fun. We're going to want you. If you get there, even if it's just one person that shows up when you're there that day on April 22nd, we want you to take a picture of you or your group and send it in. Sue Marriott: We might be doing some live FaceTime and stuff like that. So that'll be fun. But wait, in my defense about the sour duck. It is really a great place. And my notion was to already have the location, then it's, as we announce it, everybody knows where to go versus I do love the scouting and the journey and the, all of those things too. So we'll see how it actually lands, but if it lands at the sour duck, it doesn't mean that it's a sour decision. Ann Kelley: It means it was the right decision. Sue Marriott: It just means I already knew that was good. Ann Kelley: You do have good instincts it's true. And I do have a tendency to have to circle a blanket and see all my options. Sue Marriott: Oh my gosh. That's so true. Ann Kelley: So true. Well, let's jump into today's episode. Sue Marriott: Absolutely. And one way to do that. One of the things that we do here at Therapist Uncensored is we provide this incredible content. I wouldn't say that the first five minutes has been that incredible of content. However, we normally provide really, we have an archive of incredible really, really good, solid content that we provide for free. And we are able to do that two ways. One is with our community of neuro nerds. Thank you all for supporting us. You can join in and get all kinds of access to learning opportunities and cool things like that at therapistuncensored.com/join, but also we especially really want to give a moment here to our sponsors Simple Practice. Ann Kelley: Yes. Simple Practice is a online management system for anyone that works with clients, especially therapists. Sue and I both use simple practice. That's the reason we reached out to them as a sponsor because we want to only support things that we really feel some positivity towards. And it's really helped in being able to manage our system, being able to do billing. It's an all-in-one HIPAA compliant practice management system. Our listeners out there get two months free. So if you go to simplepractice.com/therapistuncensored, and check it out. And by the way, just checking it out really helps us a lot and help sponsors the program. Sue Marriott: That's right. And just to say a little bit more about simple practice, honestly is we both didn't use any kind of software before. We had our own ways that we handled it. And I have to say, if I've ever seen you as a client, you know, that I'm terrible at details and billing and things like that. So since then, I've gotten on simple practice. It was a little tiny bit of a learning curve, like a three out of a 10. That's how hard it was, but within probably an hour, it was already ready to roll. And now basically it's, you know, most of my clients are preset, so I really probably spend 30 minutes a month max making sure that it's

“It’s not about letting harms and injustices get a free pass. It’s about making choices about how you seek that accountability in a way that’s more likely to be effective.” Calling in Call-out Culture and lots more…. see show notes below for more resources! Loretta J. Ross is an activist, professor, feminist and warrior of reproductive justice and human rights. She is a master of a kind yet powerfully effective confrontation and advocacy.  In this episode she teaches about self-forgiveness as an important missed step in advocacy, the 5 C Continuum and surprisingly, she debunks the idea of security and safety as a goal in human relating.  She doesn’t believe in safety for good reason – it’s a good wake up call. Join us in a powerful discussion with Ross and co-host, Sue Marriott as they look at young radicals, the idea of inclusive human justice work (this means everybody) and her techniques that many who know co-regulation will appreciate. About Loretta J Ross  Beginning her series of careers as a human rights activist, Loretta J. Ross has dedicated her life to social change. She has worked at the National Football League Player’s Association, the DC Rape Crisis Center, the National Organization for Women (NOW), the National Black Women’s Health Project, the Center for Democratic Renewal (National Anti-Klan Network), the National Center for HumanRights Education, and SisterSong Women of Color Reproductive Justice Collective. After her retirement in 2012, she continues her influential efforts by teaching Women and Gender studies as a clinical professor at Smith College in Georgia. Among her dedication to change, she has also been the author and co-author of many books and articles, including Reproductive Justice: An Introduction with Rickie Solinger, and Radical Reproductive Justice: Foundations, Theory, Practice, Critique. Ross has also been featured in many impressive news outlets like the New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, TIME magazine, and many others. In 2022, she plans to release her most recent piece, Calling in the Calling Out Culture.   “Call-out culture” – is a term coined within the last few years, but it is a concept that has existed long before. With a society immersed in technology, there are many positives about the seemingly never-ending conversation, but with this increase in connection and immediate dialogue, there’s also an increase in the ability to speak negatively to and about one another. How do we educate others without tearing them down? In a divided world, changing our approach can help create social change. “Calling in is to invite people into a conversation rather than a fight.” L.J. Ross  For the young fighters:  Stop imagining that you’re the entire chain of freedom, the whole revolution doesn’t rest on your shoulders.  The chain of freedom stretches backward towards all of our ancestors and forward into our descendants. Our whole job is to simply make sure that the chain doesn’t break at our link. “You are more likely to have an influence,” she said, “if you are listening carefully, respecting their humanity even as you disagree with them. The person who uttered those hard words will start walking them back because they did not get the reaction they were counting on.”  Calling out someone, with the intent to shame and humiliate, “can be a paradox, because it’s not likely to get you the results you desire. It’s more likely to lock someone into their position.” Time Stamps: 2:00 – About Loretta J. Ross – personal story, Calling In Call-Out Culture backstory 10:16 – Young radicals – The Importance of Understanding Perspective 11:56 – Self Forgiveness – IMPORTANT POINT 17:03 – Breaking Down the Concept of “Appropriate Whiteness” 20:46 – Understanding “Performative Activism” 25:17 – Exploration of what “Safety” really is – Loretta schools Sue 🙂 29:24 – The “5 C Continuum” 51:54 – Utilizing your “Toggle Switch” of Consciousness   Resources: Loretta J Ross’s Website Loretta J Ross Ted Talk Speaker’s Notes  What if Instead of Calling People Out, We Called Them In? – New York Times Article  Purchase Loretta’s book, “Reproductive Justice: An Introduction” Purchase Loretta’s book, “Undivided Rights: Women of Color Organizing for Reproductive Justice” “Human Rights and Reproductive Justice” with Loretta Ross – The Trail Article  The Future Is ‘Radical Reproductive Justice’ – Rewire Newsgroup Article Fighting White Supremacy and White Privilege to Build a Human Rights Movement “Eugenicists Never Retreat, They Just Regroup: Sterilization and Reproductive Oppression in Prisons” – Article by Loretta J Ross Loretta J Ross recognized as one of 14 Badass Women – Refinery 29 Article  Voices of Feminism Oral History Project Interview of Loretta Ross – PDF Loretta Ross Papers – Smith College Libraries Calling In the Calling Out Culture: A Continuum of Accountability – Loretta J Ross Speech “I Hope We Choose Love: A Tran’s Girl’s Notes from the End of the World” – Book by Kai Cheng Thom, Arsenal Pulp Press, 2019 “Calling IN: A Less Disposable Way of Holding Each Other Accountable”– Article by Ngọc Loan Trần, BGD, 2013 “We Will Not Cancel Us: And Other Dreams of Transformative Justice” – Book by Adrienne Maree Brown, AK Press, 2020 “The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love” – Book by Sonya Renee Taylor, Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2018 “Reproductive Justice” one of her first pieces written alongside Rickie Solinger If you enjoy this content please consider joining our online community as a TU Neuronerd and help support Sue and Ann in getting this content out to the world. For deeper dives into topics and specific episodes, join our online community for as little as $5 a month. As a member you get extra content, ad-free feed, Ask Me Anything sessions, discounts on anything we produce, study opportunities, and – in Feb 2022 we will meet in a live Zoom session after a series of private episodes breaking down Jill Bolte-Taylor’s, Whole-Brain Living. If you are seeing this afterward, all this will be accessible plus new things we are finding interesting at the time.     Transcript – Lightly Edited for Readability Can you tell us a little about yourself? My name’s Loretta Ross, and I’m a Texas gal born in Temple, Texas grew up in San Antonio, Texas, and feel like I’m an I-35 family. But I live in Atlanta, Georgia now because I’ve been gone from Texas since the days of the Hemisfair. I left in 1970 to go to college. And I haven’t lived back in Texas since then. I’m a professor at Smith College in the program for the study of women and gender because I’m a professional feminist. I became a feminist when I went off to college at the age of 16 and I haven’t looked back, I’ve worked in women’s rights, civil rights, human rights work for more than 50 years. Right now I’m really focused on not what work we do, but how we do the work. And so I started six years ago, a book called Calling in the Calling Out Culture. And it actually can be blamed on my grandson because at the age of about 12, he decided he didn’t know how to answer his cell phone. I knew this was incomprehensible because every kid knows how to answer the cell phone, but it would go to voicemail. And he said grandma if you want to reach me, get on Facebook. I got on Facebook just in time for him to immediately migrate off saying it was for old fogies now. And I didn’t follow him to Snapchat or wherever he went, but I stayed on Facebook.  And that’s when I noticed how unbelievably mean people were to each other. I am convinced that people give themselves license to say things online behind that cloak of anonymity if they wouldn’t dare say to a person’s face. And so when I noticed this and then pointed it out to some young people I was working with, they said, oh, you mean the call-out culture? I was like, y’all have named it. And this young person said, oh yeah, we deal with this all the time. I said what are y’all doing about it? And she shrugged and walked away.  So I began processing my 50 years of activism back in the seventies. We used to call it, trashing each other and claiming people weren’t relevant. And that was the worst thing we could call somebody “irrelevant” and learning and really revisiting all the experiences I’d had in mind when I called people out, but also when I got called out myself and what I learned from other people about giving people grace and forgiveness and calling people in, an icon of the civil rights movement, Reverend Joseph Lowery used to say all the time: “We’ve got to learn how to turn to each other, not on each other.” And this was being said in the 1960s. So obviously they were dealing with the call-out culture too. And so I began writing a book about six years ago on calling in the calling out culture. Unfortunately, my son died right after I had begun writing the book, unexpectedly of a heart attack. So I put it aside for a couple of years because I just didn’t feel like writing a book. And while I dealt with that, that unimaginable pain, I put it away. But I picked it up a few years ago and started writing on it. And then because of COVID, I started teaching my techniques online for $5 a class. The next thing I know I have 700 people enrolled because I had really tapped into a frustration. A lot of people are feeling that we’re being too mean to each other. We’re too quick to judge each other. We’re calling each other out. We’re blaming everybody. We think that we can change people when we can’t. And so I just walled into adjusting all that was happening at the time. And the success of teaching it online and I continue to teach it online. Now I have

Psychedelic-assisted therapy (PAT) means just that, a medicine used as a tool to deepen the possibilities for healing.  It’s not the drug, it’s the therapy. NOTE: Find TU listener activities, upcoming meeting etc on FB HERE Psychedelic-assisted therapy: We don’t have to rely on the medicine work to do everything. “Plant medicines aren’t designed to fix us. They help us recognize our truth and lead us towards the next steps we have to take to heal. This is our work to do. When we become clear with who we are, we can bring our shadow into the light.” – Dr. Dan Engle  The use of psychedelics is slowly gaining favor as part of a holistic approach and is radically changing the way we think about therapy and psychiatric medicine. In this episode, Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP discusses the therapeutic use of psychedelics with Dr. Dan Engle, the Founder and Medical Director of Kuya Institute for Transformational Medicine in Austin, Texas. Dr. Engle shares his vision for transformative medicine and how he sees the industry moving forward as it reforms into a transformative model. Tune in and learn more as we explore treatment for various debilitating mental health issues with powerful ancient molecules. Psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy (PAP) refers to professionally supervised use of ketamine, MDMA, psilocybin, LSD and ibogaine as part of a carefully elaborated psychotherapeutic process. Clinical results so far have shown safety and efficacy, even for “treatment resistant” conditions, and far superior effects than traditional therapies alone, or traditional medicines such as antidepressants.  In addition, the treatment is short-term and typically has little side effects or risk with careful and adequate screening. If you enjoy the excellent content in our episode library please support the show by joining our online community! Click here This treatment isn’t new, actually, the use of plants to achieve non-ordinary states of mind for wellbeing is ancient.  But there has been a renaissance in exploring non-ordinary states as route to healing and the PAP model opens up interesting questions regarding diagnostics and explanation of psychological distress.  It may serve to advance novel explanations for mental disorders and their treatment, in a way that considers social and cultural factors, historical adversities, and acute trauma.     Show Notes: 00:00:00 Introduction 00:02:11 The Kuya Institute And Community 00:06:41 Sparking An Interest In Psychedelics 00:12:45 Understanding Body And Mind 00:20:03 Exploring The Effects Of Psychedelics 00:28:51 Therapeutic Accessibility Of Psychedelics 00:31:04 Innovating Treatment Models 00:33:21 Ketamine And Its Usage 00:35:11 Ketamine Safety And Psilocybin 00:38:50 Psychedelic States And Safety 00:41:13 The Conscious And Subconscious Mind 00:43:46 The Role Of Facilitators 00:47:34 Tuning Into The Subconscious 00:50:40 MDMA Focused Therapy 00:57:58 MDMA And Altered States 01:01:56 MDMA Side Effects 01:11:26 Contacting Dr. Engle Complete transcript published below, keep scrolling. Important Links: Psychedelics and Neuroplasticity – A Systematic Review Unraveling the Biological Underpinnings of Pychedelics Sept 2021, Psychiatry MAPS – Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies Kuya The Second Brain My Stroke of Insight MAPS Organization A Dose of Hope Jill Bolte Taylor – Past Episode Anatomy of an Epidemic Trey Ratcliff – Past Episode DrDanEngle.com FullSpectrumMedicine.com ThankYouLife.org About Dr. Dan Engle Dr. Dan Engle has a unique background in integrative psychiatry, neurocognitive restoration, peak performance medicine and psychedelic research. Dr. Dan unitizes his profound knowledge and experience to help individuals shift from illness and trauma to health and happiness. Dr. Dan’s trans-disciplinary approach focuses on healing all aspects of the mind, body and spirit in order to help individuals achieve optimum health, wellbeing and sustained fulfillment. Dr. Dan is the Founder and Medical Director of Kuya Institute for Transformational Medicine in Austin, Texas; Full Spectrum Medicine, a psychedelic integration and educational platform; and Thank You Life, a non-profit funding stream supporting access to psychedelic therapies. Dr. Dan is the author of The Concussion Repair Manual: A Practical Guide to Recovering from Traumatic Brain Injuries, as well as his new book, A Dose of Hope: A Story of MDMA-Assisted Psychotherapy. TYou are invited: JOIN OUR ONLINE COMMUNITY HERE  Support the show AND get access to many cool neuronerd things… including your own private feed that has no ads and tons of extra episodes.  Transcript: Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy With Dr. Dan Engle Dan Engle MD, Author of Dose of Hope, A Story of MDMA Assisted Psychotherapy Edited (for clarity): Welcome aboard, Dr. Dan. We’re so happy that you agreed to join us. Thanks for having me on, Sue. It’s going to be so nice. We’re going to have an expert who’s going to walk us through the state of the state, the state of the art, what’s happening with psychedelic medicine, in particular with an eye towards the medicines that are in the queue, psilocybin, MDMA and ketamine, which is the legal one at this point. Would you mind going ahead and jumping in and doing a little warm-up here? Get people oriented to the subject, partly. Say a little bit about yourself, where you are, who you are and a little bit about your background. You’ve got an interesting story that will lead us right into some of these conversations. I’m happy to do that. Now, I’m in Austin, Texas, back home. I’m from San Antonio and Austin. We’re neighbors. We’re right down the road from each other. Next time we’re having this conversation, it’ll probably be in person. That’d be awesome. I opened up my center, Kuya. It’s already been beautiful to see the community build and start. We’re wanting to reform and rebirth the new vision for what mental health and mental centers can look like. We have an excellent suite of services. We have a beautiful facility and those two things still sit on top of the fertile, rich foundation, which is our community. The way we’ve practiced mental health, psychology, psychiatry for the last many decades has been primarily in isolation. When a person goes to see their therapist or their physician, it’s usually in isolation. It’s not connected to a community. We wanted to reform that. Our community is based on a transformational model where everybody is going through their own process of transformation through their own experience and through their own lens so the community starts to be able to support itself and lift everybody up. When you say community, what do you mean specifically? You can have people go through mystical states and experiences, whether it’s through the veil of a near-death experience or a spontaneous realization. We have a 10,000-square-foot facility, 2,000 square feet of that are community space. Do you mean the Austin Community or your community of clinicians or patients? All of the above. We see clients from all over the country and the sweetest services because we have a 20% sauna, cold plunges, float tanks, an IV lounge and a tea and tonic bar. We have a lot of associated therapeutics that we can put around the medicine work to support the medicine work doing its job even better. We don’t have to rely on the medicine work to do everything. We wanted to build this around a community model. Principally around our clients and our patients coming in the door but also around the recognition that many people who come to see us are going to become, to heal a particular constellation of symptoms depression, anxiety, PTSD, addiction, pain. Our services are very good. We have an excellent track record and we’re tracking all of our data. We want to be able to tell them not only the new story of this transformational medicine approach. We want to show the data because the story moves culture but data moves science. When we can show the data and showcase not only the people’s transformational experience, we can say, on paper, it makes sense that people would be feeling better because their chronic inflammatory markers are down. Their organic etiology and cause for their longstanding depression has been identified and worked towards resolution whether it’s an adrenal issue, a thyroid issue, gut dysbiosis, immune system dysregulation, particularly in the midst of COVID or a variety of other non-organic issues, lifestyle issues, sleep dysregulation, toxicity and the diets. These are all part of the assessment that we have to look at because of this beautiful, complex biopsychosocial spiritual machinery. If we’re only looking at the neurochemistry from the standard of care psychiatric model then we’re losing the majority of the whole picture. Our suite of services is very good. In regards to the healing orientation, when we put people through our protocols. That same suite of services is very good for people that are also optimizing because if somebody doesn’t necessarily have a thing that they want a “heal or fix,” is still good to do a sauna, a cold plunge, float, get IVs, optimize and make sure that the dietary approach that you’re using is good for your physiology and your constitution in the right time of the year. The balance of your micro macronutrients. All of this has the opportunity to tell a different story, which we’re all in the hairless monkey suit going through our process of transformation, doing it a little bit differently. When we can combine optimization and a healing community then, by osmosis, it allows people that have been stigmatized and labeled with chronic refractory conditions and diagnoses and illnesses that they’re always going to have it. It offers us the opportunity to tell a different story. When you say IVs, what is in the IV? What’s happening

Everyone is familiar with reacting “in the heat of the moment,” but do we really understand what that means? Regulation basics include the protection or connection pathways to interpersonal relating. Get 2 months free with this link! In this episode, Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley unravel the mystery behind our nervous systems auto-pilot settings: protection vs connection. They simplify otherwise complex ideas by breaking in to 2 main points.   Becoming aware whether you are in the Protection/Defense versus Connection/Secure pathways in our nervous system helps us manage them. Also, how does our story affect how we react and deal with conflict, and how can we mitigate it? Tune in for this insightful and eye-opening discussion on our internal working models when interacting with others. Show Notes about regulation and the protection or connection pathways: 00:00 Understanding our internal working model 01:05 Our body responds so much faster than our mind 03:11 The story we tell amplifies the body’s response 05:30 Story vs State: Protective System and the Relational Connective System 08:11 Awareness of our state and identifying the tells of a protective system 16:12 The awareness of self in the presence of another, the relational system 17:49 Our smartest brain 19:30 Tells when you’re in a relational, connective, and reflective place 25:21 Tolerating difficult emotions 29:32 Use your own name to identify yourself 31:24 Ways to calm your body down 36:40 Pre-emptive strike; we get defensive because of the threat inside of our body 39:26 Positive interpretation of a story 41:02 Conclusion FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW Keep scrolling – Important Links: Steve Porges, of course!  We have tons of stuff on Polyvagal Theory in our library, but here is a previous episode with Dr. Steve Porges directly, plus it includes lot’s of other resources click here!  Great regulation PDF resource by former guest, Deb Dana – Rhythm of Regulation If you enjoyed this content, please send it on to somebody you feel could use it. Word of mouth helps the podcast grow so more people can benefit from this free resource. Sharing is caring they say, and so are ratings and reviews!  🙂 Help support Therapist Uncensored by becoming a Premium member. Join our private Neuronerd community and support the production of this indie-produced cis-female led show!  As a bonus to helping spread this content, you will receive all episodes ad-free, deep dive premium episodes, access to reading and learning opportunities, extra episodes, plus of course discounts on everything we produce. We love options so we are giving you a choice: if you are more visual and prefer direct communication and staying closely in touch with our activities join here: https//www.Patreon.com/therapistuncensored.  If you love listening to additional content and prefer to easily download bonus audio content to your normal feed, join us here: https://www.therapistuncensored.com/join. Either way, you will be part of our Neuronerd community and receive all of the ad-free episodes and bonuses. Platinum level Neuronerds and Benefactors meet with us, personally and get their own thank you page on our website!        Join our Neuronerd online community – click the image above! Protection or Connection Nervous System Regulation Pathways, Ep 166 Transcript When we talk about understanding ourselves, we talk about it through understanding the spectrum and our internal working model. Let’s simplify it. What do you think? It’s simplified but it’s also going deeper. I would almost call it going deeper. We start getting interested in colors, up and down is it dorsal vagal, ventral vagal or whatever. Your idea of deep-diving into the basics of this is what I love about the way you talk about it because it feels so usable. Recognizing what internal working model that we function in is important but every day, our body is responding to our environment and to itself. What do you mean responding to itself? You know how we’re always talking about story follows state. In fact, we might even start there. People always say, “What do you mean by story follows state?” What does that mean? There’s a part where our body responds so much faster in our minds. We say this all the time on our show but we give way too much credit to that frontal lobe of ours and the story that we’re telling. An example is we’re having this crappy time at work and we’re so stressed. All we can think about is how sucky the people are that we work with or the job we have and that’s causing us to feel anxious and bad. Our story is people at work are bad, my job is bad and that’s why I feel anxious and upset. Regulation We go, “Here it goes again. We have another meeting.” We then begin to look for information that supports our story. That’s the repetitive nature we talked about, that habitual when we feel trapped by the repetitive, the prediction and now we know it’s going to happen. It sucks. Part of what we mean is 90% of what goes on in our brain comes from inside of our body. This is where the story becomes so important. Neuroanatomists talk about that feeling is 90 seconds. Your example of the work is like if something happens, you get a bad review, you’re going to have an actual primary affect but it’s only 90 seconds of shock, anger or shame. After that, we continue that response in our body through the story we tell. What we say is, “The only reason I got a bad review is that so-and-so doesn’t like me or they’re jealous.” We’re having the state issue wherein the feeling in our body whether our heart rate’s gone up or we’re feeling anxious, we feel that and we got to figure out how to change, stop or handle it. One of the first things we do is we look outside of ourselves, “Who’s causing this? It’s my job.” Our body responds so much faster than our mind. I suck and messed up again. That’s a story. I love that because it’s not just telling the story of the victim in the world where you can say, “I suck.” It’s the story that we tell that amplifies in our body, our heart rate and even the hormones that we send off, the more we feel anxiety. We think it’s because, “I’m trapped. My partner sucks. My business sucks,” and we start amplifying. The truth is we’re amplifying the chemical reaction in our body. We’re talking about it as if those words come across a screen or we’re aware of saying, “I suck.” How do you experience the story part? Isn’t that interesting to think? Do we hear it in our minds? My story becomes a little repetitive and ruminative. I think it’s words and it’s different for different people. It could be images for some people or words for others but I can feel the pit at times. I’m looking for what around me is the risk and the threat. I will feel the pits like, “What happened last night? Why am I feeling this anxiety?” I’m searching for, “What is the event that happened that is making the pit of my stomach feel that?” When you’re saying, “I’m searching for,” it is accurate 100% but as far as the felt experience, I don’t think it feels like we’re searching for a story. The story is as is like, “She’s late again. She thinks she’s better than me.” Anything in your mind as you’re reading that has the flavor of, “This always happens.” This is a repetitive story, “My husband never listens to me. My wife has never been happy with me. No matter what I do, she feels critical of me. I can do nothing right.” The important part of this episode is why is it so important that we’re talking about the story versus the state? Conceptualizing how we take care and tune into our bodies instead of thinking about it at this moment, this internal working model. I want to make it simple but deep and that is, “Are you aware of what nervous system in your body that you’re activating?” We have the part of our system that we talk a lot about that wants to be protective and defend us. It feels like a threat in the environment that activates our body in a threat response. For this purpose, we’re going to call it our protective system. For a while, we were playing with calling it the peace and security department and the defense department. I like where you’re going of, “Are we are in our protective system because it’s a whole dynamic cascade?” For neuro-atypical folks, it’s not necessarily other people that cause that sense of wellbeing but it’s like, “Are you open to yourself? Are you open to others?” That is what you’re calling the relational protective system. Relational can be in relation to yourself as well. It’s not just in relation to somebody else but is your system open or closed? When we feel danger, we have to have our system closed down. That is in our human nature. A lot of times, I’ll say something about somebody being in threat and they’re like, “I’m not scared. I’m not in threat.” That person’s an idiot. The felt experience is not a threat but what you’re trying to say is what we’re looking for is what our body is doing in order for us to figure out what’s happening instead of us thinking, “I am in threat.” I never think that. What you’re saying is instead of trying to do it through our cognition, where you’re going with this is around helping people identify that binary, “Are you an open place or not?” Connective Nervous System: Recognizing what internal working model we function in is really important. It’s both, “Are you in a protective place or are you activating in others a protective place?” If we bring into conflict in any relationship, it could be a spouse, child, sibling. It doesn’t matter. Think about your state separate from the story. We’re in a fight, we’re pissed, my husband never listens to me and my wife always criticizes me. T

Social emotional learning for all of us – brain breaks not timeouts recommended Join our online community! Brain breaks and the 3 C’s for connecting. Whether you’re a parent balancing life in the pandemic or a teacher managing highly emotional kids, this episode is a resource for you. Co-host Dr. Ann Kelley and child specialist, Lindsey Kealey dive into strategies for teaching kids how to regulate their emotions and promote positive connection with others, called social emotional learning. Linsey Kealey has developed a trauma-based, neuroscience-informed program that uses social emotional learning and problem-solving strategies to help all of us make positive decisions and thrive in our relationships. She utilizes the Three C’s method, connect, calm and collaborate, to help transform the way we interact with ourselves and others. They discuss the three C method of connection to help cultivate healthy relationships and positive development in our children. . Our guest today Lindsey Kealey is a University instructor of human development and family sciences and education at Oregon State University. She is the author of PAWsitive Choices Social and Emotional Learning and the host of The PAWsitive Choices Podcast. Lindsey earned a Bachelor’s of Science in Human Development and Family Sciences with an emphasis in child development and holds a Masters of Arts in Teaching. Her university work, as well as her experience coaching families and teachers, helped her craft a curriculum that integrates interpersonal neurobiology, trauma-responsive practices, and problem-solving to help children thrive. Lindsey Kealey working with social emotional learning More about PAWsitive Choices… PAWsitive Choices is a comprehensive social and emotional learning program for families and schools that teaches children how to regulate emotions, make positive choices, learn from mistakes, and collaboratively solve problems. This trauma-responsive curriculum equips educators and caregivers with practical tools and strategies to help strengthen relationships and promote resilience. Show Transcript Lindsey: So we almost think that this is going to take a lot of time, but in the long run, you’ll find yourself having to teach less and less because they’re learning those skills. They’re internalizing them. So it can feel counterintuitive of well man setting up a brain break kid or teaching my child about problem solving. It is a task. It is something to do, but not only is it going to make them more successful and thrive, it’s going to help make our lives easier. And I think that’s motivating for adults. Today’s session on social emotional learning begins right now with Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott. Ann: Hi, welcome to the show. I’m here with Lindsey Kealey. Lindsey: Thanks for having me. Ann: I’m so glad to have you. So you are a social, emotional learning specialist for children. Is that right? Lindsey: That’s correct. Ann: Well, Lindsey, tell us a little bit about yourself. Lindsey: I am an Instructor of education and also human development and family science. With an emphasis in early childhood education. And I am a fellow neuro nerd. I love your podcast. It resonates with me so much. So I’m just really passionate about translating the science just as your podcast does to help, not only my university students and graduate students, but also families and elementary educator. So I like to synthesize the science that’s out there about our personal neurobiology and then infuse that both in my college courses and then also with family coaching. And when I go and coach in elementary schools, so it’s really just an honor and privilege to get to work with so many different people in different sectors and disseminate this great information about how we can better connect with you. Ann: And we need to continue to disseminate that for the young humans out there, because, you know, as a parent myself, all the information I could have used when my kids were younger, to help them deal with those huge, big emotions that they can have and you know, how to cope and really learn how to get ahold of themselves and to connect to other people. So when I took a look at your curriculum, I was really excited to have you on the show. Lindsey: Thank you. It’s really a neat position that we’re in, whether we’re educators or parents, or even just as we’re connecting with our partners. If someone doesn’t have children in their life, it’s a beautiful opportunity for us to get to better understand ourselves and kind of our emotional landscape. And then how that translates to. Who we’re connecting with and how we can practice that empathy and then help others understand what’s happening within them. If they’re experiencing strong feelings. And that’s something that I always talk about with my students and other adults I work with is that to begin, you want to explore your own emotional landscape and practice that emotional regulation. And that’s really what. Children can learn the best buys by modeling. So when we, you know, start with ourselves, then that’s one of the best places to start. I think, I think some teachers and parents say, well, like I need to teach my kid. I need to change their behavior right away. And I think when we step back, it starts with us. And that’s really nice because we have a lot of autonomy and agency over our actions. Young black mother taking care of her depressed little daughter at home. Ann: Well, what do you typically try to teach your graduate students and parents and teachers about how to do that? Right? Because it’s, it is such an important step instead of always being the teacher out there to our children, to really be able to understand how hard it is to do inside of ourselves and to be able to really model it. So what if some of the things that you recommend when you’re talking to parents and teachers? Lindsey: Well to begin with, I like to bring attention to the work of Dr. Kristin Neff and self-compassion because trying to navigate social problems takes a lot of self-compassion and vulnerability, I think. And so being able to just like, put your hand on your chest and take that deep breath in and just give yourself. Because as we’re trying to connect with others and teach kids, you know, regulation skills with those big feelings, they experience, it’s very likely that it could make us feel dysregulated. You know, I have this glitter brain frame. So if you think about for those listeners who can’t see this, the picture frame that has the glitter in it, and I’ve just put a picture of a brain inside of that. And if you think about the glitter as being kind of like the neuro-transmitters and chemicals in your brain, when you get really upset, I show this to my students and young children. It’s almost like the glitter in your brain or those neurochemicals get all mixed up. So it’s really hard to make positive choices. It’s hard to be our best selves and show up when we feel dysregulated. And I think one of the most encouraging things that I can tell people is that one of the best ways to model vulnerability and to help build resilience in children is to repair with them. So I have. A big glitter brain and the small one. And so when our brains get dysregulated and maybe you know, we’re not super kind, or we said, we say, Hey, I told you that five times sit down and maybe we’re not showing up how we’d like to, we can simply model for children or even, you know, our other adult relationships and say, you know what? My brain felt really mixed up. I was really upset. And I’m sorry for speaking to you the way I did. And next time I’m going to take calming breaths and I’m going to try some things out to help my own brain. And I’m sorry about. The way I talk to you. So when we repair, I think that kids learn so much, you know, we don’t have to worry about being the perfect parents to the perfect teachers or the perfect partner, but rather we can model repair and we can come together and really solve those social problems. Ann: You don’t have to hold the idea of perfection that we’re not going to make mistakes. And so often we want to rush in and explain why we did something don’t we like, no, let me tell you I’m so charged up, but this is why you need to understand. The concept of letting your brain kind of settle so that you can find your body and then come to the connection. Yeah, that’s a really important reminder, I think to us all Lindsey: yes. And I think when we start just by saying, you know, I felt really upset. I felt really dysregulated. If you’re speaking to an adult, like you mentioned, rather than going into a list of reasons of why we did a certain thing, or, well, I talk like this because you did X, Y, and Z. If we just say, you know, I had a lot of strong feelings when we had this discussion that almost lets the other person kind of take a sigh of relief and it feels like you’re on the same team rather than the other person getting on the defense and saying, well, I had these reasons why I acted like this in the first place. So if we just say, you know, I had these really strong feelings that I’m kind of wrestling with or working through that. It’s like it unites our common humanity with one another. Ann: Well, when you’re trained to help parents or teachers, let’s think about the kids with big emotions, with their bodies, for whatever reason, history experience, but they tend to have huge emotions, and dysregulate frequently. Those can be really tough times to be able to get ahold of yourself and parent. But what are the things you recommend? Like what do you talk to individuals about how to deal with a child that is extremely dysregulated and upset? Lindsey: I actually have a lot of experience. One of the beginning of my educational journey and my journey to creating

Join our online community! Using neuroanatomy and her experience having a massive stroke that took her self-conscious mind, Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor and Sue Marriott discuss the 4 skill subsets in the brain that help us relate to ourselves and the world. Her TED Talk was the first one to ever go viral and has been viewed now 27 million times, so her ideas are clearly inspiring. Her new work brings together psychology, neurobiology and spiritual awakening. NOTE Dec, 2021:  We will be releasing deeper dive episodes of Jill Bolte-Taylor’s work and explore Whole Brain Living together on our private feed (only $5/mo).  In addition, once we get through the book, we will have a live discussion all together in Jan, 2022. Join us by clicking the image to the right or go to www.therapistuncensored.com/join  Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor is a Harvard-trained neuroanatomist who suffered a stroke that led her on a path to rediscovering her brain. Her viral TED Talk, “My stroke of insight,” was the inspiration for her first book, My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey. Now she’s back to offer a deeper insight into the inner workings of the mind with her latest book, Whole Brain Living: The Anatomy of Choice and the Four Characters That Drive Our Life. In this episode, she dives deep into how the four distinct parts of our brain dictate how we live and be in the world. She gives great insight on how we can create anatomy by truly getting to know these four characters and owning our power. Tune in for this interesting and eye-opening discussion that could change the way you live your life. Show Notes: 00:00:00 Introduction 00:03:30 The Beginnings Of Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor 00:06:18 On her viral TedTalk 00:08:17 What science can’t explain 00:10:10 Left hemisphere vs right hemisphere 00:14:51 From My Stroke of Insight To Whole Brain Living, the individual in the left brain vs the individual in the right brain 00:19:40 The Four Characters: Character 1(top-left) & 2(left lower limbic) 00:31:38 How your brain can change the narrative 00:36:00 Regulation in the limbic system 00:40:53 The Four Characters: Character 3(right lower limbic) & 4(top-right) 00:50:08 The BRAIN Huddle and our personal power to choose how we want to be 01:00:40 What’s next for Dr. Jill 01:02:27 The harmony of all Characters as the evolution of humanity 01:04:08 How to contact Dr. Jill 01:06:41 Psychedelics and connection with the planet 01:09:50 More on how to contact Dr. Jill Hear more psychology and neuroscience in previous episodes: Episode 93 Polyvagal Theory with Dr. Stephen Porges Episode 110 Story Follows State (more polyvagal theory) with Deb Dana   Episode 117 Resilience Trauma and the Brain with Dr. Bruce Perry  — Listen to the podcast here: Whole Brain Living – Psychology + Neuroanatomy + Spirit with Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor Transcript: Ann Kelley: You are going to be blown away by this episode with Jill Bolte Taylor. We didn’t find out until after the interview that Oprah Winfrey named her as one of her all-time favorite guests and you’re going to see why. This episode is a conversational mix of fascinating life stories, insights about neuroanatomy and psychology and good inspiration. Jill Bolte Taylor is a Harvard-trained neuroanatomist who started her career researching the brain and mental illness but she suffered a stroke on the left hemisphere of her brain. Through her experience of the stroke itself and her recovery, she continues to bring some of the most amazing insights regarding brain function and Whole Brain Living: The Anatomy of Choice and the Four Characters That Drive Our Life. Her TED Talk was the very first one to go viral, I believe, with almost 28 million views. In this episode, my cohost, Sue Marriott, explores her thoughts on what made her message take off and what she was tapping into that people needed. After her first book called My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey, she was awarded Time Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People in the World. When we got ahold of her new book, Whole Brain Living, we knew it was exactly the material our readers would want. We are thrilled she accepted Sue’s invitation to come to the show. We’re going to be organizing a Therapist Uncensored reading pod for this new book for our supporters, our Neuronerd community. We will try at some point to put together something for the public on how to apply this material but we’re going to start with our Neuronerd community. This is a great time to jump in and become a show supporter if you haven’t already because not only will you get things like this reading pod as well as an ad-free podcast. Most importantly, hopefully, you’re also going to be helping Sue and I produce this great content for you and many across the globe who might not otherwise be able to run into it. If you can, we would appreciate it. Join us at www.TherapistUncensored.com/join. Without further ado, let’s jump in with my cohost, Sue Marriott and Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor. — Welcome, Jill. I’m so delighted to have you with us. Thank you, Sue. I’m happy to be here. An audience of our show brought you to my attention. I had seen your work a while back but the exciting thing was she had brought your new book to my attention. I read it and it is incredible. There’s so much practical and real-life sense in it that I immediately wanted to bring you on and let us share this with everybody because anybody anywhere reading this is going to benefit from your thoughts. Thank you. I feel that way. Anybody who’s got a brain, the better we know. It’s an owner’s manual. How are you anatomically organized? What can you know about that? How can you differentiate those different parts, use them and recognize them in other people? You make it simple and straightforward. We’re going to get into that in detail because I want people to walk away from this show understanding these ideas. We can take half a step back and share a little bit about your journey and how you got here, picking up wherever you would like as far as what you would like us to know about you. I became fascinated with the brain as a little girl because my brother was only eighteen months older than me. We would have the same situation and walk away with very different interpretations about what happened. For example, if we were playing near the street and our mom G.G. would come running out screaming, he thought she was angry. I thought she was scared for us. It’s how we interpret the experience at the level of the brain. Eventually, I grew up to study the brain and he grew up to be diagnosed with schizophrenia. I was fascinated with how does our brain creates our perception of reality. What is reality? At a cellular level, how is it that my brother’s brain is organized and wired differently than my brain so I can connect my dreams to my reality but he could not. He ended up experiencing delusions. I was teaching and performing research at Harvard Medical School and studying which cells communicate with which cells with which chemicals and what quantities of those chemicals in which portions of the brain. I woke up one day at the age of 37 and I was experiencing a major hemorrhage in the left half of my brain. Over the course of four hours, I watched my brain completely deteriorate in its ability to process information about the external world. My right hemisphere was still onlin e but the left hemisphere completely disappeared. On the morning of the stroke, I could not walk, talk, read, write or recall any of my life. I was an invalid in a woman’s body and I gave a TED Talk. If your readers recognize the story, it has 28 million views. It was the first TED Talk to ever go viral. The fundamental difference between having a right brain and a left brain is the right brain is in the present moment. The left brain comes online and defines with a holographic image of me, the individual. Do you have a sense of why that is? What was speaking to people? First of all, we were primed. There were only 5 or 6 TED Talks online in 2008 because Chris Anderson had purchased the company and changed it. He was bringing his modern guy and he was bringing it into the internet world. We were the first group in 2008. They said, “Half of you, we will post you. Half of you, don’t worry if you do badly. No one will ever see it.” My TED Talk was right at the beginning of the conference and it was the last talk in the first session. TED is about the big ideas and the big idea question was, “Who are we?” TED had heard my experience so they invited me. I came to it through the perspective of who are we inside of me because ultimately, regardless of how we’re looking anthropologically or sociologically as societal humanity, who are we inside of our brain? It’s to take that journey and hold the space for people to let go of their left brain, which is the identification of me, the individual or the self and to shift away from the self into the experience of all that is. Many of us have had these experiences where we feel connected to all that is. Yet, there’s that me over here and there’s this internal conflict between different value structures. People resonated through their heart consciousness, which is essentially the right hemisphere and then there is the cognitive consciousness, which is the left hemisphere. Everybody could relate to it and it exploded into the world. It makes me think of hunger that must have been there for something more that wasn’t too woo-woo and mystical where we would lose a lot of people. It was a translation of the mystical into scientific terms. We have all of these experiences that we cannot explain. It doesn’t mean we’re not having the experiences and they’re not real. It simply means we don’t have the science that is designed and structured in a way that is capab

Join our online community here! Breaking down the nitty-gritty of attachment and assessment! There were so many exciting moments in the previous interview with Carol George that we couldn’t help but sit down and get into with you.  We use excerpts from Episode 162, TU162: Adult Attachment Projective (AAP) Assessment & Clinical Use with Dr. Carol George and geek out as we work to continue to learn and incorporate the feedback from this legend in the field of attachment. We also worked to make this sometimes technical material more accessible to everybody, however, we’d still call this episode dense.  Yeah, well, good content should not be over-simplified, you are welcome! If you have not had the chance to listen to the previous episode with world-renowned Attachment Assessment pioneer, Dr. Carol George – that’s ok, we cover a lot in this one but you will definitely get the most out of it as a follow up to hearing the original first. Be easy on yourself though, there is no right or wrong way to learn! We are still excited by the exceptional opportunity to learn directly from Dr. George, and for the privilege, we have in getting to sit down with so many incredible experts in the field of Attachment. We thought there was no better way to follow up than to bring you an in-depth session with Ann and Sue to really get into the heart of attachment assessment. Follow along as they explore what attachment really means, how research has evolved, and how it is relevant on a clinical level. Guided by excerpts from the conversation with Dr. George, they share personal stories, and their own knowledge of the topic to give you 40 minutes of insightful, candid conversation to expand your knowledge even greater. You won’t want to miss it! https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/using-the-adult-attachment-projective-aap-assessment-with-carol-george/ You may also enjoy another legend in the direct science and research related to attachment, Dr. Alan Sroufe – https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/attachment-through-the-lifespan-alan-sroufe/ Attachment Assessment Resources Galore!! AAP Flyer – pdf click here to find out more about training on the AAP Clinical Application of the Adult Attachment Projective  Adult Attachment Projective PDG article by George & West Assessing Secure Base Behavior and Attachment Security Using the Q-Sort Method The Adult Attachment Projective Picture System: Attachment Theory and Assessment in Adults Use of the Adult Attachment Projective Picture System (AAP) in the Middle of a Long-Term Psychotherapy Dr. Steve Finn TU162: Adult Attachment Projective (AAP) Assessment & Clinical Use with Dr. Carol George Become a neuronerd! Want to dive deeper?  Join our private community and get ad-free content, extra episodes and early access to study opportunities.  Join now to get 10% off, so go ahead, it’s as little as $5 a month and takes just a couple clicks and you are in!   Check out our socials: Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn!

Depth session!  Learn about the clinical application of the attachment assessment research and the Adult Attachment Interview (AAI) and the Adult Attachment Projective Join us here (AAP) with attachment pioneer, Dr. Carol George. Co-host Sue Marriott sat down with Dr. Carol George to cover a wide variety of topics, from an in-depth analysis on the misconceptions about Strange Situation and what is truly being measured, to the difference between adult attachment research in comparison to developmental attachment research. Dr. George’s impressive years of investigation and personal experiences through her own journey as a parent makes for a fascinating discussion about the truths behind understanding the attachment spectrum. There is a ton of history of how what we know as the attachment spectrum today came to be, and there is no better way to understand this journey than to hear first-hand from one of the pioneers of research. Learn more about why there has been a shift from what we’ve known as “disorganized attachment” and why professionals are adopting the term “dysregulated attachment” to better encompass the experience. Dr. Carol George Who is Carol George?  A literal pioneer in the field of attachment assessment  Carol George, Ph.D., is Professor Emerita of Psychology at Mills College in Oakland, California, and has been a pioneer in developing attachment assessments for children and adults. George is an internationally renowned attachment expert who was a co-director of the Mills College Infant Mental Health program for 21 years. Working alongside Dr. Main and Dr. Kaplan, her dissertation helped develop the Adult Attachment Interview. She is praised for her work as an author and editor, and is known for her contributions to attachment-based representative assessments like the Caregiving Interview, the Attachment Doll Play Projective Assessment, and “Disorganized Attachment and Caregiving,” alongside Judith Soloman. Her other contributions include “The Adult Attachment Projective Picture System” with Malcolm West. Although retired from being a professor, George is still incredibly active and stays busy being an assistant editor on the editorial board of Attachment and Human Development, as well as Director of the AAP Training Consortium. Her dedication to education is still prevalent as she often hosts extensive clinical consultations to practicing therapists, graduate students, and other students of attachment. Card examples from the Adult Attachment Projective Resources: AAP Flyer – pdf click here to find out more about training on the AAP Clinical Application of the Adult Attachment Projective PDF article by George & West Adult Attachment Projective the book by Dr. Carol George Assessing Secure Base Behavior and Attachment Security Using the Q-Sort Method The Adult Attachment Projective Picture System: Attachment Theory and Assessment in Adults Use of the Adult Attachment Projective Picture System (AAP) in the Middle of a Long-Term Psychotherapy Dr. Steve Finn Like what you’re hearing? Stop and subscribe to the podcast wherever you are listening, and while you are at it, drop us a rating and review – this is the best way to help others discover this incredible content. Looking for more?   Join our new online community of like-minded Neuronerds here!  Other episodes you’ll enjoy: https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/attachment-through-the-lifespan-alan-sroufe     Our socials: Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn!  

Season 6 Premiere!  Move from defense and fear It’s been a ride, but hosts Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley are back in full force and ready for this exciting season. In this episode, we catch up with you and discuss the depths of the defensive process and how to resource ourselves to put down the walls we don’t even mean to put up.  Cis-women are socialized to subsume themselves to others’ needs and Ann and Sue are no exception.  They are working on holding their own voice and letting their little light shine freely. Watch this 3 min clip to see what we mean and to get into the spirit yourself! 🙂 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Acfc2gUErI Content-wise, they discuss the difference between cognitive understanding of modern attachment and regulation, and the bottom-up experience of it. We distort information coming in – either by not registering interpersonal information (dismissing/blue side of the spectrum) or by over-interpreting the importance of an exchange (up-regulating with fear). This is an unconscious process that to undo we have to have the courage and the resources to feel the feelings that cause us to defend. They walk through it with you – they don’t just tell you what to do – so join us in understanding our own defensive process. Check out our recent replays for a refresher on each of the attachment styles: TU158 TU159 TU160 Like what you’re hearing? A great way to help others find these resources is to rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. This is an easy and effective way for those seeking assistance to be able to find it.  Premium Feed Subscription – here! 

For the third and final episode of our very popular attachment series, we bring you this last replay before we kick off our 6th season. In this episode, Ann and Sue cover the 4th category of what we call the basic attachment spectrum: disorganized attachment. Learn how to bring yourself back to an organized state and focus on forming secure, deeper connections in relationships. Dropping into overwhelm and disorganization happens to everyone at times, and some more than others. When we have been exposed to serious danger, unresolved fright or major loss in such a way that it interferes with healthy coping patterns, we are left to our own to manage the world. In research terms they call this disorganized or unresolved, but we’d like to describe it as squirting squid ink to confuse who we think is the predator and making a run for it. Dropping into overwhelm and disorganization happens to everyone at times, and some more than others. When we have been exposed to serious danger, unresolved fright or major loss in such a way that it interferes with healthy coping patterns, we are left to our own to manage the world. In research terms they call this disorganized or unresolved, but we’d like to describe it as squirting squid ink to confuse who we think is the predator and making a run for it. Check out our original show notes for this episode, here! And follow us on our social media pages to get the latest updates and information: Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn! Like what you’re hearing? A great way to help others find these resources is to rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. This is an easy and effective way for those seeking assistance to be able to find it. Thank you so much for your support.

Our new season starts Nov 2, 2021!  In the meantime, It is our pleasure to share one of our most popular in our basic attachment series.  This is the second of three – 159, 160, 161.  Whether it’s new to you or not we hope you enjoy this content and share it with somebody who should hear it or re-listen and reflect. We will be back soon and have been working hard contemplating next steps.  Look for us live again early November, we have a great season coming up and more chances for our listeners to interact.  Season 6 will pick up where these leave off, and we cannot wait to share more with you. Improve your sense of security and communicate more effectively inside yourself, and with those you love by understand preoccupied/anxious attachment.  Begin to learn to manage your body’s reactivity in relationships by learning about preoccupied/anxious attachment and how it relates to unconscious regulation of the brain. Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP discuss the Insecure Preoccupied, or Anxious/Ambivalent side of the attachment spectrum. This discussion can stand alone, but it also continues as a soft Part 2 from last episode TU59: Are You Cool or Just Cut Off – Dismissing Attachment. The hosts begin to really go into how to use the attachment spectrum to identify where you might fall and how to move towards a more secure place. Find out how anxious attachment is formed and passed on, as well as how starting anxious affects relationships later in our adult life. You’ll learn how to manage relationships better by turning inwards and regulating yourself rather than focusing on others to calm you down. Therapist Uncensored co-hosts Kelley and Marriott will also provide basic tips towards identifying where you are on the attachment spectrum and how to move from anxious attachment towards security.   To see the original show notes for this episode, click here.  Like what you’re hearing? A great way to help others find these resources is to rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. This is an easy and effective way for those seeking assistance to be able to find it. Thank you so much for your support. Tweet

Dismissing/Avoidant Styles of Relating in Adulthood – REPLAY After 5 seasons and over 2 1/2 million downloads, Ann and Sue are realizing they need to bump the podcast UP from hobby status. We will be back soon and will have some news when we do, so look for us on November 2, 2021 for the Season 6 launch.  However, in the meantime, we thought we’d keep cycling through some oldies but goodies. The next 3 are extremely popular episodes and Season 6 will pick up where these leave off. ___ It is our pleasure to share one of our most popular in our basic attachment series.  This is the first of three – 159, 160, 161.  Take a listen, or re-listen and reflect, or share with somebody you know needs to listen. We will be back soon and have been working hard contemplating next steps.  Look for us live again early November, we have a great season coming up and more chances for our listeners to interact.  Season 6 will pick up where these leave off, and we cannot wait to share more with you. Sometimes you feel secure but really have just learned to cut off from important life-giving emotions. This episode is especially for those “talk to the hand” kind of people or those that love them. You know, the uber-independent, rational, left-brain, excel spreadsheet person that sees others emotions as needy and weak. Co-hosts Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP and Ann Kelley PhD translate decades of research and clinical experience into easy to understand usable points to help you improve your understanding of why people appear so irrational at times. They talk about how internal working models of the world are formed outside of our awareness in our early life and how they get passed forward over time, sometimes causing relationship trouble. Early stress responses and relationships create a pathway, and how we talk not what we say are clues to which pathway we may be on. This episode specifically focuses on the blue side of the spectrum, which you may be familiar from research as Dismissive or Avoidant. To see the original show notes for this episode, click here.  Coming soon – Premium content right moving from patreon to supercast: http://www.therapistuncensored.supercast.com Tweet

We are very excited to resurface this episode this week as it is one of our most popular, and it is rich with great content. Follow along as Sue takes a deep dive with Dr. Daniel Brown into complex traumas, the myths behind false memories, and the 3 essential ingredients of effective treatment for many clinical issues. Dr. Brown has been an expert witness in over 200 child sexual abuse cases, and is also known for his work at the International War Crimes Tribunal for his role in developing a standard of evidence for victims of war atrocities. Learn more about how treatment from an attachment perspective can lead to significant and long-term healing. Daniel Brown, Ph.D. is Associate Clinical Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School and has served on the faculty for over 38 years. As a senior meditation master, he’s trained and taught with top Indo-Tibetan Bon & Buddhist lamas for over 48 years, including lineage holders of some of the great schools of Buddhism. He is an author of 24 books, and winner of the several awards from the American Psychiatric Association and the American Academy of Psychiatry & Law for outstanding contribution to forensic psychiatry. As a legal expert witness, Dr Brown has testified in over 200 child abuse cases and served as an expert witness for the prosecutors at the International War Crimes Tribunal helping them establish a standard of evidence for victims of war atrocities. Dr. Brown co-developed The Attachment Project based on the foundations of his and Dr. Elliott’s award-winning book Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for Comprehensive Repair. Together they developed the Three Pillars treatment method that has garnered praise across the scientific and medical community, and he is a recipient of the 2018 Pierre Janet Writing Award. Check out our original show notes for this episode, here! And follow us on our social media pages to get the latest updates and information: Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn! Like what you’re hearing? A great way to help others find these resources is to rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. This is an easy and effective way for those seeking assistance to be able to find it. Thank you so much for your support.

For todays’ replay, we thought it would be a great opportunity to revisit our conversation with renowned psychoanalyst and psychologist, Nancy McWilliams. It can be difficult to verbalize the issues with “evidence-based” models of care, but with McWilliam’s deeper analysis of quality depth-oriented therapies like psychoanalytically-informed and attachment-oriented therapy, she integrates the neurobiological aspect that Freud began, which has now been confirmed. Enjoy! Nancy McWilliams, PhD, ABPP, is Visiting Professor in the Graduate School of Applied and Professional Psychology at Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey, and has a private practice in Flemington, New Jersey. She is on the editorial board of Psychoanalytic Psychology and has authored three classic books on psychotherapy, including the award-winning Psychoanalytic Diagnosis, Second Edition: Understanding Personality Structure in the Clinical Process. Dr. McWilliams is an Honorary Member of the American Psychoanalytic Association and a former Erikson Scholar at the Austen Riggs Center in Stockbridge, Massachusetts. She is a recipient of the Leadership and Scholarship Awards from Division 39 (Psychoanalysis) of the American Psychological Association (APA) and the Hans H. Strupp Award from the Appalachian Psychoanalytic Society, and delivered the Dr. Rosalee G. Weiss Lecture for Outstanding Leaders in Psychology for APA Division 42 (Psychologists in Independent Practice). She has demonstrated psychodynamic psychotherapy in three APA educational videos and has spoken at the commencement ceremonies of the Yale University School of Medicine and the Smith College School for Social Work.   Check out our original show notes for this episode, here! And follow us on our social media pages to get the latest updates and information: Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn! Like what you’re hearing? A great way to help others find these resources is to rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. This is an easy and effective way for those seeking assistance to be able to find it. Thank you so much for your support.

What makes the ins and outs of sexuality so hard to talk about? We’re diving into it in this replay episode, so get ready. We’re talking about all things sex and overcoming the fears of communicating about it. It turns out if couples do talk about sex, the conversation often only covers the frequency, instead of the other important aspects like pleasure (or the lack thereof), fantasies (or the lack thereof), desires (or the lack thereof),thoughts and feelings towards intimacy, and even the basic mechanics as well. Learn more about how to have these understandably anxiety-inducing conversations, and overcome the difficulties of opening up to yourself and your sexual partner with Dr. Ann Kelley, and Dr. Susan Ansorage. Dr. Susan Ansorge is a practicing psychologist in Austin, TX. Her interest, training and experience in working with sexual issues began during her tenure as a staff psychologist at the UT Counseling and Mental Health Center, and has continued through her 17 years of private practice with individuals and couples. Dr. Ansorge was also member of the Austin Women’s Psychotherapy Project, bringing leaders in the field of gender-aware Psychotherapy to the Austin area, as well as presenting locally and nationally on topics in the areas of gender and sexuality as they relate to psychotherapy. Her written work has appeared in the National Center for PTSD Quarterly. Check out our original show notes for this episode, here! And follow us on our social media pages to get the latest updates and information: Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn! Like what you’re hearing? A great way to help others find these resources is to rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. This is an easy and effective way for those seeking assistance to be able to find it. Thank you so much for your support.

Shame – a feeling we are all fortunately and unfortunately – familiar with. In this replay episode, Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott sit down with Dr. Stephen Finn and take a deeper dive into the scientific research and biology of this emotion to better understand how such a tough feeling can be both toxic and healthy in life. Check out our original show notes for this episode, here! And follow us on our social media pages to get the latest updates and information: Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn! Like what you’re hearing? A great way to help others find these resources is to rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. This is an easy and effective way for those seeking assistance to be able to find it. Thank you so much for your support.

With everything going on in the world, we thought there was no better time than now to share this replay episode on what can be considered a tough topic. A sad truth is that most of us have not experienced examples of healthy boundary setting, and we have to spend parts of our adult lives learning how to improve this skill. Like any muscle, strong boundary-setting skills are developed instead of innate. If this idea resonates with you – you are going to love this episode featuring the founder of IPNB Psychotherapy of Austin, Dr. Juliane Taylor Shore. Buckle up for a thorough discussion on interpersonal neurobiology and how it relates to boundaries. Enjoy! Check out our original show notes for this episode, here! And follow us on our social media pages to get the latest updates and information: Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn! Like what you’re hearing? A great way to help others find these resources is to rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. This is an easy and effective way for those seeking assistance to be able to find it. Thank you so much for your support.

Parenthood can be a real challenge, and with the combination of the pandemic and related shutdowns, balancing daily life and an emotionally and behaviorally challenged child can be quite overwhelming, to say the least. If this feeling resonates with you, we chose this replay episode with you in mind – hoping to offer some support and guidance through these tougher times. In this replay, we will cover areas where many parents go wrong, and what can be done instead by shifting our strategies and improving our households. Learn more about the Nurtured Heart Approach with Dr. Ann Kelley and expert guest, Dr. Elizabeth Sylvester. Check out our original show notes for this episode, here! And follow us on our social media pages to get the latest updates and information: Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn! Like what you’re hearing? A great way to help others find these resources is to rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. This is an easy and effective way for those seeking assistance to be able to find it. Thank you so much for your support.

As we continue this grueling journey through this seemingly never-ending pandemic – it is no surprise when parents share feelings of being overwhelmed, frustrated, and just simply exhausted. Have no fear, we are bringing you this replay episode just in time to offer you some extra support as we all navigate these challenges. We had the privilege of speaking with the father of interpersonal neurobiology, Dan Siegel, and his colleague and our friend, Tina Payne-Bryson. Check out this throwback episode from 2020 – the content is still rich with information and relevance today. Enjoy! Check out our original show notes for this episode, here! And follow us on our social media pages to get the latest updates and information: Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn! Like what you’re hearing? A great way to help others find these resources is to rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. This is an easy and effective way for those seeking assistance to be able to find it. Thank you so much for your support.

Ann and Sue’s reflections on the past 5 seasons with the theme of Growing Security In today’s episode, Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley conclude their fifth season, and it’s all because of our listeners and audience that we’ve been able to maintain our Apple Top 10 Social Science (independently produced!) podcast.  We’ve had many brilliant people on for interviews, and today we’re going to talk about some of the highlights of these episodes since it’s unlikely that you may have heard all 150 episodes. We’re doing this podcast because we’re excited about it, we’re passionate about it, and we are creating this content for ANYONE to help you grow security in your life. It’s a GLBTQI+ inclusive, female-led, independently produced show that will always be FREE to everyone (not on paid platforms), and we will try our best to remain AD-FREE thanks to our patrons.  The general theme is all about deepening security in yourself and your close relationships. Use the search button on our website to find topics you enjoy. We are working to lift under-represented voices so if you have a recommendation for a guest we may not know about, send us a note. We continue to value sharing the privilege of the mic.  As July is BIPOC Mental Health month (see below for resources and detail), we highlight several episodes on Hip Hop, community-based treatment and the story of resilience shared by Alphaso Appleton from Liberia. Looking Back on 150 Episodes to help you grow security in your relationships: TU133: Holding Your Own 1: Messy but Secure Relating On the Holding Your Own series, most frequent comment was an appreciation of basic humility in discussing mental health. Many of you think it’s refreshing that the podcast is about content not about personalities. TU 149: Modern Attachment Regulation Spectrum – An Integrated Model of Change TU130 – The Deep Biology of Love – Oxytocin Unpacked, with Research Pioneer Dr. Sue Carter The fact that Dr. Sue Carter launched the study of oxytocin makes ME happier! TU93: Polyvagal Theory in Action – The Practice of Body Regulation With Dr. Stephen Porges TU110: Story Follows State – Investigating Polyvagal Theory with Guest Deb Dana TU117: Resilience Trauma and the Brain W/ Guest Bruce Perry MD, PhD TU106: What Actually Heals in Therapy with Psychoanalyst Nancy McWilliams The difficult person we struggle with may be evoking the parts of ourselves that we hate.  It could be a disowned part that we have shame about, and we’re seeing a mirror. TU141: How We Become the Person’s We Are with Dr. Alan Sroufe, Attachment Through the Lifespan TU56: How We Come to Define Ourselves – Attachment Research Over Decades with Guest Alan Sroufe He talked about getting to know who we are, and our own authentic self. He’s a preminent attachment researcher in the field. TU89: Neurofluency – with Dr. Lou Cozolino, Applied Neuroscience Made Understandable One of the things Lou said that stuck with me was “You have to get in touch with your own flexibility, and tolerate the anxiety of your own ignorance.” TU145: Class, Race, Culture and Attachment, Re-examined It’s about being a good learner TU51: Conquer Shame by Understanding the Science Behind the Feeling, with Guest Expert Dr. Steve Finn TU81: How Good Boundaries Actually Bring Us Closer, with Guest Juliane Taylor Shore She talks about the Jello Wall, between you and something else to help think.. is this about me? TU63: Living with Cancer – The Six Principles of Emotional Healing with Guest Kelly Inselmann TU64: Mindfulness Meditation with Yoga Therapist Kelly Inselmann, Bonus Episode TU42: Sexual Vitality, Refreshing our Understanding of Sexual Health with Doug-Braun Harvey (Part 1 of 2) TU43: Sexual Vitality – Six Principles of Sexual Health with Doug Braun-Harvey (Part 2 of 2) Reframing “losing your virginity” to acknowledging your “sexual awakening”. TU69: Exploring Intersecting Genders – What We Can All Learn with Guest Li Brookens We are proud to be LGBTQ+ welcoming in all of our content.  The intersecting gender episode w Li Brookens was really impactful (we wonder if it remains fresh and up to date re: language though since it’s a few years old). TU139: Boys and Sex, Modern Young Men and Sexuality with Peggy Orenstein TU128 – Helping the Intense Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach TU38: The Blended Family – How to Create Strong and Lasting Step-Family Relationships This is a resoruce for anyone dealing with blended families to avoid high conflict through stress. Each position deserves a ton of compassion – the biological parent, the step-parent and the child. TU23: Building Grit Through Self Compassion with Dr. Kristin Neff TU125: Dan Siegel and Tina Payne-Bryson on Presence in Times of Stress TU27: Raising Secure Children With Guest Tina Payne Bryson TU62: The Luv Doc – Dating and Relationship Advice from the Trenches with Dan Hardick One of the pieces of advice that was powerful on ideal love was to look at your list of who you want. Could YOU live up to that list? Look at your own date-ablility, add some humility and hope and work from there. TU120: Finding Security and Healing Attachment with Dr. David Elliott TU34: Treating Attachment Difficulties with Dr. David Elliott We have forged a wonderful friendship and writing relationship with David Elliott. Highly recommend 34 and 120, in 120 he demonstrates the Ideal Parent Figure Protocol. TU 87: Treating Complex Trauma and Attachment with Guest Dr. Daniel Brown TU03: Different Sex Drives – Are We Screwed? One of the big hints for this one is that when you have two people with different drives, acknowledge the loss to the other person. Example, “I know you would rather be having more adventurous sex and that part so far hasn’t working out for us. It must be hard for you, and it means a lot to me that you are setting those desires aside while I work out what I am comfortable with.”  Dose those acknowledgements generously and it’ll save you a few years in therapy. TU85: Attachment in the Classroom with Guest Linno Rhodes TU119: For the Love of Men, Rethinking Masculinity with Liz Plank It’s important to talk to men about overturing the patriarchy. It’s not a gender war, it is a war between those who are wedded to a power-over heirachal system and those who are fighting for mutuality, raising voices of the under-represented and having freedom in individual expression. TU12: If It’s Not Good For You; It’s Not Good for Us – Interview With Relationship Expert Stan Tatkin TU121: Redefining the Purpose of Relationships During Quarantine with Stan Tatkin TU07: What is Group Therapy and 5 Reasons You Should Try It Group Therapy is one of the most powerful things you can do. TU22: Love Letter To Group Psychotherapy TU17: The Biology of Motivation and Habits – Why We Drop the Ball We’re not weak, humans just don’t really have a lot of willpower. It comes down to the fact that if you entertain eating the marshmellow, if you hold an internal  debate about it, you will likely give in. It’s about fatigue. TU91: Curiosity – One of the Most Powerful Tools For Connection TU124 – Hip Hop as Therapy: Beat Making, Lyrics & Community Empowerment I was super anxious to offend, but it was deeply important and I loved it because I grew so much. TU127 Grandma Heals: Community-Based Mental Health Care from Zimbabwe with Dr. Ruth Verhey It was a great way to highlight community based care that is highly effective treatment. You can find a whole category with Narcissism. Discussing Race, Class & Privilege Episodes: 20, 109,123, 124, 127 & 145.   Next Season Highlights: We’re exploring a series called “Therapy Vitamins” ie. super short snippets with no fluff at all to give you healthy little secure relating snacks, nutrients for you, your life, your relationships. We’re excited for our upcoming episode with Carol George, originator of several attachment instruments including the Adult Attachment Projective. You will LOVE this discussion on adult attachment, so stay tuned. Over the break, we are focusing on our online community group of Patreon neuronerds and finishing this dang book we are working on! However we will continue to publish some must-not-miss or worth-hearing-again episodes as replays! Don’t forget to join our Facebook Group, if you’d like to continue this conversation with other people! As a reminder, July is Bebe Moore Campbell National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month, also known as BIPOC Mental Health Month. Formally recognized in June 2008 (and still currently recognized today), Bebe Moore Campbell National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month was created to bring awareness to the unique struggles that underrepresented groups face with regard to mental illness in the U.S.  Bebe Moore Campbell was an American author, journalist, teacher, and mental health advocate who worked tirelessly to shed light on the mental health needs of the Black community and other underrepresented communities.  To continue the visionary work of Bebe Moore Campbell, each year Mental Health America (MHA) develops a public education campaign dedicated to addressing the mental health needs of Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC). Resources for BIPOC Mental Health Month: https://mhanational.org/sites/default/files/BIPOC-MHM-Toolkit-2021_Final_03_0.pdf https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2020/06/a-reading-list-on-issues-of-race/ https://www.magellanhealthcare.com/documents/2021/06/mental-health-resources-for-bipoc-and-lgbtq-communities.pdf/   You are invited to join our private online community through Patreon. It offers extra content and access, including reading groups…  Super cool – it also helps us keep the podcast running ad-free! We’d love to meet you there. Enjoy this episode? Please sha

Attachment today In today’s episode, Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley provide an overview of the Modern Attachment – Regulation Spectrum – a model developed to integrate the varied attachment research, relational neuroscience, and the impact of culture & context. In this episode, they discuss what they call BAMA and the 3 R’s, which will come out in more detail in a book they’ve been working on for, well, quite awhile – so they just tell you the ideas here. 🙂  They also dig into attachment theory, internal working models, and states of being versus personality structure as they relay some of what they’ve learned in the past 5 seasons. It’s a packed episode to summarize some of the 5 years this podcast has been produced.  Note: This podcast is a labor of love, and our patrons keep us free of corporate ads – thank you. We don’t sell anything except this course below on the attachment spectrum, which we created due to many requests. We aren’t here for a profit, just to keep up with production costs so if you can’t afford it, just contact us and tell us what you can pay.  We want everyone to have access that wants it. And, we need to support production of the show, so thanks for any support, shares, reviews or what we’d really love – to also join as a patron. Attachment Spectrum Course Ok, Sue and Ann developed this a while back and need to update it. However, it is power-packed course that goes into much more detail than they could on the podcast – it’s 4 hours! long. If you want to dive deeper into this topic, sign up by clicking below, and use OURCLAN as a discount promo code. For therapist, 3 CE hours are available. https://therapistuncensored.com/courses/its-not-me-its-my-amygdala/ You can’t change your unconcious internal models unless you recognize them. BAMA – Biology, Attachment, Maps, & Adult Attachment BAMA refers to the developmental unfolding of what has been called attachment.  This represents the developmental unfolding of what eventually we call adult attachment. Biology – we have a nervous nervous system that requires an older, wiser nervous system to help us feel safe. Polyvagal theory, affective co-regulation, mirror neurons and the 7 circuits of emotion are all online from birth, adjusting and responding to our environment.  Attachment- the first A refers specifically to infant attachment research. Think John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth – or pre-dating them think of Konrad Lorenz and his geese, and Hary Harlow and his monkeys with their wire mothers which demonstrated we need more than milk, or food, to survive.  We need a relationship.  The Strange Situation was an original research instrument that validated Bowbly’s ideas and recognized the categories they later termed as Insecure-Avoidant, Secure, Insecure-Preoccupied and Disorganized Attachment.  Maps are formed when patterns are established based on repeated experiences of the child’s biological drive for emotional safety.   Neural wiring forms to effectively create safety from 6 months to 3 years, and behavioral strategies develop from this basic biology to keep the caregiver close and available. The key here is “available” – some parents are fine being close but should their infant appear distressed or upset with them, they defend, avoid and reject the “needy” baby.  That, my friends, makes them emotionally unavailable, so the toddler learns quickly what to do and what not to do to keep the caregiver open and responsive.  In this case that may mean repressing expressing negative emotions, pushing away needs, and doubling down on the value of self-reliance.  This reduces the unconscious threat in the parent, thus keeping them as available as the toddler can make them. Notice though the whole drive is to create as much closeness as possible, and the internal working model, or map, helps navigate the way. These maps, also called internal working models, are the key to change.  They set us on a trajectory of development that becomes self-reinforcing – if I see the world as unsafe I behave accordingly and thus make the world less safe which confirms my original hypothesis.  Or, I see the world as just fine but myself as unlovable and undeserving, thus I look for evidence supporting this worldview and unconsciously co-create the very experience I most fear. Rejection and abandonment closely follow because while we think we are seeking closeness, our grabbing and not allowing ourselves to be soothed actually causes us to eventually be rejected, the exact thing we unconsciously predict is going to happen anyway.  Adult Attachment, Finally the last A in BAMA. This represents us, now.  We are all grown up on one hand, but we carry forward our shaped nervous system, behavioral strategies, and unconscious maps to navigate the relational world. We love, fight, bond, mate, and parent from the trajectory of the BAM in BAMA – Biology, Attachment and then Maps, or attachment representations.   You need to go through the “Oh God” to get to the realization. The 3 R’s of healing attachment  This is one of many versions of the overall path to healing and recovery.  It names stages but doesn’t identify specifically how to’s just yet.  Instead, this is the basic scaffolding that is recognized in many models including Fonagy, Elliott & Brown, Siegel, and addiction research – pre-contemplation, contemplation, and change.   Recognize – you can’t even begin to relate securely until you value current and historically emotional relating.  If the problem is just your partner, you haven’t begun the journey. Get curious, reflect – we notoriously over-index on the other being a problem and under-index on how difficult we are and how distorted and self-serving our perceptions can be.  Once we begin to recognize that our early experience may be shaping how we relate today, then we can get started.  Recognition is global – in general, do you find value in being curious and reflective about human connection?  It is also individualistic – can you get curious about how you affect others. How other’s reactions play into the next response.  How you recoil at someone crying… what’s THAT about?  Or how you have trouble noticing what she’s done for you and only mark how she’s missed you.  Once we can begin to value this exploration and begin to see that there are larger forces at play than our small left-brain conscious rational minds… only then can we proceed to incorporate the second R.  Re-examine – now that we are on to ourselves, not always trusting other’s perceptions over our own, or realizing we don’t trust anyone but ourselves, then we have hope for change. Rewire – This is not a metaphor, you can literally use your new thinking to change your experience.  You can update your mind, which changes your brain, which then changes your relational experience and perception.  What’s something that you know isn’t true, is inhereted from your history, but you can’t quite let it go? More importantly, what is true that you want to replace it with? OK, let’s get busy doing just that!   In this episode: Discussing the overall podcast, tying everything together. The Modern Attachment Regulation Spectrum Explaining the 3 Rs. Explaining BAMA Understanding how attachment has evolved. Why a continuum Internal working models The various color stages for the internal working model of attachment. (Blue, Red, Green, Yellow) Tye-Dye, a mention of unregulated stress, and why we need to organize.   Don’t forget to join our Facebook Group, if you’d like to continue this conversation with other people! Want more on modern attachment?  Not sure you need it if you heard this episode but here are other one’s like it! https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu126-modern-attachment/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu79-attachment-spectrum-and-the-nervous-system-quick-review-with-updates/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu145-class-race-culture-and-attachment-re-examined/ Pre-orders are officially available!  Get it now to join in the fun when it arrives April, 2024.       Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Mental Health Liberation is our primary partner at this time – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists.

On this podcast we’ve covered a ton about attachment and relational neuroscience, and today we continue to apply these ideas to specific therapies. Emotionally Focused Therapy, a specific approach to couple’s therapy, will be described both personally and professionally.  Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP and Camille Scent, Ed.S., LPC, LMFT discuss using EFT in working with couples and how it is different than other closely related therapies.  Scent is an expert in this area and has found a way to integrate and explain polyvagal theory as it intersects with this form of couples therapy. Apply ideas from attachment and polyvagal neuroscience to Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT). Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) was developed initially by Sue Johnson 30 years ago and it is considered by many as the gold standard in tested, proven intervention for couples. The International Center for Excellence in Emotionally-Focused Therapy (ICEEFT) connects 70 centers around the globe. Our guest today is certified by ICEEFT and is an EFT supervisor for therapists in training. Apply the neuroscience from polyvagal theory to a specific therapeutic approach called Emotionally-Focused Therapy. Who is Camille? Camille Scent, Ed.S., LPC, LMFT, is a Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist & Supervisor. She maintains a private practice just north of Atlanta, GA, Wise Heart Families, where she works with couples and families and provides supervision for therapists learning/practicing EFT. She is also a board member for the Atlanta Center for EFT. Camille is also a long-time loyal supporter of Therapist Uncensored via Patreon, and we thank her from the bottom of our hearts. In plainspeak, she’s super smart and has a lot to offer, so if you want to learn more, need couples therapy – a little or a lot – or need EFT supervision – give her a shout! Even high-conflict couples can get closer by focusing on the emotion between them rather than only the content. In this episode: Therapist personal experience in couples therapy using EFT How emotion heals Sue Johnson & development this therapeutic technique Where to focus in couples therapy to heal the relationship – it’s not on content that’s for sure! IFS – Internal Family Systems Therapy The attachment & neuroscience connection — see paper below If you want to study the theory or find an EFT therapist – resources below Resources: Polyvagal Theory & the EFT Negative Cycle,by Camille Scent – full paper at this link The Atlanta Center for Emotionally Focused Therapy (ACEFT), founded by Certified EFT Trainer Michael Barnett, ED.S., LPC, offers training opportunities in Emotionally Focused Therapy, serves as a connecting point for therapists learning/practicing EFT, and maintains a membership directory of EFT trained therapists and EFT workshops for couples & families. The International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT) was founded in 1998 by Dr. Sue Johnson and her colleagues in Ottawa, Canada. ICEEFT is the organizational body that designs and approves training programs related to Emotionally Focused Therapy, certifies EFT therapists around the world and conducts both process and outcome research studies on EFT. Find an Emotionally Focused Therapist – ICEEFT’s searchable, international directory of therapists trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy Dr. Sue Johnson – personal website for the developer of EFT Resources more specifically for couples/families: “Demon Dialogues” handout – From Sue Johnson’s website, a quick overview/introduction to the most typical patterns couples get stuck in Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love book by Sue Johwwwnson Hold Me Tight Workshops – International listing of Hold Me Tight programs (based on the book) offered by EFT trained therapists Hold Me Tight online program – do it yourself online version of Hold Me Tight Hold Me Tight/Let Me Go – Workshop developed by EFT Trainers Nancy & Paul Aiken that focuses on relationship enhancement for parents and children. Specific variations are offered for adolescents, young adults, and adult children. (They also offer training for therapists.) Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships book by Sue Johnson Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy for Dummies by Brent Bradley and James Furrow Books for therapists: Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families by Sue Johnson, Ed.D. Stepping into Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Key Ingredients of Change by Lorrie L. Brubacher, M Ed, LMFT, Certified EFT Trainer Emotionally Focused Family Therapy: Restoring Connection and Promoting Resilience By James L. Furrow, Gail Palmer, Susan M. Johnson, George Faller, Lisa Palmer-Olsen (all EFT Trainers) Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy with Trauma Survivors: Strengthening Attachment Bonds by Sue Johnson The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection by Sue Johnson (updated 3rd edition published in 2020) More excellent therapists talking about therapy – these are good one’s not to miss! https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu-87-treating-complex-trauma-and-attachment-with-guest-dr-daniel-brown/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/https-therapistuncensored-com-tu140-couples-therapy-experts-ellyn-bader-peter-pearson/   Don’t forget, you are invited to join our private online community through Patreon. It offers extra content and access, including reading groups and a Therapist Directory that is coming soon…  Super cool – it also helps us keep the podcast running ad-free! We’d love to meet you there.   Enjoy this episode: Tweet about this episode!

Body-based therapy is important because there is no difference between the mind and the body. Our Patrons linked us with the guest for this show – check them out here!  Bioenergetic therapist Dr. Robert Coffman joins co-host, Dr. Ann Kelley, for a conversation on body-focused therapy. Learn more about the interplay between our nervous systems and how it all relates to attachment and trauma. We are diving into body-focused therapy today thanks to one of our patreon’s, who recommended this expert.  In today’s episode join co-host Dr. Ann Kelly and Dr. Robert Coffman’s conversation on using the body to heal the mind. This therapy has been around for over 100 years but it is still not commonplace in a lot of therapy practices. “The trauma is stored in a part of the brain that’s not accessible with language.” Body-focused therapy is old. William Reich published Mass Psychology of Fascism in 1933 and in 1936 was excluded from the International Society of Psychoanalysis. Nonetheless, Reich’s ideas inspired the development of several branches of body psychotherapy, including bioenergetic analysis, biosynthesis, and Hakomi, to name a few. Today, body psychotherapy is practiced in many forms by therapists around the world. Associations such as the European Association of Body Psychotherapy (EABP) and the United States Association for Body Psychotherapy (USABP) oversee the field of body psychotherapy and offer training to interested professionals. Dr. Robert Coffman joins co-host Dr. Ann Kelley for a discussion on body-focused therapy. Body mind brain what is the difference? Your body can determine how you are feeling internally, and you can enhance and limit your progress based on how your body positioning. Freud was able to see depression in someone’s chest. You can see signs of being closed off in the body position even when someone believes that are open to connection. Who is Dr. Robert Coffman? Robert Coffman has been practicing clinical psychology for over 45 years as a relationally oriented somatic psychotherapist in California. He was trained as a humanistic psychologist under the guidance of Dr.Carl Rogers, then as a psychoanalytically oriented psychologist working with Dr. Althea Horner, object relations teacher, and then as a somatically oriented psychotherapist under the tutelage of Bioenergetic trainer Dr. Robert Hilton. Dr. Coffman has integrated object relations theory, deep attachment work with somatic practices from Bioenergetic Analysis, Somatic Experiencing Trauma Work,  and Bodynamic Body Psychotherapy. He is an international trainer in Bioenergetics for the IBA and has been doing individual and group supervision for 40 years. Dr. Coffman specializes in shock and developmental trauma working primarily with adults. Learn about therapist uncensored Those who truly understand body-focused therapy don’t need to hear the story, they can see it working on your physical body. Robert Coffman episode details: Why the body needs to be brought into therapy. What muscular holding patterns are. How the body has reflexive responses to situations. Preventing dorsal vagal shutdown in children. The Body Doesn’t Lie. How posture impacts our mental state. The ability to feel emotions in your body, and using the body to work through them. When you work with the body, transference changes. How our body stores energy and emotion. The profound impact of realizing how your body relates to the deeper meaning Panic Attack is just a label for different things that are happening in the body. You can diffuse that energy. Resources: Links: Dr. Coffman provided a scan of some important pages of The Field of Body Psychotherapy What is BioEnergetic? https://www.bioenergetic-therapy.com/index.php/en/ https://www.bioenergetic-therapy.com/index.php/en/ba-resources/awarded-articles Bioenergetics: The Revolutionary Therapy That Uses the Language of the Body to Heal the Problems of the Mind by Alexander Lowen. Books Dr. Coffman Suggested For Different Levels: If you are into and involved in doing body psychotherapy of any kind: The Handbook of Body Psychotherapy and Somatic Psychology (950 pages) edited by Gustl Marlock and Halko Weiss If you are thinking about bringing the body into your existing talk therapy practice: Body Psychotherapy by Nick Totton Body Psychotherapy edited by Tree Staunton Body-Centered Psychotherapy by Ron Kurtz About a Body edited by Jenny Corrigall and others If you’re already doing some body-informed interventions ( mindfulness, neurologically informed stuff, EMDR, Brainspottin, etc.) but not Body Psychotherapy, then look at these books: Body, Brain, Love: A therapists workbook for Affect Regulation and Somatic Attachment. by Karen Rachels Body Process by James Kepner Emotional Anatomy by Stanley Keleman Relational Somatic Psychotherapy by Robert Hilton In an Unspoken Voice by Peter Levine Embodied Relating by Nick Totton Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors by Janina Fisher If you are a bodyworker of any kind but not a psychotherapist I would recommend: Psychology of the Body by Elliot Green and Barbara Goodrich Dunn Haven’t learned enough about body therapy? https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu65-sensorimotor-psychotherapy-tuning-into-the-wisdom-of-your-body-with-guest-dr-pat-ogden/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/what-is-somatic-experiencing-with-guest-abi-blakeslee/   https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu99-food-the-body-trauma-attachment-with-guests-paula-scatoloni-rachel-lewis-marlow/ You are invited …. to join our private online membership of Neuronerds. Become a patron of our show for just a few bucks a month and gain access to us and to the incredibly rich community in Patreon. As a patreon you will get access to small peer-lead reading groups and join a powerhouse community.  As a platinum patron you will be thanked on our website with a link to your practice to support whatever work you do. Importantly, it is specifically because of our patrons that we are able to remain ad-free.  THANK YOU!  We hope you join us, we’d love to see you there. Tweet this episode!

“Insight is the boobie-prize of therapy,”  Lori Gottlieb in today’s episode. There are many misconceptions and stereotypes about therapy.  In today’s episode join co-host Sue Marriott and Lori Gottlieb’s discussion and get a fast-take on how to use the experience to best get what you actually need. “We are unreliable narrators of our own story. The parts we DON’T see are the ones that can help us the most.” Loro Gottlieb joins co-host Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP for a discussion on the behind-the-scenes look at what therapy really is. In her NYT best-selling book, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, Lori shared stories of several patients – including herself- and tells her own story about  seeking therapy and what she learned. She helps people understand how to solve their own problems, understand their behavior and actions, and tap into their “inner knowing” whenever they need it. Too often people expect the therapist to just give them the solution but therapists actually wants to give people the tools to solve their problems as they come up. She shares her approach to therapy today, but also really gives us some background on how important it is to understand that we are telling our own story, and we have the agency to be able to change that narrative and use that to face down the issues in your life. People go to therapy to unlearn themselves. Who is Lori Gottlieb? Lori Gottlieb is a powerhouse, and we are so honored to have her on the show. She is a psychotherapist and author of the New York Times bestseller Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, which is currently being adapted as a television series. In addition to her clinical practice, she writes The Atlantic’s weekly “Dear Therapist” advice column and is co-host of the popular “Dear Therapists” podcast produced by Katie Couric. She contributes regularly to The New York Times and many other publications and in 2019, her TED Talk was one of the Top 10 Most Watched of the Year. A member of the Advisory Council for Bring Change to Mind, she is a sought-after expert in media such as The Today Show, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, CNN, and NPR’s “Fresh Air.” People go in circles and end up in the same place, but they don’t understand their role in the story might be quite different than they expect. Lori Gottlieb episode details: Being a therapist and also a human, breaking down the wall between the two. How you may be an unreliable narrator in your own story. Why it’s important to understand and know that how you present your story – focusing on the process not the content. Why the role you think you have might NOT be your ACTUAL role. We have a choice in how we respond to issues and people in our lives. “The most effective therapy is a rich human connection,” Lori Gottlieb talking with Sue Marriott. Resources: Visit her website: LoriGottlieb.com Grab her book, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone Check out her Podcast, Dear Therapists Her column, Dear Therapist in The Atlantic Don’t miss her writings in The New York Times!   Haven’t gotten enough of therapy and therapists? https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu62-the-luv-doc-dating-and-relationship-advice-from-the-trenches-with-dan-hardick/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu67-a-practical-technique-to-calm-and-confidence-with-guest-richard-hill/   Don’t forget, you are invited to join our Patreon. It offers so much extra content, like book clubs, study groups, but it also helps us keep the podcast running ad-free! We’d love to see you there.   Enjoy this episode: Tweet about this episode for others to listen too!

Is what we call attachment security yet another form of privilege? Gulp. If you are marginalized and feel you can add substance to this conversation of class, race, culture, and attachment, please contact us!   We can publish your written word, highlight your work, pass on your perspective or potentially… have you on as a guest.  We and our incredible audience want to listen and learn. With deep respect for the scholars, clinicians, and scientists that have cumulatively developed one of the most solid lines of empirically supported psychological theory in human history, we trust that these are questions those who came before us have previously welcomed and would continue to encourage.  By definition, we cannot know what is unconsciously affecting our perceptions, interpretations, and experienced-based assumptions.  Implicit bias is real though, and it is our absolute responsibility to vet it out and question what we think we know. Our deep hope is that the re-examination of this line of exploration serves to refine, add dimension and thus embolden attachment theory, not diminish it. Given what those of us in the dominant cultures are only slowly consciously realizing, it is extremely hard to see what we don’t perceive.  Questioning one’s relationship with parents can be offensive to some, and not having enough humility and shame can be detrimental in some cultures, ie. the opposite of insecurity.  Working to escape our embedded cultural and experience-based assumptions about what constitutes maternal sensitivity, security and human attachment disorder is not an act, or a podcast, or a moment, but a permanent stance. It’s a WEIRD problem (Western, educated, industrialized, rich and developed) and has perpetuated marginalization and exclusion of those that are different. Don’t underestimate the impact of class, culture and race. In this episode, Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley continue to explore how class, culture, and race impact the path of psychotherapy, especially when it comes to attachment.  They discuss how socioeconomic status (SES) by itself affects human development, (non-gendered) patriarchal assumptions, cultural variations especially related to individualistic versus communal cultures, epigenetics of racial violence and child development impacts of First People’s cultural annihilation, By 2 years of age, the simple fact of income disparity is a huge factor affeting the total surface area of your brain (more is better). The less reliable income or family wealth, the greater the statistical difference.  Complex language exposure and stress are huge variables, and teasing apart that and attachment science is complex. They discuss patriarchy, racial inequality, collectivist versus individualistic cultures, poverty and class – HUGE topics that we too often change check-out lines to avoid awkwardness and the fears of saying the wrong thing or offending someone.  Sue and Ann chose to mess up, unintentionally offend and feel scared and insecure in their words for the greater goal of engaging in conversation and stimulating thinking on how Western white wealthy privilege impacts attachment science and our views on healthy child development overall. NOTE: As the hosts of Therapist Uncensored we are middle-aged, educated, white, cis-women.  We both mostly identify as gay but can pass even when we don’t mean to.  Even though we like to see ourselves as outsiders, we are decidedly not.  We are wealthy relative to the world, have the massive privilege of the mic for a Top 10 show on iTunes with almost 2 million downloads so our voice is ridiculously and undeservedly amplified over other voices. We hope to use our privilege to share the science of relating to those who would otherwise not ever have access and to amplify voices and perspectives that might otherwise not be heard.  We love our collective community of professional mental health providers but don’t limit our programming to therapists only because we know healers come in all forms and not everyone has access or desire to getting letters behind your name. If your voice has been marginalized and feel you can add substance to this conversation of class, race, culture and attachment, please contact us  – we can publish your written word, highlight your website, discuss your work, or potentially have you on as a guest.  We and our audience want to listen and learn. EVEN MORE Resources on class, culture and race: Parenting and Preschooler Attachment Among Low-income Urban African American Families  by Barnett et all https://div12.org/keeping-culture-in-mind-mentalizing-from-a-cross-cultural-perspective/ Is Attachment Theory Consistent with Aboriginal Parenting Realities? Raymond Neckowaya, Keith Brownlee, and Bruno Castellana https://fncaringsociety.com/sites/default/files/online-journal/vol3num2/Neckoway_Brownlee_Castellan_pp65.pdf APA Deep Poverty Initiative Challenge: https://www.apa.org/about/governance/president/deep-poverty-challenge Best Practices in Conceptualizing and Measuring Social Class in Psychological Research by Matthew A. Diemer, Rashmita S. Mistry, Martha E. Wadsworth, Irene Lopez, Faye Reimers http://www.irenelopezphd.com/uploads/1/0/1/4/10149037/best_practices_in_conceptualizing_and_measuring_social_class.pdf Unmasking race, class and culture in the psychoanalytic space Edited by Kate White, drawn from the John Bowlby Memorial Conference. Agishtein, P., & Brumbaugh, C. (2013). Cultural variation in adult attachment: The impact of ethnicity, collectivism, and country of origin. Journal of Social, Evolutionary, and Cultural Psychology, 7(4), 384-405. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/h0099181 Multicultural implications for the applications of attachment theory by Brown et al. American Journal of Psychotherapy. https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu20-developing-racial-identity-with-guests-rudy-lucas-and-christine-schmidt/ Respect this perspective?  Please SHARE this episode, leave us a rating and review on your podcast player, and, SHARE this episode (yes repeated on purpose because word of mouth is the most powerful way to make an impact). Want to hear more about culture class race and attachment from us? Check out these episodes for more awesome perspectives and content!! https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu123_narratives_of_fear/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu124-hip-hop-as-therapy-beat-making-lyrics-community-empowerment/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu109-this-is-resilience-in-action-with-guest-alphanso-appleton/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu20-developing-racial-identity-with-guests-rudy-lucas-and-christine-schmidt/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu85-attachment-in-the-classroom-with-guest-linno-rhodes/ Join our neuronerd community below, or just look for us on Facebook to get more cool free content!! 

Overcoming fear to gain connection. There is hope for us all – no matter your attachment history, there is hope for change with relationships when we conquer our fear. In this episode, Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP shares a specific case about an awkward goose named Felicity. She first heard Feli in a paper entitled A Felicitous Meeting of Attachment and Relational Psychotherapy Daniel N. Stern. The original article was written by H Fischer-Mamblona, both of which are linked in the Resource section.  This has been a helpful story to some who feel rather awkward themselves. We hope you enjoy the story, thank you for your incredible work Dan Stern. About On the Evolution of Attachment-Disorder Behavior by H Fischer-Mamblona Using an example of a goose which grew up in complete isolation, this article shows how escape behaviour increases through all its developmental steps by lack of a sufficient secure primary attachment object. If a gosling has no mother, its fear influences wide parts of its behaviour and blocks the capacity to approach another animal in order to form a new attachment. But the urge for attachment is still alive and provokes strong conflicts between this urge and fear. In these situations displacement activities and apathy occur–attachment-disordered behaviour. Under partly artificial circumstances, a change to ‘normal’ attachment behaviour took place by reduction of escape motivation, which enabled the goose to accept her brood. From this moment on the attachment-disordered behaviour, the displacement activity and the apathy disappeared. Implications to human behaviour are drawn–a comparison between displacement activity and neurotic symptoms, the state of apathy and personal disorder. A synthesis of ethological and psychoanalytical models concerning etiological and therapeutic aspects is discussed. Fear and attachment, not aggression and sexuality–our ‘animal heritage’–are the primary factors which influence our development. The balance of fear and attachment is the basis for a healthy or unhealthy development of social relationships. This applies to social living animals as well as to humans. Find more content on the relational sciences at https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes TU 117:  Resilience and Trauma with Dr. Bruce Perry  Daniel N. Stern wrote The Interpersonal World of the Infant: A View from Psychoanalysis and Developmental Psychology, which challenges the traditional developmental sequence as well as the idea that issues of attachment, dependency, and trust are confined to infancy, Stern integrates clinical and experimental science to support his revolutionizing vision of the social and emotional life of the youngest children, which has had spiraling implications for theory, research, and practice. Resources: On the Evolution of Attachment-Disorder Behavior – H Fischer-Mamblona The Interpersonal World of the Infant: A View from Psychoanalysis and Developmental Psychology by Daniel N. Stern – Amazon | Bookshop.org A Felicitous Meeting of Attachment and Relational Psychotherapy  – Daniel N. Stern   Haven’t gotten enough of the rich content from Therapist Uncensored? https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu31-attachment-on-a-spectrum-navigating-adult-insecurity-and-security/ Tweet

The Intersection of Narcissism & Abandonment. Four bricks to a narcissistic relations: Fear, Hope, Guilt and Lack of Knowledge. Is narcissism related more to preoccupation or a dismissing state of mind regarding attachment?  You may be surprised.  Learn more about the science of narcissism, abandonment and it’s relationship to attachment theory. Dr. Durvasula shares her deep study into these dynamics and her experience-based wisdom on working with those struggling with it as well as those in relationship to those who have high narcissistic tendencies. If you enjoyed our podcast series Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities, then you are gonna love this episode – it only deepens and expands on the ideas presented there.  See #6 of our 6 part series on Holding Your Own in Challenging Relationships. Dr. Ramani Durvasula joins co-host Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP for a discussion on breaking down narcissism and abandonment.  Sue found Dr. Ramani accidentally in a video she stumbled upon where she was a consultant to Will Smith in The Red Table Talk Takeover.   The video was about responsibly confronting a difficult relationship.  She is an excellent clinician that brought professionalism and deeper insight into a high-impact Hollywood story such that helps the public appreciate mentalization and the skills involved in managing difficult relationships. There are presentations of narcissism that are post-traumatic, but there is also narcissism that comes from over-indulgence.  Cringe… both neglect and too much attention?  Don’t worry, we will explain how to hit the right note here. Who is Dr. Ramani? The focus of Dr. Ramani Durvasula’s clinical, academic and consultative work is the etiology and impact of narcissism and high-conflict, entitled, antagonistic personality styles on human relationships, mental health, and societal expectations.  She has spoken on these issues to clinicians, educators and researchers around the world. Her work has been featured at SXSW, TEDx, and on a wide range of media platforms including Red Table Talk, the Today Show, Oxygen, Investigation Discovery, Bravo, and she is a featured expert on the digital media mental health platform Med Circle. To be clear, Dr. Durvasula’s is not just psychologist for Hollywood.  Her research on personality disorders has been funded by the National Institutes of Health and she is a Consulting Editor of the scientific journal Behavioral Medicine. Dr. Durvasula has also been a participant in the governance of the American Psychological Association, and most recently as the Chair of the STAY-MHSAS Training Advisory Committee of the Minority Fellowship Program. Most attractive to our audience, who let’s say … values authenticity, is that she has been described as “brutally honest” when it comes to calling out incivility and selfishness in relationship. If narcissists are so confident why are they afraid of abandonment? Trust us – it’s a driving force. Episode details on narcissism and abandonment: Dismissing states of mind and preoccupation in relationship to attachment and self-centeredness. How narcissists mirror rather than empathize and why that matters so much.  (This is a good way to discern what you are dealing with and to check yourself.) Four main bricks of a narcissistic relationship. The 90 / 10 rule in narcissistic relationships, a great Dr. Ramani idea and suggestion! Self-awareness in relationships – how to cultivate self versus other focus. If you are the one with narcissistic tendencies – thanks for digging into this, that is very cool!  What to do.  (Remember to also check out Therapist Uncensored series on Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities, referenced above.) Healthy narcissism. Diagnosis concerns & personality disorders. Core behaviors of those with high narcissism. Help for those in relationship with those highly involved with themselves. 🙂 How the educational systems can foster narcissism. We spend 90% of our time on difficult people, leaving only 10% for the good ones. Switch the math! Resources: https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/NPI/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/guide-better-relationships/201908/insecurity-narcissism-and-the-culture-victimhood “Don’t You Know Who I Am”: How to Stay Sane in the Era of Narcissism, Entitlement and Incivility. Should I Stay or Should I Go:  Surviving a Relationship With a Narcissist, http://doctor-ramani.com/contact/ Her series with Jada Pinkett Smith & family on the Red Table Talk series – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHHWgG7dB6A   Haven’t gotten enough of learning about challenging people? https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu111-navigating-narcissistic-relationships-gaslighting-manipulation-and-grandiosity-called-out/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu105-narcissism-what-is-going-on-under-the-defense-with-sue-marriott-and-ann-kelley/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu13-our-powerful-fascination-with-narcissism-in-the-era-of-trump/ Tweet

The Essence of Trauma-informed Therapy & Trauma-informed Parenting Harness the power of neuroscience. For parents and for therapists treating children and adults – learn more about the science of trauma and what heals. We are human, and we do have trauma, but maybe we need to look at being focused on relationships, connection, and curiosity about why this is happening. This discussion looks at how the connection is a biological imperative, and we’re always working towards building a relationship. Therapist Robyn Gobbel, LCSW joins co-host Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP for a discussion on breaking down the hardest parts of relationships and parenting. Robyn’s shares insights into the essence of trauma-informed therapy. She has developed online communities, as well as a podcast, all about helping parents who are dealing with these specific issues in practical application. We hope that her creative solutions will help you. Trauma-informed parenting is about connection. We need to focus on what it means to be human Who is Robyn Gobbel? Robyn Gobbel, MSW, RPT-S, loves coffee, P!NK, and everything about the brain. Once (recently!) her teenager went ballistic on her for getting ANOTHER (glitter!) coffee mug in the mail. Robyn loves cultivating deep, resonant connections with anyone who is up for it, as well as teaching anyone who will listen to harness the power of neuroscience so they can cultivate deep, resonant connections. What would change in the world if we could all do that? To see, be with, feel, and deeply know each other…and ourselves. Robyn thinks everything could change. Conversation includes resources on trauma-informed therapy and trauma-informed parenting: Changing how to provide mental health care to families. The importance of regulation AND connection. Working on a book about personal trauma healing The importance of understanding the relational neurobiology of being human. The importance of community for parents dealing with dysregulation and behavioral issues. Reducing the shame factor in much of trauma-informed therapy. Treatment of trauma-based behavioral issues. Virtual online clubs for parents who are struggling. Regulated, connected kids feel safe. Connected parents regulate by parenting in a way that feels “right”, not by following a technique. Resources on therapy and parenting kids with trauma: Robyn has free resources on her website https://icowellness.com/ Why do I get so dysregulated?  Check out Robyn’s podcast Online Club for Parents Haven’t gotten enough? https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu27-raising-secure-children-with-guest-tina-payne-bryson/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu53-complex-trauma-and-managing-dysregulation-with-guest-robyn-gobbel/ Tweet

Attachment Through the Lifespan – Leading attachment researcher Dr. Alan Sroufe shares the summary of his (and his team in Minnesota) decades of research looking at attachment though life. They followed individuals from birth through infancy and toddlerhood, to school age, adolescence, early adulthood and now parenthood.  This is important because it helps us understand the essence of what attachment is measuring, and how to cultivate security no matter what age you are or what background you come from. Dr. Sroufe is an internationally recognized expert on early attachment relationships, emotional development, and developmental psychopathology and has published seven books and 140 articles on these and related topics! —- Attachment through the lifespan – learn the science behind the longest study ever conducted on attachment Dr. Alan Sroufe’s new book summarizes decades of attachment research – A Compelling Idea, How We Become the Person’s We Are (2020).  It’s part memoire, part history of attachment science – and it’s great for our audience because it brings the findings of this ground-breaking longitudinal research on how we become ourselves in one succinct place. The Minnesota Longitudinal Study of Risk and Adaptation began in the early 1970s, initiated by Byron Egeland as a study of a large cohort of mothers living in poverty. In the 1970s and early 1980s, empirical attachment research had been primarily pursued by Ainsworth and her students. The research group led by Alan Sroufe and Egeland was important in providing a second pillar to hold up the paradigm from the 1970s to the present. The Strange Situation was conducted with the sample by Sroufe and his graduate students Everett Waters and Brian Vaughn. Early work by the research group documented the role of caregiving in shaping patterns of attachment in the Strange Situation, and also the capacity of infant attachment patterns to predict later social competence and mental health. Sroufe and Egeland created an ‘electric atmosphere’ in their research group, as they provided the first longitudinal evidence of the implications of attachment relationships.1 Students described their ‘imperturbable optimism’, ‘wisdom about human nature’, and ‘compassion’ as important qualities in the creation of the atmosphere, along with the sense of contributing to meaningful and cutting-edge developmental science.2 They were a great stabilizing and integrative presence for the field of attachment research. Though Egeland and Sroufe have now retired, research with the Minnesota Longitudinal Study of Risk and Adaptation has continued. Other episodes you may enjoy:  Ep 117 with Dr. Bruce Perry discussing trauma and resilience  Co-host Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP and Dr. Sroufe discuss his reflections – both personal and professional. It is rare to get to sit at the hearth with such an important contributor to the field but you get just that – we encourage you to get the book, sit back and listen to the podcast and learn from the very source. Dr. Sroufe is Professor Emeritus of Child Psychology in the Institute of Child Development at the University of Minnesota and he has been an Associate Editor of Developmental Psychology and Development and Psychopathology.  His awards include the Distinguished Scientific Contribution Award from the Society for Research in Child Development, the Bowlby Ainsworth Award for Contributions to Attachment Research, the G. Stanley Hall Award for Distinguished Scientific Contribution to Developmental Psychology from Division 7 of the American Psychology Association, an Honorary Doctorate Degree from the University of Leiden, and the Distinguished Teaching Award from the College of Education, University of Minnesota. Conversation includes: Guiding question behind Sroufe’s ongoing 1974 study Why is change difficult? Negative expectations can result in off-putting behavior Chronic early stress and early predictors Positive relationships with teachers reported for those with secure attachment backgrounds The importance of a supportive relationship as a predictor Those with secure history who experience bad times don’t lose their secure history “Earned” secure attachment and its neurological intricacies Importance of being able to turn to someone, giving and receiving support, legacies of attachment   Resources: A Compelling Idea, How We Become the Person’s We Are (2020) by Alan Sroufe The Development of the Person The Minnesota Study of Risk and Adaptation from Birth Through Adulthood by Dr. Alan Sroufe et al. Hey neuronerds wanting to know more – here is a great link to a PDF summarizing the study and is well worth the read – Minnesota longitudinal study of risk and adaptation – chapter 4   To reach Dr. Sroufe Dr. Sroufe’s CV Lessons from the Minnesota Longitudinal Study Clinical Application of the Adult Attachment Interview Edited by H. Steele & M. Steele Haven’t gotten enough of attachment through the lifespan?  We have you covered, please hear Sue Marriott’s conversation with him from a few years ago – episode 56 click below. https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu56-how-we-come-to-define-ourselves-attachment-research-over-decades-with-guest-alan-sroufe/ Tweet

Learn more about your relationships no matter what, but if you happen to be a therapist,  dig into learning more about couples in therapy. Every couple has its ups and downs, but it’s easy to think that your relationship is uniquely challenging. Experts in couples therapy and a couple themselves, Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson join co-host Sue Marriott to discuss what most people get wrong about working with couples, and how to help get it right. Together, they’ll dive into the dos and don’ts of couples therapy, from the perspective of the therapist and the patient. Who are Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson? Dr. Ellyn Bader is considered by many to be the preeminent expert in couples therapy training. Together with her husband, Dr. Peter Pearson, they created the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy, and literally wrote the book on marital therapy.   Peter Pearson, Ph.D., and his wife, Dr. Ellyn Bader, founded The Couples Institute in 1984. Both have now helped literally thousands of couples in their work. Pete and Ellyn have been featured in over 50 radio and television programs including The Today Show, Good Morning America, and CBS Early Morning News. They have appeared on NPR and been quoted in publications including The New York Times, Oprah Magazine, Business Insider, Redbook, and Cosmopolitan. Their popular book, Tell Me No Lies, and In Quest of a Mythical Mate has been of critical help to many couples. What’s the point of couples therapy? The Holy Grail of couples work is really just trying to help couples differentiate together, instead of just individuating on their own. What do we mean by that? Put simply, tensions and difference doesn’t have to be scary and separate, but can instead be exciting. Most fights are, at their core, power struggles. It’s often framed as “I want you to change to accommodate me” and vice versa. To grow and change, they need to shift their focus away from winners and losers, but instead towards the WE. The key to couples getting there, is helping each person really own their own stuff. Importantly, can we take responsibility without shame for our own role in each conflict. What generates change in relationships? There are three things that really get couples to change their behavior Desperation or crisis – whether it’s a medical emergency or a natural disaster, having an external purpose or focus can generate really quick and in depth communication Negotiation – often the most common thing we try and do as couples, “I’ll change X if you change Y” is often the shortest lived and also hardest to make stick Inspiration – is there something compelling enough or exciting enough about the future to inspire a change What role do therapist play? There’s no substitute for having years of experience as a couples therapist. Specifically, if you’re looking for a new couples therapist, make sure to interview them and really find a place and a person that will be right for you. It’s also important to remember that the therapist isn’t there to take anyone’s side. Again, couples therapy is about finding and holding your own accountability. You need to be prepared to do the work on your own side to make your relationship grown and expand. You might also enjoy: https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu121-the-purpose-of-relationships-redefined-during-quarantine-with-stan-tatkin/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/holding-your-own1-messy-but-secure-relating/ RESOURCES: Ellyn and Peter’s website contains all kinds of interactive materials and blogs. A must see! https://www.couplesinstitutetraining.com/   Need CEU’s??  We’ve got you covered, use OURCLAN for 10% off – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala – Advanced Course Connecting the Sciences of the Mind to Everyday Relationships FOUR hours of quality content and 3 CE’s available to professionals. Since you are this deep into our show notes, then you are indeed one of our peeps and thus invited to be part of our clan  GET 10% off this signature course by using code OURCLAN!  – To get more of this kind of in-depth discussion with quality content and real-world healing – join us on FB where you can find more of your peeps. Join our Neuronerd Patreon community at http://www.patreon.com/therapistuncensored for as little as $5 per month.   Join us now. Now offering reading/study groups exclusively for our patrons.  

Dive into hook up culture, locker room talk, and the modern shifts in youth sexual behavior and health. Peggy Orenstein, NYT best-selling author, unpacks her new book “Boys and Sex” with co-host Ann Kelley. In this peak behind the curtain of the experience of young male sexuality, we’ll see how boys struggle with the conflicting needs of the conquest narrative of sex and their own internal understanding of pleasure and vulnerability. Her book was written about both cis and trans men, and covers the whole spectrum of sexual orientations, backgrounds, and experiences. Who is Peggy Orenstein? New York Times Bestselling Author of “Boys and Sex” and “Girls and Sex” Named one of the “40 women who changed the media business in the past 40 years” by The Columbia Journalism Review Her TED Talk, “What Young Women Believe About Their Own Sexual Pleasure,” has been viewed over 4.9 million times Frequent writer and contributor for The New York Times, NPR, Good Morning America, and many other talk shows What’s to learn? Through her research and conversations with young men Orenstein learned two major things That boys are ready and willing to have honest, blunt, and insightful dialogues about their sexuality and the way they understand sex That nobody really asked them about it before, that adults weren’t talking to them about what a full healthy sexuality looks like The recognition of emotional and physical vulnerability in sex allows us to discover something deeply personal about ourselves, and young men and boys are often intentionally cut off from those feelings and experiences. Both through societal norms and expectations as well as pornography. What can we do to help change the culture around sex? Sex discussions should include more than just consent, according to Shafia Zaloom in “Sex, Teens, and Everything in Between.” Sex should be legal, ethical, and good. To help achieve that in the next generation, Orenstein outlines at the end of her book a set of the kinds of conversations you can have with your children to promote connection, compassion, and empathy in their sex lives. Some other recommendations Orenstein has for how to shift “locker room culture” Coaches can bring in programming on sexual health and behavior Friends taking friends aside, away from the large group, and have one on one talks about their behavior Recognize that it will be a challenge but know that it isn’t impossible RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: “Boys and Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity” by Peggy Orenstein “Girls and Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape” by Peggy Orenstein “Sex, Teens, and Everything in Between: The New and Necessary Conversations Today’s Teenagers Need to Have About Consent, Sexual Harassment, Healthy Relationships, Love, and More” by Shafia Zaloom “Masks, No Kissing, and ‘a Little Kinky’: Dating and Sex in a Pandemic” by Tara Parker-Pope “Sex in the Time of Coronavirus” by Elizabeth Bernstein “American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus” by Lisa Wade Need CEU’s??  We’ve got you covered, use OURCLAN for 10% off – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala – Advanced Course Connecting the Sciences of the Mind to Everyday Relationships FOUR hours of quality content and 3 CE’s available to professionals. Since you are this deep into our show notes, then you are indeed one of our peeps and thus invited to be part of our clan  GET 10% off this signature course by using code OURCLAN!  – To get more of this kind of in-depth discussion with quality content and real-world healing – join us on FB where you can find more of your peeps.  Want even more than that?  Join our Neuronerd Patreon community at patreon.com/therapistuncensored for as little as $5 per month.   Join us now.

Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities – take away’s from our series on staying (or becoming) secure in relationship with those with challenging personalities – DEDICATED TO OUR PATRONS!! Session 6 of 6 – What if it’s you that is the challenging one… and other take away’s on challenging personalities.  Let us help you change your internal security and grow secure functioning relationships.  This episode is dedicated our to our private community of Patron Neuronerds. Here is a smattering of some of our most special elves whom have been with us since the very beginning!!   They give from $1 to $25 per month and jumped in at the first chance to support us AND have stuck with us!!! THANK YOU TO Kathleen Geiger, Isaac Marsolek, Jacalyn Brecher, James Baker,Carys Adultman, Claire Holberton, Camille Scent, Kirill Eremenko, Sonya Richardson-Thomas, Ashley Cruz, Michael Hilgers, Becki Mendivil, Linno Rhodes, Lorie Ammon, Deb, Donna Woods, Pat Spencer, Jeffrey Benzick MD, Judy Kamara, Leanna, Bobbi Blain, Megan Smith, Tyra Butler, Amy Groessl, Theresa Tenney, Kathryn Antenbring, Sarah Lazarewicz, Julie Carbaugh, Sally Mounir, Anonymous … and so many many more who joined forces since that first moment.  You guys are our backbone. You can find more of our current Patrons here (we have almost 200)!  We thank Platinum and Gold Neuronerds on our website.   We don’t usually include our actual transcript but what the heck, we are gonna try it this time and see if it’s useful to anybody.   Unedited transcript of the show Episode notes – HYO Challenging Personalities: What if it’s you that is the difficult one?  How to change – Insecurity begets defensiveness – so anything we can do to lower our defenses, realize we most likely aren’t ACTUALLY under attack, and work towards safety inside ourselves and cultivating safety in our close others. Much of the episode is devoted to this topic, these show notes will focus on resources in general.  We mention being raised by difficult parents but that’s a big topic for another time so we put in some resources for ya down below. For EVERYBODY – we can all improve our listening skills: Listen and repeat it back so they other person says “yea, that’s right”  The trick here is not to assert your own agenda.  It’s not your turn, just listen. Ask questions to help them get their story out in full, or to get their pain out there so you can bear witness DON’T CORRECT or explain yourself yet. Validate where you can do so authentically – try to find even 1% of what they are saying where you can join the person talking.  It does NOT mean you agree with them.  This is ninja warrior stuff, it’s not easy and rookies get this WRONG. Comfort, soothe them.  Not just once.  Not angrily, TAKE THEM IN, bear witness and let them feel you with them.  Do this UNTIL you feel them release and soften.  Again, rookies stop short and then don’t get it when the listening doesn’t help. CAVA — Clarify, ask question, validate where you feel it true and if appropriate, apologize LUV –  Listen, Understand and Validate where you can authentically For EVERYONE – we bet we can all also improve our self-regulation skills RAIN Tara Brach Review, Reflect, Rewire Self compassion and Kristen Neff – see previous episode here. Ann and Sue give several personal examples of what this looks like and support you in knowing your own truth, claiming it and living your best life possible. Research/links on challenging traits  Voicing the Victims of Narcissistic Partners: A Qualitative Analysis of Responses to Narcissistic Injury and Self-Esteem Regulation Volume: 9 issue: 2, Article first published online: April 28, 2019; Issue published: April 1, 2019 Ava Valashjardi1, Kathy Charles1 1Edinburgh Napier University, UK This article is distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 License (http://www.creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/) which permits any use, reproduction and distribution of the work without further permission provided the original work is attributed as specified on the SAGE and Open Access pages (https://us.sagepub.com/en-us/nam/open-access-at-sage). Empathy and self-boundaries Judith Jordan PhD  PDF “Can narcissists be moved to show empathy?” 2014  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology Hatfield, E., Bensman, L., Thornton, P. D., & Rapson, R. (2014). New perspectives on emotional contagion: A review of classic and recent research on facial mimicry and contagion. Interpersonal: An International Journal of Personal Relations, 8, 159-179.   Resources – We packed these shownotes today with resources just for you!! Covert narcissism scale  Don’t believe online tests in general, but for fun you can see how you score on covert narcisissm. Psychcentral has personality quizzes – some are validated scales adapted for the internet some are more for fun, but none provide actual diagnosis for sure.  However, you may be interested in exploring these, if so enjoy! Get Me Out of Here by Rachel Reiland  This is an excellent book although it’s older, a first-hand account of the healing trajectory written by woman who identifies as borderline.  Fascinating and hopeful… recommended read esp for those doing deep work in therapy The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook – self-help workbook by Daniel J Fox PhD Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship Shari Y Manning PhD Borderline Personality Disorder: The hidden faces of BPD that you need to spot. How to manage out of control emotions before they destroy your relationship “How to make the narcissist in your life a little nicer” The Atlantic “How to manage a narcissist” Harvard Business Review – Focuses on workplace highly applicable to all The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family Being Raised by Difficult Parents: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents Linday Gibson PhD Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers  Karle McBride PhD Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents “How being raised by a narcissist damages your life and self-esteem ” Forbes Magazine,  Kathy Caprino Resources from malignant narcisissism episode: Friends – we know most of you aren’t in this situation but if you are we want to be a resource.  We can’t say if you should or shouldn’t leave – that’s a highly personal and seriously safety-dependent question.  However we can say that we believe you, you aren’t alone, and there is support once you get ready for that. United States:  Click the image to the left for help! Not in the US, no problem:  International lines for domestic violence help click here  Many areas have local resources so look for those as well.     Psychopath Free (Expanded Edition): Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People Jackson Macenzi Grindell et al Gaslighting: Recognize the Narcissist, Learn How to Spot Emotional Abuse, Protect Yourself and Heal From Malignant Narcissism (NPD) Aubrey Scrivelor Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself Shahida  Abrabi Traumatic Narcissism Daniel Shaw “Don’t You Know Who I Am?”: How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility Ramani Durvasula POWER: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse: A Collection of Essays on Malignant Narcissism and Recovery from Emotional Abuse Shahida Arabi  Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse Shannon Thomas LCSW Attachment Disturbances in Adults Comprehensive Treatment & Repair(2016) Dan Brown and David Elliott (This is Sue’s favorite textbook on attachment currently)   OK friends if you have found the bottom of these show notes then you are our people.  Find us on Facebook @austinshrinks and from there, join our free private discussion community. If that is not enough, consider purchasing our signature (4 hour!!) course and use “ourclan” to get a discount on enrollment.  It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala Advanced Course Connecting the Science of the Mind to the Amygdala  Finally, we invite you to join our patron Neuronerd community for some occasional bling and behind the scenes stuff, as well as helping to keep us Ad-Free!!! We are at almost 200 active and engaged patrons – help us get over the hump to 200, will ya? Without this super smart and active community we could not produce the way we do, could not get the science out to the world who would otherwise not even know it’s out there and most importantly to some — we would have to be running ads. (shriek!)  I am so bugged by the aggressive advertising on You Tube and many podcasts… we understand you gotta do it to sustain production but if we can sustain another way, then we are all for it!   We have a few straggler platforms where you may run into an ad, but once we get our patron community more robust we will be able to eliminate them all. Thanks for stopping by – we really appreciate you and hope this show provides even a tiny inspiration. xo  

Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities – staying (or becoming) secure in relationship with those with the most severe sort of personality structure – malignant narcissism. Session 5 – Staying safe with those with high psychopathology or malignant narcissism Accusations are their confessions. In this episode learn why we elect, promote, excuse and love those with malignant narcissism and its tendencies. Sort out the other forms of self-involvement, psychopathology and anti-social traits from this dangerous personality structure. Sue & Ann finish out their series on Holding Your Own with Challenging Personality Traits – this is session 5 of 6. Find more here www.therapistuncensored.com Five Points from Malignant Narcissism: We all have elements of self-centeredness and narcissistic traits. However, when it becomes more engrained into our personality structure, that is where the problems can arise. Narcissism, at its core, involves a sense of entitlement, exploitation and extreme self-focus that loses touch with one’s ability to see the needs of others. Grandiose and covert narcissist can become so self-involved that they can completely dismiss others in extremely painful ways as discussed in our previous episodes. However, they generally continue to hold relationships in value. Their primary difficulty lies in the tendency to idealize and devalue, which often leads to feeling misunderstood and mistreated. Thus, they can lack guilt because they often see themselves as right or the victim to injustice. However, when they do discover that they have wronged someone, they can feel significant guilt and shame. In malignant Narcissism, there is a general void of guilt and shame. Instead, there is a combination of antisocial traits, paranoia and vindictiveness that often leads to acting out in intentionally harmful ways. In Malignant narcissism the value placed on others is primarily based on utility – what others can do for them. The relational aspect is void. They do not have access to guilt of felt shame. This has been cut off. Malignant narcissist expects extremely loyalty at all costs. Loyalty to them, not to ideals.  If you are with me you are with me! If not, you are against me. This type of thinking leaves open rational for retaliation and extreme  vendictivness.  One way to know if our relationship, family, company or country is being run by a malignant narcissistic ruler, is to recognize that those under them are in a constant state of fear and threat of the disloyal “other”.   In many countries across the world, including the US, we have found ourselves and our nervous system in a constant state of threat and fear. This divides us. The “other” is a source to mistrusted to be fought against.  One sign of a malignant narcissist is the cool and coldness with which they can seek revenge in a calculating manner. If you are in a relationship and you see signs that he/she justifies revenge for mistreatment, that is something to take not of, especially if this revenge is sought with a sense of pleasure at the suffering of the other. If in a relationship with someone that has malignant narcissism, there is little hope of change. The focus must be for you to protect yourself, seek support and safely get out of the relationship. They may use their sense of loyalty and disloyalty as a weapon to keep you in. Remember, loyalty should never involve fear of retribution.  As we finish out this series, we know you  now have a good understanding of some of the challenging styles to engage in relationship and we’ve saved the toughest for last.  In this episode we sort out the difference between self-centeredness, narcissism, anti-social personality and malignant narcissism. This series builds on itself so we recommend that you listen to the previous sessions first before jumping into this episode, but if that isn’t your cup of tea, then by all means, the episode will be solid on it’s own.  To start at the beginning & hear the previous episodes in the series click here: Session 1 (Messy but secure), Session 2 (grandiose narcissism), Session 3 (covert narcissism) or Session 4 (borderline traits)  Power dynamics in this form of narcissism  Difference between anti-social characteristics, psychopathy and malignant narcissism. Differentials between the types of narcissism – keys regarding how to discriminate between covert grandiose and malignant. Hallmarks – vindictiveness malice & cruelty Warning to therapists – empathy can be a sign of weakness not connection Intense initial courting may be a foreshadowing of control. What does shame and guilt have to do with how challenging personality traits show up? Projected relationality as the bridge to staying trapped Knowing your truth The biology of threat and induction to passively follow a “strong” leader  Resources – Hey friends – we know most of you aren’t in this situation but if you are we want to be a resource.  We can’t say if you should or shouldn’t leave – that’s a highly personal and seriously safety-dependent question.  However we can say that we believe you, you aren’t alone, and there is support once you get ready for that. United States:  Click the image to the left for help! Not in the US, no problem:  International lines for domestic violence help click here  Many areas have local resources so look for those as well.     Psychopath Free (Expanded Edition): Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People Jackson Macenzi Grindell et al Gaslighting: Recognize the Narcissist, Learn How to Spot Emotional Abuse, Protect Yourself and Heal From Malignant Narcissism (NPD) Aubrey Scrivelor Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself Shahida  Abrabi Traumatic Narcissism Daniel Shaw “Don’t You Know Who I Am?”: How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility Ramani Durvasula POWER: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse: A Collection of Essays on Malignant Narcissism and Recovery from Emotional Abuse Shahida Arabi  Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents Linday Gibson PhD The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers  Karle McBride PhD Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse Shannon Thomas LCSW Attachment Disturbances in Adults Comprehensive Treatment & Repair(2016) Dan Brown and David Elliott (This is Sue’s favorite textbook on attachment currently) OK friends if you have found the bottom of these show notes then you are our people.  Find us on Facebook @austinshrinks and from there, join for free our discussion community. If that is not enough, consider purchasing our signature (4 hour!!) course and use “ourclan” to get a discount on enrollment.  It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala Advanced Course Connecting the Science of the Mind to the Amygdala  Finally, we invite you to join our patron Neuronerd community for some occasional bling and behind the scenes stuff, as well as helping to keep us Ad-Free!!!   Thanks for stopping by – we really appreciate you and hope this show provides even a tiny inspiration. xo

Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities – staying (or becoming) secure in relationship with those with those with “borderline” traits Session 4 – Staying secure in connection with borderline or highly reactive responses When does sensitivity cross the line into clinical reactivity? Borderline traits, or those with highly reactive personalities, are another common challenge in relationship that we might need support to navigate well. Today’s episode sees co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott unpack high reactivity through a caring and developmental approach. Together, they discuss how these dynamics and traits arise, what they look like, and what we can do when we find ourselves in relationships with them. Find more here www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes Co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott have launched a new series titled “Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities.” Together, they’ll sort out the differences between the various forms of narcissism – grandiose, covert and malignant, as well as look at what has been called borderline traits. The goal of this series is to bring you the skills and practices that help you ground and stay in your secure self no matter what is swirling around you. This series builds on itself so we recommend that you listen to the previous sessions first before jumping into this episode, but if that isn’t your cup of tea, then by all means, the episode will be solid on it’s own.  To start at the beginning & hear the previous episodes in the series click here: Session 1, Session 2, and Session 3. High Reactivity (or borderline traits) Neurological implications Especially women historically have been harmed by this label. It takes the treating professional off the hook and blames the patient. However now we know a lot more of what to do how to treat it. Better technology. It’s not moral.  To be clear, these people aren’t just being dramatic or “overreacting.” In their felt experience there really is a crisis happening. Most commonly, this happens when someone is overly trusting or attached, and then perceives a loss or abandonment due to mismatched perspectives. Without doing normal tracking of the situation they can perceive a change or even as happening all at once in a big way. In this way, individuals with high reactivity experience two different types of self that flip back and forth quickly, an idealized experience and a de-valued experience. This can often express itself through deep and dramatic mood swings. Sometimes even this can result in self-harm, or threats of self-harm. So what can you do about borderline or high reactive personalities? As with all things, stay focused and centered. It won’t help anyone if you blow up in response to someone else’s panicked reaction. In fact it will only escalate the situation and cause everyone to go into a highly defense state. That being said, attune to yourself, ask yourself what this experience is evoking in you? Recognize that their reaction is hard on you, and then recognize them. Don’t lose yourself in trying to appease them or hold them. Try and return to honest communicate. Attune to each other and take everyone’s pain or fear seriously. Remember, this is not just a silly or “ridiculous” overreaction but instead a real felt experience that they are having. You’re not going to let someone abuse you or disrespect you, there’s definitely a limit that you’re going to have. But at the same time, it’s important to have a bit of thick skin and comfort and care for the other person. Remind both yourself and them that this experience you’re having together right then isn’t all that there is to a person, or a relationship. Nobody fits in a box! In this series we set the stage and call out pathological use of labels and diagnosis.  We begin with secure but messy relating and then wade into the various traits that can become personality based on degree.   Resources “Get Me Out of Here” by Rachel Reiland  This is an excellent book although it’s older, a first-hand account of the healing trajectory written by woman who identifies as borderline.  Fascinating and hopeful… recommended read. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201909/the-drama-loving-borderline   Skills Training Manual for BPD Marsha Linehan Affect Regulation…. Peter Fonagy et al Traumatic Narcissism the Relational Systems of Subjugation by David Grey Attachment Disturbances in Adults Comprehensive Treatment & Repair(2016) Dan Brown and David Elliott (This is Sue’s favorite textbook on attachment currently) This is not our first rodeo, see these previous episodes on the subject: TU105: Narcissism – What’s Going on Underneath the Defense?  TU107: Our Powerful Fascination with Narcissism in the Era of Trump OK friends if you have found the bottom of these shownotes then you are people.  Find us on Facebook @austinshrinks and from there, join for free our discussion community. If that is not enough, consider purchasing our signature (4 hour!!) course and use “ourclan” to get a discount on enrollment.  It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala  Finally, we invite you to join our patron Neuronerd community for some bling and behind the scenes stuff, as well as helping to keep us Ad-Free!!!  

Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities – staying (or becoming) secure in relationship with those with covert narcissism. Session 3 – Staying secure in connection with one kind of narcissism:  covert narcissism When does self-consciousness and self-reflection cross the line into self-preoccupation? Covert narcissism is also called thin-skinned, vulnerable, depressed or closet narcissism. It’s a real thing but unlike grandiosity, it’s quite hard to spot!  Think about it – if you feel when you walk in a room everyone is looking at you – admiringly or judgmentally, either way – that is a narcissistic fantasy. Today’s episode follows the other side of grandiosity. Find more here www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes Co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott have launched a new series titled “Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities.” Together, they’ll sort out the differences between the various forms of narcissism – grandiose, covert and malignant, as well as look at what has been called borderline traits. The goal of this series is to bring you the skills and practices that help you ground and stay in your secure self no matter what is swirling around you. This series builds on itself so we recommend that you listen to Sessions 1 and 2 first before jumping into this episode, but if that isn’t your cup of tea, then by all means, the episode will be solid on it’s own.  To start at the beginning & hear the previous episodes in the series click here: TU132 HYO Session 1 Messy but Secure Relating  and TU133 HYO Session 2 Grandiose Narcissism. Covert Narcissism It has so many different names:  vulnerable, thin-skinned, depressed narcissism… it’s a real thing but unlike grandiosity, it’s quite hard to spot!  That’s why they call it “covert.” Sometimes, somebody in the corner that looks like they’re avoiding and shunning attention can make us focus our attention on them. There is an ability to be very loud while staying very quite. What’s the difference? Why are they both called Narcissism? Covert narcissism is something many of us can relate to – super self-conscious about imagining everyone judging us – negatively.  Yet it’s still special, just negatively special.  We all do that at times but it’s a matter of degree – how self-centered and self-focused are we? All narcissism is about our relationships with shame. For grandiose narcissism, shame is projected out into other people. But in covert narcissism, shame is being pulled in from all around us as another form of being exceptional. Because of the way covert narcissism uses shame, it is also sometimes called depressed narcissism. So what’s the difference between depression and covert narcissism? Depression is often an utter depletion, a flatness in your body where you feel empty, but still have a sense of self. Simply put, it’s you that’s bad. Cover narcissism on the other hand pushes those feelings outward, and often losses the sense of self. It’s more of a feeling of bitterness and like something was done to you. Simply that it’s the world that’s bad to you. Often, this is associated with achievement. A covert narcissist might thinks they must be the most attractive in the room, and if they aren’t that, then they are at the bottom of the pile.  They’ve tied their sense of self and their self-esteem to the approval of others. This really comes from how we’re valued through our development. If we’re valued because of what we can bring to someone else, it’s really hard to feel the development of a true sense of identity. Instead, a covert narcissism unconsciously needs to bring the negative attention towards themselves to create rescue ie attention, thus providing a sense of worthiness.  Sounds odd we know, but it’s true.  They are highly sensitive to rejection and overly personalize – there you can see the narcissism, it’s all about them and their injury. How can you tell you’re dealing with a covert narcissist? If you’re being used to maintain someone else’s self-esteem that signal of narcissism in general.  If not getting filled by that extension, there is a desperate sense of emptiness right below the surface. Importantly, a covert narcissist can often come across as the victim which can initially bring out a lot of sympathy. Really ask yourself, how many people are in this relationship?  Are you orbiting the other, walking on egg shells?   In a relationship with a covert narcissist you can really lose your own sense of self and own identity. You can become afraid of celebrating your success, or feel the need to downplay an achievement of yours in order to not upset your partner. If you start to hold yourself the other person may feel threatened at the differentiation. What can you do in the face of covert narcissism? Most importantly, we should help people with covert narcissism find their sense of agency. This includes an imperfection. Instead of identifying the external situation that was done to someone, we can turn towards identifying their own role in a situation. Challenge the internal narrative that they are the victim of some external harm.  The idea is to build up their own sense of self and creates a more complete identity not tied to other relationships or people. In fact, if we join with their experience too much, and are overly agreeable, that can often aid the feeling of victimization. When you move to hold the other person at the expense of you, usually trying to protect their feelings, it doesn’t help move out of the narcissistic dynamic. Also, you can start to hold your own. Take a breath, maybe one or two or ten, and settle down to avoid just getting into a fight. Don’t just push off and leave them high and dry with their envy or pain, but also make sure you’re not going to collapse completely and protect their feelings. The big take away from all of this is helping people move into a stable in-between space. You aren’t the greatest best person ever, but you also certainty not the worst. We’re all human, with our own identities and imperfections and that’s all okay! Why a podcast series? Our normal episodes serve as great snack packs of information about a wide range of topics, but don’t often let us go into as much depth as maybe we could. We had originally planned to create a course on narcissism and healthy relationships that would really allow us to dig deep and unpack this all at a level that a regular podcast just wasn’t able to do. But given the nature of the content and the times we’re living in we decided to bring you all that course FOR FREE in the form of this new mini-series that we’re doing here at Therapist Uncensored! We’re still working out all the kinks on this new format for all of you so feel free as always to hit us up with any feedback on how this new format is working! Our plan is to release episodes much more frequently through the series and then go back to our every other week format. Nobody fits in a box! In this series we set the stage and call out pathological use of labels and diagnosis.  We begin with secure but messy relating and then wade into the various traits that can become personality based on degree. Resources This is not our first rodeo, see these previous episodes on the subject: To start at the beginning, listen to the previous episodes in the series: TU132 HYO Session 1 Messy but Secure Relating  and TU133 HYO Session 2 Grandiose Narcissism. The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse Debbie Merza TU 111 Navigating Narcissitic Relationships Manipulation Gas-Lighting and Grandiosity Called Out  TU107: Narcissism – What’s Going on Underneath the Defense?  TU107: Our Powerful Fascination with Narcissism in the Era of Trump TU 23 Building Grit through Self-Compassion with Kristin Neff Attachment Disturbances in Adults Comprehensive Treatment & Repair (2016) Dan Brown and David Elliott (This is Sue’s favorite textbook on attachment currently) Traumatic Narcissism the Relational Systems of Subjugation by David Grey

Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities – staying secure in relationship with those high in narcissistic, borderline or anti-social traits. Session 2 – Staying secure in connection with one kind of narcissism:  grandiose narcissism Co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott have launched a new series titled “Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities.” Together, they’ll unpack how to navigate strained relationships during and after this pandemic. The goal of this series is to bring you the skills and practices that you can use right now to get to secure relating and if not that, helping you ground and stay in your secure self no matter what is swirling around you. If you want to start at the beginning, listen to the first in the series:  TU132 HYO Session 1:  Messy But Secure Relating Grandiose Narcissism Today’s episode breaks down one of 3 types of narcissism, and later in the series they will address the other kinds. There’s always a judgement, even if the verdict is positive, there is an evaluation happening.  Difference between self-aggrandizing moment and more problematic self-oriented relating – one is environmentally influenced, the other is just the way it is, always. You value people for what they can do for you, it’s a transaction noi a real relationship. Trouble with: Apologies Gratitude Greek version of the myth: Narcissus, was the son of River God Cephisus and nymph Lyriope. He was known for his beauty and he was loved by God Apollo due to his extraordinary physique. Narcissus was once walking by a lake or river and decided to drink some water; he saw his reflection in the water and was surprised by the beauty he saw; he became entranced by the reflection of himself. He could not obtain the object of his desire though, and he died at the banks of the river or lake from his sorrow. According to the myth Narcissus is still admiring himself in the Underworld, looking at the waters of the Styx. Narcissistic Extension This is when we have learned to support the other person’s ego by giving them what we know that they want. As kids we get highly skilled at reading a scene, knowing the unspoken and responding as wished. This is part of what causes the injury to the self, because in the midst of all that, where the heck are You? If a child turns to their own needs and that parent feels that as a Break and is activated by it, it’s suddenly unsafe to tune in to their disapproval or distance. So we’d rather give ourselves up than lose our connection. Defenses in Grandiose Narcissism Idealization and devaluation – to be close you tend to be in one of these spots, and they can flip really fast.  It’s an outward expression of assumptions they may be making about themselves and their own value. Shame core but not conscious. Narcissistic supply – people are used to fill you up but then are expendable. They may report high self-esteem and low neuroticism because they don’t carry a lot of conscious internal conflict. The conflict – if any – is interpersonal which is WHY IT’S IMPORTANT TO HOLD ON TO YOUR SECURE SELF. Holding on to Secure Self Take a deep breath, and whatever you do… Don’t project relationality into someone non-relational, it’s bad for both. See them as they actually are, and that can be painful.  It’s courageous though, and the beginning of taking your evaluation of what you are getting from this person and what you need. Don’t put up with demeaning, devaluing or abusing you. Standing up to them can be dangerous in various ways, but for now we will focus on relational / emotional danger.  There is a feeling of threat to differentiate, and you might get cut off, but having a Self is the only way to move it into a more secure relational dynamic.  Otherwise they have no incentive to change because internally they see themselves doing pretty dang good.  Disabuse them of this delusion. Hold you, also hold them, and stay strong. You may have to protect their ego and face save, but that’s ok if you are moving from a one-down to a shared mutual position.  Help them let you up and share power, initially at least. The 3 signs of hope:  The person recognizes what they are doing is a problem. They see the negative effect on the other and sincerely want to change that behavior. They will ACTIVELY do the HARD WORK to change the problem behavior. Hopeful or not, you say:  1.Yeah, I am sarcastic and yell too much for your liking, so what, that’s just me.  You knew it when we married.  Get over it. 2.Yeah I see that you are sensitive and get your feelings hurt, and I really should try to be more careful with your sensitivity.  But geez i’d like you to be less damn sensitive. 3.You are being ridiculous, look at what I do for you and this family. 4.Damnit I did it again, didn’t I?  I said I’d ask your opinion before deciding and I didn’t.  Let’s rewind, I’ll cancel it and let’s start again together.  I’m sorry I am just kinda on autopilot and so used to running things myself, but it’s good to have co-pilot!  I just gotta remember you can fly this thing too, and we are a team.  Who knew?. 🙂 The most hopeful statement above is obviously #4, recognition, apology, awareness of impact on you and willingness to go back and work on it.  The other 3 are clearly embedded in the grandiosity and are low on empathy. How to hold on to yourself, let’s use examples. 1.Yeah, I am sarcastic and yell too much for your liking, so what, that’s just me.  You knew it when we married.  Get over it. HYO response: Well hon we both have changed quite a lot over the years, so I am not giving up on us continuing to grow.  Whether you think your sarcasm and yelling are ok in general is up to you, but I am telling you it bothers me.  It affects me and for us to stay close, I need you to keep me in mind, ok? 2.Yeah I see that you are sensitive and get your feelings hurt, and I really should try to be more careful with your sensitivity.  But geez i’d like you to be less damn sensitive. HYO response example:  I may indeed be too sensitive (hold eye roll just let them save face for the moment), but even so you hurt my feelings and you’ve said you would work on how you speak to me.  I don’t need perfection, but you committing to be more caring to me makes a big difference.  It’s going to help us be close and is so good for our son to see. 3.You are being ridiculous, look at what I do for you and this family. HYO example – (Deep breath, take the time you need to gather yourself).  You do work really hard, you are great provider.  We both work super hard, actually, and what I am asking for is reasonable.  However it’s not at all ridiculous to want you to take little Johnny to soccer today, you are his father and want to be close with him.  If you can’t this time, I’ll work around it, but let’s plan at a later time how to divide these tasks in a way that is good for both of us. Now dear reader, do come up with your own:  What’s YOUR version of staying strong in yourself (not collapsing or attacking)?  Aim for the middle of the triangle, not victim, perpetrator or rescuer… instead you are caring, have good boundaries and are aware of and take responsibility for your own pain. Stop to think of it by using your own examples where someone has been low on empathy, high on self-centeredness.  Practice responding in a HYO way! Say it outloud, try different versions, keep it up…. until it feels more comfortable.  The goal isn’t just to point out the others grandiosity or selfishness, they don’t have to see it right now.  The goal is to hold on to yourself and seeing that in them may help you stay strong.  You deserve to be loved, now do just that for yourself. Why a podcast series? Our normal episodes serve as great snack packs of information about a wide range of topics, but don’t often let us go into as much depth as maybe we could. We had originally planned to create a course on narcissism and healthy relationships that would really allow us to dig deep and unpack this all at a level that a regular podcast just wasn’t able to do. But given the nature of the content and the times we’re living in we decided to bring you all that course FOR FREE in the form of this new mini-series that we’re doing here at Therapist Uncensored! We’re still working out all the kinks on this new format for all of you so feel free as always to hit us up with any feedback on how this new format is working! Our plan is to release episodes much more frequently through the series and then go back to our every other week format. Nobody fits in a box! In this series we set the stage and call out pathological use of labels and diagnosis.  We begin with secure but messy relating and then wade into the various traits that can become personality based on degree.  Resources This is not our first rodeo, see these previous episodes on the subject: TU 111 Navigating Narcissitic Relationships Manipulation Gas-Lighting and Grandiosity Called Out  TU107: Narcissism – What’s Going on Underneath the Defense?  TU107: Our Powerful Fascination with Narcissism in the Era of Trump TU 23 Building Grit through Self-Compassion with Kristin Neff 5 Conditions that Promote Secure Attachment handout by David Elliott provided to Therapist Uncensored. Attachment Disturbances in Adults Comprehensive Treatment & Repair (2016) Dan Brown and David Elliott (This is Sue’s favorite textbook on attachment currently) Five conflict resolution styles in couples   by John Gottman  

Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities – staying secure in relationship with those high in narcissistic, borderline or anti-social traits. Session 1 Can my messy and loud relationship qualify as secure functioning?  It’s not that easy to tell. Most of us have never felt as uneasy as we all do right now. Maybe it’s your job or lack thereof, or your kids melting down trying to figure out school chaos with COVID, your significant other’s depression or anxiety, or trying to take care of your parents.  But the stakes double-down if you are close to someone with a challenging personality.  Don’t cringe, we aren’t going to over-simplify, pathologe or blame the other person.  That’s the normal pop-psychology fare and it doesn’t help either party – the person googling to get help with strained and challenging people, or the person who mostly inadvertently makes it hard to be close.  We use system thinking to look at everybody’s part, empowering you to consider and take the necessary actions to improve your circumstance. If we do this correctly, in the end you will understand yourself better, have a sense of how you got here, understand the other with clarity and compassion, and be ready to improve things.  That may be a new energized focus on yourself, a safety plan, couples work or the courage to leave and stay gone. Co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott have launched a new series titled “Holding Your Own.” Together, they’ll unpack how to navigate strained relationships both during and after this pandemic. The goal of this series is to bring you the skills and practices that you can use right now to make sense of yourself, and the people around you. In this way, we can build and maintain secure and healthy relationships and improve every aspect of our lives. Why a podcast series? Our normal episodes serve as great snack packs of information about a wide range of topics, but don’t often let us go into as much depth as maybe we could. We had originally planned to create a course on narcissism and healthy relationships that would really allow us to dig deep and unpack this all at a level that a regular podcast just wasn’t able to do. But given the nature of the content and the times we’re living in we decided to bring you all that course FOR FREE in the form of this new mini-series that we’re doing here at Therapist Uncensored! We’re still working out all the kinks on this new format for all of you so feel free as always to hit us up with any feedback on how this new format is working! Our plan is to release episodes much more frequently through the series and then go back to our every other week format. Nobody fits in a box! In this session 1 of the series we set the stage and call out pathological use of labels and diagnosis.  We begin with secure but messy relating.  What is secure relating? Secure functioning couples can look quite volatile or pretty chilly, so how do you know what is healthy working things out and when things turn more destructive? David Elliott and Dan Brown’s 5 conditions which build secure attachment. of a secure relationship, we’ll use the anagram PASSED. Protection: Does your partner, or whoever you’re in a relationship with, have your back? Not all the time or during every fight, but just in general. Attunement: Is your partner paying attention to you? Do you know their inner life and vice-versa? Are you aware of each-others mood states? Soothed: If you’re upset, can your partner comfort you? Are we calmed by the presence of our partners, or again whichever relationship we’re looking at? Support: Do each of you support each other in being your best selves? Can the relationship stand some differentiation? Does your partner help you grow in and of yourself? Expressed Delight: Do y’all like each other? Are you happy to see their car in the driveway when you get home? Dan Siegles 4 s’s reinforce this point Safe Seen Secure Soothed Discussed the 4 types of couple conflict validating volatile conflict-avoidant and hostile. Your relationship with any one person won’t stay in the healthy or unhealthy zone all the time. Instead it’s about finding and naming patterns of behavior, and trying to actively shift those patterns towards things thaSat we want. This episode is really about laying the groundwork for future episodes in this series, and introducing y’all to our new format. Stay tuned for more ASAP! Resources 5 Conditions that Promote Secure Attachment handout by David Elliott provided to Therapist Uncensored. Attachment Disturbances in Adults Comprehensive Treatment & Repair (2016) Dan Brown and David Elliott (This is Sue’s favorite textbook on attachment currently) Five conflict resolution styles in couples   by John Gottman     https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu59-dismissing-avoidant-styles-of-relating-in-adulthood/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu60-preoccupation-in-relationships-signs-and-solutions-to-anxious-attachment/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu61-its-not-crazy-its-a-solution-to-an-unsolvable-problem-disorganized-attachment/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu111-navigating-narcissistic-relationships-gaslighting-manipulation-and-grandiosity-called-out/ Need CEU’s??  We’ve got you covered, use OURCLAN for 10% off – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala – Advanced Course Connecting the Sciences of the Mind to Everyday Relationships FOUR hours of quality content and 3 CE’s available to professionals. Since you are this deep into our show notes, then you are indeed one of our peeps and thus invited to be part of our clan  GET 10% off this signature course by using code OURCLAN!  – To get more of this kind of in-depth discussion with quality content and real-world healing – join us on FB where you can find more of your peeps.  Want even more than that?  Join our Neuronerd Patreon community at patreon.com/therapistuncensored for as little as $5 per month.   Join us now.

Together we can protect our hearts from freezing in bitterness, drowning in sorrow, lashing out in justified rage or worse, disconnecting.  Fight the exhaustion that comes with relentless crises  surrounding us now. Dr. Ann Kelley & Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP reach out to you directly during this time of crisis exhaustion and total burnout.  Love & connection cannot be stopped by fire, storm, guns or people in temporary power. Our stress response system is done coping yet we have to go back to work.  You may have kids that should be at school that are at home – probably acting out because they are thrown into virtual school (?!?) and that is enough for any adult to implode.  You may have young adults that are supposed to be headed into the world that are circling in and out, trying to find their way yet you can’t help them, where do you point?   You may have vulnerable family you can’t go see to comfort, friends you have drifted from without normal social exchanges, despondency due to our world on fire. For many, you may have intense family cut offs due to political polarization at a time we need each other and our kin.  Honestly ya’ll life sucks right now and people are doing what they do when they regress and burnout. Sue and Ann come to you today with a huge virtual hug no matter who you are or where you are tuning in from.  They are aware of their unearned privilege and don’t imagine they know what it’s like for the more vulnerable among us.  These multiple world crises are hitting black indigenous people of color and young people especially hard.  They are being hit from every angle – reduced access to healthcare, centuries of colonialism that leaves unseen trauma in communities that get passed down through generations.  Many start with cumulative unrecognized trauma to their very bodies.  This ignored pain leaves them more susceptible to multiple health concerns, so it’s no surprise that BIPOC are more vulnerable to serious stressors and consequences from current COVID 19. Regardless the results of the US election, the next climate storm or the next murder of unarmed people of color, most of us will have to wake up the next day and have no choice but to just have to go on.  Alone, our hearts are collectively breaking. Together… there is at least a chance we can emerge with enough life to grab on to one another. Our nervous systems aren’t built for marathon-level stress events. Today’s episode is a small attempt at protecting your tender human heart from freezing in bitterness, drowning in sorrow, lashing out in justified rage or worse of all… just disconnecting. So, what is Therapist Uncensored podcast all about? We have fun translating the complex relational sciences and psychology into understandable and practical tools that can give you the power you need to uncover your best self. (Believe us, your people will be so happy.) We will help you understand how to update and reset your unconscious expectations of yourself and others. These changes can have life-changing impacts on your mind, your choice of partners, your parenting, your social relationships, your work life and how you interact in the world. Sounds too good to be true, but fortunately the science is very clear, and hopeful… and we want everyone to have access to it. Need CEU’s??  We’ve got you covered, use OURCLAN for 10% off – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala – Advanced Course Connecting the Sciences of the Mind to Everyday Relationships FOUR hours of quality content and 3 CE’s available to professionals. Since you are this deep into our show notes, then you are indeed one of our peeps and thus invited to be part of our clan  GET 10% off this signature course by using code OURCLAN!  – To get more of this kind of in-depth discussion with quality content and real-world healing – join us on FB where you can find more of your peeps.  Want even more than that?  Join our Neuronerd Patreon community at patreon.com/therapistuncensored for as little as $5 per month.   Join us now.

People are profoundly bad at predicting their own attachment status, and if you are trying to do that you are headed in the right direction.  🙂  That sort of mindful inquiry is part of attachment security – learn more in today’s episode about what the Strange Situation can still show us. Learning about attachment can be scary – it’s easy to find the labels and grab & go, holding on to traits as an identity.  Am I insecure?  Is my partner?  Oh my God I know I’m screwing up my kid!!  In this episode, Bethany Saltman joins co-host Sue Marriott to bring you surprising good news.  They explore her story of digging into the origianl attachment research that is captured in her new book, the Strange Situation A Mother’s Journey into the Science of Attachment. Together, they dive into the hidden history of attachment theory, what it means to be a parent, and how we can each become more secure. GIST:  A scared non-therapist parent went on a journey to learn how to deliver the best for her child, but in the process uncovered so much that even most attachment-oriented therapists don’t know.  Her tale brings Mary Ainsworth’s work to light and gets us back to the basics when it comes to promoting security.  It all boils down to a few important things… Who is guest Bethany Saltman & why her? She can teach non-therapists and therapists alike a thing or two about attachment. Bethany Saltman is a writer, a communications director, and a mindfulness mentor. She’s a practicing Zen student, and a mother, which is what sparked her interest in mindfulness and attachment. While she doesn’t have a PhD or any fancy letters after her name, she is a great contributor to and promoter of attachment understanding and the fine art of paying attention. What is the Strange Situation? The Strange Situation is the original attachment research begun in the 1970’s conducted by Mary Ainsworth.  She was a colleague of John Bowlby and the first to empirically test his ideas about attachment and bonding. The famous protocal basically involves the parent of a toddler ultimately stepping away leaving the child alone for a few minutes. Observers carefully observe the toddler’s reaction in a one-way mirror and are looking at the child’s reaction to the separation, their play and most importantly their reunion.  The most important part of the Strange Situation is what happens when the parent comes back in the room. How long does it take for the child to calm back down? How does the child treat the parent who left?  The answer to this array of questions turns out to be the foundation of the attachment categories. The Attachment Categories Most basically:  Secure and Insecure. More specifically Secure, Anxious-Avoidant Insecure, Anxious-Ambivalent Insecure and later… Disorganized/Disoriented. Ainsworth’s student Mary Main confirmed her suspicion of the 4th category and went on to develop measures of attachment in adults that turn out to be related to those in childhood. Therapist Uncensored’s Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley have talked about the adult version of attachment using a spectrum rather than quadrants.  They do this to help bring the research to life and make it practical for use in session and in the lay public’s real life.  Listeners of the podcast will recognize this foundation in the Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum that helps see the interaction of attachment styles and regulatory states with one another. Ainsworth’s work validated Bowlby’s ideas in an observalbe way and really put his theory on the map.  It has since been repeated prolifically – and is considered universal regardless of their socioeconomic status, national background, or parents parenting style. The good news People are profoundly bad at predicting their own attachment status, and if you are trying to do that you are headed in the right direction.  🙂  That sort of mindful inquiry is part of attachment security. So what can I do with the research? Surprisingly, the best way to help ensure your child has a secure attachment is to attune to YOUR OWN experience. Being able to be present, both with your child and with yourself, dramatically improves the way your child relates. As parents, we can’t give what we don’t have. We can’t be present with our kid’s needs and emotions if we can’t be present with our own. So learn to explore and probe and think deeply about your own messy feelings and experiences! Humans have complex emotions and reactions and that’s all natural. But trying to ignore or push off those messy parts will only make it harder to relate and connect with not just your kids but also the other adults in your life. Resources www.bethanysaltman.com TWITTER: @bethanysaltman INSTAGRAM: @bethany_saltman Guess what? Her book STRANGE SITUATION: A MOTHER’S JOURNEY INTO THE SCIENCE OF ATTACHMENT (with a Foreword by Dr. Dan Siegel) was named One of the Best Science Books of 2020 by New Scientist! And BOOKLIST gave it a STARRED review! Washington Post said it’s one of ten books to read in April. It’s available now! Like this episode, here are a few more you may be interested in… https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu09-minding-your-relationship-three-mindfulness-exercises-to-practice-with-your-partner/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu128-helping-the-intense-child-the-nurtured-heart-approach/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu125-parenting-under-stress-dan-siegel-tina-payne-bryson/ Need CEU’s??  We’ve got you covered, use OURCLAN for 10% off – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala – Advanced Course Connecting the Sciences of the Mind to Everyday Relationships FOUR hours of quality content and 3 CE’s available to professionals. Since you are this deep into our show notes, then you are indeed one of our peeps and thus invited to be part of our clan  GET 10% off this signature course by using code OURCLAN!  – To get more of this kind of in-depth discussion with quality content and real-world healing – join us on FB where you can find more of your peeps.  Want even more than that?  Join our Neuronerd Patreon community at patreon.com/therapistuncensored for as little as $5 per month.   Join us now.

Love is not a soft feeling, it is “deep biology.”  Oxytocin research pioneer Dr. Sue Carter joins co-host Sue Marriott to unravel the mystery of Sue’s favorite neuropeptide.  You may have heard of oxytocin in the popular press, it’s often called that “love drug.” You’ll hear that t’s story is a bit more complicated than just that, as it also helps us protect and defend from intruders, and heals our body physically. Also learn in this episode about the intricate molecular dances of oxytocin and vasopressin.  These dance with each other to fine-tunes social activities such as parental care and protection.  They also helps us heal from trauma and come together after crises – so this is truly – powerful – medicine. Dr. Carter and Sue Marriott go through its origins, complex biological function, and most importantly – how to turn up natural oxytocin! Who is Dr. C. Sue Carter? Dr. Carter is a Distinguished University Scientist and Rudy Professor Emerita of Biology at Indiana University and is literally the person who originally discovered the important role of oxytocin. Forty years ago she embarked on a personal scientific journey that bridged together her interest in both biology and psychology, and now her work has been cited in over 25,000 scholarly articles.  Recently, she has been examining the role of these neuropeptides in psychiatric and neurological disorders such as autism and depression.  She shares in the episode that she is proud to be married to Dr. Stephen Porges, neuroendroconolgist who developed the Polyvagal Theory so popular these days among relational neurobiology informed therapists. What is Oxytocin? Oxytocin is a biomolecule and neuropeptide with an important role in childbirth, nursing, social bonding and social defenses.  Most people know it as the bonding molecule in your brain. While it does do that, it’s also involved in all kinds of other biological processes. Oxytocin is used in our immune systems, for food intake, to heal wounds, and even prevent and treat cancer! You can understand it as a universal hardware, which our bodies can access with all different kinds of software. But what does it do? Often we think of oxytocin as just the chemical that helps connect parents and their babies. However, it has a much more complex function. Interestingly, its original function was to help us be social and connected to others. Specifically, it worked to build up the attachment between mother and child. In this way, oxytocin helps promote growth, restoration, creativity, and closeness. But that’s not all it does. Uniquely, it became a key part of our bodies stress response pathway. It began to be used to separate threats from non-threats. With this one little molecule, our brains would both connect with our family and defend us from outsiders. This happens because your body can sometimes misread the bonding signal, and perceive your situation as a threat to your loved ones. Of course that reaction then makes us want to be defensive and protect our family. Because of this paradox sadly, we can’t just put this little powerhouse in the water and make us all happier. Also unique is the way that it interacts with sex hormones in our bodies. Together, those different hormones can really change the way the body responds to oxytocin. So then how can we safely get more Oxytocin? The easiest way to produce more oxytocin is to be with an actually safe other. Our brains are primed to see babies and young animals as very safe, and often they are. Crucially, you can’t fake safety. Your brain can spot a fake smile with a blink! So it’s important to really be present and attuned to the person you’re with to help you both co-regulate. Turning towards therapy, if a client can genuinely feel safe with their therapist, then it can begin to do its own healing. Holding ourselves in that safe place long enough to move out of defensiveness and towards connection and warmth is key. And even though too much oxytocin at the wrong time could cause a defensive reaction, your body is really good at self-regulation. You protect yourself from too much of a good thing naturally from the main risks of taking oxytocin if it’s produced naturally. Resources Love as Embodied Medicine – open source article by Dr. Carter from the International Body Psychotherapy Journal The Kinsey Institute ebook Feb 20 V4 – 8449  The Biology of Love, Observations from the Kinsey Institute by Dr. Sue Carter Talks between Dr. Carter and Dr. Porges on Stephen Porges Website Dr. Carter talk on Love as Embodied Medicine Enjoyed this episode?  You will probably be interested in these as well: TU Episode 93: Polyvagal Theory in Action – The Practice of Body Regulation with Dr. Steve Porges (clickable link) TU Episode 102: Finding Neurological Safety Through Relationships with Guest Bonnie Badenoch (clickable)  TU Episode110:  Story Follows State – Investigating Polyvagal Theory with guest Deb Dana (clickable link) (Can you BELIEVE the resources we’ve cobbled together?!?  Seriously we are proud of this library of content – please share freely and rate/review us to help others find this good stuff ok?) ****************** CEU’s??  We’ve got you covered, use OURCLAN for 10% off – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala – Advanced Course Connecting the Sciences of the Mind to Everyday Relationships FOUR hours of quality content and 3 CE’s available to professionals. Since you are this deep into our show notes, then you are indeed one of our peeps and thus invited to be part of our clan  GET 10% off this signature course by using code OURCLAN!  – We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales (very fun swag!) to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Neuronerd private community. By joining as a Neuronerd premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content and first shot at very unique study opportunities. If we’ve provided value then please check us out, poke around, make sure you feel comfortable and then join us today!

Skeptical of the buzz about psychedelic-assisted therapy? What if you could get the benefits of therapeutic psychedelics without ingesting any drugs?! Trey Ratcliff may have just the answer to non-drug, mind-expanding experiences that can help us heal. We’ve been interested in the resurgence of research but have been waiting a while to do an episode on psychedelic-informed therapies until we were confident about which we speak.  🙂 We are skeptical ourselves about something that is purported to be a panacea by some, but also very excited about the potential benefits the research seems to be pointing towards.  Plus… anything consciousness-raising – official therapy or not – is a good thing.   So, when Sue stumbled upon Trey Ratcliff’s Machine Elf creations we knew this was the way to begin the conversation with our audience. In this concluding episode of Season 4, co-host Sue Marriott is joined by photographer, artist, and consciousnesses-raiser Trey Ratcliff.  They dive right into the exotic world of mind-enhancing experiences.  This includes both psychedelics but also non-drug experiences that can bring the promising results that are emerging from carefully studied psychedelic research. Together they explore the history and effectiveness of drug-assisted therapy, address possible drawbacks, and attempt to explain what the mechanism is that can make these molecules so life-changing. Who is Trey Ratcliff? Trey Ratcliff is an artist on a mission to help spread consciousness and mindfulness to the world through photography and creativity.  He has been an inspiration to Sue for years with his teachings about photography and life in general.  He runs the #1 travel photography blog in the world, StuckInCustoms.com, where his photos have been viewed by 140 Billion (yes, B -illion) people. In addition to having the first and only HDR photograph to hang in the Smithsonian Museum, Ratcliff builds molecule-free psychedelic experiences using his background in Computer Science and Mathematics.  Please do check out his work, you will be inspired. What counts as a psychedelic experience? Importantly, there are two types of mind-enhancing treatments. First:  Drug-Assisted Here, a trained counselor or therapist monitors an experience in a safe environment Unlike other drugs, psychedelics aren’t just a form of escapism. They can help facilitate deep personal insight and growth. Currently, the FDA is in multiple Stage 3 and Stage 4 clinical trials of various psychedelic molecules. Ketamine is already in use and MDMA is on the fast-track for FDA approval due to the powerful therapeutic effects they are finding. Once those trials conclude, it is likely that this could become a widely available form of therapy, with other molecules to follow. Second: Drug-less Ratcliff creates art videos with custom binaural music that can be enjoyed alone, or for best results paired with an app called Tripp.  With this app and VR goggles, you can immerse yourself in a true virtual reality experience that potentially replicates the benefits of psychedelics without requiring the drug. These videos are built with complex fractal patterns set to music and are designed to be an immersive experience. Surprisingly, research is emerging that these naturally induced experiences can produce similar effects to a drug-induced experience. It is being researched now, but these intense immersive intentional meditations may indeed be able to produce the same key calming and settling effects. There are other forms of such non-drug-related transformations such as deep breath work, sweat lodges, native rituals that expand our mind, and many others. What is the mechanism for the benefits that psychedelics provide? Trey Ratcliff and Sue Marriott discuss the 2 schools of thought on what is transformative about these mind-altering experiences.  Is it the drug itself, or is it what the unconscious delivers when freed to communicate in another form to our conscious self? Why do we care about psychedelics? Importantly, psychedelic experiences can help us break out of our ego and connect with a deeper part of ourselves. Specifically, they can amplify and enhance our experience of consciousness. Our brains can work like ski slopes with deep ruts that we’ve built up over the years. A psychedelic experience can clear the path and help you think and express yourself in new ways. In this way, they can foster new relationships with ourselves and the world around us. Furthermore, years of data show that healthy psychedelic experience can be a short-cut for therapeutic treatment.   Trey’s Machine Elf Creations This is a see it to believe it bc it’s hard to describe.  Check them out here – we like the softer, “nicer” one’s but if you let yourself experience a few of them they will draw you in, especially if you start with the prompted stories and let your mind expand with them.  That is the Rorschach-part of the experience. Some important comments First, even though there are a ton of well-documented benefits to psychedelics, there are no guarantees in therapy. We imagine the technology will exist eventually to be able to identify different mind-expanding molecules for different mental health needs, for example, a specific PTSD experience that challenges one’s world view but the research isn’t quite there yet.  We are promoting the idea of efficiency and effectiveness in treatment, and if these mind-enhancing experiences can safely speed up the painful therapeutic process and add consciousness to the world – then we are all for it.  This is not evangelical, pro-drug propaganda saying everyone should trip (even though that is a cool thought) Also, when exploring different psychedelics for the first time it is important to be very careful. An experienced guide can help keep you grounded and ensure you’re taking what you’re supposed to be taking. Your experience could backfire without that presence. Psychedelics can be like fire, if you don’t respect them they can burn you, but if you take some simple precautions they can be beautiful, fun, and emotionally energizing. References Machine Elves on YouTube created by Trey Ratcliff Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS) Program “How to Change Your Mind: What the New Science of Psychedelics Teaches Us About Consciousness, Dying, Addiction, Depression, and Transcendence” by Michael Pollan Trey Ratcliff’s website for Stuck in Customs His Twitter page Adam Gazzaley’s Neuroscape Website Looking for CEU’s??  We’ve got you covered, use OURCLAN for 10% off – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala – Advanced Course Connecting the Sciences of the Mind to Everyday Relationships FOUR hours of quality content and 3 CE’s available to professionals. Since you are this deep into our show notes, then you are indeed one of our peeps and thus invited to be part of our clan  GET 10% off this signature course by using code OURCLAN!  – Want more of this kind of in-depth discussion with quality content and real-world healing – join us on FB or better yet, join our Neuronerd Patreon community at patreon.com/therapistuncensored for as little as $5 per month.  For $25 a month – we will meet you in person via zoom and feature you as our Co-Executive Producer on our website. Plus, everybody gets more cool content and some Therapist Uncensored bling at random times and be part of our community so you can discuss the relational sciences in-depth with your like-minded peers.  Join us now.

Emotionally and behaviorally challenged children can overwhelm any parent or system. In this episode, we’ll go over where many parents go wrong, what we can do instead, and how shifts in our strategies can revolutionize our households.  Learn the strategies of the Nurtured Heart Approach with expert guest, Elizabeth Sylvester. Dr. Elizabeth Sylvester joins co-host Dr. Ann Kelley as they unpack the 3 “stands” of the NHA approach for relationship-focused engagement with children and teens. We learn that with the right attunement, and a bit of practice, we can form new and deeper bonds with our children that result in long term behavioral and emotional changes. Learn more about real-life application of IPNB and the relational sciences in general by visiting us at TherapistUncensored.com Who is Dr. Elizabeth Sylvester? Dr. Elizabeth Sylvester has worked with children, teens, parents and families in the Austin area for 35 years.  She is experienced with both inpatient and out-patient work, and has worked in non-profit, treatment center and private practice settings. Locally, she is known for the effectiveness of her work using the Nurtured Heart parenting approach. Also, she has extensive experience treating behavior disordered children, ODD, ADHD, adoption, bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, divorce, and attachment. Over the past 15 years she has built her experience training and supervising pediatric psychotherapists.  Dr. Sylvester is the co-founder and co-owner of Austin Child Therapy, a support service for child and family mental health practitioners, which provides advanced clinical training and other services to clinicians. Why the Nurtured Heart Approach? It is a framework for parenting that works to reclaim a relational energy with our children. With this approach it changes the emotional tone of the family. Also it creates a more cooperative and uplifting family environment. The Nurtured Heart mindset creates a deep internal security in the family system. It helps everyone in the unit regulate and reset their big swings in emotion to bring everyone together in a more complete way. Creating and celebrating the success of the children helps them have a full heartfelt ownership of their abilities and gifts. What is the Nurtured Heart Approach? This approach consists of three “Stands”: First, no energy with negativity. Instead of blowing up at a child when they do something wrong, the Nurtured Heart approach seeks to maintain a calm and clear correction. Maintaining a simple and low energy environment around mistakes helps ensure that the child can feel more trust and more connection. Second, high energy with positive encouragement. Whenever the child does something right, even small steps in the right direction, you can increase engagement and your energy. This helps the child really feel the presence of their own success. In this way, everyone learns that connection and engagement are all centered on positive behaviors and not negative ones. Third, total clarity about expectation. Just because we praise positive behaviors and give low energy responses to negative behaviors doesn’t mean we can’t be strict. The Nurtured Heart approach requires a consistent and predictable enforcement of the rules. In this way, the parent becomes a predictable and stable source of love and energy for the child. The Nurtured Heart Approach has been shown to be extremely effective in helping almost all children (and families), including those diagnosed with ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Reactive Attachment Disorder, and other high intensity behavioral, emotional and academic struggles. Families using this approach have been able to reduce their need for traditional child-centered mental health approaches and medical interventions. Where can you find more? “Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach” by Howard Glasser The Children’s Success Foundation Dr. Elizabeth Sylvester’s Website Related Episodes: TU38: The Blended Family – How to Create Strong and Lasting Step-family Relationships TU125: Dan Siegel and Tina Payne-Bryson – Parenting Under Stress

Discover an innovative program that delivers mental health care with proven effectiveness in low-resource settings, the Friendship Bench.  It is so effective and deliverable, it has now spread world-wide. Researcher and program director Dr. Ruth Verhey and co-host Sue Marriott discuss this powerful community-based intervention, the Friendship Bench.  Together, they explore the benefits and barriers to building a community-driven and cooperative approach to mental health.  By looking at what makes it effective, we can begin to explore what makes therapy effective in general and learn from the need to strip away the “extra” that may not add value to mental healthcare. If you enjoy this one you may be interested in others we have published: Inspiring interview with Alphanso Appleton from Robertsport, Liberia discussing non-traditional therapy, click here:   Episode 109 This is Resilience in Action Who is Dr. Ruth Verhey? Dr. Ruth Verhey is a clinical psychologist and EMDR consultant who focuses on creating and testing new models of mental health care delivery in low-resource settings.  She is currently based in Harare Zimbabway where she co-directs the Friendship Bench, a community-based program which has been empirically proven to improve depression and common mental health disorders.  Some of her research you’ll find below. What is the Friendship Bench? The Friendship Bench provides sustainable community-based psychological interventions that are evidence-based, accessible and scalable. It started in Zimbabwe as an attempt to enhance overall quality of life. Now it has grown and become a worldwide project. The concept is to build benches where anyone can come and talk through their struggles. The key is to provide them with individuals from their community who they can trust and really be heard by. Program development:  Dr. Verhey and her partners trained what they call “Grandmothers” to sit and be present for anyone who needs them. These Grandmothers are lay healthcare providers and aren’t all women, but are often respected and elderly members of the community. Importantly, these Grandmothers and the Friendship Bench serve a therapeutic function.  They work cooperatively with people in need and help build them up through a three step program. Steps: 1.  First, they open up the mind. In doing so, they break down the barriers to change and challenge the stigmas associated with different mental health experiences. 2.  Second, they work to uplift the people who sit with them. The Grandmothers work hard to make sure people can feel heard and felt. 3.  Third, they strengthen their patients. When the Grandmothers give even small boosters, they remind people that they are there and that they matter. This helps to lay a foundational experience of belonging and support which helps people grow in the long term. It turns out – no surprise here if you think about it – the Friendship Bench didn’t just help the participants. The Grandmothers themselves also reported increased quality of life and lower rates of depression and anxiety. Helping others was key in building up their skills to help themselves. Really sitting and listening was healing in and of itself. Friendship Bench Research & Resources Website: www.frienshipbench.zimbabwe.org The TEDTalk can be found here.  We encourage you to watch it.  Really, it’s so inspiring! https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20181015-how-one-bench-and-a-team-of-grandmothers-can-beat-depression Effect of a Primary Care–Based Psychological Intervention on Symptoms of Common Mental Disorders in Zimbabwe A Randomized Clinical Trial  2016 Chibanda Journal of the American Medical Association Lay Health Workers’ Experience of Delivering a Problem Solving Therapy Intervention for Common Mental Disorders Among People Living with HIV: A Qualitative Study from Zimbabwe 2016 Chibanda Perceptions of HIV-related trauma in people living with HIV in Zimbabwe’s Friendship Bench Program: A qualitative analysis of counselors’ and clients’ experiences 2019 Verhey Looking for CEU’s??  We’ve got you covered, use OURCLAN for 10% off – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala – Advanced Course Connecting the Sciences of the Mind to Everyday Relationships FOUR hours of quality content and 3 CE’s available to professionals. Since you are this deep into our shownotes, then you are indeed one of our peeps and thus invited to be part of our clan 🙂 GET 10% off this signature course by using code OURCLAN!  –

Bring attachment science to real-life, the Modern Attachment – Regulation Spectrum (and more) These notes (not the image itself) were updated and added to June 2021. Pausing the riches of the guest interviews, Ann Kelley & Sue Marriott are back to discuss what has changed in the attachment field.  They share what makes it modern attachment, anyway, review the science, and discuss their Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum (MARS).  They also cover best practices for getting through online therapy. Learn more at Therapist Uncensored www.therapistuncensored.com and get full shownotes here. This episode references the Modern Attachment Regulation Spectrum created by Therapist Uncensored.  Find out more about that in Episode 31 below. https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu31-attachment-on-a-spectrum-navigating-adult-insecurity-and-security/ Episode 126 Show Notes:  Why learn attachment theory? Backed by over 70 years of clinical research in animals and people, founded and organized originally by seminal scholars like John Bowlby, Mary Main, Mary Ainsworth, Pat Crittenden, and a BOATLOAD of other researchers and clinicians working on developing and fine-tuning attachment science. At its core, attachment theory is the study of how the child attaches to the primary caregiver and how those experiences shape the child’s development Often this gets lumped together with a gendered understanding of the world, but it’s a totally gender-neutral science. Anyone can be or become a primary caregiver, even if the primary parent is often referred to as the mother.  Also, much of the science surrounds mothers rather than fathers and non-traditional families, culturally-imbued Western notions of parenting, but more on that at another time. What is Modern Attachment? Attachment research started in developmental psychology then expanded into many different complementary fields of research.  Basically it went from looking at infants and toddlers, then dyads, then adults, then adult dyads, and now informing adults with multiple partners, groups and communities.  Each perspective varies a bit but eventually coalesce to create a coherent and validated picture of the importance of early relationships in our adult relational lives. Briefly, the first phase of attachment science included the probably familiar 3 then the 4 quadrants – preoccupied, dismissing, secure and disorganized/unresolved (the language varies and mean slightly different things per perspective, but let’s just settle on those commonly understood terms).  This research began by looking at infants, and then mothers and infants.  John Bowlby and his colleague, Mary Ainsworth, are the biggest players here although they were supported by many, we go over this history in much more detail in other episodes on our podcast. The science later incorporated research from adults with retrospective stories about their early life experiences that validated and expanded the theory.  Mary Main, Carol George, Patricia Crittendon (we are wildly fortunate that several luminary’s listed below have been expert guests on our show. Crittendon has 2, and 1 devoted to expanding on her work) are leaders in this area, and Alan Sroufe and his team at the University of Minnesota extended and clarified these ideas by following a cohort from infancy through adulthood (our good fortune includes many of those mentioned in these notes – and there are 2 interviews with Sroufe in our podcast catalog). Sroufe’s work validates that early experience sets a developmental trajectory to adulthood, but – fortunately – are changeable. Social scientists expanded the ideas by looking at adult romantic couples. They also confirmed that early attachment patterns are not totally correlated with adult functioning, and exemplify how. See R. Chris Fraley, Hazan and Shaver and many more. Modern attachment science also incorporates the explosion of neuroscience that began to grow in the 1990s.  It has always been a biologically informed theory, but with interpersonal neuroscience, we can now literally see inside the developmental process and fine-tune and verify the evolving theory as go.  With contributions from the likes of Dan Siegel (2 TU episodes in our catalog), Alan Shore, Bruce Perry (1 episode), Steve Porges (1 episode), Lou Cossolino (2 TU episodes), Ed Tronik, David Elliott (2 TU episodes), Dan Brown (1 in-depth episode), Dan Stern, … and a boatload of clinicians and scientists we bring this theory forward again with confidence of the tenants of the theory.  Other huge players in expanding modern attachment from scientists to therapists to a more general population include Stan Tatkin (2 episodes), Bonnie Badenoch (1 episode), Tina Payne-Bryson (2 episodes),  Deb Dana (1 episode), Bruce Ecker (1 episode), Kristin Neff (1 episode) Alan Schore first coined the term “Modern Attachment,”  and has published and taught extensively on this topic.  His focus on the importance of the early right-to-right brain unconscious dance between the primary caregiver and child, affective co-regulation, and the development of the implicit sense of self led the way to integrate burgeoning neuroscience with attachment theory. His work continues and is revered.  It is also highly complex, even for seasoned therapists. Your hosts of Therapist Uncensored, Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley amplify the cumulative and highly complex science above and translate it so the life-changing theory and research is available to those who would not otherwise know about it, or what to do with it. We focus specifically on the clinical and real-life application so the theory becomes useful to a wide range of people, in and out of therapy or universities.  We developed the Modern Attachment- Spectrum as a model to help convey these ideas. Ann and Sue also specifically move away from a focus on disorder and pathology to a more compassionate, and accurate, focus on adaptation.  Symptoms as solutions.  They have also added a specific focus on context, including culture, power, race and class perspectives so that the unconscious white Western bias of a theory that is over 70 years old can be recognized.  This model will continually update as new perspectives emerge, and they invite reflection on attachment theory from any marginalized group perspective. Click above to join us! More on the evolving understanding of the mind and relationships and modern attachment Importantly, our brains double in size very quickly after birth, and all that growth is constantly shaped and changed by our interactions. Your felt sense of your body learns am I safe, is my environment safe, and is my caregiver safe.When those early experiences with the caregiver go well, you’ll always have a healthy network hardwired into your body. Fortunately, no matter who you are and at any age, your mental models aren’t set in stone – they definitely can change. Deep personal exploration and new safe bottom-up emotional experiences can literally re-wire your brain, change your mind… and help build a new, healthy attachment system.  Let’s talk about online therapy (ok so we got distracted… sorry 🙂 Online therapy is hard. It’s hard on the therapist just as much as it’s hard on the client. Neither person can feel as deeply the body based reactions that are so key to our non-verbal communication So what can we do about it? And how do we integrate modern attachment theory into an online environment? Try embracing the differences of an online environment instead of trying to ignore them. Experiment with different camera set ups and feedback techniques to really ensure as deep of an interpersonal connection as you can. Pick different words to describe emotions and feelings. Or try making more explicit asks of each other during your session. All in all, be true to yourself and take risks to explore the new online environment, and continue to be patient with yourself and the world around you More content like this on Therapist Uncensored podcast: It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala – Advanced Course Connecting the Sciences of the Mind to Everyday Relationships FOUR hours of quality content and 3 CE’s available to professionals. Since you are this deep into our shownotes, then you are indeed one of our peeps and thus invited to be part of our clan 🙂 GET 10% off this signature course by using code OURCLAN!  – And tons of free episodes: https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu79-attachment-spectrum-and-the-nervous-system-quick-review-with-updates/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu79-attachment-spectrum-and-the-nervous-system-quick-review-with-updates/ Neuroscience of Psychotherapy Episode 36, with guest Dr. Lou Cozolino It’s Not Crazy It’s a Solution to an Unsolvable Problem – Disorganized Attachment Episode 61

Learn the cheat code to parenting in a pandemic with Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne-Bryson.  We’re all struggling with some uncertainty and fear right now, and as a parent it can often be especially hard to know how to raise a child during the rise of Coronavirus. Join co-host Sue Marriott and expert guests Siegel and Payne-Bryson to unpack their new book The Power of Showing Up. In this episode they use interpersonal neurobiology to break down the science of attachment, and share what it means to show up. Applicable not just to those with children but in all relationships, their four legs of promoting secure attachment can change the way we relate to ourselves, and each other, for the better. Learn more about real-life application of IPNB and the relational sciences in general by visiting us at TherapistUncensored.com Shownotes for this episode:  Who is Dr. Dan Siegel? The father of Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) !!  Yes, for real. Clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and the founding co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA Prolific author and thought leader Who is Dr. Tina Bryson? Psychotherapist and the Founder/Executive Director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice, and of The Play Strong Institute, a center devoted to the study, research, and practice of play therapy through a neurodevelopment lens Author of “Bottom Line for Baby” a comprehensive overview of parenting science New York Times bestselling author, “The Whole-Brain Child” and “No-Drama Discipline” What is showing up? First, showing up is more than just being physically there, it requires you to bring your full awareness to the present. Importantly, it doesn’t mean that you’re perfect, it just means that you’re present. It is the parenting cheat code, bringing a receptive awareness to your children is the most scientifically backed action you can take to help your child grow and develop. Coronavirus and quarantine causing parental freak outs…. Secure attachment is super important during times of stress, anxiety, and uncertainty. Attention is a precious resource, but it isn’t the same as awareness. There are two types of attention that we can have, especially during a global pandemic Focal attention is when we have attention awareness. It is what we know we are focused on, and it requires effort to maintain it. Think of it like a focused concentration Non-focal attention doesn’t involve that awareness. It is what happens when you get that little nagging feeling in the back of your mind The virus draws a lot of non-focal attention, we’re all constantly being distracted by our environment and the fear and anxiety that it generates. Consequently, our focal attention is more easily lost and we can often find ourselves getting overwhelmed and dysregulated So now is a time when we could all use a boost in our secure attachment system, to help stabilize and regulate those experiences. Especially with children, now is a time to be more aware of our presence and where we show up This can be a time for re-defining ourselves, to work form a bottom up perspective at our routines and habits and attention to better fine tune it to form healthier and happier relationships. What we can be doing?  Attend to 4 things: Safety As parents, our children need to know us as a source of safety. Sometimes it can be even small things like being unpredictable or upset with customer service. That being said, there is no such thing as perfection. We’re all human and we all make mistakes, the important part is what you do after that. Showing up is all about coming back and repairing any ruptures that were made. As long as that repair is made, and the child learns in their body that the parent can be a stabilizing force, the attachment network can grow Talking about safety in an unsafe time is important as well. It helps cement the idea in the child that my parents keep me safe. But we can do that in a way that doesn’t overwhelm us with fear. We can get our children used to masks with silliness and play, or we can talk about doing XYZ because “it keeps us safer” and not because “it’s dangerous to go outside” Seen To help grow our child’s attachment system, and to help them feel safe, they need to feel understood. Recently parenting has gotten focused on what behavior is the child engaging in, but to show up and be present you need to feel the mind behind the action. It is important to ask, what is my child’s internal experience that is causing this behavior? Turning your attention to the child in this way tells them that when they share their thoughts and feelings with their parents it works well for them. They can feel relaxed and know that their parents really got them. This doesn’t always mean you have to agree with the child or their behavior, but really seeing where it’s coming from helps the child settle into their body and is a great way to co-regulate their experience. Also, don’t forget to make sure that you see yourself. Check in with your own mind and body. Remember that you can’t help others if you don’t know how to help yourself. Excitingly, it’s never too late to learn! Especially now, we can all change and adapt our internal working models to be more flexible and self-reflective. Soothed When the child can have an interactive experience of being both safe, and seen, then they can begin to be soothed. Together with the child, we can build the circuitry in our own brains to help regulate states of dysregulation, to move back towards harmony within your body. In this way, we can grow our window of tolerance to ensure that as we experience fear, anxiety, loneliness, etc. we can still stay integrated, grounded and connected. It is important to practice this with our children, as our ability to do that inner regulation comes from those safe experiences of interactive regulation. We don’t even need to fix every problem or do anything dramatic. As a parent just showing up in that moment and connecting with them, sitting in the discomfort with them, helps us both grow our window of tolerance and return our bodies back to a safe and integrated space. Secure Ultimately, all of these practices come together to help our children feel secure. The brain knows that if they have a need someone will show up for them. This helps them grow up to have healthier and more secure relationships with significant others, their peers, and their own children later in life. References “The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired” by Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Bryson “The Yes Brain” by Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Bryson “The Power of Discord: Why the Ups and Downs of Relationships Are the Secret to Building Intimacy, Resilience, and Trust” by Dr. Claudia Gold and Dr. Ed Tronick “The Bottom Line for Baby: From Sleep Training to Screens, Thumb Sucking to Tummy Time–What the Science Says” by Dr. Tina Bryson Websites: www.drdansiegel.com www.tinabrson.com www.mindsightinstitute.com www.thecenterforconnection.org More content like this on Therapist Uncensored podcast: Neuroscience of Psychotherapy Episode 36 https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu36-the-neuroscience-of-psychotherapy-an-interview-with-louis-cozolino/ It’s Not Crazy It’s a Solution to an Unsolvable Problem – Disorganized Attachment Episode 61 It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala – Advanced Course Connecting the Sciences of the Mind to Everyday Relationships FOUR hours of quality content and 3 CE’s available to professionals. Since you are this deep into our shownotes, then you are indeed one of our peeps and thus invited to be part of our clan 🙂 GET 10% off this signature course by using code OURCLAN!  – Don’t want the beast of the course but want a bit more of this mojo?   Find us on FB or better yet, join our private online Neuronerd community to gain more access, get course discounts and support this valuable educational podcast freely be distributed to the world! Most importantly – share the hope and science of secure relating with somebody else so we can keep it going.  

Hip hop heals Our guests Dr. Eliot Gann and Dr. Raphael Travis shed light on how hip hop can help resolve the deep need for self-expression and trauma processing, especially in black and brown communities. Music-makers in hip hop culture are some of the greatest writers of our generation. These lyricsts use in depth metaphor, satire, and word play to express widely shared feelings. This process literally gives a voice to experiences that are otherwise unexplainable. Hip hop, rap and R&B are more than just music for the club.  Connecting through music creation can be used to bridge disempowered groups. Our guests bring to light the importance of learning about and respecting this genre.  It can engage people of culture (POC) to heal trauma, empower self-expression, and grow communities. In this second half of our interview, co-host Ann Kelley dives into the healing power of hip hop with Dr. Elliot Gannhael and Dr. Raphael Travis. We explore what makes hip hop unique, how it can be used in schools, detention centers and clinical work, as well as how we can each grow through hip hop culture. If you missed it – here is the first half of the conversation, Episode 123 The Healing Power of Fear, Protest, George Floyd and Community Empowerment with Dr. Raphael Travis. However don’t worry, this episode stands on it’s own and it is OK to just start here, you won’t be lost. Dr. Elliot Gann – Therapeutic Beat Making Executive Director at Today’s Future Sound (TFS) Creator of the Therapeutic Beat Making (TBM) model for healing and development D. of Clinical Psychology from the Wright Institute, specializing in Children and Adolescents Who is our expert guest, Dr. Raphael Travis? lyrics hip hop and rap Associate Professor and BSW Program Director at Texas State University’s School of Social Work Specializes in youth empowerment and community development through creative arts, specifically Hip-Hop culture Author of “The Healing Power of Hip Hop” Leads the Collaborative Research for Education, Art, and Therapeutic Engagement (CREATE) Lab which works with educators and artists to understand the therapeutic and educational benefits of music Show Notes for this Episode: Five Dimensions of Empowerment Hip Hop culture serves to foster five major dimensions of empowerment Esteem – it is a safe place to build ones confidence and experience, people can leave with an actualizable accomplishment that is fully their own. It helps develop a strong sense of agency in their own creation Resilience – it gives people an outlet to express trauma or struggle. It helps put words to the experiences they’ve had and is a constructive coping mechanism Growth – it requires an introspective atmosphere. Unpacking what the lyrics and beat mean to you opens up new possibilities within the body Community – it is a co-regulating process. Groups can come together to either create or celebrate hip hop, and through the collective experience of the beat there is a bond built. Change – it builds on lived experiences, and asks us to all better ourselves and the community around us through a collective growth and development What can hip hop and music therapy do? Hip hop can be used as a powerful therapeutic tool.  It’s a relational, fun, and joyful way of letting your guard down. It is also an expressive, cathartic release. In addition, it also is a self-actualizing experience, the body gets to create something unique and special all on their own. Lyrics for self expression Hip hop serves as a vehicle to resolve the deep need for self-expression and trauma in black and brown communities. Lyricists and writers in hip hop culture are some of the greatest writers of our generation, they can use in depth metaphor, satire, and word play to express widely shared feelings. This process literally gives a voice to experiences that are otherwise unexplainable. Beats for self expression and regulation Often students and patients struggle to engage with insight-oriented work at the start. Beat making can help warm up the body, and lower the body’s defenses. Through beat making, the body relaxes and enters more readily into a flow state, an open and relaxed place, from which a deeper connection and growth can occur. Our Biases For people unfamiliar with hip hop and rap, or truthfully for white people in general, there is often an aversion to the genre.  It can be experienced as violent, misogynistic, and overly sexualized. You aren’t wrong for hearing some of those themes in hip hop and rap, but there are a couple of things to keep in mind We’re only seeing a very small sample. Hip hop has a decades old history, and there are millions of songs in thousands of different sub-genera’s, not all hip hop has the same elements or themes Our experiences listening to each song are subjective. Each person filters each song through their own lived experiences and biases Specifically, white people’s bodies are primed from a young age by our society to hear energetic black voices, especially black male voices, as violent or scary. Also, we’re programmed to hear specific narratives of aggression or misogyny and to react negatively to sounds of black empowerment Hip hop arises out of struggle and is a way to voice trauma, or an outlet to express healing from that inter-generational experience. On some level it has to address graphic material The most violent or explicit songs get pushed in the national market. Studio executives, who are primarily white, have a financial incentive to sell and promote the most sensationalized and explicit songs because the listeners experiences catharsis while they consume those fantasies and desires Resources “Using Therapeutic Beat Making and lyrics for empowerment” by Dr. Raphael Travis and Dr. Elliot Gann Breaking Down The Therapeutic Beat Making Model with Dr. Elliot Gann aka Phillipdrummond  “The Healing Power of Hip Hop (Intersection of Race, Ethnicity, and Culture)” by Dr. Raphael Travis “Hip Hop, empowerment, and therapeutic beat-making: Potential solutions for summer learning loss, depression, and anxiety in youth” by Dr. Raphael Travis “Rap Music and Empowerment of Today’s Youth: Evidence in Everyday Music Listening, Music Therapy, and Commercial Rap Music” by Dr. Raphael Travis “Strategies and mechanisms in musical affect self-regulation: A new model” by Margarida Baltazar, and Suvi Saarikallio “White Fragility” by Dr. Robin Diangelo Black Trans Advocacy Coalition Contact Information – Elliot Gann E-mail: [email protected] Website: https://todaysfuturesound.org/about/ or at youtube.com/todaysfuturesound Twitter: @TFS_beats Music Mixes: https://audiomack.com/artist/dj-hoodwin TRIO Conference Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iL1_OpyIa-Q&feature=youtu.be Contact Information & Resources – Dr. Raphael Travis E-mail: [email protected] or [email protected] ResearchGate: https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Raphael_Travis Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FlowstoryATX/ IG/Twitter: @raptjr @FlowStoryATX Music Mixes: https://audiomack.com/artist/dj-hoodwin TRIO Conference Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iL1_OpyIa-Q&feature=youtu.be #HealingPowerofHipHop #MUZUZE #EMPYD #CREATELABTXST _____________ BOOK WE ARE LOVING RIGHT NOW – get it on audible for free right here. “My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies” by Resmaa Menakem _____________ Our course on Attachment and Neuroscience – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala, is now available! Four (!) hours of curated content on modern attachment and healing. It is designed for anyone wanting to deepen security in themselves or those close to you (CE’s available for clinicians). You’ve been interested enough to listen and dig into the shownotes, so you are our people and we are yours. Get 10% of the course with code: OURCLAN. CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT THE COURSE Join like-minded peers promoting the relational sciences as a Patreon Neuronerd supporter of the show.

George Floyd. Breonna Taylor. Tony McDade. Sandra Bland. Rayshard Brooks. Tamir Rice. Emmett Till… and so on. The violence enacted by the criminal justice system isn’t new, so what makes this moment feel so different? Dr. Raphael Travis and Dr. Elliott Gann join co-host Ann Kelley to break down the now global protests against the murder of George Floyd. Together they explore the role of youth empowerment, coronavirus, and narrative storytelling in helping fuel the biggest social movement in decades.  This episode focuses on Dr. Travis’ experience, the second episode (see link below) dives into Dr. Elliott Gann’s innovate and cutting edge work as well. This is a 2-part conversation on community empowerment and using hip hop – beat making and lyrics – as a therapeutic goal. Find episode TU24 Beat-Making, Lyrics and Community Empowerment with Dr. Elliot Gann and Dr. Raphael Travis with right here Who is Dr. Raphael Travis? Associate Professor and MSW Program Director at Texas State University’s School of Social Work Founder and Executive Director of Flow Story, PLLC Specializes in youth empowerment and community development through creative arts, specifically Hip-Hop culture Author of “The Healing Power of Hip Hop” Leads the Collaborative Research for Education, Art, and Therapeutic Engagement (CREATE) Lab which works with educators and artists to understand the therapeutic and educational benefits of music Show Notes for this Episode…. Why now? The energy of the youth Like most social movements throughout history, this one is largely being led by youth Police brutality and white supremacy systemically cut off healthy development of communities by taking mothers and fathers How can anyone feel safe or like they belong if they know they are always at risk of that disruption Expansion of hyper-surveillance results in the buildup of the stress response in the body Youthful energy to take that inter-generational trauma and say “we’re not putting up with this anymore” Even though this is led by youth, these experiences of violence is nothing new, the story is the same but the particulars are different Narrative development Social media and the expansion of counter-narratives allows for a proliferation of alternative visions of the world Those serve to counter the mainstream stereotypes and understandings to force people to view events in a different light Expansion of SEL (Social and Emotional Learning) within schools and society develops greater empathy and capacity for self-reflection Forcing white people to step out of their comfort zone, a shift in our own internal narrative, a greater opening up of communal recognition Coronavirus Living in a state of constant fear and anxiety about going out in public is a new feeling for white people, the pandemic as an unseen threat that could take you at any time Experiencing just a fraction of the fear people of color experience helps make people more receptive towards shifting their own internal narrative It generated an expanded understanding of communal responsibility, a narrative shift away from an individual self-focused approached to risk towards a great communal goal What has been surprising? Dr. Travis was hopeful and surprised by the amount of diversity within this movement. The increased messaging that silence is complicity helps force people into that un-comfort zone which allows them to question their own fears, assumptions, and narratives. It gives people who feel like they otherwise couldn’t have engaged permission to now. Where do we go from here? We still need consistent pressure and energy. However, we’ve seen promising changes at the level of policy and at the level of the body. First, policy reforms have happened, and will continue to happen, and we should continue to push for them with our presence and our voice. Also, societal reforms are also happening at the level of each individual body.  Indeed, there is a narrative shift within each us as we move to be more open to connection, empathy, and understanding. We all need to continue to pay attention, listen, and grow together as a community as this develops. Resources “The Healing Power of Hip Hop (Intersection of Race, Ethnicity, and Culture)” by Dr. Raphael Travis “Using Therapeutic Beat Making and Lyrics for Empowerment” by Dr. Raphael Travis and Dr. Elliot Gann Breaking Down The Therapeutic Beat Making Model with Dr. Elliot Gann aka Phillipdrummon  “Say Their Names” by Kadir Nelson “White Fragility – Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk about Racism” by Dr. Robin Diangelo Black Trans Advocacy Coalition “Race After Technology: Abolitionist Tools for the New Jim Code” by Ruha Benjamin “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack” by Peggy Mcintosh “White Awake: An Honest Look at What it Means to be White” by Daniel Hill Contact Information & Resources: Find Dr. Travis here –  E-mail: [email protected] or [email protected] ResearchGate: https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Raphael_Travis Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FlowstoryATX/ IG/Twitter: @raptjr @FlowStoryATX Music Mixes: https://audiomack.com/artist/dj-hoodwin TRIO Conference Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iL1_OpyIa-Q&feature=youtu.be #HealingPowerofHipHop #MUZUZE #EMPYD #CREATELABTXST Find Dr. Gann here –  [email protected] Website: https://todaysfuturesound.org/about/ or at youtube.com/todaysfuturesound Twitter: @TFS_beats Music Mixes: https://audiomack.com/artist/dj-hoodwin TRIO Conference Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iL1_OpyIa-Q&feature=youtu.be _____________ BOOK WE ARE LOVING RIGHT NOW – get it on audible for free right here. “My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies” by Resmaa Menakem _____________ Other Episodes You May Enjoy – TU120: Finding Security During Coronavirus Isolation with Dr. David Elliott TU118: Mental Health Support During this Damn Coronavirus Pandemic _____________ Our course on Attachment and Neuroscience – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala, is now available to everyone! Four (!) hours of curated content on modern attachment and healing. It is designed for anyone wanting to deepen security in themselves or those close to you (CE’s available for clinicians). You’ve been interested enough to listen and dig into the shownotes, so you are are people and we are yours. Get 10% of the course with code: OURCLAN.  CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT THE COURSE Join like-minded peers promoting the relational sciences as a Patreon Neuronerd supporter of the show.

  When we think of ADHD, we often imagine a restless & fidgety child who loses focus rather than the grown up parent or partner these kids eventually become. It is a legit neurological condition – yet adults with ADHD or ADD often believe that they are forgetful, lazy, selfish & disorganized. Unfortunately sometimes so do their partners. This episode will help you appreciate your unique gifts, or value your distractible partner. “ADHD doesn’t create new problems, it just exacerbates the universal ones.” Co-host Ann Kelley speaks with Ari Tuckman, psychologist, certified sex therapist who specializing in ADHD within relationships, and he sheds light on how ADHD can impact our relationships, from conflict to sex, and outlines ways to improve both. In relationships, couples often fall into imbalance, over-functioning and under-functioning. You recognize it – the one who manages order and responsibilities (aka “control freak”) and the other looking for spontaneity and fun (aka “irresponsible one”). Who is Ari Tuckman? Ari Tuckman, PsyD, CST is a psychologist and certified sex therapist in private practice specializing in diagnosing and treating children, teens, and adults with ADHD, as well as couples and sex therapy. He has appeared on CNN, National Public Radio, and XM Radio and been quoted in The New York Times, USA Today, The Washington Post, The Boston Globe, USnews.com, The Daily Mail (UK), and many other media outlets. See his full bio below. Understanding Adult ADHD – today’s episode Ari advocates for ADHD awareness so adults and therapists can actively recognize it in others because it does not just affect children. These children grow up and continue to have ADHD make up about 4% of the general population, that is 1 in 25. Effects of non-diagnosed ADHD can be painful and complex: common effects include anxiety, depression, bipolar, marital discord, and substance abuse issues. If you don’t look for symptoms of ADHD, you may not find it, and that is painful and problematic for everyone involved. What can we see in our office, partners, and ourselves to know if we have ADHD? Not everyone with attentional issues has the classic symptoms of being hyperactive. It shows up in adults as inattentive symptoms like time management, disorganization, forgetfulness, procrastination, and misplacing things.  That is why in adults what you actually see in Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). When someone in your immediate family has it, there’s a 25% chance that you might have it too. People who have distractibility will see the symptoms show up in many stages of their life – childhood, college, as a young adult. The symptoms can show up in their job, or at home. Untreated or unrecognized attention issues affects school performance, career attainment, lifelong learnings, car accidents, relationship satisfaction – it’s always there and impacts your life interactions. When it goes undiagnosed it can drastically influence your self-esteem – but when diagnosed you can have a better understanding of your behavior. Medication can work very well, risk/side effects are very low, not addictive if used appropriately, and can reduce substance abuse problems when addressed first. Why give a stimulate to someone that would seemingly be “hyperactive?” The medications act as “brake fluid” so those affected are able to “hit the brakes” more easily before acting. When adults take ADHD medication, it gives them the ability to limit or be aware of thoughts that deter them from the task at hand. Without the medication, the thought of the task at hand can develop into many thoughts leading to being distracted, possibly forgetting, and then punishing themselves for forgetting. Ultimately, this leads to negative thoughts, anxiety, or those close to them believing the task is being neglected. The person with more focus can become bothered by this repeated behavior and the partner with ADHD will either become down and depressed and/or angry and reactive when they feel targeted by the non-ADHD partner. Generally, both will happen. One can become angry and reactive when receiving negative feedback and down and depressed when feeling they can’t do anything right. People with ADHD are capable of being very focused during specific moments, like when receiving negative feedback, but then they are held to that standard at all times. Spouses begin to become angry because they witness the ADHD person focus on some things and not on others. They can get triggered and feel neglected. A neurological syndrome It doesn’t create new problems, it just exacerbates the universal ones.  The common solution to the problem between a partner with ADHD and the non-ADHD person: the person undiagnosed just needs to step up! This is not sustainable or realistic, it’s like asking a depressed person to cheer up! The less obvious solution: The non-ADHD partner also needs to learn to step back, accept uncertainty, learn to manage their own anxiety, and choose their battles. Both partners can negotiate and express expectations but have understanding and compassion. Ann and Ari provide examples of issues that can arise between a couple of a non-ADHD and a person with ADHD and how they can work as a team to resolve it. Ari speaks about his book, ADHD After Dark and about the relationship between ADHD and sexual relationships based on his survey of over 4,000 individuals and 72 questions. _____ RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Ari Tuckman’s Website http://adultadhdbook.com/ Ari Tuckman’s Website https://tuckmanpsych.com/ Ari Tuckman’s Book: More Attention, Less Deficit: Success Strategies for Adults with ADHD Ari Tuckman’s Book: ADHD After Dark: Better Sex Life, Better Relationship CHADD.org – leading nonprofit organization serving people affected by ADHD. These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page! ___ Ari Tuckman’s Bio: Ari Tuckman, PsyD, CST is a psychologist, Certified Sex Therapist, and ADHD expert in private practice in West Chester, PA. His fourth book (ADHD After Dark: Better Sex Life, Better Relationship) helps couples improve their sexual and relationship satisfaction. He has done more than 400 presentations and interviews across America and in nine countries. You can find information about his books, upcoming presentations, and recordings of past presentations at adultADHDbook.com._ Our course on Attachment and Neuroscience – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala, is now available to everyone! Four (!) hours of curated content on modern attachment and healing. It is designed for anyone wanting to deepen security in themselves or those close to you (CE’s available for clinicians). You’ve been interested enough to listen and dig into the shownotes, so you are are people and we are yours. Get 10% of the course with code: OURCLAN. 🙂 CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT THE COURSE ______ Want to join our community? We are on Patreon! You can become a Neuronerd supporter and help the show continue to grow! Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month (or become a Co-executive Producer for $25/month)! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up.

With the tsunami of unclear and contradictory yet potentially life-threatening information coming at us right now in quaratine – it’s no wonder there is so much conflict within groups that are/were quarantining together. Reasonable people can interpret the suggestions very differently, in this episode we go into how to navigate how to manage right now. Why Stan Tatkin? Stan Tatkin was one of as the first guests on the Therapist Uncensored Podcast and is so awesome, we are bringing him back for a second interview. (Listen to the first episode here.)He is one of the best translators of the science to application in the real world, so we really want to connect our audience with him. He’s has a wealth of resources for ya! See full bio below. Bringing security to your partnerships during COVID-19 – today’s episode During this Coronavirus pandemic, the existential threat is more apparent and strain within a couple starts to become more apparent. Partners are faced with understanding the goals of their relationship and whether or not they are moving in the right direction. Reasons to be together beyond loving each other and having children together. Many have been faced with breakups, running away, move in, or getting married during this existential time. Having an understanding that there is always an existential threat every day but we are being faced with it more closely during this time. Automation – getting off auto-pilot. Before and during the pandemic our partnered relationships have been on auto-pilot where “you know your partner,” react out of memory/trauma, or take your relationship for granted. PACT – Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy  Homosapiens by nature are aggressive, war-like, comparing, and opportunistic and are being flighty because of the pandemic. How do pair-bound all of the time and not when things are going wrong/when we need more safety? By nature, we are pack animals and are built to be interdependent and have a shared purpose with a partner. (Ex: survive and thrive) With your partner, create an agreement, a culture, and a shared vision and purpose for being together. Love is not enough Emotions can fluctuate. A state of purpose and a goal is what can remain consistent in a partnership. Insecure model – “It’s my way or the highway,” where the individual is “pro-self” not “pro-relationship.” With attachment, we take the injustices and take them to our future relationships. Every couple has a duty to design their own ethos and culture, to layout ground rules of “what we do and don’t do.” Examples: “We protect each other. Our relationship always comes first. We support each other to perform well but not at the cost of the relationship. We are always working towards bringing peace and harmony to the relationship.” Partners who do not agree on core values and will continue to disassociate. Mature long-running relationships that will last a lifetime where partners vow to operate from principles of fairness, justice, sensitivity, cooperation, creating win-win outcomes where they move together towards the same goal. Be collaborative about an issue or creating a new goal together to be on the same page on thoughts and feelings. Sue and Stan provide conversation examples of how that can be accomplished. Commitment (the C-word) Committing to making the partnership as successful as possible. People who are threatened will create threats. Single security about understanding what each individual feels, self-correct and approach from a friendly way to resolve the conflict. Only one needs to remember to self-correct to move towards resolution and the other will follow. Co-regulation – having each partner be active towards regulating each other to shift towards taking care of each other. Pay to play In adulthood, there is conditional love, which makes us more accountable for each other. The couple and the principles are the guiding light on where to go. During this pandemic time, is a good time to think about your life purpose with your primary partner and your loved ones. Knowing that our time is limited and being present with your loved ones. Guiding principles of secure functioning to thinking about your life meaning and purpose to overcome these threats. _____ RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: PACT Institute – Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (Offers global therapist training programs and couple retreats) We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love by Stan Tatkin Your Brain on Love: The Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships by Stan Tatkin Stan Tatkin’s Ted Talk: Relationships Are Hard, But Why? Stan Tatkin’s Instagram Facebook Twitter These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page! ___ Stan Tatkin’s Bio: Clinician, author, PACT developer, and co-founder of the PACT Institute, Dr. Stan Tatkin teaches at UCLA, maintains a private practice in Southern California, and leads PACT programs in the US and internationally. He is the author Wired for Dating, Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, and co-author of Love and War in Intimate Relationships. Dr. Stan Tatkin is on the board of directors of Lifespan Learning Institute and serves as an advisory board member of Relationships First, a nonprofit organization founded by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. __ Our course on Attachment and Neuroscience – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala, is now available to everyone! Four (!) hours of curated content on modern attachment and healing. It is designed for anyone wanting to deepen security in themselves or those close to you (CE’s available for clinicians). You’ve been interested enough to listen and dig into the shownotes, so you are are people and we are yours. Get 10% of the course with code: OURCLAN. 🙂 CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT THE COURSE ______ Therapist Uncensored is on Patreon! Gain greater access and support this cool content getting out to the world You can become a Neuronerd supporter and help the show continue to grow! Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month (or become a Co-executive Producer for $25/month)! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up.   BOOK of the MONTH – get it on audible for free right here. Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb (interview with her coming soon…)  

Use a proven mindfulness-based technique of imagery to cope with quarantine and promote healing. Is this pandemic making your nervous system crunchy? Let’s work on some healing techniques in the mean time. Find out how to use one of the Elliott and Brown’s 3 pillars of healing attachment to cope during this society-wide emotional hotbox.  Using the first pillar of the three pillars of healing attachment, using the imaginings of your mind to leverage security, David explains how this practice can be beneficial during a time where we’re looking for connection to regulate and heal. Why Dr. David Elliott We are pleased to bring Dr. Elliott back for a second interview. We were so enamored with his co-authored book Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for Comprehensive Repair, that we stayed connected and are now working together on an exciting new project to bring this empirically-validated work with trauma to more of you. His full bio is below. Using imagery to help find security and attachment healing during COVID 19 – today’s episode Our attachment system is designed to seek proximity especially during threat, danger, and distress. So in this time of needed distance from one another our nervous system is being especially challenged. For some of us, sheltering in place with others allows us to turn to one another for emotional and physical comfort. However there are millions of people across the globe who are sheltering in isolation or in unsafe or unsupportive environments. They are missing another persons comforting support and touch. David speaks personally from this experience because he is currently sheltering in place alone – that is, away from his family – so his advice is coming from a place of knowing. The Three Pillars of Healing Attachment Elliott and his colleagues have developed a model for the treatment of early attachment and healing called the 3 pillars model discussed in detail in episode 34. In today’s episode we discuss the tenets of the first pillar – the power of the mind to imagine – the essential elements of connection and security needed for coping during this COVID quarantine crisis. Mindfulness and guided imagination literally helps to promote neurological growth. Ann and David provide examples of ways athletes and musicians use imagery to improve their performance. David then leads us through a mindful exercise based on the tenets of the first pillar. Through a guided exercise, he helps us create and be with an imagined “safe other” which provides our minds with the sense of social and emotional connection. Our bodies often can not distinguish between the real and imagined and our social-engagement system can respond with the soothing and healing connections that our bodies need during stress.  CLICK HERE to access the audio of this mindfulness demonstration. _____ RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Stand-alone mindfulness exercise download here Contact Dr. Elliott directly at http://www.davidelliottphd.com Please refer to our previous episode with Dr. David Elliott for even more resources in the audio and show notes. – TU34: Treating Attachment Difficulties with Dr. David Elliott Attachment Disturbances in Adults Treatment for Comprehensive Repair (2016) Daniel Brown and David Elliott  These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page! ___ Dr David Elliott’s Bio: Dr. Elliott comes from an academic career in psychology from Harvard University. He gained experience at the Tufts University Counseling Center, the Outpatient Psychiatry Clinic of St. Elizabeth’s Medical Center in Brighton, Massachusetts, and McLean Hospital, the psychiatric teaching hospital of Harvard Medical School. Recognizing from an early age that there are many dimensions to human experience, any and all of which can contribute to well-being or to difficulty, Dr. Elliott has maintained a commitment to learning and understanding the whole range of human possibility — from the deepest confusions and struggles of psychosis, to the patterns of personality that create personal and relational conflicts, to the development of the self in ways that promote both independence and intimacy, and to higher levels of growth that allow for flourishing and even a recognition of oneself as beyond the limits of the personal self. __ Our course on Attachment and Neuroscience – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala, is now available to everyone! Four (!) hours of curated content on modern attachment and healing. It is designed for anyone wanting to deepen security in themselves or those close to you (CE’s available for clinicians). You’ve been interested enough to listen and dig into the shownotes, so you are are people and we are yours. Get 10% of the course with code: OURCLAN. 🙂 CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT THE COURSE ______ Want to join our private community? Therapist Uncensored is now on Patreon! You can become a Neuronerd supporter and help the show continue to grow! Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month (or become a Co-executive Producer for $25/month)! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up.   BOOK of the MONTH – get it on audible for free right here. For the Love of Men A New Vision for Mindful Masculinity by Liz Plank While our book of the month is Liz Plank’s (Episode TU119) book on mindful masculinity, we want to highly recommend Attachment Disturbances in Adults Treatment for Comprehensive Repair (2016) Daniel Brown and David Elliott  It literally should be in every therapist’s library, it’s that comprehensive.

It isn’t a war between the genders, it’s a war between those interested in freedom of individual expression and equality, and those wedded to and defending the patriarchal script. “I measure activism based on impact… .” – Liz Plank In this episode, co-host Sue Marriott speaks with Liz Plank, one of the worlds most powerful and influential voices for gender and policy. Who is Liz Plank? Liz Plank is an award-winning journalist and senior producer at Vox Media. Her TedxTalk, How to Be a Man: A Woman’s Guide inspired her first book, For the Love of Men: A New Vision for Mindful Masculinity, where she “offers a smart, insightful, and deeply-researched guide for what we’re all going to do about toxic masculinity. For both women looking to guide the men in their lives and men who want to do better and just don’t know how.” Mediaite’s Most Influential in New Media 50 Most Influential Women by Marie Claire Forbes’ 30 Under 30 in Media Episode 119 Show Notes: Why do we need more storytelling around men? More progress regarding issues around domestic & sexual violence if men were more involved in the conversation. Human rights are not a finite resource and when there is more equality, the better it is for everyone. Open the conversation for men to talk about masculinity and what it means to be a man because they do not feel safe doing so. Having an empathic conversation about feminism that includes all genders, a movement that benefits the whole society. Rewriting Gender Roles The lack of conversations regarding masculinity between men. Following gender roles based on societal pressures and family development. Exploring historical and cultural examples of how gender roles change and vary to give men permission to explore their identity. A shift in the younger generation being accepting of gender fluidity. What It Means To Be A Man Identifying as a provider when many jobs traditionally done by men are disappearing or moving overseas. Starting to have the opportunity to have an identity outside of their career. Have both genders shoulder the emotional burden and do the work to heal. Narcissism & Toxic Masculinity There is a higher percentage of narcissism in men. Have more female leadership represented in entertainment & media to provide an understanding of female complexity. Education Encouraging curriculum that teaches anti-violence, anti-sexual assault, verbal consent, emotional intelligence, and interpersonal relationships. A universal understanding that we all experience similar emotions and social anxiety so we can all advocate for each other. Liz’s Influence: Wanting to measure her activism based on impact. Wanting everyone to feel welcome to this conversation on masculinity and help men go through their emotional labor. Continue to open the conversation for men of influence to discuss masculinity openly. Masculinity Influence: Brad Pitt speaking openly about masculinity to give others permission to do the same. Tim Ferriss expressing that external performance is not where “success” is and inner work is the harder challenge but more important. Liz’s Recommendations: The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks Thomas Page McBee Wade Davis Learn about and connect with Liz: For the Love of Men: A New Vision for Mindful Masculinity TED Talk How to Be a Man, A Woman’s Guide Twitter Instagram Web Series _____ Our course on Attachment and Neuroscience – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala, is now available to everyone! Four (!) hours of curated content on modern attachment and healing. It is designed for anyone wanting to deepen security in themselves or those close to you (CE’s available for clinicians). You’ve been interested enough to listen and dig into the shownotes, so you are are people and we are yours. Get 10% of the course with code: OURCLAN. 🙂 CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT THE COURSE ______ Want to help Therapist Uncensored keep going? We are on Patreon! You can become a Neuronerd supporter and help the show continue to grow! Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month (or become a Co-executive Producer for $25/month)! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up.   BOOK of the MONTH – get it on audible for free right here For the Love of Men A New Vision for Mindful Masculinity by Liz Plank  

Calm is contagious, too! Coping through Coronavirus. Our hearts hurt for those affected by COVID. Those who are ill, survivors of those taken by the virus, service employee’s continuing to work, front-line medical and science warriors, those who lost their job or savings, those who are isolated alone and those stuck at home in harsh relationships or with kids out of school and needy… it’s all relative. It doesn’t help to compare pain – pain is pain – we all need support through this coronavirus pandemic. Period. So let’s clasp hands and co-regulate one another through this as best we can. In this episode, Sue and Ann discuss how we are collectively processing the coronavirus pandemic and provide some tools on how we can regulate our emotions during these coronavirus times. We are having experiences that are creating emotions that we do not normally have from a day-to-day basis and will have to understand how to process. Get the Facts but don’t Rubber-Neck (southern term I think, slowing down and looking hard at a wreck on the freeway even though you don’t really want to see). Use social media purposefully, don’t get hooked watching the stats there is nothing to see there that will help us cope. It’s being covered each time as new news, so our nervous system stays in alert. Limit social media and create your bubble of safety. Use sources you trust and don’t act from rumors. Name your feelings – identify the specific source rather than live in ocean of free-floating anxiety. Better to be afraid for your mom or your 401 K than feel the weight of anxiety globally. Connect socially as part of your ADL’s – activities of daily living. Breathing Techniques – Breathing in for a count of 5 and exhaling for a count of 5. Imagery – Imagining a sense of calm and safety in your environment and community. Use your mind to soothe and comfort yourself – this is neuroscience and it actually works! Add a safe person, place or animal that comforts you. Perspective matters – this will end. Interconnectedness – We are all experiencing this collectively. You are not alone. The virus does not discriminate it’s a great equalizer even though we aren’t equally effected (it hits marginalized communities hardest). Know what you can and cannot control – We cannot predict what will happen. We can control what we focus on, what information and how much information we are consuming. Our global actions can have a global impact. World Health Organization RAIN by Tara Brock Recognize what is happening; Allow the experience to be there, just as it is; Investigate with interest and care; Nurture with self-compassion. APPLE Acknowledge the thought that comes to mind. Pause your reaction and breathe. Pull back and understand that thoughts are not always your own. Let go of the thought or feeling. Explore the present moment. Stop. Touch. Go. Resources and Links to recent articles: Trusted resources TU64: Mindfulness Meditation with Yoga Therapist Kelly Inselman TU63: Living with Cancer – The Six Principles of Emotional Healing with Guest Kelly Inselmann TU52: Using Mindfulness, Movement and Yoga to Manage Arousal, with Guest Kelly Inselmann Our course on Attachment and Neuroscience has been recently released and is now available! And, since you are deep into these show notes then you are one of us, so get 10% off by putting in code OURCLAN. 🙂 While this course is utilized heavily by clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. It is a full 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION ______ Want to help us keep going? We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales (very fun swag!) to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Neuronerd private community. By joining as a Neuronerd premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content and first shot at very unique study opportunities. If we’ve provided value then please check us out, poke around, make sure you feel comfortable and then join us today! BOOK of the MONTH – get it for free right here For the Love of Men A New Vision for Mindful Masculinity by Liz Plank A preview of our next episode – an excellent discussion of gender that’s appealing to everyone!

“Regulate, then relate, then reason” -Dr. Bruce Perry In this episode, co-host Sue Marriott speaks with Dr. Bruce Perry, a renowned neuroscientist, psychiatrist, clinician and researcher on children’s mental health. They discuss staging intervention based on brain develop in a technique called the Neurosequential Model. Who is Dr. Bruce Perry? Bruce Perry, MD, PhD is the Senior Fellow of The ChildTrauma Academy, a not-for-profit organization based in Houston, TX.  He also serves as adjunct Professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University in Chicago. In addition, he is the inaugural Senior Fellow of the Berry Street Childhood Institute. Dr. Perry wrote The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog, with Maia Szalavitz, which is a bestselling book based on his work with maltreated children. Born For Love: Why Empathy is Essential and Endangered, BRIEF: Reflections on Childhood, Trauma, and Society and RESILIENT: Six Core Strengths for Healthy Development are among his well respected work.   Over the last thirty years, Dr. Perry has been an active teacher, clinician and researcher in children’s mental health and the neurosciences holding a variety of academic positions. The Concept of Resilience Defined as the capacity and basically the capacity to tolerate stressors and challenges and maintain function Resilience is built; children are not born with it, and it can also be tapped out How is Resilience Built? Resilience is built through relationally mediated experiences of moderate challenge where there’s predictability, consistency and some degree of controllability. These experiences activate the stress response system. Because of neuroplasticity, neural networks are changeable but only when the neural network itself is activated, meaning the stress response system can only become more flexible, strong, and capable when activated. We can only become more resilient when stressed but in a certain pattern – needs 3 things: predictability, moderation, and controllability. The Underdeveloped Stress Response System Without adequate stressors, example helicopter parenting, the stress response system does not become resilient, which leads to difficulty coping with the increasing complexity and demands taking place through development. The Neurosequential Model Developed to explain the behaviors Dr Perry saw in children with overactive and underdeveloped stress response symptoms Looks at where the individual is cognitively w/ regard to self-regulation in comparison to their age chronologically Those who have not had the social learning experiences that correspond with their age in years do not have those skills. If given developmentally targeted opportunities, they can catch up Bottom up approach Particularly effective w/ complex trauma, can be used to treat adults and children Clinical Application of the Neurosequential Model View maladaptive behaviors as a form of self-regulation Create a Daily Regulatory Plan Regulatory activity Predictability Spacing Dosing Intentional Guided Imagery For Building Resilience Creating an internal world where a specific role and scenario are played out – we have more control over our internal process of imagining than we realize Doing this helps to desensitize an overactive stress response system when dosed properly Build empathy by reading novels Ideal Parent Protocol Kids and cartoons Thoughts on the attachment sciences, infant attachment, and adult attachment The early relational experiences are the major determinants of the set point for the stress response It is the quality of the caregiving that literally helps build in the capacity to be resilient or sensitized. In context of early caregiving, the attentive attuned responsive carer is essentially building into the brain a triune association between the reward neurobiology in the brain, the stress response to biology and the relational neurobiology. Hope and Change The brain continues to be malleable. if you’ve got a system in your brain that appears to be dysfunctional, you can’t change that system unless you activate that system. And so many of these systems that were impacted earlier in your life that may be continuing to play a disorganizing role in how you function are lower and lower in the brain and they’re going to be much easier to access through somatosensory routes Then do the work of repairing self-esteem around the secondary and tertiary problems caused by the initial dysregulation Resources: The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog, a bestselling book based on Perry’s work with maltreated children, and Born For Love: Why Empathy is Essential and Endangered by Dr. Bruce Perry Dr Bruce Perry’s Website Neurosequential Network Child Trauma Academy Video: 60 Minutes With Oprah Winfrey 2018 Neurosequential Network “Best Hits” Slides Child Trauma Academy Clinical Practice Tools Video: The A List with Alison Lebovitz 2019 Video: Explore Health: WTCI PBS 2018 Video: Born For Love Article: Child Abuse On the Brain LIKE this episode? Please please please leave us a review and rating on your podcast player. You also may enjoy these: TU33: Adverse Childhood Experiences – A Roadmap to Understanding and Treatment TU47: Attachment Insecurity and Secure Parenting with Guest Tina Payne-Bryson TU101: Treating Attachment Disruptions in Adults With David Elliott (Replay)   Who doesn’t love special offers? Enroll in our signature course at a discounted price – over 4 hours of content CE’s available. Our advanced course on attachment and neuroscience has been recently released and is now available! And, since you are deep into these show notes then you are one of us, so get 10% off by putting in code OURCLAN. 🙂 While this course is utilized heavily by clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. It is a full 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION ______ We are on Patreon! You can become a Neuronerd supporter and help the show continue to grow!  Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month (or become a Co-executive Producer for $25/month)! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up. BOOK of the MONTH Maybe You Should Talk to Someone– A Therapist, HER Therapist and a Life Revealed, by Lori Gottlieb. If you are looking for something to inspire you – make you laugh – tear up a bit and generally move towards being a better human this is the book we are recommending this month. Use the link above for a free audiobook!  

Freeze Appease Dissociate… Appease is Fawning when it comes to C-PTSD Are you a huge people-pleaser, conflict avoider, peace-keeper? Maybe you are just being nice, but if you are compelled to do it, driven to not take up much space, to not impose… and you don’t have much of a choice about it, there may be something deeper going on. If so, today’s episode talks to you, friend. If you haven’t joined us in the 30-Day Challenge, you can start at any time by CLICKING HERE! No sales, no gimmicks, just 4 supportive email over a month to support you in changing an emotional health habit that no longer works for you. Shout out to all those on the 30-day Challenge! You’ve been getting a series of emails…. this show discusses a topic that will help MANY of you with your personal emotional growth challenge. Fawning This is actually an old term coined by Peter Walker in 2003 discussing Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) Fawn types seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs and demands of others. They act as if they unconsciously believe that the price of admission to any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preferences and boundaries. – Peter Walker on his website. You may be familiar with fight flight and freeze – the 3 common threat responses that our autonomic nervous system unconsciously engages when it perceives danger. If not, there is a TON of information about this in many previous episodes of Therapist Uncensored. We are interested because it affects how we relate to others and makes us act really stupid at times. 🙂 Well, it’s smart from an old survival perspective but can be really bone-headed in our adult lives when the reaction is triggered and yet the threat doesn’t warrant such survival response. Well, when we can’t escape the trauma and thus fighting or fleeing isn’t an option, our bodies will freeze, appease or dissociate. The appease portion of the response is what Walker refers to as “Fawn.” It is another survival response which is often associated with complex post-traumatic stress disorder. It occurs when survivors recognize danger signals and stay safe by complying and minimizing confrontation. Freeze, Appease or Dissociate – Fawning refers to Appease. People-pleasing Being unable to say how you really think or feel Caring for others to your own detriment Always saying “yes” to requests Flattering others Struggling with low self-esteem Avoiding conflict Feeling taken advantage of Being very concerned about fitting in with others Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder C-PTSD Who doesn’t love special offers? Discounted course – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala! Advanced Course Connecting the Science(s) of the Mind to Interpersonal Relationships Our advanced course on attachment and relational neuroscience has been recently released and is now available (wahoo)! Since you are now deep into these shownotes, then you are one of us, use the code OURCLAN for an immediate discount for the course. While this course is popular with clinicians (CE’s available!), it is also for all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationship!. 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION Dive in and get more involved – join us on Patreon! Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up. BOOK of the MONTH  Maybe You Should Talk to Someone– A Therapist, HER Therapist and a Life Revealed, by Lori Gottlieb. If you are looking for something to inspire you – make you laugh – tear up a bit and generally move towards being a better human this is the book we are recommending this month. Use the link above for a free audiobook!   LIKE this episode? Please please please leave us a review and rating on your podcast player. You also may enjoy these: TU30: The Stages of Change: A Roadmap to Readiness TU88: 6 Steps to Increase Your Felt Sense of Security TU08: Understanding Emotional Triggers: Why Your Buttons Get Pushed and What To Do About It  

30-Day Emotional Health Challenge Update In this episode of Therapist Uncensored, co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss their progress in their 30-Day Emotional Health Challenge. If you haven’t joined us in the 30-Day Challenge, you can start today by CLICKING HERE! No sales no gimmicks, just support for you to change! Positive, Humbling, and Frickin’ Hard Ann discuses the positive activation around sharing and discussing the 30-Day Emotional Health Challenge. Sue shares about the Challenge of the Emotional Health Challenge  A bit ambitious because it is a deeply held unconscious learning Working on Changing Adaptations From Early Childhood The consensus in the Facebook group and among our Patrons is that we’re picking something that was an adaptation from our early life. It was important that we learn to do it, but it’s not necessarily helping us now. The problem is it was laid down in our bodies so early and really without conscious thought, so even just thinking about it doesn’t necessarily change it. Instead, we adapt to it, repress it, etc. This leads to a cycle of recognizing something, acknowledging that it isn’t working, and then repeating the behavior, which is induces shame. Relief and Frustration These behaviors are implicit (unconscious) not explicit (conscious), which makes them really hard to change. The Process:  Community connection  Trying to teach ourselves to do something new  Picking one thing, not everything, with love, compassion, and curiosity  Examine the symptom or behavior that is no longer serving us  Just learning about it and becoming more aware Not trying to repress or change it Try something new and continue to learn  Are we resistant to changing? Reluctant to give up the old behavior? Etc Adjusting the Emotional Health Goal Sue discusses the zig-zag process of scaling her goal up and down based on her exploration process and how her thoughts about it changed after attending a conference with Bruce Eckert on Memory Reconsolidation.  Two Particularly Helpful Takeaways From the Conference We can’t know our unconscious Sue tests out whether or not The Memory Reconsolidation Technique is something we can do alone Because the behavior is implicit, it comes from the unconscious, so there is no way to see it by ourselves. But we can still move it by being curious about our responses and what comes up in the feelings of threat. Seeing the effects of the implicit coming out in our explicit reactions and working to get more comfortable with it invites it in more. State Dependent Learning When we’re in a regulated state, we have access to all this great knowledge and learned information. As we get into a dysregulated state, the neural network shifts and it becomes a different learning. We really actually kind of lose contact for a moment with that more reflective stance. Especially if we come from a neglect or a trauma background or had tough things in life or had adversity. We have these learnings that are on their own neural network. Neural Networks and Changing Symptomatic Behavior There are 2 different neural circuits, and the only way to change the symptomatic behavior is to access the other neural circuit. This has to do with activation, so we have to actually feel the feelings to improve emotional health. How Do We know What’s Changing? It starts with the behavior starts with the symptom. In recognizing the symptom that you want to shift, you’ve gone much more internal and you’ve named one part of it. In exploring it, we are un-layering it, and we’re smack dab on our which is to to go deeper and shift to more of a sense of security inside of you. Who doesn’t love special offers? Discounted course – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala! Advanced Course Connecting the Science(s) of the Mind to Interpersonal Relationships Our advanced course on attachment and relational neuroscience has been recently released and is now available (wahoo)! Since you are now deep into these shownotes, then you are one of us, use the code OURCLAN for an immediate discount for the course. This course is popular with clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION Dive in and get more involved – join us on Patreon! Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up. BOOK of the MONTH  Maybe You Should Talk to Someone– A Therapist, HER Therapist and a Life Revealed, by Lori Gottlieb. If you are looking for something to inspire you – make you laugh – tear up a bit and generally move towards being a better human this is the book we are recommending this month. Use the link above for a free audiobook!   LIKE this episode? Please please please leave us a review and rating on your podcast player. You also may enjoy these episodes related to emotional health: TU30: The Stages of Change: A Roadmap to Readiness TU88: 6 Steps to Increase Your Felt Sense of Security TU08: Understanding Emotional Triggers: Why Your Buttons Get Pushed and What To Do About It We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales (very fun swag!) to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Neuronerd private community. By joining as a Neuronerd premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content and first shot at very unique study opportunities. If we’ve provided value then please check us out, poke around, make sure you feel comfortable and then join us today!

Sue & Ann laughing at themselves, probably at our bumbling efforts on our 30-day emotional health challenge! Enough theory – it’s time to choose JUST ONE emotional health goal to work on for the next 30 days. Let go of what no longer serves you. Join us for our 30-day emotional health challenge! In this episode, Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott LCSW CGP are walking the walk. They personally challenge you to pick one thing to work on for the next 30 days – something challenging but within reach. Show Notes – 30 day emotional health challenge Backstory It’s February – this is not a new years resolution because they typically don’t work past about now. You hear about weight loss goals and fitness goals, but the most life-changing skills for long-term happiness and health is actually having close relationships. No matter how secure you are, how much therapy you have had, what letters are behind your name or how old you are, there is always something we can do to improve our sense of ourself and our close relationships. You pick! We give lots of ideas but the upshot is you know your own bad emotional habits. Self -Inventory With love and compassion first – reflect on what you know you need to work on Pick something that if you could change, it would have real meaning to you Pick something that is clear enough to be measurable – if others can see it that’s even better Tell someone what you are doing – gain accountability When you fail, this is a true challenge, remember? When you fail learn a bit more about what happened, where the bad habit or self talk is coming from, what triggers the behavior and ideas for intervention Earned Security and Internal Working Maps – Reviewed What is emotional health? Ann & Sue’s personal challenges Ann shares her personal 30 day challenge goal and how it developed – implicit emotional learning Sue shares her 30 day emotional challenge goal and what her implicit emotional learning she’s trying to unlearn and replace with something more adaptive for today How to identify your old IWM (adaptations to your early environment that are usually based on things that are no longer true) and replace them with new, more accurate IWM Earning Security – a cool club to be a part of 🙂  Examples of what you might try based on where you fall on the Attachment-Regulation Spectrum Resources for this Episode – Recommended Books Self Compassion Workbook A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength and Thrive by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer Mindful Path to Self-Compassion  by Christopher Germer Neuroscience of Human Relationships by Lou Cozolino Who doesn’t love special offers? Discounted course – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala! Advanced Course Connecting the Science(s) of the Mind to Interpersonal Relationships Our advanced course on attachment and relational neuroscience has been recently released and is now available (wahoo)! Since you are now deep into these shownotes, then you are one of us, use the code OURCLAN for an immediate discount for the course. This course is popular with clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION Dive in and get more involved – join us on Patreon! Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up. BOOK of the MONTH  Maybe You Should Talk to Someone– A Therapist, HER Therapist and a Life Revealed, by Lori Gottlieb. If you are looking for something to inspire you – make you laugh – tear up a bit and generally move towards being a better human this is the book we are recommending this month. Use the link above for a free audiobook!   LIKED this episode? Please please please leave us a review and rating on your podcast player. You also may enjoy these: TU30: The Stages of Change: A Roadmap to Readiness TU88: 6 Steps to Increase Your Felt Sense of Security TU08: Understanding Emotional Triggers: Why Your Buttons Get Pushed and What To Do About It Tweet We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales (very fun swag!) to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Neuronerd private community. By joining as a Neuronerd premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content and first shot at very unique study opportunities. If we’ve provided value then please check us out, poke around, make sure you feel comfortable and then join us today!

“Yes means yes is the new no means no!” Often we doubt our gut instinct, question our right to take up space in the world, and live governed by fear -especially when we’ve experienced trauma. Meet the Safety Team, a group of ordinary women doing extraordinary work teaching women how to build resiliency and re-claim their sense of agency. In this episode, Co-host Dr Ann Kelley joins this powerful group of women as they teach us how to find our voice, feel more present and powerful in our bodies, build resilience, and heal trauma. Who is The Safety Team? Christine DiBlasio, Ph.D., is the president and co-founder of The Safety Team, as well as a 4th degree black belt in Karate. For over 15 years, Dr. DiBlasio has coordinated and presented workshops on violence prevention, risk reduction, and self-advocacy skills to middle, high school and college students, as well as to community and corporate organizations. She has been instrumental in curriculum development, with a strong focus on serving survivors of interpersonal violence and trauma so as to promote healing. In addition, Dr. DiBlasio created a college and high school internship program and continues to provide leadership training to these interns as well as to an expanding group of volunteers. Dr. DiBlasio’s dedication to the Safety Team is an outgrowth of both her background in martial arts as well as her extensive experience as a practicing licensed psychologist with 30 years of clinical experience. Dr. DiBlasio is the clinical director of a large mental health outpatient practice, and in the context of this work, has provided psychotherapy services for survivors of interpersonal violence, trauma and sexual assault across the lifespan.   Darcy Richardson, MS, is a forensic toxicologist and Vice-President of The Safety Team, a 501(c)3 non-profit focused on the empowerment of women and the reduction of sexual violence. As a toxicologist she has provided expert testimony in over a thousand cases in both criminal and civil courts at the state and federal level. These cases have included assault and sexual assaults where her expertise is used to discuss the impact of alcohol and drugs on the ability to consent or to react effectively in dangerous situations. As part of The Safety Team she uses this expertise to teach women about Drug-Facilitated Sexual Assault (DFSA), and how to effectively navigate this risk. Research indicates that half of all sexual assault cases involve alcohol and/or other drugs, which means addressing DFSA in Empowerment Self-Defense (ESD) classes and curricula is an integral part of reducing the incidence of sexual violence overall. Darcy is a 2nd degree black belt in Karate and a 1st degree black belt in Arnis.   Christina Allard, PT, is the volunteer coordinator, and instructor for The Safety Team, Inc. and a licensed Physical Therapist specializing in pediatrics and school-based therapy. She pursued additional training in childhood trauma and its impacts on development. She incorporates her knowledge of neuromuscular and somatic responses to develop movement strategies for emotional regulation in children and teenagers. Her interest in the therapeutic effects of movement sparked her interest in martial arts (brown belt in Karate) and her ongoing commitment to the empowerment model of The Safety Team.   Nancy Keller, MEd, CAS, is the treasurer, co-founder, and lead instructor for The Safety Team, Inc. and a licensed public-school educator with Winooski (VT) School District for more than 30 years. With expertise in curriculum development and instruction, she has created middle school programs for place-based learning in science and mathematics, as well as implemented a school-wide classroom-based program for physical activity. This program was designed to address the movement needs of those children who have experienced trauma, and was built upon her background in the martial arts (3rd degree black belt in Karate and 2nd degree purple belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu). Along with her ongoing training in the martial arts, Nancy is currently a doctoral candidate in the College of Education and Social Services at the University of Vermont. Her research is devoted to women and gender studies, empowerment self-defense, and social justice. She recently completed a qualitative pilot research project that investigated the outcomes of those who have volunteered with The Safety Team.   What Does The Safety Team Do? The Safety Team is entirely female led and female-focused. As such, it enhances the well-being, safety, empowerment, leadership skills and resiliency of women through empowerment self-defense trainings and offers a continuum of specialized, evidenced-based, therapeutic services to women who are recovering from the trauma of sexual assault and other violence. These services promote somatic reprocessing and healing while enhancing victims’ feelings of safety, personal power, and community connection.   Giving Survivors Their Power Back Helping women reclaim their bodies by bringing awareness back into the body and encouraging women to take up space. Affirmative Consent Challenging the “No Means No” culture by shifting the terminology to “Yes Means Yes” in sexual consent. While this is a really subtle change in terminology, it is a huge change effectively. The difference is that with “No Means No”, it means that I have a right to you until you tell me no. With affirmative consent, I have no right to you at all until I get that “Yes”. And in terms of getting that “Yes”, it has to be enthusiastic, it has to be continuous, a0nd it has to be freely given. Watch Tea and Consent-Affirmative Consent for a practical example of affirmative consent.   Moving Beyond the “Freeze” State Keep in mind here, it is NEVER the victim’s fault. The freeze response is a natural adrenaline response that intends to keep us safe. Through education about the neuroscience behind the freeze state, women understand that this is a natural response and that there is no blame or shame in this physiological response. By empowering voice exercises as a group, women learn to assert themselves and give their brain the extra moment to decide how it needs to react. By practicing strikes over and over, overriding the freeze response by creating muscle memory responses, women are empowered by the fact that their automatic body response will be defensive movements to keep them safe rather than the shut down, reducing re-victimization. Trusting Your Gut Your intuition always has your best interest at heart. Pre-assault cues can help us recognize when we’re in the midst of a predator. We may even subconsciously pick up on the predator’s adrenaline rush! Neuroception is at work here. For a deeper understanding of “The Freeze Response” and Neuroception, listen to TU93: Polyvagal Theory in Action – The Practice of Body Regulation With Dr Stephen Porges TU94: The Science of Self-Regulation – Breaking down Polyvagal Theory TU110: Story Follows State – Investigating Polyvagal Theory with Guest Deb Dana Future Directions A long-term plan is developing an all gender presentation class that would include cis men. The Safety Team recognizes the need for a cultural shift surrounding consent! We can move toward change through education and community.   Resources Orchowski, L., & Gidycz, C. (2018). Sexual Assault Risk Reduction and Resistance. NY: Academic Press. DeBecker, G. D. (2010). The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence. London: Bloomsbury. Van der Kolk, B. (2015). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma. NY: Penguin Press. Information and Useful Links: The Safety Team Website Circle of Six Phone App Stalking information: Gavin DeBecker’s Threat Assessment Tools Futures Without Violence Project Unspoken: I Am Tired of the Silence A Parent’s Guide to Teen Dating Violence Jackson Katz: Silence and Violence Students Active for Ending Rape Coaching Boys into Men   Other Episodes That You May Enjoy: TU24: Grief And Our Body’s Wisdom On Surviving It With Candyce Ossefort-Russell TU102: Finding Neurological Safety through Relationships, with Guest Bonnie Badenoch (Replay) TU52: Using Mindfulness, Movement and Yoga to Manage Arousal, with Guest Kelly Inselmann   Who doesn’t love special offers?   Our advanced course on attachment and neuroscience has been recently released and is now available! And, since you are deep into these shownotes then you are one of us, so get 10% off by putting in code OURCLAN. 🙂 While this course is utilized heavily by clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. It is a full 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION   Want to help us keep going? We are now on Patreon and you can become a Neuronerd supporter and help the show continue to improve.  Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up. Tweet

Tori Olds with Deep Eddy Psychotherapy Learn to apply the advances in neuroscience to our lives in a real way – we all want to be able to do that, right? This episode delivers on that for sure – memory reconsolidation is changing how therapists practice and explains why those lightbulb moments can actually transform us if done correctly. 🙂 In this episode, Powerhouse clinicians Tori Olds and Bruce Ecker join co-host Sue Marriott in a discussion on how memory reconsolidation brings awareness to old maps and traumatic emotional learning and gives us a clean slate on which to build new learning pathways. Saturday February 15, 2020: Introduction to Coherence Therapy, Austin, TX Who is Bruce Ecker? Bruce Ecker, MA, LMFT is co-originator of Coherence Therapy and coauthor of Unlocking the Emotional Brain: Eliminating Symptoms at Their Roots Using Memory Reconsolidation; the Coherence Therapy Practice Manual & Training Guide; and Depth Oriented Brief Therapy: How To Be Brief When You Were Trained To Be Deep and Vice Versa. Clarifying how transformational change takes place is the central theme of Bruce Ecker’s clinical career, and he has contributed many innovations in concepts and methods of experiential psychotherapy. Since 2006 he has driven the clinical field’s recognition of memory reconsolidation as the core process of transformational change and has developed the application of this brain research breakthrough to advancements in therapeutic effectiveness and psychotherapy integration. Bruce is a frequent presenter at conferences and workshops internationally, has taught extensively in clinical graduate programs, and is in private practice in New York City Who is Dr Tori Olds? Tori Olds, PhD is a psychologist in private practice in Austin, Texas. She is a co-owner of Deep Eddy Psychotherapy, a counseling center housing seventeen clinicians. She specializes in working with trauma, particularly attachment trauma, and utilizing mindfulness and self-compassion as a resource for personal growth. Alongside her clinical work, she has a passion for training therapists in experiential ways of working. She leads a number of study groups and is developing 10 online courses focused on helping clinicians develop experiential skills, as well as understand human development from an evolutionary, neurobiological, and attachment lens. Show Notes Meeting Tori Olds and Bruce Ecker Tori Olds: Clinician and leader of a training group on how to integrate experiential psychotherapies (AEDP, PACT, Somatic Experiencing) Bruce Ecker: Clinician and author of “Unlocking the Emotional Brain” Emotional Learning Emotional learning happens much as a Pavlovian response We often learn without awareness and become prisoners of emotional learning Emotional truths are a powerful mental model how of how the world works that we don’t often realize are there Low self-esteem works as a protective, adaptive tactic By bringing awareness to these learnings, we can de-pathologize them (therapists can help facilitate this) and begin the disconfirmation process Memory reconsolidation Memory reconsolidation: the brain’s built-in, natural way of using new learning to directly update and re-encode existing old learning This process targets emotional learning Memory reconsolidation can serve as a “unifying framework for the psychotherapy field, which has been so fragmented” Therapeutic Contexts of Memory Reconsolidation Coherence therapy, as well as many other different therapeutic models, can produce transformational change through memory reconsolidation Three stages: 1) Discovery 2) Integration 3) Juxtaposition Resources Primer on Memory Reconsolidation – PDF – READ THIS if you want more! Unlocking the Emotional Brain –– Bruce Ecker Coherence Therapy Practice Manual – Bruce Ecker Depth Oriented Brief Therapy – Bruce Ecker Memory Reconsolidation in Psychotherapy: The Neuropsychotherapist Special Issue (The Neuropsychotherapist Special Issues) (Volume 1) Deep Eddy Psychotherapy Dr. Tori Olds’s Youtube Channel Coherence Institute Clinical Translation of Memory Reconsolidation Article Saturday February 15, 2020: Introduction to Coherence Therapy, Austin, TX   Other Episodes That You May Enjoy: TU49: Five Strategies to Manage Intense Emotions & Why Emotional Regulation Matters & TU08: Understanding Emotional Triggers: Why Your Buttons Get Pushed and What To Do About It Who doesn’t love special offers?     Our advanced course on attachment and neuroscience has been recently released and is now available for a discounted price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION   We’re on Patreon – dive in and get more involved!  Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales (very fun swag!) to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Neuronerd private community. By joining as a Neuronerd premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content and first shot at very unique study opportunities. If we’ve provided value then please check us out, poke around, make sure you feel comfortable and then join us today! Tweet

You deserve better!! Are you lost in a narcissistic relationship? The term narcissism is easily tossed around, especially in this world of selfies. However, if you are deeply connected to someone with the personality disorder narcissism it is a very real, painful and a disruptive experience. It is also surprisingly difficult to identify when you are in the middle of it. And, it is really tough to get out of it once ensnared!   We break it down here! This episode is a follow up to Episode 105, on what causes narcissim. In this episode on narcissism, Co-hosts Ann Kelley PhD and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP continue the dialogue on narcissistic relationships from a patron-requested perspective. This episode is about being in a relationship with someone with the personality disorder, narcissism. To hear episode 105 on what causes narcissism, click here. Narcissism Overview Early emotional wound which develops into an inflated sense of self-importance, Self-centeredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder. Selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, a personality type. Grandiose narcissism – protect our sense of self by looking better and being better, demands mirroring from others to stay in connection. Depressed narcissism – we collapse on ourselves and feel like we are the worst person in the world. Hey gang, we just aren’t that special – thank heavens. Both stem desire to be loved and cared for & empty sense of self Signs of Being in a Relationship With a Narcissist It’s always conditional You know they are sensitive or vulnerable but they can’t see it or deny it – externalize Can’t take feedback, turn it around on you One-directional relationship – you orbit them not the other way around Inability to accept any type of critique or criticism/accept that they have faults Scripted gestures that aren’t an apology Charming but superficial You feel lucky to be in this “special” relationship You begin to subjigate yourself, lose your self into them in order to keep the connection Gaslighting – manipulative cynical Can you say egg-shells? You are walking on them… Who is attracted to narcissistic relationships? ANYONE can get pulled in – the problem is the controlling manipulative behavior But if you find yourself attracting these kinds of people, or can’t get out of a relationship that involves serious narcissism, it’s better to compassionately find and accept yourself so you can begin to resist their requirement to mirror them Were you raised by someone with narcissism so you know innately how to put self aside and tend to the other A feeling one might be fulfilled if the person (narcissist) “saves” them Internal emptiness and relief around being told who you are, what you should do… Prone to being vulnerable especially around actualizing of self What Does Being In A Relationship With A Narcissist Look Like? Allure of narcissist helping you be your best self Seduction, jealousy, decisiveness – which gives way to controlling, possessiveness, and isolation Giving up freedoms and limiting exposure to avoid upsetting narcissist World orbits around narcissist instead of mutual orbit of a natural relationship Narcissist makes you feel like you are doing something to them, always your fault Ignore your own mind and perceptions to keep connected (dangerous) Always in the shadow of the narcissist Everything is about the narcissist Unable to apologize sincerely and feel remorse Gaslighting Comes from a movie where husband intentionally manipulates wife’s mind – something is happening, wife sees it, husband and others deny that it is happening Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation.  It occurs in when a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group.  This behavior involves denial, misdirection, contradiction and outright lying.  It makes makes others question their own memory, perception, and sanity, all in an effort to destabilize the victim and delegitimize the victim’s beliefs. You know something as your reality. However, when you attempt to address it, your partner or somebody you love turns it around as your issue and makes you feel like you don’t understand reality. What To Do About It Begin to get yourself back Don’t let anyone annihilate your feelings Own your reality, stay in it, and hold tight Feel your own pain and disconnection from yourself Stop trying to change the narcissist’s reality Treat yourself with self-protectiveness and compassion Set boundaries Boundary off belittling feedback Get out of an abusive relationship Get into therapy Recognize the emotional exhaustion & take care of self Listen to those who say they don’t like how you’re being treated. If you defend that treatment, really evaluate the relationship Measuring Narcissism Measured on the Likert Scale from a 1-7, some as short as one question Narcissists are likely to self-identify on this written scale (asked directly) even though they don’t want others to perceive they are narcissists. They admit to it because they see everyone as less intelligent than them, but resist a “diagnosis” because there is nothing wrong with them. Associated to some degree to dismissing / avoidant blue attachment.  This makes sense, remember blue is about “self” and need to attend to interpersonal relationships whereas red preoccupied anxious attachment leaning tend to be “other” oriented and need to ground in themself to move toward the balance of green – security.   Resources TU13: Our Powerful Fascination With Narcissism In The Era Of Trump Old Therapist Uncensored episode, we cringe but here ya go 🙂 Research study mentioned: Konrath, S.,Meier, B. P., & Bushman, B. J. (2014). Development and validation of the single item narcissism scale (SINS). PloS One, 9(8), e103469. Appendix S1 Psychology Today’s Narcissism Blog Archive Gaslighting 10 Signs Tweet

When we have an anchor in ventral, we can then go visit sympathetic and dorsal without being hijacked by it. In this episode of Therapist Uncensored, Co-host Sue Marriott explores the intersection of Polyvagal Theory, neuroscience, and attachment with Deb Dana. We will investigate how the mind creates stories from information relayed by the nervous system, and how we can rewrite the script to move toward security. Meeting Deb Dana Deb Dana is a clinician and consultant who works with trauma She has a training program called the Rhythm of Regulation Goals of this: understand the nervous system and help people become active operators of their own system Story Follows State The mind narrates what the nervous system knows Therapeutic goal: bringing explicit awareness to implicit processes Neuroception: our nervous system has a response to what is going on in the world and looks to others for cues of safety and danger The brain tries to make sense of what is happening in the body on a physiological level by making up a story Many of us have nervous systems that are shaped by experiences to be wary of connection; this is something that we work on shifting in therapy The Nervous System and Attachment The nervous system services our survival and sets the stage for attachment We have two survival states: Sympathetic: mobilized, energetic state- we see red folks here! Dorsal vagal collapse: immobilized, disconnected state- we see blue folks here! The Hopefulness in Polyvagal Theory “Experience shapes the nervous system and ongoing experience reshapes the nervous system” When shame reduces, curiosity arises The Autonomic Ladder It can be helpful to identify where you currently stand on the ladder, as well as track where you are going on the ladder Ladder orientation from top down- ventral vagal (anchored state), sympathetic (activated state), dorsal (collapsed state) Take Home Tips Use your voice! Intonation before information. We send cues of safety or danger through our tone of voice. Each nervous system is different in how it comes back into repair, and it changes over time. In a ventral state, there is community. If you’re in trouble, go social! (i.e. send a text, make that phone call, reassure yourself) Who is Deb Dana? Deb Dana, LCSW is a clinician and consultant specializing in working with complex trauma and is Coordinator of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium in the Kinsey Institute. She developed the Rhythm of Regulation Clinical Training Series and lectures internationally on ways Polyvagal Theory informs work with trauma survivors.  Deb is the author of The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation and co-edited, with Stephen Porges, Clinical Applications of the Polyvagal Theory: The Emergence of Polyvagal-Informed Therapies.   Resources: Beginner’s Guide to Polyvagal Theory Using the Autonomic Ladder to Work with Perfectionism The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation Rhythm of Regulation Website Stephen Porges’s and Deb Dana’s Coauthored Book       Who doesn’t love special offers? Our advanced course on attachment and neuroscience has been recently released and is now available for a discounted price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION   We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales (very fun swag!) to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Neuronerd private community. By joining as a Neuronerd premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content and first shot at very unique study opportunities. If we’ve provided value then please check us out, poke around, make sure you feel comfortable and then join us today!   Tweet

Resilience in real-life from a non-Western perspective. (Cover photo, Appleton took responsibility for feeding kids in his village by diving and spearing food from the sea.) “And if there’s any other person that is going through mental health problems or a very hard time in their life, or they have been through something really bad… I just want them to know that they’re not alone.” Alphanso Appleton In This Episode of Therapist Uncensored on Trauma and Resilience, Alphanso Kwame Appleton, a Liberian native, shares his experiences of growing up in a country devastated by civil war, living through the Ebola epidemic, and tragically losing his young daughter. Despite these repeated experiences of trauma, he is healing and has found purpose in his life. This is an incredible story that absolutely captures what resilience looks like and we are pleased that his recovery did not rely on traditional Western approaches. We have so much to learn. Interview by Sue Marriott. Meeting Alphonso Meeting in Liberia through Strongheart and by happenstance, through the work of Dan Siegel. Mentoring youth Surfing Photography Life in Liberia The Liberian Civil War Escaping to Monrovia Child Soldiers Lack of education “Iron Lady” How the love and faith of Alphanso’s grandmother, whom he describes as an “Iron Lady”, protected him from rebel recruitment of child soldiers The Effects of Lack of Education Effects on Society Effect on healthcare industry – and him personally regarding the loss of his daughter The Ebola Epidemic The lack of belief and understanding that Ebola was real The spread of Ebola Alphanso’s photo that went viral thanking science for the Ebola vaccine “…maybe my photo will help young Liberians know science helps the world and become scientists too.” – Photographer Alphanso Appleton Personal Tragedy The loss of Alphanso’s 18 month old daughter, Lisa. Alphanso’s Healing Journey Faith Strongheart – learning a meditation practice Surfing The Universal Language of Photography Resilience through expression of emotion through photos “The Liberia Project” by Apartial featuring Alphanso Appleton “Portraits of Progress” by Alphanso Appleton Moving Forward Current and future endeavors Misconceptions about Africa Words of wisdom “Overall, it’s just finding something you love – something you love doing- something that brings you joy; something that makes you happy. Because that was a really key part of my transformation. That was a really key part of my healing.” Alphanso Appleton Other episodes you may enjoy: TU91: Curiosity – One of the Most Powerful Tools For Connection TU33: Adverse Childhood Experiences: A Roadmap To Understanding And Treatment Resources “Alphanso Appleton: A Story of Becoming” The Making of Child Surfers, Not Child Soldiers Article in Global Citizen – Surfers Paint Liberia Strongminds.org Alphanso’s contact information [email protected]   Who doesn’t love special offers? Our advanced course on attachment and neuroscience has been recently released and is now available for a discounted price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION We’re on Patreon!  Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month! Increase your access, join our community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales (very fun swag!) to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Neuronerd private community. By joining as a Neuronerd premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content and first shot at very unique study opportunities. If we’ve provided value then please check us out, poke around, make sure you feel comfortable and then join us today! Tweet

Judgment says more about the judg-er than the judg-ee. It’s not Judgement – Bad. It’s Judgment-Interesting. Everybody judges and in truth, we unconsciously evaluate good/bad all the time – both positively and negatively. It’s our brains appraisal system. However unchecked it’s also a very handy interpersonal defense. Today we explore one aspect of insecure functioning, unchecked judgment and harsh self-criticism. It is just one common insecure pattern to think in absolutes and moral righteousness, and before you judge judgers, those of us who’s favorite flavor is self-criticism and self-judgement please be warned that harsh scale extends quickly to those close to us.  Fun times to grow and learn we tell ya!! In This Episode of Therapist Uncensored, Co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott break down the big picture of attachment and take a deep dive into just one of the habits of insecure attachment – how we use judgment! Turn on your curiosity and notice your judgments as we go – it’s kinda fun, actually. The Pleasure of Judgement Description of what self-righteous judgment looks like presented in an anecdotal but accurate way. Quick Review Every human being has a system to manage threat. Blue – you down-regulate Red – you up-regulate The Role of Judgment Method of self-protection Response to a feeling of threat 2 types: self-righteous or self-critical Self-Righteous Judgment It’s a great feeling. What’s really going on underneath? Disconnection from threat in our own body Slowing down to experience what we are judging Fortified defense Not pathological, it’s protective Example of Blue Judgment Fear of Vulnerability Judging to keep at a distance Example of Red Judgment Telling others what they are doing wrong Judging to prevent expressing fear of abandonment underneath Non-Judgment Inability to create a judgment can be an indication that we can’t have a sense of self and an essence of threat, and that clearly defining ourselves is too vulnerable. (red-side of insecure spectrum, usually) Judgment Can Be A Healthy Protection Not all judgment is bad Explore it. Righteousness to Relationality Exploring the movie about Harriet Tubman The moral high road Righteousness as the lazy man’s way Making the move Effecting change while staying in the relationship Self-Judgment Also the lazy man’s road Same old negative thoughts No movement and no new neural pathways being built Keeps us stuck Moving from self-loathing to connection Putting our feet to the fire It’s not that it’s pathological – it’s information. We think it’s information about the other person, but really it can be a window into something more interesting if we open up to exploring it.  Why do you judge THAT in particular? What parts of others make your skin crawl? Check if it’s disowned parts of yourself that you are attempting to distance from or stamp out in others. You see…. now it gets interesting and the door opens rather than slams close on the object of our scrutiny. Practice Noticing With Compassion Find your version of what it is that you’re judging. Have a little smile of humor when you catch yourself being judgmental Explore what’s underneath   Resources Healing Your Attachment Wounds by Diane Pool Heller Healing Developmental Trauma Lawrence Heller Self-Compassion, the Hidden Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff Also check out TU73: Building Grit Through Self-Compassion with Kristin Neff   Who doesn’t love special offers? Our course is now available for a deeply discounted early release price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are highly interested in deepening the security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. Price increases on October 22, 2019 when it is released to the wider public. CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales (very fun swag!) to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Neuronerd private community. By joining as a Neuronerd premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content and first shot at very unique study opportunities. If we’ve provided value then please check us out, poke around, make sure you feel comfortable and then join us today! Tweet

Trauma is not a life sentence. We are rapidly learning what works to reverse the effects of stored injuries and today we will explore one treatment version of that, called Somatic Experiencing.  First a shout out to a listener who connected us to our guest today, Ali Capurro – thank you! And to everyone else please note that we love these kinds of connections are always open to hear from you on who you think would deepen this conversation of earning security. In This Episode of Therapist Uncensored, co-host Sue Marriott explores Somatic Experiencing with Dr Abi Blakeslee. This interactive deep-dive takes you into the Somatic Experiencing process and provides hope and confirmation that healing trauma is possible through integrated treatment of the brain, the body, and the mind! The Foundations of Somatic Experiencing (SE) Founded by Dr Peter Levine – author of best-selling books “Waking the Tiger- Healing Trauma”, and “In an Unspoken Voice” SE is based on the study of how animals in the wild process and recover from stress and trauma. Focuses on working directly with the nervous system to help people reorganize the non-conscious survival adaptations developed by the sub-cortical or lower brain Definition of Somatic Experiencing the experience of body in the present moment. What SE Looks Like in Practice Present-centered because the healing happens in the here-and-now. It’s a process of following what is is happening in the body and taking a pause from the trauma content to down-regulate the amygdala to a state of safety before moving forward. “The trauma’s not in the event. It’s in the nervous system.” The Nervous System Getting “Unstuck” – Healing Trauma Through Body Awareness Pendulation – Peter Levine defines that as the expansion of contraction of all things moving between expanded States and contracted States. Orienting Exercise The Biological Model of the Threat Response Cycle Wild Animals Versus Humans During Threat Cycle:  Orient – aware of something in environment Defensive Orienting – sense threat Moving Into Social Interaction – Moving Into Fight and Flight – these are active defense responses Increased sympathetic arousal, burst of movements, Moving Into Freeze – passive defense response Heart rate goes into a slow state like for hibernation. Digestion slows down, hello heart rate variability circulation. There’s nothing pumping to the arms and the legs, so everything shifts into this near death state Back to Exploratory Orienting Working With the Nervous System Tracking Sensation – describing sensations happening in the body as they are happening Noticing Movement Patterns – acknowledging the shifts that occur Completion of Defensive Responses – allowing the body to carry out the response desired (runnint, punching, kicking, etc) but VERY SLOWLY Sympathetic Discharge When Coming Out of Freeze or Down From High Sympathetic Charge Impala and the Baboon Video Grounding Exercise Neuroception vs Interoception Neuroception is the lower brain assessment of safety/threat in the environment. Interoception is the awareness of one’s own internal states and can be learned over time. Who is Dr Abi Blakeslee: Dr. Abi Blakeslee is faculty at the Somatic Experiencing Trauma Institute and Foundation for Human Enrichment. She is additionally Dr. Peter Levine’s legacy faculty at Ergos Institute for Somatic Education. Dr. Blakeslee holds a Ph.D. in Clinical and Somatic Psychology and is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Her dissertation, with a committee that included Dr. Daniel Siegel, generated original research on the role of implicit memory in healing trauma. Dr. Blakeslee integrates SE with clinical research, secondary trauma interventions, and the psychobiological principles of attachment and shock trauma. She treats individuals, couples, children and families in her clinical practice. Dr. Blakeslee teaches and consults worldwide. She lives in Bozeman, MT with her husband and enjoys the snow, mountains, and rivers with her three young children. Resources:   Transcript and .MP3 of Orienting and Grounding Exercises What is Somatic Experiencing?  Secondary Trauma in the Workplace: Tools for Awareness, Self-Care, and Organizational Response in Montana By Dr Abi Blakeslee Toddler Trauma: Somatic Experiencing, Attachment, and the Neurophysiology of Dyadic Completion by Joseph P Riordan SEP, MAPS; Abi Blakeslee SEP, CMT, MFT, Ph.D, Peter A Levine Ph.D. More Information About SE Founder Dr. Peter Levine http://www.somaticexpereincing.com   For Professional Training in SE: http://www.traumahealing.org Who doesn’t love special offers? Our course is now available for a deeply discounted early release price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are highly interested in deepening the security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. Price increases on October 22, 2019 when it is released to the wider public. CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION   We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales (very fun swag!) to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Neuronerd private community. By joining as a Neuronerd premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content and first shot at very unique study opportunities. If we’ve provided value then please check us out, poke around, make sure you feel comfortable and then join us today!   Tweet

Learn what actually works in therapy. It’s hard to verbalize the problem with “evidence-based” models of care, but renowned psychoanalyst and psychologist Nancy McWilliams does just that. She further describes what happens in quality depth-oriented therapies such as psychoanalytically-informed, attachment-oriented therapy, and integrates the neurobiological aspect that Freud started that has now been confirmed. Who is Nancy McWilliams? Nancy McWilliams, PhD, ABPP, is Visiting Professor in the Graduate School of Applied and Professional Psychology at Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey, and has a private practice in Flemington, New Jersey. She is on the editorial board of Psychoanalytic Psychology and has authored three classic books on psychotherapy, including the award-winning Psychoanalytic Diagnosis, Second Edition: Understanding Personality Structure in the Clinical Process. Dr. McWilliams is an Honorary Member of the American Psychoanalytic Association and a former Erikson Scholar at the Austen Riggs Center in Stockbridge, Massachusetts. She is a recipient of the Leadership and Scholarship Awards from Division 39 (Psychoanalysis) of the American Psychological Association (APA) and the Hans H. Strupp Award from the Appalachian Psychoanalytic Society, and delivered the Dr. Rosalee G. Weiss Lecture for Outstanding Leaders in Psychology for APA Division 42 (Psychologists in Independent Practice). She has demonstrated psychodynamic psychotherapy in three APA educational videos and has spoken at the commencement ceremonies of the Yale University School of Medicine and the Smith College School for Social Work. Show Notes – Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Therapy with Nancy McWilliams Psychoanalytic Perspective, Trauma & Attachment Based Treatment • Challenges – academic and scientific • Short term focused • Technique driven • However, deprives individuals of the time needed to establish secure attachment to therapist, develop motivation to change, feel root feelings, etc. • Psychoananalytic Perspective • Humanistic-evidence based relationships • Proving and disproving Freud  Trauma treatment history • Long term Therapy Benefits • Devoted Therapist Negative Transference “Difficult patients” typically are the ones that evoke parts of ourselves that we don’t like. Our own ugliness, our own badness, all of that. And again, that goes back to long-term treatment, but also long-term treatment of ourselves, you know, as doing our own work and really, you know, a lifelong process. Research on non-verbal communications and what works in therapy. Learning the defenses and what lies underneath • Narcissism/soft toss • Borderline • what would you advise for people to get the most out of their therapy or any close relationship that they’re in? Do you have thoughts about that?   If you enjoy this episode you may also enjoy these: TU105: Narcissism, What is Going On Under the Defense w Sue Marriott & Ann Kelley TU90: Avoidance and the Difficulty Opening Up with Guest Robert T. Muller TU41: The Dark Side Of Therapy: Recognizing When The Therapeutic Relationship Goes Bad   Resources: Psychoanalytic Diagnosis by Nancy McWilliams (textbook for therapists and students) To Know and to Care – A_Review of Psychoanalysis by Nancy McWilliams A psychodynamic formulation masterclass by Nancy McWilliams In Conversation Wih Dr Nancy McWilliam The Therapeutic Presence In Psychoanalys by Nancy McWilliams Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed – Lori Gottlieb (Sue read this at Dr. McWilliams suggestion and found it hilarious, poignant and much like therapy occurs in real life. Highly recommended.)   Who doesn’t love special offers? Our course is now available for a deeply discounted early release price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are highly interested in deepening the security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. Price increases on October 22, 2019 when it is released to the wider public. CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION We’re on Patreon!  Become a Super Neuronerd, a Gold Neuronerd or an Out and Proud PLATINUM NEURONERD today!   Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for just $5 a month!  Gain access to a private community and exclusive content.  Help us create a ripple of security by sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up. We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales (very fun swag!) to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Neuronerd private community. By joining as a Neuronerd premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content and first shot at very unique study opportunities. If we’ve provided value then please check us out, poke around, make sure you feel comfortable and then join us today! Last thing, we talk about a lot of deep stuff and people can begin to come alive and feel things. We can’t take you on as a client but we DO encourage you to get help if you are interested in examining your life or exploring pain in your past. Face to face local therapy recommended where you can, however many people cannot access private individual therapy for any number of reasons, so we found a service that offers online therapy in many countries and many languages that is affordable. Please use our link and you’ll get to try it for free. Let us know your experience of it no matter what but so far we’ve heard only good things – try it out!!!   Tweet

Hey everybody, we are BACK and ready to take off on Season 4!!! Wahoo! Narcissism – This time we focus on how it’s created and what is going on behind the narcissists defenses. Later we will address Malignant Narcissism, which is in a class all to itself! It deserves an entire episode, but for today we will look at what causes it, healthy and pathological degrees of it and what is really going on under the hood of the person afflicted with narcissism. We really heard the requests wanting to hear more about some of the diagnostic pieces of attachment, trauma and the relational sciences. Specifically, narcissism and borderline personality disorder are of great interest to many of you.  We put our heads together about how to best do this in a way that honors those who are struggling with these issues and those in relationship with them. To do this, we are going to weave conversations about narcissism and borderline personality disorder throughout the season. It may be snippets in a podcast about something else, or entire episodes focused on these concerns. Today, we’re going to get started on narcissism. Greek version of the myth: Narcissus, was the son of River God Cephisus and nymph Lyriope. He was known for his beauty and he was loved by God Apollo due to his extraordinary physique. Narcissus was once walking by a lake or river and decided to drink some water; he saw his reflection in the water and was surprised by the beauty he saw; he became entranced by the reflection of himself. He could not obtain the object of his desire though, and he died at the banks of the river or lake from his sorrow. According to the myth Narcissus is still admiring himself in the Underworld, looking at the waters of the Styx. Healthy Narcissism (!?) We all have some element of Narcissism and if we don’t, we get run over in life. We don’t want to be a doormat but we also don’t want to be on a High Horse above it all. We all have narcissism, it’s healthy entitlement. Functional narcissism is about your sense of Self, healthy entitlement and being inside yourself, and really rolling with who you are as a person. It’s being confident instead of being overly in-tune to others opinion of you. Problematic Narcissism If it’s a character trait rather than a moment in time, it’s all about defense. This defense protects the smallness and inadequacy and shame at it’s core, and to compensate, grandiosity is born. That or the opposite, which we will discuss, but if I attack the hell out of myself then I protect myself from you having less than positive feelings about me because I beat you to it. Basically, it’s about deriving self-esteem from outside affirmation in order to maintain internal validity. Narcissism is an injury to the Self, where we’ve had to give ourselves up in service of the other or blow ouselves up to feel “enough”. It is associated with the avoidant/dissmissing attachment category, or the blue side of the attachment spectrum. Narcissistic Tendencies Versus a Disorder (from a Psychologist’s Perspective) It’s only in the much higher degree and more rigid degree of the trait that we would call it disordered or problematic. This is NOT a judgment. We mean it’s problematic for the person who suffers from it and that it infiltrates most every relationship to a point that it significantly impairs daily functioning or social relationships. Not that a person with true Narcissistic personality disorder would notice this distress, because everyone around them are “stupid” or “the best.” You can imagine stupid one’s are differentiated from them and the best one’s reflect their version of themselves. Narcissistic Injury: Example: The blue side – (avoidance/dismissive attachment) is a defense, whether we live there or whether we travel there. When we feel very deeply vulnerable but can’t tolerate that experience, we pull into what we call a narcissistic defense to avoid an injury. We need a balance of healthy narcissism (affirmation from others to build our identity) and narcissistic injury (feeling hurt or injured if criticized or put down). Grandiose Narcissism This one is easy to spot and you can feel it because when their light shines on you, it feels so good. You feel so special and it’s amazing and you would almost do anything for them. If you’re mirroring them back and making them feel good, then you may get that light. But anything can happen where that light will move. And once that light moves, it is dark, and it is painful because that disconnection is tremendous, you holding on to them but they’ve moved on to the next shiney thing. We are sorry to report what you probably already know, they were relating to you not from a place of a connection, but from a place of their need to be validated. Negative Narcissism or Depressive Narcissism Big grandiose narcissism isn’t the only issue, there is also the equal and opposite side of the coin. It’s basically “I am so horrible. I am worse than anybody on the planet”, which makes me very special in my badness. What grandiose narcissism and negative narcissism have in common is the feeling of pulling away from a sense of connection or community and seeing yourself from the view that the risk of being in a related place is too much. The Truth: Inside every grandiose narcissist, there is this highly insecure, shame-filled child. And inside every negative narcissist, there is the image of the Big Self that is not realized.  If somebody lives in this place and really has that very early narcissistic injury, they are compelled by short term image. They would rather look good in the moment, but they’re not as concerned with the ongoing things like integrity and morality and trust over time. When stricken with the problem, there’s not awareness of it so it’s hard to be compelled to look at it, there is so much to lose. How Does Narcissism Develop A common scenario is a person had narcissistic parents. This person was valued with what they brought to the parent for their role, not so much for who they were. There’s always a judgement, even if the verdict is positive, they’re being evaluated. So things are good or bad. They are good or bad. So, if you’re in a parent’s light, there’s a term that is important to understand called narcissistic extension. So, what happens for a child is that they learn that if I’m tap dancing or smiling or being good in a way or adoring – whatever it is that lights the parent up, then we’re good. But if I begin to be mad, or differentiate, so that the parents are going to have to see inside of me instead of me see inside of them, then the connection is cut off. Narcissistic Extension This is when we have learned to support the other person’s ego by giving them what we know that they want. As kids we get highly skilled at reading a scene, knowing the unspoken and responding as wished. This is part of what causes the injury to the self, because in the midst of all that, where the heck are You? If a child turns to their own needs and that parent feels that as a Break and is activated by it, it’s suddenly unsafe to tune in to their disapproval or distance. So we’d rather give ourselves up than lose our connection. Often if you are in this dynamic, your achievements are a reflection of your parent’s worth. Children and Achievement Another way that you can create someone that struggles with narcissistic tendencies is to orbit the child and then the child believes they are the center of the universe. 🙂 Well they ARE the center of the universe for a fast minute, but that should only last a SHORT time. And truly they are only the center of your universe for their parents, and you do them no favors making them think they are extra-special OVER other children. They were shriveled raisins like everyone else and it is OXYTOCIN that make us think our coneheaded babies are THE VERY BEST BABY EVER. I mean, they are, of course, but only to us. We don’t want them growing up thinking they have to be the best, most special specimen of humanity to be Ok. Right? If we keep propping our child up (over an extended period of time) into the most special thing in the universe and don’t give them natural, “no, you’re irritating. No, you’re this. No, you’re that” (Deflation), then they’re going to really be vulnerable to these narcissistic injuries later, and they won’t be able to tolerate boundaries or distress or bad grades or whatever that reflects their normalness. Not sure that’s a word but we will keep it it’s ok. 🙂 When children are over-inflated by parents they also know that they’re probably not THAT great. There’s an inconsistency there that can promote a need of a false self.   When you’ve learned early on that there’s a need to mirror back your caregiver, then things like your own needs, your own vulnerabilities, can be experienced as humiliating. We’re not allowed to be needy, emotional or negative or whatever it is that we’ve been shut down for. Underneath the Narcissism People that struggle with narcissism will have to devalue and even humiliate people at times. Mostly, the need for inflation is rooted in shame and the feeling that must be something fundamentally wrong with my own three-dimensional self. Shame is toxic if lived in, because shame induces this way of being ultimately rejected, so to have an underlying source of shame that you can’t tolerate having, you have to develop all sorts of defenses to not actually even recognize that it’s shame (i.e.: criticalness). A narcissist sees things as a reflection of themselves. So because of that, they need to annihilate that in you. If you’re too close, you cannot have weaknesses because it’s a reflection on myself. And one of the ways that comes out is the criticism and putting you down. Success is sc

Are you sick of hearing about relationships but interested in attachment? (Or want to deepen your understanding of real world application of the relational sciences while you have a good laugh??!) All the single listeners (think Beyonce) heads up! We are going to break down attachment theory and apply the cool science for all of us…. Continuing in the series on adult attachment, co-host Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP joins Becki Mendivil in a spunky conversation about how attachment affects someone who isn’t in a romantic relationship nor is seeking one, but simply as an individual and a human being. We’ll chat about personal experiences with attachment, how the relational sciences translate to work and parenting with a wide array of anecdotal examples, and dive into the essentials of not remaining in one spot on the attachment spectrum. Becki is self-described as “very blue” so this episode is especially great for those that linger on the avoidant end of the spectrum. Enjoy a great laugh and learn as it unfolds! If you like this you’ll want to be sure and listen to our attachment series, check out episodes 59, 60, and 61! Introduction The problem of assuming someone’s in or seeking a romantic relationship when discussing adult attachment Becki’s giving Therapist Uncensored hosts the what-what on how she reads what we’ve said so far Generational transference of attachment 15:00-30:00: Listening to “The Blue Episode” & Parenting Becki’s experience in listening to the avoidant attachment episode of Therapist Uncensored Seeing the light! Becki’s exeriments to test if this model is actually useful or not. Daughter example. Empathetic silliness unfolds. Sue’s anecdote about her son and changes in attachment Becki affecting change in her physical isolation at work – confronting Sue on therapizing her 🙂 30:00-45:00: Using the Relational Sciences at Work Becki’s wild move towards interacting more directly with peers (!) Avoiding attachment labels/categories as strict definitions of a person Navigating up and down the spectrum of attachment in response to varying types of threats  45:00-60:00: Diving Deeper Attachment disruptions Idea of the “corkscrew” Wrap up and outro   Resources: Adult Attachment Styles in the Workplace – Harms, 2011 article Integrating attachment syle, vigor at work and extra-role performance at work -Little, et al 2011 article Individual differences in Work-Related Well Being, the Role of Attachment 2014     Who doesn’t love special offers? Our course is now available for a deeply discounted pre-sale purchase price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE’s available!), all are welcome to purchase the course. Price increases on October 16, 2019 when it is released. CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION   We’re on Patreon!  Become a Super Neuronerd, a Gold Neuronerd or an Out and Proud PLATINUM NEURONERD today! 🙂  Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for just $5 a month!  Gain access to private, more in-depth episodes and exclusive content.  Help us create a ripple of security by sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up.   We’ve partnered with Audible! Our listeners get a free audiobook plus a 30-day free membership. Cancel at any time! GET MY FREE BOOK! Tweet

Have you ever just sat back and observed a small child as they learn something new? There is this profound sense of awe and wonder with each new discovery they make. Kids are naturally curious. As adults, we tend to take what we know about the world for granted. But, through the eyes of a child, the world is an exciting mystery just waiting to be discovered! What if we told you that it is possible to experience that childlike curiosity in your day-to-day life, starting right now? What if we also told you that curiosity is one of the most powerful relationship tools we have? Curiosity is much more than a quest for knowledge and is not as simple as it seems. In this episode of Therapist Uncensored: Co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott, invite you to rediscover curiosity and experience the world and your relationships from a revitalized perspective! Why is Ann so obsessed with curiosity?! Childlike Wonder: Think about how a child sees things for the first time. It’s strictly curiosity. As we get older, the world becomes more predictable. Being “In the Know” vs “In the Unknown” When we think we know a lot, we limit ourselves. It takes a lot of security to be uncertain. The neuroscience of curiosity A willingness to embrace uncertainty and curiosity go hand in hand. Attachment, curiosity, and anxiety How does our attachment style affect our experience? If you feel bodily anxiety in the questions you’re asking, you’re probably not in the right state. How can we learn to become truly curious about someone in a loving way if we lean towards the blue or red side of the spectrum? If we’re on the blue side of the spectrum, how can we move out to a place where we’re curious. If we’re on the red side, how do we move from asking questions out of anxiety to asking out of curiosity? People who are curious about you are attractive, and we can tell the difference if they’re not really interested. You get to be curious about your therapist. Tips to cultivate curiosity: Train your brain Be aware of what’s happening in your body Recognizing judgment Are you judging people when they speak instead of listening to them? This is a kind of cognitive closure. Slow down and stimulate your own curiosity with questions. Look for novelty and discovery in your interactions. Early relationships often break up out of boredom. You can be curious about your anxiety related to asking questions and even share your anxiety with the person making you nervous. Sharing vulnerability brings people together. Cultivate wonder and awe. To review or learn about the different attachment styles, listen to: TU59: Dismissing/Avoidant Attachment – Are You Cool, or just Cut Off? TU60: Preoccupation in Relationships – Grow Your Security by Learning the Signs of Anxious Attachment TU61: It’s Not Crazy, It’s a Solution to an Unsolvable Problem – Disorganized Attachment TU79: Attachment Spectrum and the Nervous System, Quick Review with Updates Who doesn’t love special offers? Our course is now available for a deeply discounted pre-sale purchase price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE approval for clinicians pending), all are welcome to purchase the course. Price increases on September 18th. CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION   We’re on Patreon!  Become a Super Neuronerd, a Gold Neuronerd or an Out and Proud PLATINUM NEURONERD today! 🙂  Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for just $5 a month!  Gain access to private, more in-depth episodes and exclusive content.  Help us create a ripple of security by sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up.   We’ve partnered with Audible! Our listeners get a free audiobook plus a 30-day free membership. Cancel at any time! GET MY FREE BOOK! Tweet

The Power of Co-Regulation Explore the myth of self-regulation, the natural neurobiology of co-regulation and it’s capacity to engage safety and heal trauma. Learn about using interpersonal neurobiology (IPNB) and Polyvagal Theory to establish safety and security in therapy and in relationships. Therapist Uncensored co-host Sue Marriott LCSW CGP talks with author and therapist Bonnie Badenoch about the concept of using safety to reshape your neural landscape through authentic relationships. Badenoch guides us through her progression of building a bridge between science and practice to cultivate the best therapeutic mind. You’ll learn how exercising “happy humility” and compassion can allow for an ideal presence in our day-to-day life using our autonomic nervous system. Also, special hats off to Steve Porges and polyvagal theory. 0:00-30:00 What creates safety? How do our internal systems want us to be received? Sympathetic activation happens when there’s a need to control something in light of an obstacle. Internal systems challenge to remain in an open and receptive state. Polyvagal theory and Steve Porges. How can we explore the relationship between safety and curiosity and best use the language of “safety,” versus “comfort” and “discomfort”, especially towards the beginning of therapy and in new relationships? Badenoch contends that there’s no such thing as a maladaptive experience; that humans are always adaptive and require co-regulation. What’s the difference between co-regulation and auto-regulation? Is there a “myth” of self-regulation? Discussion of ideal parent figure protocol. Badenoch explores the connection between co-regulation, neural circuitry and forging relationships in your life. 30:00-60:00 Social Baseline Theory is what happens to our perceptions when someone we trust is with us. The difficulty and pain of tasks is always reduced when we’re with a trusted beloved and this relaxes our amygdala response. Badenoch walks us through her experience of feeling safe during and between client sessions. It’s key to have mutual, caring, receptive relationships with people who are willing to listen rather than jump in and try to offer advice. Young therapists. Everyone’s doing the best they can with what they have in their neural make up but how can we embody a therapeutic presence in the world through compassion or a “happy humility”? Resources: A Symphony of Gifts From Relational Neuroscience (1) Excellent PDF from Bonnie Badenoch Being a Brain-Wise Therapist: A Practical Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology [2008] Badenoch  The Brain-Savvy Therapist’s Workbook [2011] Badenoch  The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships [2017] Badenoch The Heart of Trauma Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships by Steve Porges!   For our listeners! Our long-awaited Advanced Course is launching soon! Purchase today for the lowest price possible. Pre-sale pricing ends September 18.  CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE   Join Us On Patreon For as little as $5 a month you can join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds to gain private, more in-depth episodes AND to support production of this podcast to provide access to the science of relationships across the globe.   YES SIGN ME UP FOR PATREON, OR FIND OUT MORE, click here! THANK YOU to all of our current Patrons!! Tweet

We knew we had to interview Dr. Elliott upon finding his book, Attachment Disturbances in Adults, Treatment for Comprehensive Repair(2016). It immediately became Sue’s current favorite read and that is saying a lot! We cover quite a lot in this podcast, especially about treatment, but if that still isn’t enough, these show notes are PACKED with PDF’s of great material offered by Dr. Elliott! Below you will find 4 full PDF handouts about the salient ideas of their synthesis of treatment for adults with attachment disruptions. In today’s episode you will hear about why attachment matters, background thoughts on insecurity and prevalence, brand new (to the US) and updated attachment research and then we mostly focus on how to apply all this knowledge with clients with attachment issues, and ourselves. Dr. Elliott introduces our audience to the 3 Pillars of Comprehensive Treatment: Ideal Parent Protocol, Metacognition and Fostering Collaborative Capacity. While he touches on them all, please download the 4 PDF attachments provided below, and start by reviewing the Overview. If for any reason you have trouble getting them, contact us and we will shoot them over to you! Dr David Elliott’s Bio: Dr. Elliott received his Ph.D. in Psychology in 1989 from Harvard University. His clinical training while at Harvard included externships at the Tufts University Counseling Center, the Outpatient Psychiatry Clinic of St. Elizabeth’s Medical Center in Brighton, Massachusetts, and a clinical psychology internship at McLean Hospital, the psychiatric teaching hospital of Harvard Medical School. He also completed a post-doctoral fellowship at McLean Hospital, where he worked on the Adolescent and Family Treatment Unit and at the hospital’s mental health outpatient clinic. He was licensed as a Psychologist in Massachusetts in 1990, and in Rhode Island in 1993. Recognizing from an early age that there are many dimensions to human experience, any and all of which can contribute to well-being or to difficulty, Dr. Elliott has maintained a commitment to learning and understanding the whole range of human possibility — from the deepest confusions and struggles of psychosis, to the patterns of personality that create personal and relational conflicts, to the development of the self in ways that promote both independence and intimacy, and to higher levels of growth that allow for flourishing and even a recognition of oneself as beyond the limits of the personal self. Four PDFs Overview of the Three Pillars Model of Attachment Treatment (Brown & Elliott, 2016) The Five Primary Conditions that Promote Secure Attachment (Brown & Elliott, 2016) Levels of Metacognitive Skills (Brown & Elliott, 2016) Fostering Collaborative Capacity and Behavior (Brown & Elliott, 2016) Additional resources for this episode: Daniel Brown, co-author of Attachment Disturbances in Adults This is his current website, which focuses on his meditation and spiritual development activities. Attachment Disturbances in Adults Treatment for Comprehensive Repair (2016) Daniel Brown andDavid Elliott  Clinical Application of the Adult Attachment Interview Edited by Howard Steele and Mariam Steele Our favorite clinical reference for those that want to learn much more deeply about using the AAI to treat attachment and learn about its usefulness with various populations. Video of Strange Situation to familiarize yourself with Mary Ainsworth and later Mary Main’s phenomenal work. These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page! If you appreciate this work you can help it continue by becoming a Patron – ie. a super fan, or what we call Neuronerds. Get access to a private community, direct access to us and more content  Click here to sign up for as little as $5 a month. You can also help us by subscribing on Apple Podcast, Google Podcast, Spotify or Podbean to name a few and by leaving a review so others can discover this cool science. Remember, sharing is caring! Tweet

100 Episodes and Going Strong! A Review of Our Most Popular and Referenced Episodes Tune in for a review of our listener’s favorite episodes and back stories about the evolution of Therapist Uncensored with co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott. This is a show hosted by 2 therapists who share the most usable science on attachment relationships, psychotherapy, and trauma. It combines both host lead conversations and interviews with top experts in their respective fields – neuroscientists, therapists, researchers, musicians, pop-culture celebrities, and so on – that share their wisdom about relationships. Today we celebrate starting with colleague Patty Olwell, and evolving everything from our messaging, our website, our audio and editing, and our co-host relationship. This is the last show of Season 3, BUT we will be back with new shows by early September. In the meantime, we will be re-playing some of these favorites.  We look forward to our next season of deepening our conversations on attachment, neuroscience, polyvagal theory, depth psychotherapy, sexuality, and more! Most Popular Episodes By Everyone, Including Us! Known as “the bundle” of attachment, these episodes summarize the attachment spectrum and have building security at their core. They are, by far, the most referenced, reviewed, and appreciated! Episode 59: Dismissing/Avoidant attachment. Are you cool or just cut off? Episode 60: Preoccupation in Relationships-Grow your security by learning signs of Anxious Attachment Episode 61: It’s not crazy, it’s just a solution to an unsolvable problem – Disorganized Attachment Other Popular Episodes Include: *Note: listed in order of discussion plus a brief summary of the show conversation Episode 54- The Stress Response System –Attachment Across the Lifespan specifically looking at the elder years and how our attachment system affects us as caretakers of our parents or as the senior who may be undergoing the various losses inherent in aging. Stephen Porges –  Episode 93: Polyvagal Theory in Action: The Practice of Body Regulation The father of Polyvagal Theory! fat led to groundbreaking shifts in our understanding of how the nervous system responds to threat and trauma. Dan Siegel – Episode 16: Inside The Mind of Dr. Dan Siegel Father of interpersonal neurobiology Discussed how the current political, international and climate crises could be viewed as a chance to transform human connection. He called for us all to become pervasive leaders. Alan Sroufe – Episode 56: How We Come To Define Ourselves, Attachment Research Across The Decades If you’ve ever wanted to know how much you can predict a person’s development years in advance, then you’ll enjoy our conversation with Dr. Alan Sroufe. his research findings over the years and how insecure and secure attachment tendencies can develop and affect an individual through their lives. Bonnie Badenock – Episode 83: Establishing Neurological Safety Through Relationships  discussed how exercising “happy humility” and compassion can allow for an ideal presence in our day-to-day life using our autonomic nervous system. Sympathetic activation happens when there’s a need to control something in light of an obstacle. Internal systems challenge to remain in an open and receptive state. Patricia Crittenden – Episode 96, 97, & 98 One of the originators of attachment theory studied under Mary Ainsworth Ep 96: Attachment and Self-protective strategies Ep 97: Dynamic Maturation Model (DMM) Ep 98: Diving deeper into the DMM of Attachment – our summary   Stan Tatkin – Episode 12: If It’s Not Good For You, It’s Not Good For Us talking about understanding how attachment plays out in Long term relationships In order to get over hidden shame, you need to expose it to safe people.  Shame can only be healed interpersonally. Different cultures social constructions of shame. Joining in sharing shame is very powerful tool. Connecting right brain to right brain.   Popular Episodes On Sexuality Episode 3: Different Sex Drives Are We Screwed?  Esther Perel – Episode 46: Redefining Infidelity – On Love and Desire in Modern Relationships Dr Susan Ansorage – Episode 71: Speakably Sexy: Communicating To Make Sex Hotter and Relationships More Alive Doug Braun-Harvey – Episode 42 & Episode 43: Sexual Vitality-Refreshing Our Understanding of Sexual Health Discussing love and desire in intimate relationships. promote ways of having a healthy dialogue with partners – deshames sexual desire differences, and Research on how sexuality can manifest differently in our bodies we often make assumptions based on our own experiences of sexuality…what our partner(s) are feeling and this leads to hurt and misunderstanding. The rule of variability – speaking in gendered terms is not our aim – but recognizing the differences in sex drives, sex roles and physiology can be useful. 6 principles of sexual health – add pleasure back into the conversation about healthy sex ,and the whole conversation changes The balance between pleasure and safety as a way to think of sexual health – “Sexual debut” vs losing our virginity“ Headlines – Neuroscience In The News: Current Events That Bring Attachment and Neuroscience Into Our Living Rooms Taking on current events and helping to draw out the science about how our headlines are related to attachment and neuroscience of everyday living and stress. Episode 41: How To Handle Post Election Tensions – Tips for the Holidays and Beyond Episode 68: Separation at the Border, Compounding trauma and Insecurity Relational science professionals have a lot to offer to understand the human rights event that is unfolding on the US-Mexico border. Our podcast has been all about promoting security in ourselves and our loved ones, and a primary component to this is access to your caregiver when you are young. It effects our biology, or persistent sense of ourselves and our view of the world. Long term effect on these children-citizens of the world – our neighbors. If we help to breed insecure attachment, what long term effects does it have? Episode 80: Nervous Systems in the News – Dr. Blasey Ford, Sexual Trauma Stories and the Power of Patriarchy Bringing in Polyvagal theory into such a HUGE and important dialogue- the freeze response in sexual trauma which surrounds shame, the deepening of trauma, why people hold back reporting due to shame and the misunderstanding of this in interpreting what is abuse Attachment is about safety rather than secure connection-if we sense a safe, out of danger, we can then activate the present and empathetic response of connection with higher regions of our mind/body moving from autonomic nervous system to social engagement Healing Attachment Through The Three Pillars Dr David Elliott – Episode 34 Treating Attachment Disruption in Adults Dr Daniel Brown – Episode 87: Treating Complex Trauma Goal of our podcast was to bring this kind of wisdom and insight from scholars about treatment to our listeners and these two are invaluable! Both discuss es the 3 essential ingredients of effective and efficient treatment for many clinical issues such as anxiety, depression, addiction, PTSD and personality disorders. Both discuss treatment on the anxious preoccupied side of the attachment spectrum (red side of the spectrum) and rectifying impaired self-development, chronic levels of anxiety, and chronic compulsive caretaking Episodes Specifically About Psychotherapy Dr Louis Cozolino –  Episode 36 The Neuroscience of Psychotherapy Episode 89: Neurofluency in Therapy, Work, and Life Episode 39: Getting What You Want From Therapy – The Essentials of a Therapeutic Relationship Episode 41: The Dark Side of Therapy-Recognizing When The Therapeutic Relationship Goes Bad Episode 7: What Group Therapy is and 5 Reasons You Should Try It General Topics Episode 81: How Good Boundaries actually Bring Us Closer with Juliane Taylor Shore boundaries have nothing to do with whether you love someone or not. They are not punishments, judgments or betrayals. “Jello wall”: Stop and slow down all the input coming towards you so you can ask, “Is this true or not true?” and “If it is, is this about me or not about me?” This allows you to view the world around you without getting hurt. Allows you space to reflect and be in your own system. Dr. Steve Finn – Episode 51: Conquer Shame By Understanding The Science Behind The Feeling Differentiating shame and guilt. Shamelessness and debilitating shame are both toxic and yet there is a version of these feeling that is quite healthy. we discuss the contemporary research and the biology of this emotion and practical implications for your everyday life. Shaming and repairing is healthy, never shaming is not. Guilt is really healthy shame.  Physical effect of shame and biology. Episode 66: Lessons from the single-not-dating world on using attachment science in real life with Becki Mendivil How we can impact our everyday relationships at work. Bring up specific examples of approaching your child with more delight, your coworkers etc Episodes About Music Episode 45: Music, Emotions and Therapy and Interview With Bob Schnieder- Love of Music Episode 44: Your Brain On Music, How Music affects your mind, Memory and Happiness Episodes On Parenting Episode 29: Understanding Adolescent Self-Consciousness From a Brain-Wise Perspective Episode 47: Attachment Insecurity and Secure Parenting with Tina Payne Bryson Episode 72: Attachment Parenting vs the Science of Attachment More General Topics Episode 17: The Biology of Motivation and Habits: Why We Drop The Ball Episode 88: 6 Seps to Increasing Your Felt Sense of Security People seemed to really like the applicable nature of this one Sit up, eye contact, gentle smile, slow down, ground self (methods) prepare and practice Kristen Neff – Epis

What if we flipped the script and learned to see our body as a messenger that needs to be heard rather than an obstacle to be conquered when it comes to our relationship with food? When we take physiological perspective, we learn that the body has much to say not only about food but also emotional regulation and our basic human needs for attachment and defense. Using the sensory information, attachment system and working with defenses. Who are our guests on this episode, you ask? Well here ya go, they are pretty bad-ass and they were interviewed by Dr. Ann Kelley: Paula Scatoloni, LCSW, CEDS, SEP Paula is a somatic-based psychotherapist, Certified Eating Disorders Specialist, and Somatic Experiencing™ practitioner in Chapel Hill, NC. She has worked in the field of eating disorders for over two decades. Paula served as the Eating Disorder Coordinator at Duke University CAPS for nine years and has taught extensively on the etiology and treatment of eating disorders through workshops, professional trainings, and conferences. She co-developed the first intensive outpatient program for eating disorders in the U.S with Dr. Anita Johnston. She is the co-founder of the Embodied Recovery model and the Embodied Recovery Institute in Durham, NC. Rachel Lewis-Marlow, MS, EdS, LPC, LMBT Rachel is a somatically integrative psychotherapist, dually licensed in counseling and therapeutic massage and bodywork. She is a Certified Advanced Practitioner in Sensorimotor Psychotherapy and has advanced training and 25+ years of experience in diverse somatic therapies including Craniosacral Therapy, Energetic Osteopathy, Oncology massage and Aromatherapy. Rachel She is the co-founder of the Embodied Recovery model and the Embodied Recovery Institute in Durham, NC. provides ongoing training and supervision to clinical and support staff in the programmatic implementation of the Embodied Recovery model. In her private practice in Chapel Hill, NC, Rachel works with trauma, eating disorders, and dissociative disorders.   TU99 Shownotes (are these not awesome or what? Patrons help us be able to do this, thank you you know who you are.) Typical Treatment Model Bio-Psychosocial model Bio: has been usage of pharmacology, re-feeding, nutritional rehabilitation, and yoga Psycho part has been education about emotion and emotional tolerance, dialectical behavioral therapy, supportive therapies to support emotional processing and cognitive distortions, cognitive behavioral treatment to address the distortions, and then try to change the behaviors by changing the cognitions, Social part: family and dynamics around having a place of belonging and one’s sense of belonging in the world, the culture, & the family Usually a treatment team: dietician, a therapist, family therapist, a psychiatrist, a physician Typical View of Recovery Goal: to get somebody to eat a prescribed amount of nutritional food in order to achieve a range of BMI or body size or shape eat it in what we call a normative style, which is a very relative term Focus is on how behaviors are a response to an attitude towards the body itself What’s Missing? Being curious about what the body is saying and expressing through the eating disorder behaviors Shifting the Perspective: The Embodied Recovery Model The Embodied Recovery Model is Somato–Psycho-Social. It expands the role of the body to include anatomy, physiology, kinesiology, movement, and posture. The 5 Core Principles of the Embodied Recovery Model The 5 Core Principles facilitate the intersection between somatic organization, subjective experience of self, and basic human needs for attachment and defense. Shifting from bio-psycho-social model to somato-psycho-social model. Directly resourcing the body so that it becomes a resource in recovery rather than an obstacle to recovery. Collaborate with the body at the physiological level to support the infrastructures that govern emotional regulation, memory, and sustained healing. Shifting the focus from what people with eating disorders are saying about their bodies to what their bodies are saying about what it means to be alive (defense structures) and what they need to thrive (attachment system). subjective experience meaning it’s not so much what people think about themselves but it’s actually the experience of the body and through the body Redefining recovery as an experience of embodiment rather than the absence or reduction of eating disorder symptoms. the idea that when we’re actually working with our body, and we know how to dialogue with it then, it’s going to support us and our relationship with food.  Somatic Scaffolding  Distorted body image: what’s happening is that the visual image of the body through the eyes and the interoceptive message (signals from the body inside) don’t match up. the visual information that they’re getting is impacted by the internal sensations they’re having and thoughts attempt to make sense of that really loud internal signals translate to interoceptively feeling huge because the internal noise is huge Embodiment: an intersection of our own awareness and our physical container-where our consciousness and our physical body intersect Eating disorder behaviors are a window into places where we are not a fully embodied 3 main areas examined in Somatic Scaffolding: the information (Sensory System), what’s being processed (Attachment System), and how it’s being processed (Defense System). Sensory Integration System Not working optimally due to genetics or trauma (generational, gestational, birth, childhood, etc). Sensitivity: Someone who is highly sensitive to textures, smells, sound, etc. experiences an internal experience of threat, which impacts the ventral vagal system Vagal system gets overloaded and overwhelmed and starts to shut down. Then we go into sympathetic or dorsal states, which do not give support for effective ingestion, digestion, and elimination. Have to pay attention to what helps resource sensory system (Learn more about this in TU93 and TU94 on Polyvagal Theory) Attachment System the relational dynamics that build the capacity for attachment (See TU 59, 60, & 61 for more info on different attachment styles) is illustrated in our basic developmental movement patterns of yield, push, reach, grasp, and pull that exist not just involuntary movement but in the primitive reflexes cellular movements the expansion and contraction movements build the capacity to connect in attachment and disconnect in our acts of defense Learning to yield yield – the perfect, relaxed state where you’re fully who you are in relationship with something else Being able to embody that phase of action, that rest, is an important action. It’s not the absence of something it is the presence of something, right. And when we can do that that is an essential part of the cycle of ingestion and digestion. It helps us know enough I’m done. I can just finish…it supports this capacity of I’m enough there’s enough I’ve had enough. Defensive defensive system – the impact of trauma trauma – something that is fundamentally impactful to us on a foundational level Is the impact truncating our attachment system that brings us into connection, or is it truncating our ability to defend ourselves and separate? Is a defense system intact or was there something that has been incomplete and is still trying to resolve “If we haven’t been able to fully complete a defensive action, our nervous system is dysregulated and isn’t going to support ingestion, digestion and elimination.”-Rachel Lewis-Marlow, Co-founder of The Embodied Recovery Institute we don’t want to try to get someone to engage in an attachment action when the reason that their body is deregulated is because it hasn’t been able to complete a defensive action. Window of tolerance A robust window of tolerance enables us to identify things like: when we’re hungry & when we’re full regulate body temperature regulator physiological & emotional state reach out to others when in distress move from sympathetic arousal to parasympathetic with ease and flow Smaller window of tolerance caused by something that happened with the primitive reflexes trauma physiology running the system because of birth trauma or attachment deficits we live outside this window most of the time and develop self-protective strategies “[These strategies] can look like anything we do in order to feel more regulated. And with eating disorders, what’s happened is that those behaviors are the only choice they have in order to come back in the window.” -Paula Scataloni, Co-founder of The Embodied Recovery Institute“ Effective treatment looks at how the attachment dynamic manifests in all the different layers of organization, and how does each member of the treatment team address it. training the nervous system to do what it didn’t get to do in the first three years of life (Learn more about Neuroplasticity in TU40  and Neurofluency in TU89) Ensuring that the individual’s body has the physiological and neurobiological capacity to handle the treatment strategies first Encompasses all elements of somatic scaffolding Brings in and examines the attachment, defensive, regulatory, and co-regulatory capacities of the entire family system “If we just treat and help the client develop regulatory capacity but the family system is not supported, then we’re just helping them in the office and then sending them out into a system that has struggles.” – Paula Scataloni, Co-founder of the Embodied Recovery Institute Resources: Embodied Recovery Institute Website Understanding The Connection Between, Eating, Attachment, And Trauma By Paula Scatoloni, LCSW, CEDS, SEP Trauma-Informed Approaches to Eating Disorders Dr. Walter Kaye’s website Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen’s website This is the heart of Therapist Uncensored – the reason we started

Dive deeper into this new (to us) model of interpreting attachment science and discover how to apply it into your daily life. Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP and Ann Kelley PhD have fun breaking down the last two episodes where Dr. Patricia Crittenden so generously shared her model called the Dynamic Maturational Model (DMM). Focus is on personal and clinical importance in this last of a 3-part series on the DMM. Before we begin: A’s (Red in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Blue on TU B’s (Blue in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Green on TU C’s (Green in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Red on TU AC’s = Historically referred to Tie Dye on TU **Note: We know the colors may be a bit confusing, but it is important to us that you receive information as Dr Crittenden has published it. It is by happenstance that our colors are the same (with the exception of tie dye), but they represent different thinking and behavioral patterns. When we refer to color in the episodes and in the show notes, we are referring to the colors we have historically used on the TU podcast and the letters and self-protective strategies of the DMM. This is only in order to maintain consistency and make the information more easily understood by our listeners. However, the colors as shown in the slides and as listed above, are the way Dr Crittenden uses them in her fantastic work! Brief Hierarchy of Attachment Theory: There’s a lot of similarity between the more familiar Mary Main et al ABC-D model of attachment and the Patricia Crittenden’s DMM interpretation of attachment, but there are also some very important differences. What’s in A Name? Dynamic Maturational Model (DMM) – potentially intimidating mouthful, BUT let’s break it down What it means: Sue and Ann share their take on Dr Crittenden’s walk through the developmental process that happens in attachment from infancy to adulthood. (Listen to Episode 96 and Episode 97). As we mature into different stages of our life, our needs and self-protective strategies (what the DMM helps us learn) we use change accordingly. The beautiful thing about the DMM is the way it incorporates culture, sexuality, key relationships, and danger/safety into the attachment mix. Speaking of safety…. One key difference between the DMM and traditional attachment models is the emphasis on SAFETY rather than SECURITY. According to the DMM: -attachment is about the dyadic relationship in danger, it does not just live in the person -we take in information from the environment (parent in infancy) and shift this into “behaviors” or self-protective strategies. -these strategies develop to protect us. They are our brain’s way of helping us reduce danger and increase connectedness by creating closeness, proximity, and safety. Information Processing -It’s physiological. There are 3 systems: Somatic: what does our body feel…our heart, our stomach feel Cognitive: how we process the information, how do we make meaning Emotional: what’s coming up Bottom line, we can learn from our body. They are connected but not hierarchical. Security = Integration of all 3 of these info systems (Therapist Uncensored’s model ie. getting to the green) The Attachment Spectrum As you move out on the spectrum, (in the DMM, it’s a circle, which is also really cool) we begin to inhibit or exaggerate information based on the response in our environment/the response of our caregivers. We will tend to lean Blue or Red or Tie Dye (check out episodes 59, 60, 61 for more detailed info on each color). NOTE: These colors are Ann and Sue’s Attachment & Regulation Spectrum, not colors from the DMM. It is NOT conscious and forms in the first 2 years via Neuroception. Neuroception (listen to our episode on Polyvagal Theory for more info) tells us, as infants, that if we cry, our caregiver will react a certain way. We inhibit information according to what will keep us safe and bring us closer to our caregiver. The distortive and inhibitive behaviors that develop are functional adaptations to meet the infant’s needs. It is a way of accessing the parts of the caregiver that are available and also keeping the infant out of disorganization. Think organized chaos – the infant may be highly dysregulated but in an organized way rather than disorganized. Exaggerating, de-emphasizing or dissociating, etc. when there is danger is how we, as infants, learned to keep ourselves sane and intact. Bringing Crittenden’s work out of the research and into real life What we love: -Dr Crittenden’s inclusive approach to applying attachment theory across the lifespan. -Dr Crittenden’s stance that self-protective strategies are functional adaptations to keep us as safe. –The compassionate and understanding perspective of the self-protective behaviors we use every day. To summarize the DMM, Dr. Crittenden’s own words say it best: “My work is about all the things that we do when we’re in danger and how stunningly competent even our infants are at figuring out what you need to do to stay safe -here in this family where I was born with these parents who live in this culture facing these problems right now and these other problems that this culture knows about historically.” “Which strategy in this model is best? Every behavioral strategy is the right strategy for some problem, but no strategy is the best strategy for every problem. We need them all… If it protects you, it is the right strategy.” Final Thoughts: We love that the DMM really brings a fresh perspective to the field of attachment. Healing happens when you understand what got encoded in your body on an unconscious level from your personal experiences and your family and cultural history and then learn and implement strategies to help you move from Red or Blue or Tie Dye to Green. Security looks like the integration of all of these different dimensions that Crittenden talks about. It’s not having to distort any information and accepting and loving your whole self. YOU deserve this. Every single one of us deserves this. This is the heart of Therapist Uncensored – the reason we started this podcast. We are so honored to be able to bring this amazing research to you guys and to help you understand yourself and the ones you love. If you appreciate this work you can help it continue by becoming a Patron – ie. a super fan, or what we call Neuronerds. We are approaching our 100th episode (can you believe it!!!) and we are having special offers up until our 100th episode!  Click here to sign up for as little as $5 a month. You can also help us by subscribing on Apple Podcast, Google Podcast, Spotify or Podbean to name a few and by leaving a review so others can discover this cool science. Remember, sharing is caring!   Resources: Raising Parents Attachment Representations and Treatment (2008) by Patricia Crittenden The Organization of Attachment Relationships Maturation, Culture & Context (2000) by Patricia Crittenden “The secret lives of children” 2017, in Clinical Child Psychology and Psychiatry by Patricia Crittenden “Dynamic Maturational Model of Attachment and Adaptation – theory and practice” PDF Ed. Ari Hautamaki Tweet

Note: This episode is Part 2 of 2. It stands alone, but to start at Part 1 click HERE.   “So which strategy in this model is best? Every behavioral strategy is the right strategy for some problem, but no strategy is the best strategy for every problem. We need them all.” – Dr Patricia Crittenden, creator of the Dynamic Maturational Model of Attachment & Adaptation (DMM) using culture and context. LOOKING FOR THE SLIDES? DOWNLOAD THE PDF HERE: Rudiments-of-the-DMM-PDF VERSION OR THE POWERPOINT VERSION HERE:  Rudiments of the DMM Powerpoint version  Or if you have great eyesight 🙂 you can view them here.   Therapist Uncensored Episode 97 Show Notes: Before we begin: A’s (Red in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Blue on TU B’s (Blue in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Green on TU C’s (Green in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Red on TU AC’s = Historically referred to Tie Dye on TU **Note: We know the colors may be a bit confusing, but it is important to us that you receive information as Dr Crittenden has published it. It is by happenstance that our colors are the same (with the exception of tie dye), but they represent different thinking and behavioral patterns. When we refer to color in the episodes and in the show notes, we are referring to the colors we have historically used on the TU podcast and the letters and self-protective strategies of the DMM. This is only in order to maintain consistency and make the information more easily understood by our listeners. However, the colors as shown in the slides and as listed above, are the way Dr Crittenden uses them in her fantastic work! Let’s Dive In: To understand self-protective strategies, we have to understand the information the brain is using, even in infancy – it’s neurological. A’s, the B’s and the C’s emphasize different sorts of information. Strategies by Age Group and Model Representation:   Infancy DMM                           Ainsworth                ABC+D A-2: Avoidant                           A1-2                    A1-2 B1-2: Reserved                    B1-4                    B1-4 B3: Comfortable                    C1                       C1-2 B4-5: Reactive                                              D-Controlling C1-2: Resistant/Passive   Preschool Preschoolers utilize false positive affect. A’s split their own self from the other, and they focus on the parent. They take the perspective of the powerful person. C’s split their negative affect, showing either the vulnerable or the invulnerable affect. They hide the other from view. DMM                             Ainsworth               ABC+D A1-2: Avoidant                                                 A1-2 A3-4: Compulsively Caregiving/Compliant      B1-4 B1-2: Reserved                                               C1-2 B3: Comfortable                                               D-Controlling B4-5: Reactive C1-2: Resistant/Passive C3-4: Aggressive/Feigned Helpless School Age DMM                             Ainsworth               ABC+D A1-2: Avoidant                                                 A1-2 A3-4: Compulsively Caregiving/Compliant                       B1-4 B1-2: Reserved                                                C1-2 B3: Comfortable                                          D-Controlling B4-5: Reactive C1-2: Resistant/Passive C3-4: Aggressive/Feigned Helpless C5-6: Punitive/Seductive   Adolescence DMM                             Ainsworth               ABC+D A1-2: Avoidant                                                 A1-2 A3-4: Compulsively Caregiving/Compliant                        B1-4 A5-6: Compulsively Promiscuous/Self-Reliant                    C1-2 B1-2: Reserved                                          U/Cannot Classify B3: Comfortable B4-5: Reactive C1-2: Resistant/Passive C3-4: Aggressive/Feigned Helpless C5-6: Punitive/Seductive   Adult DMM                               Ainsworth                    ABC+D A1-2: Avoidant                                                        A1-2 A3-4: Compulsively Caregiving/Comp                    B1-4 A5-6: Compulsively Promiscuous/Self-Reliant        C1-2 A7-8: Delusional Idealization/Externally Assembled Self              U/Cannot Classify B1-2: Reserved B3: Comfortable B4-5: Reactive C1-2: Resistant/Passive C3-4: Aggressive/Feigned Helpless C5-6: Punitive/Seductive C7-8: Menacing/Paranoid A/C: Includes Psycopathy (extreme A/C combination)   Description of each group:* The A’s (our blue. red in the DMM) A1-2: The A1-2 strategy uses cognitive prediction in the context of very little real threat. Attachment figures are idealized by over-looking their negative qualities (A1) or the self is put down a bit (A2). Most A1-2s are predictable, responsible people who are just cool and businesslike. Type A strategies all rely on inhibition of feelings and set danger at a psychological distance from the self. This strategy is first used in infancy. A3: Individuals using the A3 strategy (compulsive caregiving, cf., Bowlby, 1973) rely on predictable contingencies, inhibit negative affect and protect themselves by protecting their attachment figure. In childhood, they try to cheer up or care for sad, withdrawn, and vulnerable attachment figures. In adulthood, they often find employment where they rescue or care for others, especially those who appear weak and needy. The precursors of A3 and A4 can be seen in infancy (using the DMM method for the Strange Situation), but the strategy only functions fully in the preschool years and thereafter. A4: Compulsively compliant individuals (Crittenden & DiLalla, 1988) try to prevent danger, inhibit negative affect and protect themselves by doing what attachment figures want them to do, especially angry and threatening figures. They tend to be excessively vigilant, quick to anticipate and meet others’ wishes, and generally agitated and anxious. The anxiety, however, is ignored and downplayed by the individual and often appears as somatic symptoms that are brushed aside as being unimportant. A5: A5 individuals use a compulsively promiscuous strategy (Crittenden, 1995) to avoid genuine intimacy while maintaining human contact and, in some cases, satisfying sexual desires. They show false positive affect, including sexual desire, to little known people, and protect themselves from rejection by engaging with many people superficially and not getting deeply involved with anyone. This strategy develops in adolescence when past intimate relationships have been treacherous, and strangers appear to offer the only hope of closeness and sexual satisfaction. It may be displayed in a socially promiscuous manner (that does not involve sexuality) or, in more serious cases, as sexual promiscuity. A6: Individuals using a compulsively self-reliant strategy (Bowlby, 1980) do not trust others to be predictable in their demands, find themselves inadequate in meeting the demands or both. They inhibit negative affect and protect themselves by relying on no one other than themselves. This protects the self from others, but at the cost of lost assistance and comfort. Usually this strategy develops in adolescence after individuals have discovered that they cannot regulate the behavior of important, but dangerous or non-protective, caregivers. They withdraw from close relationships as soon as they are old enough to care for themselves. There is a social form of the strategy in which individuals function adaptively in social and work contexts, but are distant when intimacy is expected, and an isolated form in which individuals cannot manage any interpersonal relationship and withdraw as much as possible from others. A7-8: Delusionally idealizing individuals (Crittenden, 2000) have had repeated experience with severe danger that they cannot predict or control, display brittle false positive affect, and protect themselves by imagining that their powerless or hostile attachment figures will protect them. This is a very desperate strategy of believing falsely in safety when no efforts are likely to reduce the danger (cf., the “hostage syndrome”). Paradoxically, the appearance is rather generally pleasing, giving little hint of the fear and trauma that lie behind the nice exterior until circumstances produce a break in functioning. This pattern only develops in adulthood. Individuals using an A8 strategy (externally assembled self, Crittenden, 2000) do as others require, have few genuine feelings of their own, and try to protect themselves by absolute reliance on others, usually professionals who replace their absent or endangering attachment figures. Both A7 and A8 are associated with pervasive and sadistic early abuse and neglect. The B’s (our green, blue in the DMM) B1-2: Individuals assigned to B1-2 are a bit more inhibited with regard to negative affect than B3s but are inherently balanced. B3: The Type B strategy involves a balanced integration of tempora